This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. You know that moment for me, it’s around like 2 or 3pm when my ADHD brain just decides we’re done for the day. We’re done here. The afternoon slump hits, the lights go off upstairs and suddenly answering an email or doing basically anything feels like climbing a mountain. That’s when I reach for Cure Energy. It’s a clean plant based energy drink mix made with 100 milligrams of natural caffeine and electrolytes so I get the focus and hydration boost I need without jitters, without a crash and without that like I drink battery acid. Vi vibe that some of the energy drinks have. The peach tea and akai berry flavors are my current go to’s crisp, refreshing and they don’t taste fake y’. All. They don’t taste fake. I’ll drink one before recording a session or when I need to get help through like that afternoon drag. And honestly I I drink it anytime. My brain just needs to cooperate. What’s wild is that Cure Energy is only 25 calories and has zero added sugar. It actually helps me stay hydrated while giving me energy. Okay, I love coffee, but coffee could never Staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, it tastes great and it actually works. And remember, Cure is FSA HSA approved which is amazing. You can use that money to pay for cure and for I have ADHD listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@cure hydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD and if you do get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really helps to support the show. Don’t just drink more, upgrade it with Cure. Holidays mean feasting From Cheddar biscuits to French toast bakes Herobred has you covered with 0 to 5 grams net carb and high fiber options to ensure your holidays stay delicious and balanced. Like their 3 grams net carb pain au chocolat, Herobread is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co and use code fall25 at checkout. That’s fall25EROCO. All figures are per serving of HeroBread contains up to 17 grams of fat per serving. See the product nutrition panels on Hero Co for more information. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristin Carter And I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. Disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’re listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 133. I am medicated, I am caffeinated, and I am ready to roll. I’ve got an amazing show for you planned today. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I have my team here to discuss what it’s like to be behind the scenes and support someone with adhd. This episode is going to be perfect for those of you who are entrepreneurs or business owners or maybe even those of you who have day jobs or are staying at home, but you want to hire out your frontal lobe. I highly, highly recommend it. And that’s what we’re going to be chatting about today. I truly believe that each of us humans, but specifically ADHDers, has a secret sauce, something that we are absolutely brilliant at. And if we can spend as much time in that zone of genius as possible and hire everything else out, then we will be so much better for it. We’ll have so much more fun. We’ll enjoy our experience of life so much more and more. We will make a greater contribution to the world. It’s no secret that for most of us with adhd, some hard things can be really, really easy. We’re amazing at intricate hard things, but things that should be easy are often really, really hard. And what I notice is that a lot of my clients spend their time and energy and emotional capacity trying to do the administrative things that they label as easy things, and then they spend so much effort on that they don’t have anything left over to give to the secret sauce. Brilliance. Hard things. So that’s what today’s episode is about. Being willing to be vulnerable enough to surround yourself with a team who can do an amazing job with the things that you suck at so that you can totally thrive and shine in the areas that you are meant to make your biggest contribution in the world. I’m so excited to introduce to you my team, people that I absolutely adore, who’ve been working with me and for me in varying capacities for different lengths of time. Welcome, welcome. So welcome to Christina and Felicia and Selena. Thank you for all being here with me today. So, Christina, Hi. Welcome. Why don’t you introduce yourself? So I’m Christina Craven, and I am proud to have been Kristen’s first hire. I’m an online business manager slash life coach, and I started with Kristen. I believe it was May of last year, and I was with you for, I don’t know, over a year. I mean, I’m still with you because I still. I coach and send the membership and things like that. So, yeah. Spent an entire year behind the scenes. And tell me, Christina, what it was like when I kind of, like, pulled back the curtain and was like, I need help. Well, first of all, you were probably one of the easiest clients to, quote, sell because you were so ready. I think that’s really important for people to hear. Like, you know, when you’re ready, like, you were, like, done great. Where do I sign? Like, you had reached the point where you were like, I cannot go forward like this totally with these tasks that were just kind of holding you back, I think. So that was really fun. And then you. It’s interesting because I don’t know if you have judgment for yourself around how you trained me, but you’re nodding yes. But I loved the way you were like, let’s just get on a call. And you downloaded in real time. So I think there might be pressure from just