I HAVE ADHD PODCAST
August 1, 2023
Chatting With Kristen’s FOCUSED ADHD Certified Coaches
My regular listeners will know that I’ve been talking about my ADHD coaching certification program for the past couple of weeks. But this episode was so much fun because I had the pleasure of interviewing four of my trained coaches from the last term.
The roll call includes:
- Jacoba Lilius – a professor of organizational psychology that plans to pair coaching with academia. Find Jacoba on LinkedIn.
- Laura Gaynon – a professional musician and teacher with strong intuition and a holistic approach to coaching others to honor who they are. You can find Laura on Instagram.
- Emily Weinberg – a former teacher turned stay-at-home mom that greatly benefitted from FOCUSED coaching and realized that she had the skills and the time to commit to a new career. Find Emily at ADHDwithemily.com
- Steev Hodgson – is a software sales professional who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life and is now passionate about helping others. Find Steev at damnhealthydose.com.
One thing that all of these new coaches have in common is being diagnosed with ADHD later in life. After receiving support through my adult group coaching program FOCUSED, they answered the call to become coaches themselves and successfully passed my certification training!
If you’re considering applying to this program, or are considering joining FOCUSED, this is a great episode to listen to in order to get a clear and honest picture of what both experiences are really like.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE
PRINTABLE ADHD SYMPTOM LIST
This totally free printable includes a psychologist-approved list of symptoms that adults with ADHD commonly experience. This could give you the answers you’ve been begging for your entire life.
Kristen Carder 0:05
Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with ADHD. I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.
Hey, what’s up, this is Christian Carter and you are listening to the I have ADHD podcast, I am medicated, I am caffeinated. I am regulated. And I am ready to roll. Welcome, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m very happy to be here with you today. And I’m so excited to be chatting with four of the coaches who just went through my certification program, we’re going to talk all about their experience of it, The Good, the Bad, all the things and I am so looking forward to those of you who are interested in the coaching space to hearing from them. As you know, I train one small group of coaches every year, and I’m so honored to be able to invest in the ADHD community in this way. I tried to choose a wide variety of people for today’s podcast, so that you could hear from a bunch of different perspectives. So today we have a professor, a musician, a stay at home mom and a software sales professional all here to tell you about their experience in the focused ADHD coach certification program. So thank you so much for being here with me. I’m so glad to have you.
Laura Gaynon 1:43
Thanks for having us. Yeah.
Emily Weinberg 1:45
Thanks for having us.
Kristen Carder 1:46
It’s so fun. So yeah, it’s so good. I think that the way that we should start is just to go around and just share a brief like, tell me just a tiny bit about yourself. So Emily, let’s start with you.
Emily Weinberg 1:59
Hi, I’m Emily. I was diagnosed ADHD about two years ago, but I joined focused a few months before that, which I’m very happy. I did. Yeah. And I live just outside Boston with my wife and my two, four and a half year olds. And yeah, I just I feel like I’m at this point where this has all changed so much about my life. And I’m just now really passionate about helping somebody else change their life.
Kristen Carder 2:26
Awesome. Thanks, Laura. Why don’t you go next?
Laura Gaynon 2:30
Hi, my name is Laura. I live in California. And in addition to coaching, I’m also a classical musician and music teacher. So I was diagnosed with ADHD on what I consider the later side I was age 34. And yeah, diagnosis and then treatment. And coaching has all been incredibly helpful for me, it really helped me make sense of what I’ve been through over the years. And I just feel like I have a lot more self forgiveness, and compassion now. And just knowing what kind of brain I’m working with makes getting through the day so much easier. It’s all been a really cool journey.
Kristen Carder 3:05
It’s amazing. Thanks. Alright, Steve, why don’t you go next.
Steev Hodgson 3:09
Right. Thanks, Kristen. My name is Steve. As you mentioned, I’m in software. I’m a software sales professional. I’ve been working in tech sales my entire career. I too, like Laura. I was diagnosed late in life for ADHD, but in my case, it was late 40s. So as I like to say to some clients I’ve worked with despite my youthful appearance, I’m old. And thanks to the help of things like neuroplasticity that I learned from you. I’m here to kind of do something different. You know, coaching is something that really got to work with me because I want to be able to help people that struggled with ADHD. I can look back on things in my entire life. Go back to like, 1986 when I was 13 and be like, Yep, okay, there’s my ADHD. And so I live in the San Francisco Bay area. I have a married I have two beautiful daughters, ages eight and three.
Kristen Carder 4:02
Amazing. Thanks for that over to Jacob Why don’t you finish out?
Jacoba Lilius 4:07
Okay, first of all, it was really really cool to watch. You say I am caffeinated in that
Jacoba Lilius 4:14
felt like a celebrity somebody.
Jacoba Lilius 4:17
So my name is Jacoba. I am the professor of the group and I’m also like his role kind of late life diagnoses. I’m 46 was diagnosed at 43 having absolutely no idea, not an inkling and tell a very kind friend who also happens to be a medical doctor who works with people with ADHD said, Have you ever wondered because she saw how much I struggled and beat myself up about a lot of things that I now know are executive function issues. So yeah, it’s been really the diagnosis and medication paired with focused has been life changing and we’ll be talking about this but yeah, the coaching this isn’t a coach. It was easy. one to make. And it’s been really wonderful. And we’re TBD how it will fit in with my work. But you know, my work is supporting people in becoming excellent managers. That’s what I sort of research and teach. And I think that this coaching is going to pair in really nicely with that.
Kristen Carder 5:16
Well, I think it would be great. If you actually got us started on why did you decide to become a coach? What was it that gave you that poll to say like, Okay, I already have a job that I think you enjoy, from what I’ve experienced. Yeah. So what was the pool to be trained as a coach?
Jacoba Lilius 5:36
Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s kind of, I think, hard to put into words. I know, we had to when we apply it, you know, kind of summarize it. Yeah. But I can really just say, with all honesty, I’ve never felt so called, you know, to something in my life. But when I actually started to kind of processing it, and thinking about how it how it will fit in actually makes, it makes a lot of sense. So one of the things that for anybody who’s in focus, one of the first courses that you have access to is the self concept course. And you prompt us in that course to do some, some work around, what are the things that we sort of see as, like our secret sauce, and over that language of like, secret sauce. And through that work, I started to recognize that something that I didn’t see it as something that was really unique or special that I just, it’s very easy for me to connect with people has always been easy. And I always have these, like, really random conversations, but it’s sometimes strangers, like the people are very, like, open, you know. And I just thought that happens. Everybody what my husband, like, what is that to do? You go into the bathroom for five minutes at a concert, you come back, and you know, somebody’s life story. It’s just, and it’s something that I show and I also really like love, and I’m really energized by so when I when I was in focused and sort of starting to pay attention to that, connecting and supporting and helping aspect of myself as something that I really wanted to lean into in combination with learning the tools being coached by one of your coach trainees, you know, and having that experience being coached by you just how much it’s changed my life, I just, I don’t know, I kind of you put it the call. And I applied pretty much like, on a whim, like right away, like I submitted it before the deadline must be something special, because I never did anything before the deadline. Yeah, I just I really, I don’t know, I think that every aspect of my life, whether it’s how I interact with my friends, or my partner, or my kids, or my students, and as I teach them to be, you know, managers, I thought, if nothing else, you know, I will be able to help them be in that space. But I My hope is that I’m also able to kind of pair this with the work that I do. Yeah, that’s an academic, and it just really feels like it makes sense.
