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I HAVE ADHD PODCAST - Episode #242

December 19, 2023

How to Build Self-Trust Even with ADHD

This week we’re going to be talking about specific ways that you can build self-trust and I want to be very upfront and honest with you that these are not easy or quick fixes. This takes time. BUT this is a WORTHWHILE process…it’s worth working toward.

My dear listener, It’s worth setting some time, effort, and even money aside to allow yourself the support to build this skill because self-trust is the foundation of every decision you make.

Many adults with ADHD feel ‘wobbly’ when it comes to making decisions and trusting themselves.

In this podcast, you’ll learn the key steps to building self-trust, which include:

  • Begin to validate your needs, feelings, and experience
  • Forgive yourself and make amends for your past mistakes
  • Get to know yourself better and only commit to what you want to do. Allow yourself to pivot when necessary
  • Circle back around to step 1 (validate your needs, feelings, and experience)

I’ll be teaching a whole course on this topic beginning January 2 and you can use promo code SELFTRUST to get $70 off when you join between December 26 and December 31.

Click HERE for details on what the FOCUSED ADHD coaching program includes!

Come hang out with me on Instagram HERE.

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Kristen Carder

Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with ADHD. I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain. Unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. What’s up, this is Kristen Carter and you are listening to the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, I am caffeinated. I am regulated and I am ready to roll.

Happy December y’all. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you are keeping your head on straight during this crazy busy season. With all of the expectations and the obligations and the extra work for you during the holiday season. I hope that you are just your I just hope you’re keeping it together. That is my wish for you. I’m doing okay, thanks for asking. I’m doing just a Okay, and I can’t wait to talk to you about today’s topic.

Today is part two of our series on self trust. And if you missed last week’s episode, I highly recommend that you go check it out. We talked about two really important things, we have a long conversation about redefining self trust, which I think is so important. And then we also have a long conversation about why is it so hard for adults with ADHD to trust themselves? What’s under that? And why is this a common theme among those of us with ADHD? So I’m just going to do a little recap for you here, because we all have a sucky working memory if we have ADHD. And so there’s a high chance that even if you did listen to the episode that you don’t remember what I said, Okay, so let’s talk about the definition of self trust.

Usually, somebody with ADHD wants to define self trust, as I believe that all of my choices are going to be perfect. And I believe that I will follow through on everything I say I’m going to do, even if I’m saying that I’m going to do unreasonable things. And so last week, we had a long discussion about redefining it. And so here’s how I like to define self trust. self trust is, I believe myself, I believe that my experience is real and valid. I know that I will take care of myself in the process of whatever I’m doing. And I will figure out how to move forward, no matter what, doesn’t that sound amazing? Don’t you want that? Oh, it’s so amazing. I love it so much. And to just remind you of why we struggle with self trust, I’ve been doing so much research on this topic. And it turns out that self trust is a developmental process that we go through in childhood and adolescence. And it is kind of afforded to us, when our caregivers and the people who are raising us, validate our needs, validate our emotions, validate our perception, and our experience, help us to build autonomy, and help us to build self reliance and resilience without shame. That is how self trust is developed.

Now, if you want more on that goes into last week’s episode, this week’s episode is how do we actually do it? How do we build self trust and so this week, we’re gonna be talking about specific ways that this can be done. And I really want to be upfront and honest here. It’s not a quick fix. This is deep work. This takes time, it is worth while and it’s worth working toward. It’s worth spending some time and effort and maybe even money aside, to allow yourself the support to build the skill of self trust. Because self trust is the foundation of every decision that you make. Or it’s not. Right, do you know I’m saying, and your decisions determine your life’s trajectory? So how do you feel when you’re making decisions? Do you feel grounded and secure and firm like a real adult? Or do you feel like you’re constantly needing reassurance and other people’s approval, who this really impacts our lives? self trust is the foundation of being like a grown adult. And if you were never afforded the luxury of this being built for you in your childhood, then you deserve to do that for yourself.

Now as an adult, and this could look like hiring a therapist to walk you through on this journey. It might look like setting time aside to read and journal and commit to building the skill on your own. If you’re good at that sort of thing, but also if you want specific help on building yourself trust as an adult with ADHD. I’m teaching a brand new course in my ADHD coaching program on this very topic, and you are invited to join me, we start January 2, and it’s going to include five self trust classes, five self trust group coaching sessions, and a workbook that is much more robust than I was expecting it to be. My intention was just to do a simple workbook. And as I got into it, I was like, Okay, this is actually like a legit workbook. Oh, gosh, it’s a workbook that will lead you through the entire course without even watching any of the video calls if you don’t want to do that. And of course, all of the other features of the focus program will be included in this month as well. So a huge vault of ADHD self development content that you can binge body double sessions and active community on Slack accountability groups on Marco Polo, and tons of support from my team.

