Kristen Carder

Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with ADHD. I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain. Unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.

Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to the I have ADHD Podcast. I’m medicated. I am caffeinated. I am regulated. And I am ready to roll. How are you? What’s up? It’s a gorgeous spring day. I hope that you are living it up wherever you are in the world. I’ve been avoiding avoiding avoiding sitting down and really like recording this podcast. I procrastinated yesterday when I had to like think it through and write it and like, get all my notes together. I procrastinated today on recording. I just don’t want to do it. I love you. I love having this podcast. Having a podcast is the best thing ever. Podcasting is so hard and I hate doing it. Do you understand the distinction? I like to have a podcast. I like it when it’s done. I like that it’s out there like that I get to talk to you. I like that I get to help people. But I hate actually doing the thing. Oh my gosh. So I’ve done everything that I could to delay. I’ve done everything, including listening to a recording of a podcast that I was just on, I tidied up, I went through all of my slack messages. I mean, every single one, all of the emails I’ve done every thing I could do.

Sometimes making myself do the thing that I actually love to do is so hard. It’s ridiculous.

Oh my gosh. So I just want you to know that if you’re waiting around to feel good, if you’re waiting around to be motivated to do the thing that you want to do, just stop waiting around, it’s not going to happen. You’re just gonna have to do the thing. It’s so it’s I wish I had better news. It’s so annoying, but it’s just true, you’re just going to have to start and so what I did was I procrastinated until I knew I would be late for my next meeting. That’s what I did. And you know what, sometimes that’s what we got to do. I don’t shame myself, I don’t judge myself. I texted the person that I will be meeting with soon. And I was like, Okay, I’ve been procrastinating all morning long. I’m now going to be running late for our meeting. But having that deadline was the thing that I needed to make myself finally sit down and record. So I got to my office an hour and a half ago, I could have started this and been early for my meeting. I know that you are resonating and relating to this right now I know you are, I had plenty of time to do it. But I couldn’t make myself do it. I had to wait until the last minute. And that’s okay. It’s okay. I’m not judging myself for it. And I invite you not to judge yourself for it to this is one of the things about having ADHD that I am beginning to embrace. I’m going to wait until the last minute, I’m gonna usually unless like all of the stars align, sometimes all the stars align, our dopamine is flowing properly. Motivation has like a descended upon us like a gift from the heavens. Sometimes we just get it done on time beforehand. But when we have those hard tasks that matter the most to us, we’re usually going to delay them. We’re usually going to wait until we’re up against the deadline. We’re usually going to procrastinate and procrastinate and procrastinate until we can’t procrastinate anymore. And then the urgency of the deadline is going to allow us to take the steps to move forward and that’s okay. It’s okay. It’s Oh, okay. I say to myself, and I say to you, sometimes that’s just how it works. And I like to feel accomplished when I am done with the podcast and when I when I look at the body of work that I have, and I’m like so proud of myself. But as I’m motivating in the moment, and I can tell myself all of the shoulds I can say Come on, just do it. You have plenty of time you’re gonna be late for your next meeting. It’s not that hard.

I don’t tell myself that by the way, but sometimes that thought does come in unwanted uninvited. It’s not that hard, Chris, and you do this every week. It’s not that hard. It’s not that hard. And you know what it is. That’s how I combat that thought it is that hard. It actually is hard to sit down and and record a podcast. And so whatever it is that you’re telling yourself, come on, it’s not that hard. I want you to actually reframe that into like, maybe this is really hard, and that’s okay. And because it is hard, I’m gonna give myself grace and space and allow myself to just do it. The way that I need to do it, and today, the way I needed to do it was to delay and procrastinate and, and just wait until the last minute and guess what, here I am. I’m here recording it.

And so that is a big fat win because I did have the thought it wouldn’t be the worst thing if I like didn’t record today, like I could probably get it done tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the very worst thing. But here I am recording and so I want you to notice your wins. I want you to notice when you are up against the deadline and yes, you’ve procrastinated forever and ever and ever, but you are getting it done. Am I going to be late to my next meeting? Of for sure. I’m gonna be late. Like, absolutely, yes. There’s no getting around. That isn’t the end of the world. No. Am I going to have a podcast to send to my editor today? You better believe it.