Kristen Carder 7:50
I got chills when you were talking about that, because I really do feel like for many of us, it truly is a calling. And it doesn’t mean that we necessarily choose to leave our day job, so to speak. But there is just something about a person who is built as a coach, you know, where where people are drawn to you where you can connect with people where you have this intuition about people. And you know, you might still have a different career that you are participating in, but to weave in coaching into everything that you’re doing. I think it’s just so beautiful. I really appreciate you sharing that. See, why don’t you let us know, I’m interested. I really will never forget your submission video. I laughed out loud several times. First of all, you’re just like, a very endearing person. But also you were like, I need you to know that I’m a Philadelphia Eagles fan. And it’s very important that this comes across in my videos, because I think it will give me a leg up on the competition. I was dying. But for you like what was the draw to learn how to be a coach?
Steev Hodgson 9:01
Well, first off, Kristin, thank you as a listener to your podcast, I knew that you were a Philadelphia Eagles fan like myself, I grew up in the Philadelphia area and moved to the Bay Area in 2008. But you can’t lose that loyalty. I made sure all my video my upline video that I have my book and Doug Peterson sitting right here behind me. Selfishly, I had to listen to this podcast. And I really wanted to work with you. I really wanted to have the chance to be a part of this group, and to work with you, as I mentioned at the top in software sales, and I’ve been doing that my entire career. But I don’t view myself as a salesperson. I view myself as someone who can relate to someone and help them solve their problems. And this is a problem that I can relate to my entire life. And if I can help people that struggle like me, and make it their life’s A lot easier. I never forget, when I first realized there was more to being able to solve ADHD than just medication. That came from a book called ADHD to point out, I had a real euphoric feeling about it. And that was also about 15% of me, that was also like, wow, why did it take so long to get here. So if I can help those others out there that were in the same place I was, that’s,
Kristen Carder 10:27
that’s amazing. I love that. Go birds, Laura, I hope you don’t mind. But I’m going to tell people about the first time that I coached you. And I remember being overcome with this woman is meant to be a coach. And we were not talking about coaching, we were talking about, I think creating a practice schedule or shame around, whatever, because that’s probably the topic of like, almost every focused coaching call. And I just remember thinking in I just knew in my body, this woman is meant to coach, but it was the first time we were meeting, it would be very awkward for me to say that, and also a little self serving, like, Hey, I think you’re meant to be a coach, you should join my coaching program. So I didn’t say anything to you until after you were already in the program. I like revealed to you, but I don’t know what it was. And so I just want to affirm. Like, once in a while I just get this intuition about people. And for you, I don’t know why, but it was right there. So how did you find out that you were meant to be a coach? Because I feel like maybe I felt that before? You did?
Laura Gaynon 11:44
Yeah. When you told me that I was just I was completely blown away. Because, you know, I think I also like, like Gjakova. And Steve, like kind of had a spidey sense that this is something that I kind of do, naturally, like, I do by accident a lot, even before I knew that coaching was a thing. So I really appreciate that. I teach a lot. As a musician. I love teaching, I’ve always felt really at home as a teacher. And I think that, you know, as I’ve taught over the years, I just began to realize, you know, I’m not just teaching music skills, like a lot of what I’m teaching is this kind of deeply psychological stuff. That sounds weird. But what I mean by that is, it’s not just like motivation, your ability to practice, of course, those are important things. But it’s also so much about who you are, you know, when you are playing music, and you’re expressing yourself. There’s something really personal about who you are. And that really affects your ability to play your ability to Yeah, just to authentically Express. And I think that I found myself coaching that side of people a lot. Yes. And it really helps their musicianship and their playing. And that’s also the it’s fine. It’s also the orientation I take towards coaching is helping people really honor who they are. And yeah, please. And so when I heard about the coach training, I think I’d always been interested in helping neurodivergent students, because I’ve had many of them. But this, you know, the way that you were talking about it, and the way that you’ve been coaching and the way you coached me, I was like, Oh, this kind of feels like that missing piece of how I could help people more directly and that way. So it’s not just to help my music teaching, although for that, too, it’s also I just find it like, really exciting and interesting.
Kristen Carder 13:33
Can you tell us about your application process? Because I want to share my end of the experience, which was, you didn’t turn in an application? And I was like, hmm, maybe my intuition was wrong. Or maybe this just isn’t the right time for her no problem. Because remember, I had not said anything to you about this, like inkling that I had. And then I think it was like the application deadline. You bought Wi Fi on a plane, so you could let me know. Like, I actually do want to apply. Okay, tell us, what was that like on your end?
Laura Gaynon 14:10
It’s so funny. I had just joined focus, like the month before, so I was really trying to inhibit my impulsiveness. You know, like, I really wanted to do the training, but I was like, it might just be, you know, something that I’m excited about now. And I’ll you know, by the time January comes around, I’ll wish I hadn’t, I was really just trying to come up with all the reasons why I shouldn’t. But I yeah, I was on that plane. And I was journaling, which is how I figure out a lot of stuff. It’s kind of self coaching. And I realized that you know, I actually used your decision making process of like, what are the reasons that I would do it? What are the reasons I wouldn’t do it and all the reasons that I wouldn’t do it were really fear based and kind of punitive. And all the reasons that I would do it were like, very, just very core to who I am. And, you know, I was in middle of a really busy graduate degree program. And it really didn’t make sense for me to be doing it. But I don’t know, it just felt right and decided to go with that impulse and bought Wi Fi and texted you and didn’t even get it done by 9am. Sure.