Now, as we chatted about last week, I understand the irony of needing self trust in order to make a decision about whether or not to join a program that will help you to develop self trust, I get it, it’s annoying. And I’m sorry, I just I just know, that’s how it is. It’s like I need self trust. In order to make this decision about whether or not I’m going to join this program to help me build self trust. It’s, it’s a whole thing. So because of this, I’m offering you $70 off your first month in focused when you join between December 26 and December 31, using the promo code selftrust. So start thinking about it now and set a reminder to hop on my website, Ihaveadhd.com, during the week after Christmas to take advantage of the biggest sale we’ve ever had. And if you’re listening after the fact, of course, this will be available to you immediately upon joining no matter when that is. Now I want you to understand that the fact that you don’t have self trust is not your fault. And that’s really what last week’s episode was all about. Because it’s not your fault. This is not your fault. But it is your responsibility if you want to build self trust moving forward. So what’s the plan? Of course, it does not have to be focused. It doesn’t have to be my coaching program. But I do want you to think about it. What is your plan? How can we move into 2024 with SELFTRUST, this podcast is going to be helpful. I’m going to give you lots of tips and tricks, I promise you but also this is deep work that is best done in community. So what’s the plan? All right, let’s get into it. Here’s how we’re going to build self trust moving forward. First, we need to talk about why we don’t have it. This is just a reminder from last week. self trust building self trust is a developmental process that is built when our caregivers or like the people around us validate our needs enough, validate our emotions enough validate our perception and experience of the world enough and really help us to build autonomy. They don’t shame us for being self reliant. They don’t shame us for making mistakes, but they really help us to work out those muscles, so to speak, the muscles that I keep referring to the muscles of building self trust. Now most of us grew up in a culture and society in families, where our needs were dismissed, or demeaned. Where they were shoved aside was like, gosh, you’re being so dramatic, you don’t actually need that no, that stupid, etc, or our emotions were diminished and demeaned and dismissed. You’re being so dramatic. Why are you always so sensitive, you need to just take a time out and go figure this out on your own and come back when you are more calm. Hello, anyone, okay, or our perception of the world was invalidated. And so we were told that we were wrong, that we were doing the things wrong. We were maybe punished for becoming our own person, or shamed when we made mistakes. This might just seem like Well, yeah, isn’t that just everyone’s childhood, I have come to find out that that is not everyone’s experience in childhood, and that there are families in the world and cultures in the world that do help kiddos to build self trust.

Now, if you have ADHD, and you grew up in a culture or a family that didn’t help you build those self trust muscles, I want you to know that this is a developmental process that you missed out on. Okay. And so I want you to understand, and this is our first step, if self trust was not built for you, you’re going to have to build it on your own. That’s step number one. If self trust is not built for you, you’re going to have to build it on your own now as a grown adult, and maybe you’re 5060 7080 years old, and thinking like wait, what I have to do this on my own now and the answer is yes. You’re going to have to learn how to build self trust on your own. So the first step is to begin to validate your own needs. That means that you tell yourself, hey, self, you’re not asking too much, you’re not being difficult. What you need makes sense.

Now next, you’re going to have to begin to validate your own emotions. When you’re feeling a big feeling, you’re going to have to do the work of validating it, the way you’re feeling makes sense. Your reaction makes sense. It’s okay to feel this way. I think it’s just my intuition. But I can already feel your resistance of being like, No, my self talk does not sound like that. And that’s why it keeps circling back to this work is done in community. But I will continue with the steps I will continue with the steps, you’re going to need to begin to intentionally validate your experience and your perception, meaning, like the way that you see the situation is valid. You don’t have to tell yourself things like You’re taking this too far, they didn’t actually mean it. The way that you are interpreting it makes sense. Your perspective makes sense. You’re not being ridiculous or dramatic. And you’re going to need to slowly and gently begin to work the muscle of building your own autonomy, meaning you’re allowed to want different things from other people. You’re allowed to do different things from other people, it is safe to be different.

How does that feel for you like this is step number one, and I can already feel that some of you are going to be tuning out like yes, not a thing. Because what the typical ADHD or self talk is, is very invalidating, very dismissing, and very demeaning. And I just want to circle it right around back to childhood and say, that is usually a result of how you grew up. And so changing that self talk takes some serious work. But this is the number one way that we’re going to be building self trust. Because remember, self trust is, I believe, myself, I actually trust myself.