Okay, let’s move on. I want to tell you about something fun. This podcast is coming out Tuesday, May 30 2023. And for the next three days, we’re running a really fun promo and focused where if you sign up within the next three days, we’re going to send you a medicated caffeinated, ready to roll mug. Like a coffee mug for you to drink your coffee out of medicated caffeinated, ready to roll. It’s so fun. Okay, sounds like merch. And I think merch is really fun. Sometimes I think about selling merch but then I’m like, Okay, let’s not do too many things. But I drink my coffee out of this mug. Pretty much every morning is a very good sturdy, big mug. I love the mug. It’s so cute. It says medicated, caffeinated, ready to roll anyway, if you want to join focused, and you’ve been kind of like procrastinated, delaying, and you’re just like, you know, oh, done at some time, this could be a really fun time for you to join because we’re gonna send you a mug. So anyway, it’s just the next three days, if you want to join, if you’re going to join anyway, now’s the time to do it, because you’re gonna get a mug and I can cheers you. And uh, you can cheers me, and we can just be like, you know, friends drinking coffee together from across the world. I love that thought. Okay, anyway, I have adhd.com/focused to learn more.

Deep breath. Today, we’re talking about practical self care for the ADHD adult. I’ve been asked to do an episode on this a couple times. And I felt like I needed to wait until I had at least a tiny bit of a handle on this area of my life. This has been something that I have struggled with so much. And after years in therapy, I have a window into why that might be. That’s not the point of this episode.

I do feel like I’m getting much better at taking care of myself. And so I finally feel like I have just a little bit of credibility in this area to be able to share with you today about how we can prioritize our own self care as adults with ADHD. Self Care is a trendy topic. It’s kind of annoying, like there’s a lot of memes and quotes and like, it’s a very Instagrammable social media, pretty topic. But like, what’s the actual definition? What does it mean? What are examples of it? And how do we decide if the thing that I’m doing is an act of self care, or if it’s an act of avoiding my real life and what I what I need to get done. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today, we’re going to talk about what is self care? We’re gonna talk about specific examples.

I have a very long list of specific examples, and I’m gonna give you the list of things that I do for myself. And then we’re also going to, at the end, really talk through how do I know the difference between self care taking care of myself and just avoiding my life and avoiding doing the thing that I need to do? So I think that’s a really important conversation and we’re going to have that. So first, defining self care is important. Like what does it mean? What is it? Is it bubble baths?

First of all gross. I do not like sitting in a bath. I do not like I call it stewing in my own filth. The thought of a bath is so gross to me. I don’t do baths. Is it Netflix and chill? Is it ice cream? Is it taking a day off of work? When you have a project do? Is that an act of self care? Is it sleeping in and skipping your first appointment? Is that an act of self care? Is it not recording your podcast on the day that you’re supposed to record it is that an act of self care. So we’re going to figure that out. Today, I’m going to define self care in accordance with the National Institute of Mental Health. And here is their definition.

They say self care means taking the time to do things that help you live well. And to improve both your physical health and your mental health. So when it comes to your mental health, self care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness and increase your energy, even small acts of self care in your daily life can have a big impact. And quote, I love this first sentence, and I’m going to read it again to you. The self care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and your mental health. So that’s really, really, really important. Because when we have the conversation at the end about like, how do I know if it’s self care for or if it’s just avoidance? I think we’re going to have to come back to that definition, does it improve your physical and your mental health?

Okay, I also want to take a minute to say that even the topic of self care is such a privileged topic. And here’s what I mean by that the majority of the world does not have the luxury of thinking about self care. That’s just the truth. If you are someone who has the privilege of thinking about self care, it’s because you are in the top percentage of the world, meaning that you have the money, the time, the safety, to be able to do that. This is not to make you or me feel shame. It’s just an important acknowledgement of our privilege. And I’m saying our because it’s you and me. Even though our lives are hard, even though we may struggle financially, just the fact that we’re able to even consider self care is indicative of how privileged we are. And I just think that needs to be recognized.

