Today we’re going to discuss psychology 101 – which, we are not really taught in mainstream education. But I think if we were, it would really change a lot of things for us. Ok, you ready? Now stick with me on this.
- Your thoughts create your feelings
- Your feelings create your actions
- And your actions create your results
So if you are not getting results in your life that you are happy with or proud of, you need to change your thoughts.
This is totally mind blowing
And all of us with adult ADHD are going to really struggle to look intentionally at our thoughts because that takes slowing down, being still, journaling, meditating, observing ourselves from the outside. This is like impossible for us, which I believe is why so many of us are not getting results that we want in our lives. Because we’re not paying attention to our thoughts.
So what I would love to chat about today are 5 beliefs that you may not even realize are damaging your results.
[00:00:00] Welcome to the I Have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement, and coaching for adults with ADHD. I’m your host, Kristen Carder and I have ADHD.
Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor, and challenges of adulting, relationships, working, and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from “point a to point b”.
Hello! Hello, and welcome to episode 11 of the I Have ADHD Podcast. I am so excited to be here with you today. I am medicated. I am caffeinated and I am so ready to roll.
I have been single parenting all. And I just want [00:01:00] to give a shout-out to all the single parents listening. You are my hero. I don’t know how you do it day after day without a partner.
And I just want to say that I think you are amazing. You are amazing. I. Did not function extremely well while my husband was gone, we made it. My kids were awesome. I mean, they’re lovely humans, but there are three of them. I am completely outnumbered three boys. There are a lot of like bodily functions and wrestling and all of these things that I am just like not, um, I’m just not odd.
Is it so hard? So luckily my husband came home last night now. Of course, he’s jet lagged. Fine. It is fine. So shout out to the single parents. You guys are my hero. One thing I realized when my husband has gone is that apparently I leave cabinet doors open. Like it is my job. Kitchen cabinet doors were open, like the [00:02:00] whole time that he was gone.
And I kept thinking to myself who was leaving these cabinet doors open. It is so annoying. Um, guess what? It’s me. I FaceTimed him and I was like, Do I leave cabinet doors open and he just rolled his eyes. He’s like, I’m constantly closing cabinet doors after you. That’s when you know, you have an amazing partner when he doesn’t even make a big deal about it, right?
Like he just closes the cabinet doors. I didn’t realize that that is something that I do constantly and he just closes those cabinet doors. So. Thank you, babe. You’re so kind. And if you don’t have a partner, yet you go find a partner. Who’s going to close the cabinet doors after you, without making a big deal about it.
Okay. That’s how, you know, when you have someone who truly understands ADHD and is just like cool with who you are as a person, they’re going to close those cabinet doors without making a big deal about. Okay, I’m off my soap box today. We’re going to talk about five beliefs that will change [00:03:00] your life.
And I cannot wait to discuss it because I think it’s going to be one of the most important episodes ever. But first I want to review, I mean, no, I want to read the review of the week and this comes from M car 57. And they say, personally, I do not have ADHD, but I love someone that does, and listening to this podcast has really helped me to understand more of what it’s like to be in their brain and figure out how I can help them to be the person they want to be.
When they may not be able to find the words to do it themselves. I started listening to this podcast to see how I could be of help to them and have learned so much already. But there is really something in this for everyone, whether it’s how to support an adult child, a dear friend, a spouse, a coworker, or even learn some strategies to help in our daily juggling act.
This podcast is [00:04:00] great for all. Oh my. Word, thank you so much. And I just want to say that one of the reasons why I’m here is because I think there is so little understanding in just in the world about ADHD. So the fact that, um, Podcasts is a valuable to people who don’t have ADHD, but can understand their spouses or their coworkers, or, you know, kids better.
That makes my heart so happy. So, so, so, so happy now, listen, if you’re not an iTunes user, The best way to show some love is to share the podcast on your social media. You can share the episode, you can take a screenshot and post it. You can send it to your family and friends. There are roughly 16 million adults in America today, and many, many, many more.