That means when I have an emotion, I trust that it’s here for a reason. That means when I have a need, I believe the need is not me being dramatic, but me just being a human, who deserves to be taken care of. That means that when I interpret a situation, I actually believe my perception and my experience of it, I’m not going to tell myself, that’s not right, you are interpreting it wrong. Why are you making such a big deal about this? I’m sure they didn’t mean it. I don’t think it really went that way. No, no self trust means I believe myself. And some of y’all are real bad at believing yourselves. And again, I’m going to circle it back around and say that’s not your fault. I’m never not going to say this. So if you’re getting sick of it, I mean, I don’t know what to tell you. Because I’m never not going to say it, it’s not your fault that you don’t believe yourself, it’s actually your caregivers job to make sure that you do believe yourself before you leave their house. And if that didn’t happen, that’s not your fault. So I as a 40 year old woman had to teach myself how to believe myself and you at whatever age you are, might also need to teach yourself how to believe yourself. Now there is so much that goes into this, including the ability to regulate your emotions. I mean, that’s a whole. That’s a whole component that we don’t really even have time to talk about today.

But I just want to make it very clear that this is why I have an emotional regulation course at the very beginning of the focused program, so that you can do these types of courses in conjunction with one another because you’re going to need a whole hell of a lot of emotional regulation. If you’re going to start believing yourself. If you’re going to start listening to your own perception and your own experience, if you’re going to start validating your emotions and your experience and your perception and your needs, you’re going to need a lot of emotional regulation. Okay, so I know this is a tall order, which is why I have said last week and this week, but this is not just like, hey, let me give me like the three easy steps to building self trust. I want you to think about could this be a year long process for you? Could this be a five year process for you? Even if we say okay, in five years, I will trust myself if that is your vision for yourself in five years? Wouldn’t that be amazing that you knew for certain that in five years, you’re going to be a person who talks nicely to yourself who validate See who is kind to you, and who believes you, I feel grounded in believing my own experience of the world. I remember when I worked with Africa, Brooke, she was one of my coaches and mentors, and she will be a forever coach and mentor to me, I absolutely adore her. And one of the things that she said to me one time during our sessions, she was just chatting and kind of flippantly said, I believe myself, I know what kind of person I am.

And I remember that stopped me in my tracks. And I was like, I want to do I want that. How do I get that? And literally, that was the moment when I decided I need to make this transition from somebody who is always looking outside of herself. Oh, gosh, for her decisions. And for her, like, Am I okay? Am I not okay? And I really need to become someone who like Africa, as my inspiration, believes myself, I know who I am. And I know what I believe, okay, let’s continue. A big part of this process is making sure that you’re surrounded by people who are validating you, who are also validating your needs, validating your emotions, I can’t stress enough that this work is done in community. So if you’re surrounded by people in your life, who don’t believe you, who don’t think your perception is accurate, who don’t trust you, and who don’t believe that your emotions are valid, you’re going to be hard pressed to make any progress on this work, unless you balance that with a group of people who do believe you who do trust you, who in your life is around you, that helps you to build yourself trust, I would say spend a lot more time with them.

Like put them high on the list. And who in your life demeans or undermines your self trust? I would say, Should we maybe limit time with them? Should we maybe put them lower on the list of people that we’re giving our time and energy to? Step one is begin to validate your own needs, emotions and experience? Okay, step two, there’s going to need to be some major self forgiveness, and some major amends made for past mistakes. Okay? Here’s why you’re never going to fully trust yourself in the future. If you’re still regretting the past, if your past is kind of locked around you like a ball and chain, you’re going to constantly be looking at the past and regretting it, and then using that as evidence that you cannot trust yourself moving forward. Right? So I want you to like say this with me, I will struggle to trust myself in the future. If I’m committed to regretting the past, I will struggle to trust myself in the future, if I am committed to regretting the past. A big step here is, are you willing to forgive yourself for past mistakes? Because if you are not, you will not be able to fully develop those self trust muscles for the future. And I can hear you screaming at me. But Christian, you understand? You don’t know what I’ve done. You don’t know how bad my choices actually were. I can’t trust myself moving forward. I can’t forgive myself for the past. And I just want to question all of that, like, Who told you your choices were bad? And how do you know that they were the wrong choice? And how are you defining a good choice and a bad choice? Most people with ADHD that I coach define a good choice as I made a decision and it worked out perfectly. And a bad choice is I made a decision and it didn’t work out perfectly. But this is a really unfair way to judge decisions. And I have a whole worksheet and part of the course on how to make decisions because here’s what we do we judge our decisions based on the outcome and that is not fair. The truth is that every single human’s life is filled with decisions that didn’t work out for one reason or another and that’s just the way of life. But the difference is that you are using that as evidence that you can’t trust yourself and a grounded person.