Kristen Carder 15:21
And truthfully, I would have taken it whenever when I got that slack DM I was like, I knew it. I knew she was supposed to do that. It was so fun for me, as the recipient of that have that message. That was really cool experience. All right, Emily, I cannot wait to hear from you. Because I think that I like heard through the grapevine or like saw in Slack, but stayed out of it that there was drama around like, where to get trained, like you decided that you wanted to be a coach. But you were trying to figure out where to be trained, totally valid. So I do want to ask you about that. But first, I want to ask you, what was the process like for you in kind of coming to the realization of like, Oh, my goodness, I really want to be a coach. I’m called or like, this is the right thing for me. Okay,
Emily Weinberg 16:18
I wanted to say before I go into this, I’m having a surreal moment, where I so vividly remember listening to this podcast last year with some of your coach trainees. And at that point, I knew I wanted to do this. And I was just thinking like, that’s like, maybe that’ll be me next year. So this is very, it’s cool. Wow, that’s really cool. So yeah, I think when I joined, focused, I had been a teacher and I left teaching, stay at home with my kids. That was an interesting time period, I hadn’t been diagnosed yet. That for sure led to my diagnosis at the beginning of my time and focused, I’m sure you remember, I spent a lot of time just kind of feeling lost. And knowing I didn’t want to return to the classroom, but just being a little bit like, Oh, what am I doing after this time with my young kids, once they once they started school? What am I doing, and just so much coaching around it. And I really was like, I was just kind of lacking this like, purpose, which I hate saying because I was home with my kids, but purpose outside of that outside of being a mom. And I remember a few months in focused, somebody had posted in the Slack channel something about joining a coach training program. And I was like, Oh, that’s so cool. But like how in the world would I be able to coach somebody, when I am struggling with all things life and ADHD. And so it kind of quickly just became like, that’s a cool thing that someone can do. I clearly can’t do that. Fast forward a year later, there was another post about that. And I was in a very different place. I had really, I just feel like changed so much about my life being in this program and getting coached and be medicated at all. And I saw it and I just like I just remember this extreme feeling of jealousy, like, oh, this person has to do that. And I kind of almost just brushed by it. But thanks to all the great emotional regulation work that we do in this course, I was like, nope, like, let me sit with it. Why am I so jealous of this person, I don’t even know. And that’s when it kind of hit me. Like, I think I want to be a coach. It kind of just all made sense. At that point. And I really relate a lot to what Steven Laura and Gjakova are saying like that part of my personality to just always, like be able to connect with people, like have these ridiculously long conversations. You know, when I was a teacher, I didn’t love teaching, especially, especially like the academic peace I didn’t. But I loved the relationship I had with my students. And that was like, you know, kind of focused a lot on their emotional regulation, which is funny in hindsight, because I didn’t know anything about mine, but I did just feel like I wanted to help them there. And I went back and I know I’ve read this to you. And I looked back in the self concept workbook that I had filled out in April of 2021, you know, first month of joining, and under this section where it says who are you are and I want to read it because it’s just kind of like a data. I wrote I am an empathizer I try to see where people are coming from so I can connect with them instead of judge them. I think I tried to help others with their emotional problems. Maybe a mentor. I liked help others with the skills I already have. Wow. So I look back at that now. And I’ve just like, well, it was all right there in front of me. And then yeah, so that’s when I was like, Okay, well, this is this is I know, this is what I want to do. And this is what I’m gonna do. And so let’s figure it out.
Kristen Carder 20:20
I love it so much. I love that you have your self concept work right there in front of you to kind of look back on that is such a gift. That’s really cool. So tell me about the process of deciding where to be trained. Because, as I said earlier, I’m pretty sure that there was like a back and forth and trying to figure it out and lots of coaching on it. What was it like for you to go through that process? And why did you decide? Like, there are other good training programs out there? Why did you decide to go through my training? Yeah, so
Emily Weinberg 20:54
the timing of this was all kind of crazy, because I think I came to this realization a bit before you had shared that you were doing another coach training. So once I figured this out, I did kind of go into like, you know, hyperfocus research on ADHD programs, and I kind of narrowed down on one and I was like, spending so much energy, like looking at the details, figuring out logistics, I had really kind of thought that this was the one I was gonna go with. I knew when I had to apply when it was going to start. And then you came out with your announcement. And I was like, Oh, my God, I don’t know what to do. And yes, it was a lot of coaching. One thing I really appreciated about all the people who coached me, like everyone was so neutral, there was no icky, like, manipulating me in one direction or another. They were truly just helping me figure out what was best for me. And, and with that came a lot of like, whatever program you choose is the one you’re going to choose. I was really, I think caught up on like being certified. But yeah, in hindsight, it’s worked out well. Incredible. After a conversation I had with my wife, I think it was really obvious in that conversation that I really wanted to do your program. Like that was my gut feeling. And what I now know in hindsight, is like, I just had so much mistrust with my gut feeling. Like, I felt like my gut is telling me to do this. And so that’s probably not smart. Like, I’m probably just going to care because I really like her and I, oh, you know, my heart is there. But like, maybe this is actually the wiser decision to me. And, you know, my wife was great. And she kind of just made it clear, like, go with your gut and like all support you like what, you know, it’s kind of like, what’s the worst that can happen? Right? Like, get I mean, yes, a lot of money. But she was like, I think, I think that this is what you want to do. And, and then also just knowing that I got so much out of how you coach and knowing that that’s how I was going to be trained to coach. Like, why would I not want to do that. Whereas if I went to another program, I don’t really know what their method or style or whatnot are, it was like this, this felt really aligned. And it kept me in the community. And now I kind of was able to move to this next phase where I was helping and supporting people within the community who had already helped and supported me so much. So it’s now a really obvious choice. At the time, it was really, I was just being indecisive.
Kristen Carder 23:41
I think it’s a big decision, though, I think that it makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense to go back and forth and to weigh your options. And I think, to anyone listening, the encouragement that I want to give is like, if you’re meant to coach, go, Coach, you know, like, go get trained. And wherever you get trained, you’re gonna grab great stuff from that program, hopefully, and use that. And then if you want supplemental training, like you can just it can be a continual learning process. It doesn’t have to be like a once and done. But when you’re making a big financial investment, it does feel like it has to be the perfect decision. And so I totally understand that that drama. Did anybody else have kind of like a back and forth situation where it was like a hard decision of where to get trained? Good, safe.
Steev Hodgson 24:33
Yeah. So I actually looked into another program as well and even even somewhat started another program. But what I’ll say about this, well, first of all, anybody who’s listened to this podcast and you’re not a focused member, Joy join, why not like join right away because for $200 A bottle, you’re going to get 10 times that value, but with some of the other coaching programs I attended one of the sessions, and it almost turned into like an ADHD support group. And I already have that here with focused. So I knew that when I showed up on those, we were on a Tuesday morning, but I showed up on Tuesday morning, I was going to train with you for an hour. And I knew that we were going to get right into the training, and any of the other support that I’ve used for ADHD I can get from from focus. So
Kristen Carder 25:25
yeah, well, I really appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, that’s really important to me, because the training that I went through, was essentially, this was a training that I went through in 2021. It was essentially rehashing the course that I was already in and paying this person for. And so I knew that I didn’t want to do that. I knew I didn’t want it to just be like, focus 2.0 Or like, yeah, like a support thing. It’s like, this is completely separate, and only learning how to coach, which is why you have to be unfocused, while you’re in the program, the training program, so that it can be two completely separate things. Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. Anybody else have thoughts to share about that? Jacoba? I was like, Nope, it was easy.
Jacoba Lilius 26:12
It was it was like I don’t, I wanted to learn how to coach like you coached. And I think certain families point it was there was no, I guess, for me again, like the certification wasn’t as important, you know, because I knew that this probably wasn’t gonna, you know, take over my, my family. But I just thought, I’ve been on the receiving end of it, and in like, 15 minutes, you know, you could help me to see something that had like, bogged me down for my entire, you know, academic career, and we still like laugh about it, you know, the drama, but you know, it’s, it’s, it was magic. And I didn’t really ever think about another program, because I knew what I wanted. It was cool to do what you do, I’d like even a quarter of it.