So different people living in different scenarios are going to have more or less capacity for self care, because in order to consider self care, you’ve got to actually have time, you’ve got to actually have enough money, that you’re not scrambling for your next meal, you’ve got to be in a safe enough environment, where you are not having to be hyper vigilant 100% of the time, and you actually are able to relax people in war torn countries, people in abusive families, people in, you know, third world countries where all they’re able to think about is how to acquire safety and sustenance, they’re not going to be thinking about self care, okay, so we just need to like recognize that we are so lucky that we even get to have this conversation.

Depending on where you are in your life where you are in the world where you are in your financial story, you might have more or less capacity for self care, and that needs to be honored as well. If you have tiny, tiny little children, you’re gonna have a lot less capacity for self care than if your kids are grown and flown. Like even that kind of privilege. Like I like to say I did my time and baby prison. Like, I know that now I have such privilege of like, my kids are self sufficient. And they can just go to a friend’s house. And I don’t have to worry about keeping my eye on them. 24/7 That in itself is just such a luxury. So I just want to acknowledge that this is a privilege conversation.

And that dear listener, my dear, dear loyal listener, you might be in a place where you do have capacity for self care. And you might be in a place where you’re just like, this is a cute conversation, but I do not have the capacity for self care. And I also want to honor that about you and say that this is certainly something that maybe we want to work toward, and maybe we want to see as like okay, maybe it’s possible for me down the road. And I do want to let you know that I believe you deserve to take care of yourself.

So even if you are in a position where or that doesn’t seem possible, I want you to hear Kristin Carter say that, as a human being in the world, you are worthy of taking care of yourself.

Now, this wasn’t in my notes, but I’m gonna go ahead and say it. Many of us grew up in families where our needs were dismissed, where our needs were minimized, where there was a lot of emotional neglect, there was physical neglect. And when we asked for our needs to be met, that request was met with a lot of resistance.

You’re so needing, you’re being so dramatic, I give everything for you, you’re asking too much of me, when really you’re just asking for like, basic, physical human needs to be met. And you deserved to have those emotional and physical and mental needs met as a child, if you grew up in a family, where your needs were not met with love, and with an abundance of care and nurture, you’re gonna struggle with self care.

So if you notice that you have a particular difficulty with self care, you might want to go to therapy and unpack that, because it might be a result of your needs not being met, and your needs actually being what is the word I’m looking for, like, villainized, like you became a villain, to your caregiver, if you had a need that you want it to be met. I am just saying, hypothetically, this might be something that someone out there might be struggling with just hypothetically. So I want you to maybe, if you’re willing to tune into what is it about me, or my story that makes it so hard for me to take care of myself. And with all the tenderness and with all the love, I just want to honor that part of your story and say, Hey, you actually deserve to have all of your needs met. And especially as a kiddo, you deserve to be able to express a need and have it met without the resentment of your caregivers.

Wow, we are real deep, much deeper than I expected. I can’t help myself, we’re just going to move on. Okay. We’re gonna, we’re just, we’re just gonna move on and take a deep breath. We’re going to co regulate together as we listen, as you as I speak, and you listen, we’re just going to co regulate. And I just want you to know that I’m here. And I’m right there with you. Learning all of these skills as a 42 year old woman with wrinkles. I don’t know why I felt like I needed to add that in. But guys, my face is getting wrinkly.

This podcast is sponsored by athletic greens. I’m gonna be straight with you. I started taking ag one by Athletic Greens over a year ago, long before they asked me to partner with them. And I loved it. I loved it. So when they reach out, ask him to sponsor this podcast. It was an easy yes. For me. As a person with ADHD and occasional anxiety and depression, food and nutrition are parts of my life that have always been a struggle for me. I don’t love to cook, I forget to eat meals and the texture of vegetables drives my sensory issues crazy. So I take ag one by athletic greens as often as I can remember, which ends up being several times a week. And I’m so glad that I do because I love that it’s made with 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, and Whole Foods sourced ingredients like my body is like, thank you so much. And I love that no matter how inconsistent my diet is, I can always count on ag one to provide daily nutrients and gut health support that my body craves. So if you’re ready to take ownership of your health, today is a great time to start. Athletic Greens is giving you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athletic greens.com/ihaveADHD. That’s athletic greens.com/ihaveADHD. Check it out.