A person who’s self assured and who trust themselves, uses it as evidence that life is hard. And sometimes things just don’t work out. Someone without self trust blames themself for when a decision doesn’t work out. Someone with self trust does not blame themselves when a decision does not work out. They put the blame where the blame belongs, which is like we live in a broken world, I made the best decision with the information that I had, but it’s still just like didn’t work out, or whatever the case may be. It is my firm belief after coaching 1000s of adults with ADHD that most of us have been told or taught or groomed to believe that, like, since birth, everything that we do is wrong. parents, caregivers, teachers, friends, partners, colleagues have looked at our Nerd divergent way of interacting with the world and said, Well, that’s dumb. That’s bad, you’re doing it wrong. And if you’ve experienced this, like, I’ve experienced this, it’s no wonder that you struggle to trust yourself. Because you’ve been trying to function in a neurotypical world that’s not set up for you. Some of you, maybe you resonate with this have been trying to function around neurotypical people who really just don’t respect you, or the way that you interact with the world or other humans. And to make things worse, you’ve agreed with them, honey, maybe you’ve agreed with them. And you’ve been like, yeah, you’re right, I am the problem. It makes me it makes me so fired up. Because what if you’re not the problem? Can you even receive that when I say it? Remember, self trust is I believe myself, I believe that my experience is real and valid. And I know I will take care of myself in the process. And I will figure out how to move forward no matter what.

But you will never trust yourself to move forward in the future with self trust if you’re regretting the past. So you’re gonna have to forgive yourself for being human. Humans make, quote, unquote, bad decisions. Humans make decisions that don’t work out. Some of the things that you’ve been holding over your head as mistakes are just like a human doing their best. And sometimes humans make choices, even good choices, and they don’t work out in their favor, because that’s life, not because you’re bad, or because you’re flawed, but because that’s life. I’m curious, like, what ways do you need to forgive yourself just for being a human?

And then there’s the layer of ADHD like, some of y’all need to forgive yourself for having ADHD. And this part is so hard, so much compassion and kindness needs to be applied to our past choices that were impacted by ADHD. Like how many of the choices that you regret were impacted by impulsivity, time blindness, emotional dysregulation, a sucky working memory, the inability to plan and prioritize the inability to self reflect Hello, like all of them? Right? Oh my gosh. So forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Letting yourself off the hook. pardoning your past self is one of the most important ways to build yourself trust for the future. This summer, I started noticing that I would wake up feeling groggy almost every morning, like pretty trashy. And I’ve been wondering, what is something pretty easy that I can do to change that. Now if you’re a longtime listener, you might know that I’ve been drinking ag one for over a year. I love ag one. But what I haven’t been doing is doing it as per the recommendation in the morning on an empty stomach. And so I decided to experiment and see if it would make a difference for me to drink ag one in the morning on an empty stomach as recommended. And over the last probably six weeks I have done it consistently, not even persistently, consistently.

I’ve gotten up out of bed and instead of going straight to the coffee pot, I have made a big one which is super easy. A scoop of powder in eight to 10 ounces of water, shake it up. Good to go drink it down. It literally takes me 20 seconds. It’s so easy. And I’ve got to tell you, I have felt a massive difference to the point that now my coffee is an afterthought. Do I still drink coffee? You better believe I do. But it’s not because I have to. It’s not because it is like the thing I need to wake me up because I’ve got to tell you I feel so much better drinking ag one daily as recommended, which you know, shocking. Following the directions might make a little bit of difference. I felt a massive difference in my daily health and my energy. That’s because ag one is a foundational nutrition supplement that supports your body’s universal needs like gut optimization, stress management and immune support since 20 2010 AG one has led the future of foundational nutrition, continuously refining their formula to create a smarter, better way to elevate your baseline health.