thinking of it from people who are listening, who are, like, thinking about outsourcing and, like, there might be a pressure from them. Them thinking like, oh, I have to have every standard operating procedure, everything I do written out so that I can pass it off. And while that would be amazing, it was just as easy for us, if not even better for me for us to get on a zoom call. And you just shared your screen and I documented. Right. So. Right. It was paid work. Great. Perfect. And we just went there and I was able to ask you in real time and see you do it. Then I had the video to refer back to, so it was actually pretty seamless. But I do remember a few moments that, like, I just hold near and dear to my heart that just made me love you. Like, I just connected me to you so much. I think you were getting ready to go out of town, and it was early days. It was like within the first couple of weeks. And I had a question, and it was like I had to get the answer. Like, you know, and so you were out running errands. I don’t remember what it was about, but the question was, like, I guess it was shined a light on an area that maybe it just wasn’t really a smooth task in the back end of the business. And you were, like, dying. You were like, I can’t believe that you are seeing this side of me, but it was just such this, like, pure. I mean, I was, like, crying, laughing because we were Marco polling back because it was just so endearing. And I just, from my perspective, it was just refreshing to have someone, like, not pretend, like, they were perfect and had it all together. Like, the back end of the business is not pretty. And while it can be improved always, like, the reality is. And I think, like, the judgment piece there, like, I just hope people can relate to that and recognize, like, okay, I don’t have to show up perfectly. And, like, my assistant is not judging me. I’m being a hot mess. That is going to be a theme throughout this whole conversation with all three of you because that is feedback that I get a lot from people when I suggest that they hire an assistant is that they’re like, I couldn’t let anybody see what’s happening. I would feel so judged. Or I would have to, like, pretend to be somebody that I’m not. And what I have found to be, like, so successful in the way that we’ve established all of our relationships, I believe is just me showing up and being like, I have no idea. I have no idea what I’m doing. Like, please, can I please pay you to do that? So, Selena, that brings me to you. Welcome. Tell me about yourself. Hi. Yeah, so Kristen actually was my first ever client. So that. Yeah. So, yeah, I am a VA slash obm, and I have been with Kristen for just over a year now. And I do the content creation, customer service, manage the membership, all those fun things. All of those fun things. And I think with you, Selena, first of all, you, like, made it seem like you had a million clients. So well done. Because I had no idea that you. That I was your first. And I just want to say with you, speaking of feeling afraid to be judged, I. When I handed over, because I hired you initially to just do social media. Yeah. That’s where it started. This is a very much like how it started, how it’s going situation, because now you’re doing, like, all the things. But I hired you to do social. And I just remember being like, I know that being consistent on social is a thing that we’re supposed to do, and I don’t know how to do that. And I’m never going to do it, and I don’t care that much about it, and I don’t want to do it, and you’re going to have to chase me down all the time. That’s another one, right? You’re like, okay, sure. It was really. That particular hire was really hard for me because I have a lot of shame, I think, around being so inconsistent on social media. And all you see from social media people is like, the way to grow is to be consistent. And I’m like, well, I’m never going to be consistent. And if I’m going to put it in priority list, like Facebook and Instagram is not high on the priorities. And so it’s very hard for me to care. And so what I’ve really liked about you is that I give you deadlines. Like, we made a plan and you post three times a week, but you are willing to come after me to get what you need in order to fulfill your deadlines. Can you talk a little bit about that? Yeah. I think the first time I ever did come after you to get something, I did feel a little awkward, I’m not gonna lie. But it is important for us to be able to get this done right. And you want your Instagram and Facebook to be consistent. And so now I don’t feel awkward asking for things. And you value that from me to. For me to be like, hey, friendly reminder, I need this today. And then you’re like, oh, yeah, I’ll put that on my list to do. So now it’s just like a normal thing where not that you all the time, it’s totally fine. Let’s be real. But it’s just like, it’s just something that if it’s not there for me, I have no problem reaching out to you. And it’s just. And you get it to me, and it’s kind of just like that. Respecting that we have for the both of us. Yes. Tell me a little bit more about the awkward feeling of, like that first time or two. Did. Did I make it clear? And I don’t actually remember, like, did I make it clear? Like, you’re probably gonna have to chase me for this. Do you remember that? Okay. Yeah. I’m just that type of person that just doesn’t want to kind of step on people’s toes, I guess. But I think in this role, I have totally evolved. Yeah. Knowing that that is important, that I do need to reach out to people if I need something. And