Okay, I want to give some really specific examples of Free Self care practices, things that you can do to take care of yourself to invest in yourself to improve your mental and physical health, where you do not have to spend one penny. Okay, ready. Being in nature has been the most impactful thing for me, being outside in nature, walking barefoot In the grass, totally free, walking barefoot in the grass, feeling the sunshine on my face, feeling the breeze in my hair, listening to the sound of trees, listening to the sound of birds listening to the sound of moving water, all of that is so soothing to my soul. It’s something that I really prioritize in my life. And I’ve shared on this podcast many times that this winter, it was my goal to get outside and to to walk or hike, no matter what the weather and I did a pretty gosh darn good job of it. And my mental health has been stable ish and improving ish because of it. And so I’m so grateful. I’m just so full of gratitude for the world that we live in for nature, because it is so soothing to my soul. Something that I haven’t done, but I know people do to regulate themselves and improve their nervous system health is a cold plunge, or a cold shower. And one thing that I’m willing to do, because I’m for sure not willing to do that, but I just keep forgetting about it is I want to try like an ice bath for the face of what I am learning is that like, even if you plunge your face in a bowl full of ice water that can even help to improve your nervous system regulation. And so that is something that I want to do. So anything to do with like cold plunge cold shower, ice bath, that is free ish. I mean, does ice cost money? I’m not sure. Could you make enough ice with your fridge icemaker or your like little ice cube trays in the freezer. We’re digressing here. Let’s move on.

Okay, going for a walk, or a hike completely free. Go for a walk, get out in nature, move your body in a way that feels good to you. Of course, if you would add things in like a bike ride canoeing, kayaking, there’s the initial purchase of those things. But then after that, totally free, sitting down on the floor or laying down on the ground for five minutes and breathing intentionally. taking deep breaths and feeling the air move into your lungs and filling up your chest cavity. So soothing, so soothing. Yoga can be free. I think I’ve mentioned it before here on this podcast, but maybe not Yoga with Adriene on YouTube shout out. Totally free. Totally helpful, amazing, amazing love yoga with Adrienne, mindfulness practices that you can find pretty much everywhere on social media on the Google’s on YouTube, mindfulness, meditation, totally free journaling.

I’m going to stop saying the word free because it’s like getting annoying. All of this is in the free category. journaling. Love it. so helpful to me getting my thoughts out of my brain, onto paper, really being able to notice what I’m thinking that is the beginning practice of being able to notice what I’m thinking is getting it out of my brain and journaling it onto paper, gratitude, listing things that you’re grateful for being able to see the good in the world. Self Care, it’s so good sleep, I am getting so much better at sleep, I will have you know, I believe it’s because of therapy and not being in fight or flight mode, not being in survival mode. 24/7 And that has been a game changer for my sleep.

Being able to get out of survival mode and actually be able to relax and go to bed has been incredible. I’m so proud of myself last night Greg had a hockey game. You hockey players are crazy. Like he was out his game was at 9pm he got home at like 12 I didn’t even hear him come in. Because I went to sleep. I went to sleep, I was able to go to sleep that never would have happened five years ago, but I was able to go to sleep before he got home. Getting at least eight hours of sleep is so important. That’s something that I’ve been really trying to compassionately, prioritize for myself, not make it a rule not hanging over my head, not judge myself about it. But just compassionately gently persistently trying to figure out how can we get more sleep, my love. It is so good for you to get sleep. How can I help you with that? And that has been so helpful. Reading a book for fun and I have to put in for fun because if you’re like me, you want to read books on the things that you’re interested in. But that’s not always fun. Sometimes it’s triggering sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really academic. So I have to intentionally read books for fun. I’ve been into memory wars lately. I’m glad my mom died. Incredible book, Kelly repas memoir. What’s it called? Live Wire? I think so funny. I laughed out loud like 100 times, radical love by Zachary Levi. So good. Matthew Perry’s memoir, oh my gosh, so good. So all of these books that I, they’re mindless for the most part, and they’re fun, and I just really have to prioritize reading, for fun not reading to get smarter to get better at my job to get better at making money like Nuno.