Kristen Carder 26:53
And you do, which is so fun. For me, that is the most fun thing is now, you know, I’ve observed all of you coaching, and you’re coaching in the community, and I’m hearing from other people how powerful the coaching is. And that’s just what a gift it’s so fun. So, Laura, I have a question for you. Because as you went throughout the program, what kept coming up over and over was like, You lean on your intuition very heavily. And I was wondering, first of all, if you could talk about that a little bit. And then I want to know, like, what was the experience that you had going through the program, as a very intuitive person, and me kind of like, reining you into this, like very linear coaching modality that we use. So I’m curious, first of all, can you talk a little bit about your intuition and, and how you use that in your coaching? Yeah,
Laura Gaynon 27:49
I guess I tend to get a sense about people and a sense about situations. And it’s kind of this holistic thing in my mind. And it’s sometimes not even something I can verbalize. Like, it’s like nothing about it, like you said, as linear. It’s just like, I see this, when I understand this, or I think I do right? Now, the coaching process was so hard, and also so awesome, because what it does is it forces me to sort of, I have to keep my intuition on hand, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be bringing, you know, myself, and I wouldn’t be sharing any of my wisdom or that I you know, any way that I could naturally help someone. But I also had to hold it to the side and go through the process, letting the client say things in their own words, listen to the, to the flavor of their words, basically, really actively listen for details, and hold off on all my assumptions. Because what intuition is, is, you know, it’s really one big assumption, and a lot of times I am on the mark, but other times, I’ll get this like little deets on, like, oh, that completely changes the picture. And so I think that the, the, the linear map, the steer map, was what we call it, at first, it felt so clunky and uncomfortable. And it was like, you know, when I write, it’s also kind of like a big mess. And I have this whole idea and trying to put things in a linear line of words is so difficult for me, and it just takes so many drafts. And it kind of felt like that, like I was trying to linearize something that was just holistic. Yeah. But you know, it helps me help people better because not only am I getting a clearer picture, and I’m not, you know, just making something up in my head, I get this feedback that okay, that was on the mark that wasn’t on the mark, and it’s in the client’s own words. So when I trying to help them, I’m not putting words in their mouth, they’re really kind of coming to it themselves. And that’s so much more effective than if I’m like, This is what’s going on with you. Yes. You know, not what I want to be doing anyway. So Yeah, I think being intuitive was both like a big strength and also a big point of learning for me. So, I question,
Kristen Carder 30:10
I think you put a beautiful bow on on the end of that, because it’s so true, it is such a huge strength. And there are all types of people that are being trained, some are highly intuitive, some not so much. And so the people in the training program who were not as intuitive had to then develop that intuition and probably is an ongoing process. And that is difficult as well. But I will say, I said it a million times throughout the training that coaching is both a science and an art. Right. And so, when we’re trying to find balance in that, well, some of us are bringing more art to the table. And some of us are bringing more of like a scientific brain to the table. And so through the training, like trying to get a balance of like, the systematic side of it, with the intuitive side of it, it’s, it is a I think, and I continue to learn as a coach, like it is a lifelong learning as a coach to lean into intuition and lean into the system of it and like hold both at the same time. So I appreciate you saying that I am interested in tell us about a time or if you don’t mind, let me ask for your consent. Do you consent to tell us about a time I feel like there was like in the middle of the program, maybe like a frustration that came up for you. And I I want to make sure that as I’m talking about the training program, that we’re not just painting like a rainbows and butterflies scenario of it, like it gets hard. The dopamine wears off? Like, I remember conversations with you where you’re just like struggling with the system of the tool. Do you remember any of those? Do you mind sharing, like some of that frustration?
Laura Gaynon 31:58
Now, if I’m not kind of running against some kind of wall, where I’m going to learn something I get bored, huh? And I think like, you know, that the evaluation was like a really good example of this. You know, for one thing, the evaluation is extremely specific. And, you know, many people didn’t pass the first time it was it was almost like, you knew you were gonna go through it multiple times, you know, but not passing it. You know, of course, you want to pass it, of course, I wanted to, but when I didn’t pass it the first time, and it was really clear from the feedback. Okay. It’s it’s one particular aspect of the Starmap that you’re not clear on. Yeah, that was such a fun moment. For me. I know that sounds so strange to call it fun. And I was like, Oh, I thought I understood it. And I don’t, and I don’t understand part. And I don’t, I realized the reason I couldn’t do it. The reason I was having trouble doing that part of the map was I just didn’t understand the why behind it. Like I didn’t understand the reasoning. And so let me let me go deeper. And like, it just makes it more interesting to me, I think, yeah. Have that friction. So I don’t think I was, I might have felt frustrated, but it was like good, frustrated.
Kristen Carder 33:12
Yeah, yeah. I resonate with that I feel like I learn. I learned really well in like a friction conflict, like a back and forth sparring, you know, kind of scenario. So I definitely resonate with that. I was so surprised on your feedback form, when you all feel that feedback forms about the program. And one of the things that you said was, like, passing or not passing the evaluation was one of the best parts of the program for me. And I was like, wow, I have never heard that from someone before. But I appreciate that so much. Because what you did there was instead of, like, beating yourself up or getting mad, like, you know, I know, I know what I’m doing. Like, why, why can’t I just pass? It was more like, oh, my gosh, there’s more here and I can take it deeper. And that is, that’s so cool.
Laura Gaynon 34:04
Yeah, it was actually a really cool moment.
Kristen Carder 34:09
Let’s all learn from that. Like, we all need to learn so much than that. I love it to Koba. I’d like to chat with you, because I feel like you’re kind of on the other end of the spectrum a little bit where structure systems like your brain just really likes that. Yes. So like, if I’m putting words in your mouth, you can just totally correct me, like, really
Jacoba Lilius 34:33
needs that doesn’t gravitate toward like, that’s part of one of my challenges. So I’m not sure if that Yes.
Kristen Carder 34:40
Well, I just mean like the linear nature of the map. I felt like you really enjoyed that part. And there wasn’t that friction, right. And I have to admit to you that having you join the training, I was so excited, but also very intimidated to know like a a college professor is joining this training. And I know, I know I can train people. But I don’t. You know, like there was no syllabus, there was no textbook. I mean, like, it’s not structured as a college course. But I was so delighted, every time that you would offer feedback, it was always just so encouraging to me, because the structure that I did set up worked really well for your brain. So can you talk a little bit about that?