Worldwide with ADHD and I want to reach them all. I went to support them all. I want to tell every single one of them, how [00:05:00] amazing they are and how they deserve treatment and support. I don’t want to hold their hand and help them to succeed. So if you are an iTunes user, please be my friend and rate and review this podcast.
And if you’re not an iTunes user, the best thing that you can do is share, share, share, share, share. You know, better than anyone else that ADHD is a hidden disability. You never know who’s going to have it. Right. So if you’re thinking, well, no one else that I know has ADHD. You’re on a hundred percent wrong.
Lots of people have it. You just can’t see it. Right. You know that. So do me a favor and share it. And let’s be friends with the whole world. Okay. Today. Episode 11, we are talking about five beliefs that will change your life. And I’m so pumped about it. Now as a person with ADHD, I don’t spend a lot of time analyzing my own thoughts and my thought patterns, but lately I’ve learned a lot [00:06:00] from Brooke Castillo and she is all about recognizing our thoughts and thinking on purpose.
So I want to share with you a little bit about what I’m learning. From Brooke, shout out to Brooke Castillo. Thank you for changing my life. Okay. So let’s first start with discussing psychology 1 0 1, which we’re really not taught in mainstream education, but I think if we were, it would change a lot of things for us.
Okay. You’re ready. So now stick with me. Here we go. Psychology 1 0 1. Your thoughts, create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions and your actions create your results. So if you’re not getting the results in your life that you’re happy with or proud of what you need to do is you need to look at your thoughts.
That’s like totally mind blowing to me. Now, all of us with ADHD are going to really, really struggle. [00:07:00] To look at our thoughts intentionally, because that takes slowing down, being still journaling, meditating, observing ourselves from the outside. This is like nearly impossible for us. Right. Which is why I believe so many of us are not getting the results in our lives that we want because we’re not paying attention to our thoughts.
Your thoughts, create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions, your actions create your results. So what I want to chat about today are five beliefs that you may not even realize are damaging the results in your life. If you believe these five things. And I think many of us do tend to believe them, your results are not going to be what they could be.
You’re not going to reach your full potential as a human. So we’re going to [00:08:00] discuss five limiting beliefs that I believe many of us carry around without even being aware, because we’re not great at being aware. Right. And then we’re going to discuss five new thoughts or beliefs that I’m going to invite you to choose, to think and believe on purpose.
One of the things that I’ve learned from Brooke is that we can choose to think things on purpose. I never considered that idea before we have so much power over our own minds and our own thought patterns. So much more power than we realize. And that means that we have a lot more. Power over our results over our actions than we realize.
So let’s start by discussing five limiting beliefs and then the new beliefs that we can choose to think and believe on purpose number one. So this is limiting belief. [00:09:00] Number one, ADHD. Isn’t that big of a deal. Do you know how I know that many of us think that. Because of our actions or rather our inaction.
If you’re not treating your ADHD every single day, then you don’t think it’s a big deal because your thought creates your feeling and your feeling creates your action. Or your inaction. So I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that many of you think that ADHD is not really that big of a deal. This is a limiting belief.
The reason that it’s limiting is that if you don’t take action every day and treat your ADHD seriously, then your results will be unfavorable. You will not reach your potential. You will not be consistent. You will not be able to manage your finances consistently. You will not be able to perform at work consistently.
You will not be able [00:10:00] to manage your relationships consistently. You will not be able to be consistent with anything because you have ADHD. So instead of thinking that ADHD is not that big of a deal, I want to invite you to believe what I consider to be the truth, which is that ADHD is 100% real and it’s a debilitating disorder that will ruin your life.
If it’s not managed properly. Some of the most prestigious scientific based organizations in the world conclude that ADHD is a real disorder with potentially devastating consequences when not properly identified, diagnosed and treated. These include the American medical association, the surgeon general of the United States, the national Institute of.
The national Institute of mental health, the center for disease control and prevention, a 2002 international consensus statement on ADHD by roughly a hundred [00:11:00] scientists from the international community, American academy of pediatrics, American academy of child and adolescent psychiatry, which let me just insert here.