Now, I will go on record and raise my hand saying that Kristen Carter needs to elevate her baseline health because cooking, eating planning consistently following dietary recommendations, not something I’m good at. That’s not something I care very much about. And so I was noticing that my health was waning because of it. And aging one has made such a difference. Now I’ve gotten my team hooked on ag one and my executive assistant, Heather. She has joked that she thinks that I am doing this strategically so that she gets more work done because she notices such a big difference in her energy, that she thinks that I am strategic about encouraging her to take ag one as well because she is more productive, and she feels more energetic when she drinks it. So if you’re like me, and you are feeling groggy, and maybe a little less energetic than you want to, you are going to need to check this out. And if you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with ag one, try ag one and get a free one year supply of vitamin D 3k. Two, and five, free ag one travel packs with your first purchase. This is a great deal. Go to drink, ag one.com/i have ADHD, that’s drink ag one.com/i have ADHD, check it out.

Alrighty, so let’s reveal key steps to building self trust. Number one, it’s like 700 steps in one. So I apologize for that. But number one is begin to validate your needs, begin to validate your feelings and your experience or perception. Number two, which we just talked about is forgive yourself and make amends with yourself for your past mistakes. And step three is get to know yourself better, and only commit to what you want to do. And in addition to that allow yourself to pivot when necessary, without judgment. Now, here’s the thing, and I think talking about following through is so important. So many adults with ADHD say, I can’t trust myself because I don’t follow through on what I say I’m going to do. And I just want to call BS on that. Because we follow through on the things that we care about and the things that we want to do. However, we commit to things that we don’t care about, and that we don’t want to do. And then we shame ourselves for not following through. So in my professional opinion, people with ADHD struggle with following through not because they can’t be trusted, but because they don’t have a healthy sense of who they are, what they want, and what they need. So if you like me grew up in an environment or a society where your needs were dismissed or demeaned. Your emotions were dismissed.

And sometimes you were even punished for having emotions. Your perception and experience of the world was often invalidated. You were called crazy or dramatic or annoying or sensitive. You were not encouraged in your gifts and your strengths weren’t like realized, you were shamed for mistakes that you made, then, if you grew up like that, it’s quite likely that you never developed a healthy sense of who you are, or what you need. Because what was safest for you was to try to be like everyone else, trying to be like everyone else meant less rejection, less being alone, less negative feedback. And so it was safer. It worked out better, to try to be like everyone else. Okay, not having a healthy sense of self or a true picture of what you want, or a healthy dose of self trust means that ADHD is often make these mistakes.

And I wonder if you resonate with this, it each year is often agreed to things outside of their capacity to appease other people. Yeah, sure, I can do that. Yeah, no problem. Yep, I’ll be there. We don’t want to disappoint someone face to face. We don’t really have a healthy sense of our time, or what we want or what we need. And so we agree to things that we don’t actually want to do. We don’t have the capacity for that makes it hard to follow through. Right? We don’t recognize when we’re tired or worn down or need a break. And so inevitably, that will result in us having trouble following through. We think that our lives should look like everyone else’s lives. And therefore we tell people that we’re going to do X, Y, Z, or we tell ourselves that we’re going to do X Y, Z Even though it’s not realistic for us as ADHD errs and was probably not even something we want to do just something we see other people doing so that we think we should do it that makes it hard to follow through, we try to make other people happy, and do what they think is the right thing. Because we have an external locus of evaluation, we’re more concerned with what other people want what other people need from us and less concerned about our internal world, who we are, what our capacity is, and what we need. And let me tell you, this makes it so hard to follow through. So here’s the thing, what if instead of trying to get yourself to follow through on every unreasonable thing that you commit to whether outwardly or inwardly to yourself, you instead, purpose yourself to see and validate and know yourself, and develop a sense of trust and belief within yourself, that you won’t agree to? Or make yourself do anything that you don’t want to do? I mean, how delicious, does that sound?

And I know it, maybe you’re thinking Hang on outside of reach, it’s not as out of reach, as you might think it is possible. What if instead of shaming yourself for not following through on all of the crazy things you commit to you just decide not to follow through with anything that doesn’t align with who you are? And with what you want? Remember, you’re looking internally now, more than you’re looking externally? That is the goal. Like what if you’re not actually bad at following through? Have you? Have you ever considered that? What if you’re not bad at follow through? What if you’re just bad, quote unquote, bad at only putting things that you care about? On your list? What if you’re not bad at follow through? What if you’re just bad at saying no to people, because you don’t want to disappoint them. So you’ve got too much on your list, and no human in your shoes would be able to follow through on all of it. What if you’re not bad at following through? What if you’re just bad at validating your own needs and your own emotions and understanding your own capacity? Ah,