Jacoba Lilius 35:30
Yeah, well, I mean, maybe I would start by saying, I think that a lot of courses are not well set up for any brain, you know. And that’s, you know, that’s a whole other ballgame. And now we have academics who are in focused, and we have a, you may or may or may not know this, but there’s a Facebook group called Academic Mama’s and then there’s a spin off group called Academic mamas with ADHD. I think there’s like 500 people in there. Oh, my goodness, a lot of people get drawn into this kind of work, I think, because it offers so much like a lot of autonomy, a lot of choice, you know, either you research things you care about, there’s a lot of paths, you know, so there’s a lot of good things, but there’s a lot of things that are missing in terms of structure, you know, so accountability is, you know, like, every year I need to report on like, the things that I did do toward big goals. But you know, the things that are not right in front of me, like any research project is pretty far out. But like, I need to be ready to teach, I need to have papers graded, I need to do my admin work. So the role is really lacking in structure. So as an ADHD, or I can now see, I think it’ll be actually quite interesting. When I’m, you know, in thinking from a course design perspective, what are the things that worked really well, for me, you know, in this program that I could, you know, how could I bring that into, in my teaching, which, frankly, you know, especially when I’m teaching big, big classes, like I’ve got, you know, two or 200 students taking an Organizational Behavior class, for example, what proportion of those kids have ADHD diagnosed? Or undiagnosed? Yeah, starting to really think about, like, accommodations, and whether they’re actually helpful. Is it helpful to give somebody with ADHD an extra week to do something? Or is it just prolonging the suffering? Right? So a lot of things right now, where this is, like, really, perfectly for me. So coming back to your original question, which was, you know, you know, why did it work? So? Well, I think it was a combination of, you know, regular contact with a small group of people. So we’ve got the accountability, you know, and I care deeply about the subject matter. So that’s just built in, but, you know, I care about, you know, it wasn’t trying to check a box, it wasn’t, I mean, I guess there was the evaluation. So getting ready, you know, to pass something I did, like the gold star, you know, a passing, but it was like, really just fundamentally quite different than anything I’ve done really, since graduate school, because it was like, small group, and regularity of contact, you’re the perfect combination, it’s like the best teachers in the world are those that have that like high IQ, they have high expectations, and like, standards, you know, for what you wanted us to come away with, but also, like, caring and flickers like flex, like that, like being held and cared for, and having a really high standard. So, you know, as a kid, those were the teachers like, I rose to the occasion, you know, with those kinds of teachers, and now as an adult, like, you are also that kind of so it’s, it’s, it’s the course, but it’s also you, you know, I really wanted to do well, you know, for the, for those reasons. So, you call it high touch, and I listen to the podcast from last week. And I think it’s a really great concept, you know, it is it is interactions with you, and, you know, my, my wonderful group, and you really provide a lot of structure that pushes us into actually practicing. And so that’s the other thing I will say, like, I can’t, you know, read and I read the books, and I, you know, listen to the, you know, took the notes and reviewed the notes, but we very quickly had to do, and I am learning by doing. And that is the difference maker, you know, so as we’re talking something I was thinking about was I wonder for your your listeners who are not in focused yet who might be thinking about joining focus who are less familiar, you know, with the, with the tool with the steer map, yeah. And with the program itself, you know, it might just be worth saying like, this is part of what we did, like we met every week, and we peer coached, you know, so we were paired up with people in our little group. And that happened for months and months and months until we were kind of unleashed into the focus community. So just I think, so much hands on practice and care and support and regularity of contact. It all worked really, really well for me.
Kristen Carder 39:48
I love it. I’m so glad to hear that. And I remember the discomfort on your faces the week, the first week of peer coaching. And we all came back together after that and you were like Like, all of you were like, it was terrible. And I was like, Yeah, I know. This is where we got to start, it’s got to feel really weird and clunky, and you don’t know what you’re doing. And that’s okay. It’s supposed to start that way. I am so so so of the mind that like, you cannot learn to coach unless you coach and so many people learn about it in theory, and then just do not put it into practice, because they’re not required to. Or it’s so like they they meet the requirements. So like, I just went through another coach certification program. And there were, I was required to coach myself coach, two hours total. Imagine I know, your faces, it’s amazing. So for 30 minute sessions, where I would coach for 30 minutes, so two hours total. And if I were not already an A seasoned coach, I would have found that to be so uncomfortable, I don’t know if I would have continued because after only that couple hours, like you’re just so there is like just getting the feel for it and just starting to implement the tools. And now a word from our sponsor. Hey, there, this is Kristen. If you’re listening to this episode, and totally resonating with what you’re hearing, maybe you’re feeling called to be a life coach, and you want to be trained by me, I’d like to invite you to visit an informational page all about my focused ADHD coach certification program. This is the only certification program designed for the ADHD brain, meaning this was designed to teach people with ADHD, how to be coaches. Every year, I train a small group of incredible humans to be elite coaches. And if you want to get in on this visit, I have adhd.com/coach to learn more. For those of you who are listening in real time, make sure to join me for an informational webinar on Thursday, August 10. Okay, that’s it. Visit I have adhd.com/coach to learn more. And now let’s get back to the show. Do you guys mind letting us know how many hours ish you coached throughout the program? Do you remember
Jacoba Lilius 42:26
think it was around 50? I’m trying to figure out how to go back and look,
Kristen Carder 42:29
I think around 55 Zero, Steve, what about you?
Steev Hodgson 42:32
Yeah, it was it was 50 and a half of my back. We calculated that.
Kristen Carder 42:37
He beat you by 30 minutes. Do you remember Laura? Yeah, I
Laura Gaynon 42:42
think during the program was around 50. And then you know, afterwards. Yeah.
Kristen Carder 42:47
And Emily, she’s gonna win by a landslide. Sorry, y’all.
Emily Weinberg 42:51
But keep in mind, I mean, yes, I had small kids, but I was not work full time without access to being able to coach people. I did get to 100. Like, though be the program ended, which felt very nice. So like, a few weeks before the program I was at, like, I don’t know, 85. And I was like, 100 Yeah, cool.
Kristen Carder 43:14
So fun. That’s so cool. So to come out of a training program, with, I think, the lowest I saw in the feedback form. So everyone was required to fill out a feedback form. So I have everyone’s, I think the lowest I saw was 36. And then the highest being like, 100 ish. That’s, it’s wild to think of in six months. That’s how much practice you all put in honing your craft. That’s incredible. That’s absolutely amazing.
Steev Hodgson 43:44
So one thing I want to say about the peer coaching, which is again, for anyone listening to this podcast, to just keep in mind, if you’re considering coaching, one of the things that was most helpful for me, was actually when I coached with Natalie, so thank you, Emily, what happened was, I was the coach. And she posted in our teen Tuesday channel that something I had asked her really resonated with her and she was thinking about it. And that was the moment that I knew I could do this. So that was the moment that turned to me. And I said, See, I You can do this. So you can do this. So anyone who’s listening to this, and you’re considering this, you could be here a year from now.
Kristen Carder 44:27
That’s so beautiful, because the peer coaching is not just about practice, but it’s about like the relationships that you establish and the support that you’re giving one another. So Steve, I would love to talk to you about the peer coaching. You mentioned several times that like that peer coaching aspect was so helpful to you. So what was it like for you? You know, starting out as a very Baby, Baby beginner coach and just like having to coach your peers and having to go through The discomfort of like, hello, I’m here to coach you. And like I’m figuring out how to do it like, what was that like for you? Can you talk to us a little bit about it?
Steev Hodgson 45:09
Yeah, it was clunky, it was awkward. I think I coached with everybody on this call. And they might even be able to tell you that was like that. I looked back on and I went back and listened to the first coaching call I did. And the person that I coached with had been in focus since the beginning. And she was just doing coaching training. But she had been with us since the beginning. And I think it was the first client you ever coached as well. Yeah, and so she’s at this level, and I’m here, but really kind of going through the program and going back and listening to that recording, it helped me see, you know, okay. And being that this isn’t going to happen overnight, as well. And I’ll say that for clients, anyone who’s listening here is looking to find a coach, also, as a client, just just know that that you’re not going to have the answers. A lot of times less with ADHD, we want it now. And you’re not going to have that it’s going to take a little bit of time. So whether you’re a coachee, or a coach, the journey is going to take some time. So just let it let it, let it develop.