It’s important that these childhood. Sources are taken seriously because you don’t outgrow ADHD. Most people diagnosed as children still face adverse affects as adults. Okay. So we need to take this seriously. And lastly, the Mayo clinic also, um, yeah. Is one of the medical organizations that says, Hey, ADHD is.
It is 100% real. Now listen to me very closely leanin, come on, turn it up. You don’t need anyone to validate your ADHD for you. You don’t need anyone in your life to tell [00:12:00] you that it’s real in order for it to be real. It Israel it’s scientifically proven to be real, regardless of what your spouse or your parents or your friends thing.
ADHD is scientifically proven to be real. And you don’t need anyone to validate that if you’d like some resources to send to your family and friends, you can absolutely go to the show notes. Episode, you can go to, I have adhd.com forward slash five. The number five beliefs that I have adhd.com forward slash five beliefs.
And there I have linked some articles that have compiled the scientific evidence for ADHD. But let me say again that you don’t need. Your mom’s approval of ADHD in order for it to be real, you don’t need your spouse to validate ADHD in order for it to be real. It is real. Okay. So stop looking outside of the [00:13:00] medical community for validation, for your ADHD.
Stop it. The medical community, the psychiatry community has validated it and therefore it is real. Okay. So let’s review limiting belief is that ADHD is not that big of a deal. The new belief is that ADHD is a debilitating disorder that will have devastating consequences when not managed properly.
Therefore your action should be to manage it properly, right? Because your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions, your actions create your results. All right, friend, let’s move on. Number two, limiting belief. I’m only worth as much as I can achieve. Or my value comes from my achievements wrong.
This is completely [00:14:00] flawed. Your value does not come from your achievements or what you can do or what you can offer the world. If you believe this, you will constantly feel inadequate because your thought about it will create feelings. Right. So if you believe that your value comes from what you do or what you achieve as a person with ADHD, you will constantly be messing up.
That just is what it is. Right. So when you mess up, you will then feel worthless. And when you feel worthless, what action does that produce? Right. Nothing good. Your thoughts, create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions. So if I believe that my value is measured by my achievements, but then I have trouble achieving because I have ADHD.
Then I feel worthless. And what happens when we feel worthless, we get depressed. We can’t function. [00:15:00] We embrace self destructive behaviors. We don’t talk to anyone, stopped taking care of ourselves. And we’re just a hot mess. Now I want to invite you to believe that your value is intrinsic. It’s inherent.
You are valuable not for what you do or what you achieve or your diagnosis or lack thereof. You are valuable because you’re a human, you’re a person with a brain and a heart and a soul. Now I’m a person of. And I believe that God created us because he loves us. He wants a relationship with us and he created us for a specific purpose purpose.
You don’t have to do anything to be valuable. You don’t have to achieve anything to have worse. You are valuable. I wish you knew that your value was intrinsic. I invite you to believe that you are so valuable, you deserve to be [00:16:00] treated for your ADHD. You deserve to spend the money on yourself so that you can live fully and reach your potential.
The limiting belief is that your value is measured by what you accomplish. And if you believe that you will always go through life feeling worthless because our accomplishments there like a rollercoaster, sometimes we’re awesome. Sometimes we’re not. And if you base your value on whether or not you feel accomplished, you are not going to be a person with a strong sense of self worth.
I invite you to change your belief. And the new belief is I’m valuable because I’m human with a heart and a soul and a mind. Your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions, your actions, create your results. Hey, I know you hate [00:17:00] interruptions. And so do I, but sisters got to pay the bills.
So bear with me for one second. As I tell you about my website, I have adhd.com on it. You’ll find a psychologist approved list of symptoms and tons of resources for you or your family member who has ADHD. So make sure to go check out. I have adhd.com. Now, back to the show. Okay. Friends here is limiting belief.
Number three, I should be able to manage life like so-and-so does. Now, you know exactly who so-and-so is. Maybe it’s your roommate who you’re constantly comparing yourself to. They seem to have it all together. Maybe it’s a mom friend who can somehow get her three kids out the door every day. No problem.