When we are practicing self care, we’re reading for fun. connection with other humans is an act of self care. And I encourage you, I beg you to prioritize it, connecting with a friend planning intentional time to have lunch or to take a walk to be in each other’s company and energy. Yes, the phone works but to be in your besties energy is so soothing connection with other humans with safe humans is an act of self care, as is snuggling with a pet, I do not have pets. Sometimes I regret not having pets. But I have three kids. It’s all I can keep alive right now that and like 100 plants. So we don’t have pets.

And those of you who do have pets, though, you tell me how regulating it is to snuggle with a pet. So that’s an act of self care. Here’s some acts of self care, that are totally free that at the same time, they’re they don’t cost money, but they do cost you something because they’re pretty hard. But having good boundaries with your time is an act of self care, turning off work, you know, so that you have a couple hours in the evening to relax and not be thinking about work. That’s an act of self care that I beg you to prioritize, making sure that you are separating yourself. And that work is over here in this box. And the version of you that is not at work is over here.

Resting, playing, restoring yourself, it is so important. Of course, like eating is the thing. So don’t forget to eat. Drinking water is a thing, taking your medication, while not free, needs to just go in both categories. Here, I’m putting it in the free and paid category because I only need to take those meds, making sure that you’re not over scheduling yourself, making sure that you’re saying no to things that you don’t want to do. That is an act of self care. This one’s going to go into the same note category.

You can eat, you can drink, you can exercise, and that is great. But if you’re also not taking care of like who’s in your orbit, if you’re also not cognizant of the energy zappers in your life, if you’re also not making sure that negative people are not around you, as often, then the eating and drinking and you know, exercising is cute, but it’s just not going to be enough. One of the biggest acts of self care that I have started to participate in is noticing my schedule and after a hard day, scheduling some downtime. Noticing that when my capacity is really drained on one day, I’m going to need some recovery time the next day. And that looks different on different you know, depending on what’s going on in my life, but it could be like socially, on a weekend like I’m I’m doing a lot one day, and then the next day I’m like, Okay, I’m not going to schedule anything so I can recover. Or it can look like a really busy day at work. And then I build in some space so that the next day is not as busy. That’s been really, really, really helpful to me. Another thing that I have done recently, you’ve heard me talk about this is I’ve finally been able to close my eyes and take a nap. Not Not all the time. But like on a weekend, I can settle in for a little bit of a nap.

Again, that goes back to not being in fight or flight mode all the time not being in like trauma mode all the time. So that’s really been helpful to me. But being able to take a nap self care, y’all, this is so good. The two things that I missed that I will mention here are you might want to tidy up your space as an act of self care. But I say that with caution because sometimes we use that against ourselves and we’re just like, You’re the worst person and like you’re so messy and that’s not what I mean. But like sometimes.

So like I My closet is like a disaster. And sometimes it feels really good, it feels like an act of self care, to tidy it up. It feels like nurturing to me, just like sometimes I tidy up my kids rooms for them. That’s one of the ways that I nurture them. And so one of the ways that I nurture myself is I tidy up my spaces sometimes. And then the other one is you might want to connect to your spiritual practice. For me, reading my Bible, praying, going to church, connecting with people in that way, connecting with God in that way, that for me is an act of self care. Alright, let’s talk about self care that would cost money. I have never ever gotten massages before in my life, I think that I got one on a vacation that somebody else paid for. And I got another one recently, I like a couple years ago, recently, like two or three years ago, went to the Hershey spa and got a massage there. And that was so fun. But like it was like a once every couple years situation. But now that I’ve been in therapy, and doing a lot of like feeling my emotions work, I noticed how much my body is storing stress, trauma, you know, feelings. I want to talk about it. But I’m just saying it’s storing some stuff. And so for me, getting a massage regularly has been an act of nurturing, and self care, I would have never been able to do that five years ago, I would have never had the money, the attention span the patience for it.