Kristen Carder 46:19
And if you are able to build the belief that you’re going to get there, no matter what, then the timeframe is just not as urgent. It’s like, okay, I can take a little bit of time, because I’m I know I’m gonna get there, I think what we do is we say, if I’m not there in two weeks, then I’m not going to get there, right? And it’s like no. And this is a huge part of why I have such a lengthy application process is, I already know you’re meant to coach, when you enter the program, you know, and you fill out the application and I watch a video and I’m like, oh, yeah, this person is a coach, then I’m able to say to you, hey, this is gonna take time. I already know you’re a coach, though. Like, that’s not the question here. The question is, are you willing to develop these skills? And how long are you willing to practice to develop them? Right, but like when you enter the program, I already know your coach. Steve, I also wanted to ask you, because you also didn’t pass your evaluation right away. What was that like for you? How did it impact you? Tell me the good, the bad, the ugly about that?
Steev Hodgson 47:28
Sure. Yeah. And honestly, this is a complete microcosm of what it’s like to be a coach. So I don’t know if you remember Kristin. But you know, my first session that I was to do that, the client came on, and she was dealing with some really tough personal trauma. And you came in about five minutes in and said, Okay, Timeout, timeout, let’s, let’s put a hold on a steer map today. And let’s, let’s do a search. Yeah. And so I said, Okay, great. So we walked through the surf practice, and came back into like, wow, that you did a really good job on surfing, because when we did it in the practicum, in class, you didn’t do as good of a job and like, great job. And you said, Okay, so here’s what you need to do. Just do a recording of a coaching, peer coaching session, send it in. So I left that thinking, Wow, I like this is great. I got this like, right, yeah. And so I turned in a call. And it wasn’t, it wasn’t my best. It wasn’t good. Yeah. But I learned from that. So the two takeaways is that last it’s a microcosm is you never know what the client is going to show up?
Kristen Carder 48:39
Steev Hodgson 48:40
And also, you know, it helped me, it kind of kept me in check. Because you sent me back and said, Okay, here’s what I want you to work on, which I did. And actually right in the middle of that, too, I needed to kind of pause my training, I went to you and said, Look, I got a couple of things kind of going on, professionally and personally, that I’m just not able to be here right now for my clients. Can I pause my training? And he said, Absolutely. And so taking that time to kind of reflect and really helped me prepared for the next evaluation. And I kept turning a cost and say, look, I think I think I’m there. I think I got it. And I would get notes back from from Felicia, who is amazing. Yeah, I would say, okay, yeah, you’re still you’re on target for your date with Kristin. So just stay in there. That’s amazing.
Kristen Carder 49:34
I, I had forgotten about that. So I do want to explain what happened. So when we’re doing the evaluation, all of the coaches are evaluated on one modality that we use, and it is it’s very linear. It’s very straightforward, but when Steve’s client showed up, she she was just, she was a mess. Right? And not only was she a mess but a scenario had taken place a situation had taken place where she was, she was really a victim of maybe some abuse. And we do not coach on abuse ever. That’s not our job. And so I was like, I’m here to evaluate Steve using this modality that is really inappropriate for this particular situation. And so I just came back on video was like, Okay, we need to pivot, like, and it was a beautiful learning experience, because it was a great way to show like, this is the part where the thing that we planned to do is just not appropriate. And that’s okay, so we’re gonna pivot, that was a really, really good learning opportunity. So let’s just go around. And like I said, I don’t want this to be like rainbows and unicorns, and everything’s perfect. I would love to hear from you. Emily, if you don’t mind, let’s start with you. What was the hardest part of the training for you?
Emily Weinberg 50:57
I think the hardest part of the training was realizing that I wasn’t already good at this. I think, you know, when we all applied, it was like this, like, we’re meant for this, like, this is in my blood. This is in my DNA. And then I remember reading the coaching manual. And I think we had a conversation about it, because it was like, Oh, my gosh, I’m, I’m actually not supposed to do all of the things that I liked draw on as my strengths. And so it was kind of like this image I had of myself as being like a natural born coach. I don’t want to say shatter, that’s a bit dramatic, but it was like, oh, okay, yeah, no, I’m starting at square one here. And I actually know nothing. And I have skills that will help me but I’m not. So that was like a wake up call, like letting
Kristen Carder 51:51
yourself be a beginner like, Oh, I’m actually a beginner.
Emily Weinberg 51:55
I have that posted on my wall. Some some coach in this program, said that to me at some point. It might have been Yeah. Who knows? Who knows at this point? And yes, I’ve had that on my wall. It’s okay to be a beginner. Because I was immediately like, what have I done? I don’t already know how to do this.
Kristen Carder 52:16
Yeah. So good. How about you, Laura? Well, I
Laura Gaynon 52:20
think we’ve already talked about so that kind of similar to Emily, like, there’s certain strengths that I think I have that made me want to be a coach, but I don’t think I was super aware of what they were and how they needed to be kind of channeled. Aside from that, it was a very ADHD answer, but scheduling. And I think that that’s not to say that it was that hard. It was just that everything else about the training was set up to be so ADHD friendly. Yeah. And so just smooth and like, you know, I didn’t have to think about things too hard in terms of the structure of the program. That was the only thing that my brain was kind of like, totally you every week, it’s a different person every week, and he was the only thing that felt complicated. It wasn’t, I mean, it was totally manageable.
Kristen Carder 53:09
Yeah, that is a really, we get that feedback a lot. That the like scheduling, peer coaching is so hard. And yeah, it is. I don’t think it’s a problem I’m willing to solve. But it is really hard. So yeah, we need everybody needs. Steve, how about for you? What was the hardest part for you?
Steev Hodgson 53:29
Probably the hardest part for me was realizing when I came to you about halfway through the program and said, Chris decided that I need to put a pause on this. And this might not be the right time for me to do this. I knew I didn’t want to personally but I do have enough going on in my life at that point that I was kind of being pulled in a couple of directions. And I knew I’ve lost it. And I had done a pure coaching call the night before. And I just I just was not able to get to the results to help the client and I know it’s because I have so much going on right now I need to take a pause. So that was probably the hardest
Kristen Carder 54:07
part that’s so wise that you were able to just take that step back. And I mean, luckily it worked out beautifully. You were gone for a couple of weeks you integrated right back in it was definitely not the end of the world from like my standpoint. So that worked out really well. But I I really appreciated your self awareness and your ability to say like, this is really uncomfortable, but like this is where I’m at. How about you? Gjakova What’s the hardest part for you?