She’s never late. She always looks cute and you just can’t help. But think that you should be able to. The same, maybe it’s a coworker who just seems to have their stuff together all the time. [00:18:00] They’re always prepared for meetings. They’re never late for work. They can always somehow manage to take on more and more projects and not get overwhelmed.
And of course they’re getting promoted. Okay. So the comparison game is not specific to ADHD. That is just something that all humans struggle with. And I would argue that it is a limiting belief for everyone. Since you ADHD friends are my humans. We’re going to talk about it in the context of ADHD. Dude, stay in your lane.
You are not the same as everyone else. You have a neurodevelopmental disorder that does not allow you to be the same as everyone else. So stop comparing yourself to neuro-typical people. When we compare ourselves to our typical friends, family, and coworkers, we immediately again feel. Well, for [00:19:00] me, it creates the feeling of inadequacy for you.
It might create a different feeling. So I want you to stop and think for a second. If you feel inadequate or whatever yucky feeling comes from the thought that you should be able to keep up with. So, and so what action does that produce for me? It produces inaction avoidance. I stop moving forward. Your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions, your actions create your results.
If you choose to believe that you should be the same as your typical coworkers or family or friends, it will create a negative feeling for me, that feelings inadequacy for you, it might be a different feeling. It could be frustration, resentment. I mean, think of all those feelings and those feelings are [00:20:00] going to result in an action or an inaction like avoidance depression, or taking on more than we should just to try to prove ourselves to ourselves.
Stop it stop comparing. I want to invite you to celebrate other people’s abilities and accomplishment and choose to celebrate the differences between you and so-and-so, you’re not the same. So stop trying to be, enjoy yourself. Enjoy your brain, manage your expectations of yourself. Don’t make them the same as your neuro-typical friends.
Now, this is something that’s been really important for me recently. And I wish that I could have understood this thought pattern earlier, but something that’s really changed things for me is allowing myself to have good days. And bad days or as I like to call them [00:21:00] on days and off days now everyone in my life has good days and bad days obviously.
But for some reason we ADHD years make our bad days mean that we are failures. Well, this needs to stop, understand that you will have super productive days or time periods, hours, you know, where you’re super, super productive, but then you’ll have a day or two where you don’t seem to get anything done at all.
Don’t make that mean that you’re an inconsistent failure. You’re not, you’re a human, you’re not a robot. You can not perform at the same level all the time. You need to take care of yourself on your off days. You need to listen to your body and your brain and you need to. And you need to take advantage of your motivated days.
When you notice that you’re in a season, an hour, a day of productivity, you need to kill it. You need to go for it. You need to really, really go for it. [00:22:00] This is how I think the ebb and flow of ADHD allows us to be eventually. Healthy productive, accomplished humans. If we really take advantage of our on days and we take care of ourselves and we’re kind to ourselves on our off days, we will eventually reach our goals.
So the limiting belief is I should be able to manage my life like so-and-so does. And the new belief is I’m on my journey and I’m going to take care of myself. Your thoughts, create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions, your actions, create your results. Limiting belief. Number four, I have it worse than everyone else.
Now this is not true. Everyone’s struggles. It’s not just. We allow ourselves to be paralyzed by the thought that we’re the [00:23:00] only ones that mess up. We’re the only ones that have bad days. We’re the only ones that are ever late. We’re the only ones that ever don’t finish something on time. Uh, fear of mine as I encourage you to take ADHD seriously and really embrace it is that you’re going to start to feel sorry for yourself and make excuses in your life.
There’s a very fine line between ADHD being an excuse that holds you back or ADHD, being an explanation that propels you forward, you get to choose which one. You get to consciously make the choice. Is ADHD going to be an excuse that holds me back or is it going to be an explanation that propels me forward?
Listen, everyone’s life is hard. No one has it all together. Don’t make your ADHD mean that you get a pass that you can bow out of obligations that you don’t have to take life [00:24:00] seriously. That’s not at all the message. I want to communicate ADHD. Isn’t, it’s an explanation. It’s like a diving board. You should Swan dive into a pool of support and coaching and medication and supplements where you can really get the help that you need so that you can get the results that you want out of your life.