it’s going to better the business as a whole. Totally. I love that perspective because I think that what all three of you do really well is you’ve connected to the vision of the business in a way where you really want it to succeed. And so I think all of you have this, like, okay. Kristin says that this Is the direction that we’re going. I can tell that she’s not going in that direction. So, like, let me help her course. Correct. And honestly, that is so, so, so, so helpful to me. And I think that’s a trust thing, but also a willingness for me to be like, share the vision. Invite you into my own weaknesses. I think, like, hey, I’m not really good at this. I’m going to need some help. And then for you to be bold enough to. To take those steps of, like, reminding and. And now. Yeah, I agree. It doesn’t feel awkward at all, But I remember those first couple times and me being like, thank you so much. Like, please keep doing that, please. Yeah. Because that’s literally what I need. I need someone to essentially nag. No offense. Sometimes I need to be nagged, and I’m not going to do it until it’s, like, it’s down to the wire. Yeah. All right, Felicia. Hello. Our latest addition and just most treasured team member. Felicia, thank you so much for being here. Tell us a tiny bit about you. Yeah. So my name is Felicia Broccolo. I am the newest team member. Been here for maybe less than six months, and I’ve worked for life coaches now for probably three or four years. And I’m super excited that I get to be the director of operations for Kristin. We made that title up, by the way. We did, totally. But I guess what it means. Yeah. Is I do a little bit of everything. I help with the processes, making sure that we have a process if somebody gets sick or if somebody runs away and gets married or if somebody is gone, that we have those exact steps that somebody else could come in and make sure everything’s running smoothly. I help with some, like, strategy stuff of just big picture. I also remind Kristen of plenty of things. I have reminders on my calendar remind Kristen. So. Yeah. Little. Little bit of everything. Yeah. I love that. When we developed your role, I remember. I remember having a conversation about, like, I really need someone that I can strategize with and bounce ideas off of and somebody that’s going to listen to me just word vomit all the things. And that is a really important part of this because for me personally, I know that I work well. When I’m strategizing and collaborating, My worst nightmare is to, like, have a great idea and then to have to put that idea into an email. I’m like, please do not make me do that. Like, I would so much rather have a conversation and bounce ideas back and forth and hear feedback and hear somebody Say, like, I’m not sure that’s gonna work. That actually really helps my br. To be creative and to do the things. And so I think that for people who relate to that, it’s okay to hire someone to just sit and listen to you talk and to just bounce ideas off of and to write things down while you are kind of in that brainstorm and creation mode. And then another thing. As the business grew, I knew we needed systems, and I knew that I would be the worst person on the planet to try to do that, and not just because, I mean, like, I think probably any of us could force ourselves to do it, but I don’t have an eye for it. I don’t. My brain just does not work in that linear fashion. And so when we were developing your role, that was a really big, important part, was having a neurotypical eyeball on the systems so that things are running smoothly and they’re happening the same way every time. And just like you said, you know, if someone were to leave the business, then we could replace them and have. And not have to download my brain again, the way that I had to do originally with you. Christina. What has it been like for you, Felicia, to create those systems? Has. How has that been? That’s pretty easy for me. I mean, I’ve. I’ve learned that before, and it’s kind of intuitive. It’s not a hard thing for me. So I think it’s perfect that I get to step in and do that, and you don’t have to struggle through that. And another thing that it made me think of, just this conversation so far, was you, like, being able to show up imperfectly. And it just creates, like, the best culture to show up as you are, not necessarily in a bad way, but just to be able to be who you are. And we don’t have to pretend like we’re perfect all the time, and it’s just so much more vulnerable and open and better. Hmm. I love that. Yeah, because it gives us permission to show up. I mean, I don’t want to say imperfectly, because I think we’re all striving for that perfection. We don’t want to be making mistakes and things. But, like. Like you said earlier, like, admitting when we don’t know something, I’m not going to pretend. I’m going to be like, you know, I don’t know, but I’ll find out. I’ll figure it out. I think that’s the key. And I love that you model that. You’re just like, I don’t know, there is so much that I don’t know. And I think that that is as somebody with adhd, we’ve felt shame for so long about the things that we don’t know or the things that we don’t do well. And so if you think about someone like in school having to manage all of the logistical things about being in school and then constantly feeling like you’re behind, you’ve lost things, you don’t know what’s happening today, like everyone else knows what they’re doing and you don’t. We create this Persona then for ourselves where we, we mask it, we pretend to know as like a literal survival