Jacoba Lilius 54:38
I think I was thinking a little bit as Emily was talking it sort of related, but the things that are the skills and the things that I thought okay, this was like bringing me to the program. You You will I know you’re not even like I talk a lot. I use a lot of words, you know, and so I think that I’m a great conversationalist and I have really good conversations with like Friends and family as a result, but, you know, a great conversation is really different than an effective coaching conversation. And so when we got into that, it’s like, Whoa, I have to realize, oh, even now, as I’m coaching and getting feedback, like, there’s still a lot of like, you know, she has, she’s has a lot to share, too. It’s like, I have to really sit on my hands a little bit, too. I resonate so much with like, again, I have ADHD, I’m coaching people with ADHD I am. So we talked about this, and the programs are getting in the pool. So I’m learning to validate this with my face instead of my words. And you know, it’s so it’s, I really have to stuff it down. So that, you know, it’s, it’s, but again, it’s like a new, it’s just a new way of being, and frankly, again, it has, like, I can almost put on my coach hat a little bit with conversations with like, my loved ones where I am just listening, you know, I’m really listening, you know, rather than, you know, kind of listening in and thinking about what I’m going to say next. And you know, so it’s just, it’s helped me to be it was hard, but it’s helped me both in coaching, but also I think in in relationships as well
Kristen Carder 56:09
validate with your face and not with your words, that got me I’m going to use that that’s so good. Because it’s so true. We want to be like, yes, that’s happened to me, and I totally get it and let me share my story. Emily’s about to write it down on
Jacoba Lilius 56:27
going right up there with. Emily and I share this conversation,
Kristen Carder 56:34
I love it. And it’s so true. And I just want to reiterate what you’re saying like the strengths that bring you to the program, the parts of yourself that you’re like, I know, this is something that I’m, I’m really good at. And I’m I really want to learn how to coach, some of those strengths are going to have to be bridled a little bit, and channeled. I think, Laura, you use that word channeled into, so that you can be an effective coach who’s not like bulldozing over your client in the in the session, right? That’s so, so good. It’s it kind of reminds me of like, the things that draw you to your partner, when you’re dating are often the things that drive you nuts, like five years into marriage, I don’t know if there’s like an analogy to be made there. All of your like, I will not I will not self disclose. But it’s kind of like that, where you’re like the things that drew me to you are now kind of the things that like drive me nuts. And it’s kind of like that with coaching, where you’re like, the things that show me that I would make an excellent coach are the things that I have to shape and mold and work the hardest at in order to be an effective coach. Go ahead, Emily.
Emily Weinberg 57:56
One of those I also feel like is advice giving, that was such a hard one to pull back on because that was another kind of quality. I felt like I came into this with like, I’ve always like, I feel like my family used to call me like the Buddha. And like, I feel like that I was an advice person and to have to like sit on your hands, like Jehovah said, and just like, hold it back. Because giving advice is in some situations can be helpful. But yeah, for the most part, it’s not effective.
Kristen Carder 58:32
Yeah. Okay. So good. And giving advice, like being the person that people go to for advice is a great, great indicator that you would make a great coach. And also, we don’t give advice as coaches. It’s like, yes, it’s so good. Oh,
Emily Weinberg 58:54
I’m so sorry. I feel like I have to say one thing because I had prepared for the what happens when the dopamine drops, because I wanted to credit somebody in our group for saying something that I thought was so perfect. Go ahead. For me, the dopamine dropped after my evaluation. Big time. I felt like I was like, everything was leading up to it. And then afterwards, I was like, I can’t coach for like a week like
Kristen Carder 59:21
to be clear on you passed your evaluation first time. Yeah. And did you and your, your dopamine dropped? Oh,
Emily Weinberg 59:32
it’s dropped. I think I didn’t even talk about it much at the time because it was a little bit of that like, embarrassment like, oh, it’s like happening again, like, oh gosh, do I not care about coaching as much as I thought I had, like, how am I going to sustain this? If I’ve only been coaching for two or three months, whatever it was at the time and I already like need a week away. And then I did find like a week had passed. I was just going to do some peer coaching and dipping my toes back. And I was like, Oh, no. Okay, I do want to keep coaching. Towards the end of our program. I know we had this discussion in class because somebody was really experienced. And yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, that’s totally what I went through. And so this was Bella, we talked about it afterwards, she said, when things are values aligned, the flow will return. I have again, this actually is on a piece of paper. But I haven’t written down because she said that, and I was just like, that is so spot on. Because there are a lot of things that we get into, that just aren’t interesting after a while. But the value is alive piece. That’s so true.
Kristen Carder 1:00:49
When it’s values aligned, it will come back, you will just know, you’ll know that like, oh, I Oh, yeah, I do want to do this, you’ll miss it. I really appreciate you saying that. Because there is kind of this crash that some people experience after that, like the build up to the valuation, you pass your valuation. It’s just like, one of the things we’re going to do differently. Next round is continue peer coaching buddies. That was a suggestion that a lot of you gave. And I think it’s a great suggestion. And so we’ll continue to set up peer coaching buddies after that. But yeah, giving yourself a chance to breathe, and then getting back into the flow of it, I think is, is amazing. All right. So let’s go around and tell us who you coach and where people can find you. If someone is listening, they’re like, You know what, I really connect with this person, I would love to reach out to them. How can people reach out to you, Laura, let’s start with you.
Laura Gaynon 1:01:48
So you can reach me at working and firstname.lastname@example.org in terms of the people that I coach, I haven’t hit, you know, a niche or anything yet. But I think that the people that I really connect with, or the way that I connect a lot with people. So if this sounds good to you is I like to work with people ADHD years who have really strong values that they may or may not feel like they can bring into the world. So it’s like, I think a lot of times ADHD has tried very hard to adopt the values of the culture around them. And it’s not that they don’t have their own values. But they, you know, if there’s a dissonance between those two, we can start to doubt ourselves. And it’s just kind of all goes back to like trusting ourselves and developing our self concept. That’s been really rewarding for me. But in general, it tends, you might not recognize yourself in that. But you might recognize yourself as someone in a moment of transition, or at a place where you’re feeling stuck. And you don’t feel like you can move forward. I think those are both signs that you need to step into who you are more. So that’s kind of my sweet spot.
Kristen Carder 1:02:59
It’s beautiful. Thank you. How about you, Steve?
Steev Hodgson 1:03:02
Yeah, open to coaching. Really anyone? But anyone who’s interested in that male perspective? Yeah. And you can reach me So the website is at www.damnhealthydose.com. And yes, I’m turning a negative into a positive email me Steve. I spell Steve. Uniquely as Ste V but either one will work. So Steve at Dan healthy dose.com. Follow me on Instagram or Twitter at Dan healthy dose.
Kristen Carder 1:03:36
I love it. That’s so fun. I love it. We’re gonna link everybody in the notes. And for those of you who are like, Well, I haven’t really set anything up yet. I mean, like you literally just graduated two weeks ago, it is totally, totally fine. These are all a work in progress. All right, how about you Gjakova
Jacoba Lilius 1:03:53
the best for me, because I am in that process, I would say I am very open to working with anybody working. I think that the people who kind of have sort of lit me up, I think I resonate with I’m late diagnosis and the struggles and the grief and the regret and all of the sort of emotion that comes along with that, I think is something that I can you know, if I can validate with my face, and not my words, I can be really helpful. Because I’ve done a lot of processing around that. I think absolutely academics like I have that lived experience of sort of trying to, to manage things I could be a particularly you know, helpful too. And I also My background is as a I’m an I did a PhD in organizational psychology. So I’m a kind of psychologist by training, I have an understanding of human behavior and also within the workplace. So that’s been my passion and what I’ve been, you know, studying and research and teaching around, you know, leadership and conflict management. And so there’s a lot of like kind of work. I think work related issues might be a place that I can be particularly helpful to so for me, it’s like LinkedIn, LinkedIn, Okay, my full name, it’s Gjakova is Jacob with an ace of J, AC OVA, and last name lilius. li l us. And if you go to LinkedIn, that sort of, you know, contact info and things will be there. And I’m going to try and build up that page a bit to capture all of the bits of me that are now in a really cool way. This is
Kristen Carder 1:05:20
so amazing, because one of the things that I say often is like, I cannot coach all of the people with ADHD, that’s why we need more ADHD coaches, and I am not the coach for everybody. And just the fact that you’re like, LinkedIn is the best place to find me. I’m like, that is the perfect example. Like LinkedIn is my worst nightmare. Nobody go to my LinkedIn, please do not ever visit my page. And just the fact that like, we’re so different, and the people that you draw are going to be so different from the people that I draw, and I love it. Love it, love it. Love it. So But alright, Emily, finish this out, please.