I just want you to know that if you can purpose yourself to develop a healthy dose of self awareness and really get to know yourself, without invalidating yourself, without demeaning yourself without saying, You’re being too needy, you shouldn’t have to rest you should be able to do this because everyone else can, if you really got to know you, and you really believed yourself, and you really committed to listening to who you are, and what you want. And what you need, your follow through, would go through the freaking roof. I guarantee it, I Guaran. Tee it, because you wouldn’t be committing to everything that everyone else wanted from you. You wouldn’t be committing internally to the things that you think you should be doing. You would instead be grounded and purposed and rooted in a deep knowing of who you are, and what you need, and what you can reasonably follow through on. I have such a good sense of what I can reasonably follow through on that I say no to almost everyone, and almost everything. And guess what? People don’t like it. I don’t want to tell you. But that’s mostly true. If you want to love it, it’s inconvenient for them. But because I am developing an internal locus of evaluation, which is I believe myself, I trust myself, and I am prioritizing my own needs over the needs of other people. When it comes to making decisions like putting things on my calendar. I always feel like I need to give the caveat of like, Yes, I’m a loving and giving person. But I do not do that at my own expense.

There is a way to honor and love other people without losing yourself in the process. And that is what I want to teach you. So what if self trust is not I trust myself to do every single thing and I honor my word, and I can make tons of unrealistic and unreasonable commitments. And I’ll follow through on all of them. That’s not self trust. No, no, no, no. self trust is I know who I am. I know what I need. I know what my capacity is. And I know I will follow through on what is most important, and I want to tag on the end here. Gosh, it’s really hard to fit like an entire course into a 45 minute podcast, but I am trying so hard. I want to tag on the end here that self trust is, I trust myself that if I need to pivot, that if I have committed to something that ends up being not the right thing, or outside of my capacity, I trust myself to pivot. I trust myself to change my mind. I trust myself to not make myself do it just for the sake of saying that I followed through. I mentioned this last week, but there is nothing more toxic than hearing a coach or some sort of like self help guru say, you have to honor your word to yourself. That is some no typical BS that I do not subscribe to. Because what we need to honor is how we’re doing today, how can I take care of myself today? How can I believe myself today, I’m not going to honor a word to myself if it’s actually not in my best interest long term. If I start down a road, and I realize, oh, this is not actually what I thought it was going to be, or this is not the road that I actually want to be on. I trust myself enough to pivot.

And I honor myself like I, I believe myself, when I say like, I can’t do this, this is not I’ve done the cost benefit analysis, and it doesn’t work out. I believe myself, this kind of circles back to the worksheet that I have on decision making, because it’s like a cost benefit analysis is so important. And using my logical brain of like, well, I thought it was going to be like this, but it’s actually ending up like this. I’m gonna let myself pivots. I’m gonna let myself pivot. I trust myself to commit to do things that I want to do. And that are within my capacity. I trust myself to prioritize the short term discomfort of saying no, so that I don’t have to endure the long term agony of not following through. I trust that I will always pivot if I noticed that I can’t get something done. And I will listen to my needs. And I will ask for help and support and make a plan or give myself the freedom to change my mind that is self trust. Okay, so this is where we circle back to number one self trust is like this circular thing that happens, I’m not going to be able to do all that. If I don’t start validating myself, if I don’t believe myself, if I don’t trust that my experience matters, if I don’t validate my emotions and my needs and my experience, right, so we’re doing a full circle here. Step one, begin to validate your needs, feelings, and experience. Step two, forgive yourself and make amends for your past mistakes. Step three, get to know yourself better and only commit to do what you want to do.

And listen, I know that this is a whole this the whole thing. This is why I have a whole course on it. Because this is this gonna take time I get that. Number four circle back around to step one where you’re validating yourself, believing yourself and sitting with your emotions as a real and valid experience. I want to help you make 2020 for the year that you begin to trust yourself. I know that I have a beautiful roadmap that works amazingly for the ADHD brain and I will walk you through it step by step, and you will be so held by me and the entire community. So come join us in focused use the promo code self trust during the week of December 26 to December 31 to get $70 off your first month’s membership, I cannot wait to welcome you in. I cannot wait to walk this journey with you. If you’re listening after the fact that’s no problem. This course is available to you immediately upon joining. I cannot wait to talk to you next week. I’ll see you then.

A few years ago I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization productivity time management, emotional regulation. You know all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with, couldn’t find anything. So I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. And then I created focused for you. Focus is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program and I’m confident that you will to go to Ihaveadhd.com/focused for all details

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