But I’m in a different place now. And so if this is something that you have access to now, I really do recommend it as an act of self care for you. But if it’s not something you have access to Now, you might just want to tuck it away and be like somebody, I’m going to do that. I like to supplement my nutrition. I’ve been taking athletic greens for at least a year now for a while I love it, you’re gonna start hearing ads for it on this podcast. If you get mad at me about that. I just don’t even know what to say to you, who’s don’t know what to say, oh, people that get mad about ads. Okay, moving on. But I have been taking like supplements to my own diet, because I know that my diet isn’t great. And so one of the ways that I take care of myself is that I take these nutritional supplements as an act of self care. And so if that is something you have access to, I highly recommend it. In that category. I’ve been seeing a functional medicine practitioner that’s been so helpful to me, I’m going through perimenopause, it’s a whole thing like what the heck is this perimenopause thing.

And they’ve been really helpful to me with like regulating my hormones and making sure that my body systems are supported. So that might be something you want to look into housecleaning is an act of self care having someone come to my house and clean it active self care, coaching, therapy medication, now we’re putting it in this category, because it is something you have to pay for all of these things in this category. It’s a pretty short list, I’m sure you can make your own list of things that like someday, when I have the money, this is how I’m going to like really prioritize myself care. But for me, it’s been massage, nutrition, functional medicine, somebody helping me clean my house, coaching therapy, and medication is not a long list. And I’ve only implemented these things in the last year or two, you know, some of them. But it’s been really, really helpful. And so I encourage you to just begin to make your own list.

What are the free things that I think free, not three, not the number three, I just felt like I needed to clarify that. What are the things that I can do for myself that are free, that I feel like I would really connect to that I feel like would be really nurturing and nourishing for my mind and my body. I encourage you to compile a list, get to know yourself, get to know your body, get to know your brain. Get to know what makes you feel good, what makes you feel revived and restored. Make a note of the paid things that you want to do. And maybe there’s some things you can do now and you can kind of prioritize like okay, I’m gonna start with this one. And then when my income situation changes, then I’m gonna go to this one and you just make a list of the things that make you feel restored really feel good that you take care of yourself.

And I really want to end on this conversation of self care is not just as simple as like, what makes you feel good in the moment. Okay, this is how we decipher the difference between actual self care and avoiding your life. Because it’s not just what makes you feel good in the moment. It’s something that helps you to improve your physical and mental health. both. So we have to look at the net gain.

Is it a net positive? Or is it a net negative? So if I don’t record this podcast because I really don’t want to record this podcast, and I put it off for tomorrow, is that a net positive gain? Or a net negative loss? Am I like in the long run? Is it actually a net positive? For me? That answer would have been no, I just needed to do it today. I just needed to like, fight through all of the resistance and just get it done today, it would have been a net negative if I had pushed it off for tomorrow. We get confused sometimes because we use self care as an excuse to not do the things that we need to do. Right. But I want you to consider what’s the long term impact of me doing this thing, sometimes skipping work for the day, so that I can take care of myself, nurture myself and work on the work project that I’m no, I’m not going to do in the office, if I don’t do these things. Sometimes that long term impact is a net positive. So we have to consider the long term impacts. What’s the long term impact of skipping a day of work, or canceling a client meeting? Or taking a nap in the middle of a workday? What’s the long term impact of that sometimes, then the net result is a positive, but sometimes the net result is a negative.

And what we have to do is future cast and figure out is this going to be a net positive or a net negative, okay? Because remember, it’s not just about feeling good in the moment, it’s about improving your physical and mental health. Overall, self care is a net positive, it might be uncomfortable in the moment. You could even say that me actually recording this podcast right now, in this moment is an act of self care.

Because I’m doing the thing that I know I actually want to do. I’m doing the thing that moves me forward, I’m doing the thing that helps the people that I want to help I’m doing the thing that today me needs to do that. So that tomorrow me doesn’t have to do it. Okay. So avoidance is a net negative. So if you’re trying to figure out is this self care, or is this like just avoidance, you have to look at the long term impact. Is it a net positive? Or is it a net negative? All right, go make a list of all of the things you can do to nurture yourself to take care of yourself, and just start playing with and experimenting with what feels good. What do you like to do? What can you incorporate into your life? Man, talk to you next week.

Hey, ADHD, er, I see you. I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated, and like no one out there really understands the way that your brain works. That’s why I created Focus. Focus is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study be coached, grow, and make amazing changes alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit I have adhd.com/focused to learn more