Emily Weinberg 1:05:57
So I think I went into this thinking like I would coach people who are sort of like me that I can relate to maybe late diagnosed, maybe moms maybe feeling stuck, unsure of. And my first client was a man, and my second client doesn’t have kids. So I was quickly like, oh, okay, I can I actually think I can coach anyone here. Yes, I tend to have a focus on like that acceptance piece that really like understanding how ADHD shows up in your life kind of changing that what’s wrong with me, feeling that so many people have into like, oh, that’s frustrating, because I have ADHD, and this is how it’s affecting me. So now, what can I do to support myself moving forward. But that being said, it coaching is coaching and it can really apply everywhere. So I do have an Instagram page, that’s not like Kochi, it’s just I just put out information when the urge strikes, to share what I know. So that is ADHD dot with dot Emily. And through there, I have like links, you can set up a console to free consults. And then I did just finish website two, which is ADHD with emily.com.
Kristen Carder 1:07:19
Perfect, I love it, we’ll link all of the things in the show notes. And I totally agree with you that coaching is coaching, you all have a very well rounded experience base. And I’m just so proud of all of you, thank you for the investment that you made in yourself and in the community and and I just look forward to seeing like all of the transformation that comes to the community because of your coaching. And I mean, the ADHD community at large, just like I just know, there’s so many people that need help. And I’m so grateful for you guys to have you out there coaching.
Steev Hodgson 1:07:56
One of the things that I really loved about this program, and I’m sure MLMs are Cobra and even market, even though we were different cohorts can say was what you would have guessed hosts come in? Because you have you have some great guests house and brain came in twice for us. Yes. Amazing.
Kristen Carder 1:08:14
That part like is indicative of just me giving myself permission and space to just like not always be on. So yeah, I think that curating the energy around me, which sounds really, like, I just I only put people around me that I like I only hang out with people that I like, I only invite people into the space that I like, and that matters like, especially for someone with ADHD, right? Who’s lived so much of her life out of alignment to be surrounded by people that I adore constantly. That is a very supportive thing that I do for myself,
Jacoba Lilius 1:08:52
I just wanted to say one very quick thing you made a comment about one thing we’re going to do differently is bringing peer coaches, that was feedback that we got, and I meant I knew you’re moving on to another point. But I just wanted to say how cool it is, you know, like this is what I teach like how like from like a leadership perspective or like to be like, responsive, you know, to be like, genuinely interested in gathering feedback, like and an ongoing kind of way you do it in, you know, in the bigger focus program. It’s so clear that you’re, like, responsive and wanting to be responsive to the sort of needs but also like, that’s a problem. I don’t think we’re gonna solve you know, it’s it is hard. Yes. But so you’re like, you know, I just feel it just feels I feel so I don’t even know what the written word is. I guess I just it’s really cool to be a part of, you know, like, it’s like the ideal model that we don’t always see, you know, coming from it’s can be hard and vulnerable to be like, Okay, we didn’t get that quite right. But you come at it from such a we just want to be better. How can our team support you? I see it in Slack. So documenting the program going and sustaining it. I think a big part of it is that people can really see you know that it’s not infinite growth. If it’s like, is really important to so I just wanted to both in the coaching program but generally to really have noticed and appreciate
Kristen Carder 1:10:10
I so appreciate you saying that. Truly thank you
Emily Weinberg 1:10:15
to add to that too. Like, I also really appreciate that you don’t just tell people what they want to hear, like, you’re very open to feedback and you and and if it if it works, and it’s something you can do, you know, you’re gonna get like an honest answer from you. And not just like, I’m gonna tell you this, because then it’ll make something seem like I don’t know if you remember this, but way back early on. And I remember I had been like, raising my hand for some coaching and I it was taking a while and I was like, Am I doing it wrong? I don’t want to ask her because then it seems pushy. And I sent you a message. And I don’t know the response you gave me. First of all, you said like I want to think about. I said, like, I’m getting a little frustrated. I’ve been trying to be coached. I don’t know, is there something else I need to do differently? And you could have been like, oh, just keep coming back. Like keep raising your hand. Like, you know, I’ll get to you eventually. But you were like, I want to really think about a good response to give you and you took like a day or so. And you responded saying like, I want to support you. But like this isn’t a one on one coaching program. If you want one on one coaching programs, like absolutely go find it. Like there’s lots of other ways to get support yet. And it was like that could have lost you a person and the program. Yeah. But I just I feel like I don’t know, I feel like at that moment, I was like, okay, she’s honest, like that was she was not just telling me what I wanted to. And so really, I just in thinking about the feedback form, like, I felt like I could be very honest on it. Because if there was something you were like, we can’t make that happen, right? We just weren’t gonna make it happen. Like you, you do take what people are saying. And you kind of truly think about, like, what your ability to do that thing. So
Jacoba Lilius 1:12:11
when the values align, when the values align.
Laura Gaynon 1:12:17
I just feel like it was so easy to trust you because you were so honest, and so dedicated to not encouraging people to join the program for whom it wasn’t right. Right. You know, you really weren’t looking for a huge group. Yeah, I’m looking for a great group. And yeah, that just gave me a sense of security that you weren’t going to give us what you’re promising.
Kristen Carder 1:12:39
I really appreciate it. It’s hard to receive, I feel in my body the like, I’m trying to, like deflect, and I’m really working on receiving and just like allowing, it’s like reflection, but it’s like in a good way.
Laura Gaynon 1:12:54
positive reflection. Yeah. And that helped
Emily Weinberg 1:12:57
me out on this the other day, you say you look like you’re gonna vomit right now. Now I can say you look like you’re gonna vomit.
Kristen Carder 1:13:04
And it’s that right? It’s like, we’re so used to talking to ourselves in a way or feeling like I need to be better. And it is actually even easier to hear the parts that didn’t work so great. Because it’s like, oh, yeah, like, that confirms that I’m not doing it perfect. Like, it’s like, that can be easier to hear. But then So anyway, thank you. I appreciate it. I receive it. So thank you for being here with me today. Appreciate you. Hey, ADHD, or I see you I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated, and like no one out there really understand the way that your brain works. That’s why I created focus. Focused is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study be coached, grow, and make amazing changes alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Does it Ihaveadhd.com/focused to learn more