Don’t make excuses. If you feel yourself starting to make excuses, I want you to go look up Gary V and listen to his podcast for about 10 minutes and you will be punched out of making excuses. This man is like the king of. Everybody has it hard, don’t make excuses. And I am sure that he struggles with his own attention issues.
If you follow him at all or listen to him long enough, you will know exactly what I mean, but he’s created an amazing, amazing empire of [00:25:00] companies. And it’s so awesome to watch. And he’s all about work hard and don’t make excuse. Okay. So ADHD is an explanation that should lead you to seeking either medication or supplements or naturopath support therapy, appointments, coaching, but it’s not an excuse that should hold you back.
All right. So your limiting belief that a lot of them. Tend to believe when we’re in an unhealthy place is that I have at worst when w than anyone else that no one else struggles the way that I do, but your new belief should be everyone struggles with something. My life is no harder than anyone. Else’s no excuses because your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions and your actions create your results.
Okay, we’re on the home stretch. Here’s number five, limiting [00:26:00] belief. Number five is it’s too late for me. Oh, man. This thought makes me want to cry. And if you’re thinking and feeling this right now, I want you to just lean in and let me hug you. It’s not too late for you now. Statistically speaking those of us with ADHD.
Are much likely to be divorced, have relationship issues, be in debt, have major financial issues, be unemployed or have under achievement or low achievement at work. Have a past history of car accidents have trouble with the law and imprisonment. I’m sure that some of my listeners have spent some time in jail.
It just is what it is. Statistically, I’m having trouble saying that word, statistically speaking. That’s just the truth. But listen, when I tell you that it’s not too late for [00:27:00] you, as long as you are breathing, you have time to change the course of your life. Here’s something that I want to say. We get to choose what we make our failures, meaning.
I think about that we can make our failures and mistakes mean that we’re losers, that we can’t get our crap together, that we’re never going to amount to anything that it’s too late to do anything worthwhile in the world. And so often that’s what we choose to make our failures mean. And since we know that our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings create our actions and our actions create our results.
What kind of results do you think? Cause. From those thought patterns. Seriously. Think about that. But what have you intentionally chose? What have you decided today to make your failures mean? Something else? We can choose to look at our failures as a learning [00:28:00] experience, we can choose to look at our failures as an opportunity to change.
We can look at each mistake as a time to pivot and grow. We can see each embarrassment and trust me, I know there’s been a lot of embarrassment in your life. We can see each embarrassment as proof that we need treatment and an invitation to work harder to take care of ourselves. Failure is an opportunity to learn and try again.
It’s an opportunity to pivot, to change direction. It’s an invitation do not be afraid of failure. Do not make failure means something that it doesn’t have to mean. You get to choose what you make your failures mean. You get to decide. You can do hard things. Don’t make excuses. Okay. Don’t make your failures mean something that they don’t have to mean, except the consequences for your mistakes, and then choose a [00:29:00] different path.
Listen, my friends, if you decided today to believe these five things, your life will change for the better. Number one, ADHD is real and it needs to be treated. Number two, your value is not measured by your achievements. Number three, you’re on your own journey. Number four everyone’s life is hard. There is no need to make an excuse and number five, it’s not too late to make a change.
If you chose to believe those five things and really consciously weave them into your everyday thought patterns. I know that your life will change because your thoughts. Create your feelings and your feelings create your actions and your actions create your [00:30:00] results. I cannot wait to hear how your lives change as you begin to embrace these new thoughts.
I hope you have a great week. Thanks for hanging out with me. I’ll see you next time. Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, would you do me a huge favor and rate it, review it and share it on your social media. There are at least 16 million adults in America with ADHD and many, many more worlds.
And I’m a, nobody, I don’t know how to reach these people without your help. So do you want to help me change the world rate review and share this podcast so that more adults with ADHD, get the resources and help and support that they need. Thank you so much.