technique. And I think that this transition into like acceptance of ADHD and identifying your real strengths so that you can also just say like, these are my weaknesses right here. And when I, when I identify my strengths, then I can be honest about my weaknesses. So I can say, even if you’re a stay at home mom and you’re like, ok, I’m amazing at connecting with my kids, I’m amazing at maybe homeschooling or doing crafts, but I know that I suck at like scheduling. And so even if you want to say like I want to hire out this portion because I know that this is a weakness of mine, that is such an amazing use in my opinion, of your resources, of your money, because then you can spend so much more time adding value to the areas that you really are good at. If I could make every single ADHDer on the planet hire an assistant, I would do it in a second. If I could just run the world, which I think I’d do an okay job at as long as I have you guys as my team. Okay, so I want to go back, let’s say that somebody has never ever hired an assistant. What do you guys think have been the best ways that you’ve interacted with clients? Clients where you’ve kind of like stepped in for that first behind the scenes reveal, you know, of maybe the back end of their business or the back end of their like logistical life. What tips can you give to someone who is considering hiring but feeling like I’m just too much of a mess? There’s no way that I can take this like chaos and give it to someone because it’s just too messy. I can start. I was just going to say the, what we talked about earlier is dropping this self judgment because all three of us have been behind the scenes in enough clients, businesses now to know that no one’s businesses run super cleanly. And I Mean, I have yet to work behind the scenes in a business where it’s been like, oh, my gosh, this is amazing, especially in the beginning. But then, like, now, like, the behind the scenes of I have ADHD is probably, like, amazing because you have the people in there doing those kind of tasks. But if it’s your first hire, then, like, drop the judgment. And I can’t. I had an. My other thing. Sorry, I lost the building. If it comes back, just let us know. Who else I think to kind of add on that is you’re. You’re bringing someone in to help you make that backend, I guess, perfect as you want to see it. Right. So without having that person to come in to support you, it’s going to be nearly impossible for you to try to do it on your own because you might not have the skills or even the time to do it yourself. So I think, like, along the lines of what Christina was saying is drop a judgment. The person who’s coming in to help you isn’t going to judge you. Like, she said, no one’s back end is perfect. So, yeah, I love that. Yeah. I think there’s a huge fear that an assistant is going to come in, kind of like maybe a teacher from school and be like, I cannot believe that this is happening. How are you even, like, running this place? Like, I really do think that we have this perception that an assistant is going to come in and have all of these judgments, when in reality, what I found is that all of you are really gifted administratively, but you also have, like, a helper gift to you as well, where it’s like, you like to take care of people. Well, Kristin, I remember when I was training Selena and then even when Felicia came on board, too, like, I was messaging you, like, mortified. And I would be like, saying to Selena, same things you would say to me, because I’m like, I might not have had it as clean either. I just kind of took it and then it was. I totally understand where you’re coming from, and it is embarrassing. But, like, your point, like, they aren’t judging us and they can make it better. Yes. That is huge. I think that point. We need to sit there for a second. I think that there’s a lot of people that think nobody can do it as good as I can. What. What might you have to say about that? Business owners who are like, listen, I don’t want to hand this over because I don’t think anybody can do it as well. I think in the beginning, it’s going to be a little bit messy with inviting somebody in, with training somebody to do those things that you’re doing. It’s supposed to be messy and expecting that because once it gets messy and then they think everything’s gone wrong and then they fire the assistant, we don’t get anywhere. So I think just having that expectation that things are going to be bumpy in the beginning and they’re supposed to, like, that means we’re doing something right. But that short, bumpy period is going to bring so much clarity and so much just relief, I think. And I think that really is a one time at the beginning. It’s a lot harder because when I came in, I feel like things were pretty good. And that’s because Christina and Selena had come in before me. So when I came, I was like, this is. This is great. I mean, yes, like I said, it’s still not absolutely perfect now that I’m here. It’s probably pretty perfect now, but it just. That period of growth, I think, gets a little bit smaller as. As we grow and get better. Yeah, I want to add to that. I love that concept. And I kept thinking about that when I was considering hiring at the very beginning. So, Christina, you came on May of 2020. And I remember just being like, it’s going to be so much harder for me to try to tell someone how to do it. I can just keep doing it. Like, I’m in a rhythm and yes, I’m burnt out and yes, it feels terrible, but, like, I know what I’m doing and I’m getting it done. And I remember my coach at the time really encouraging me to, like, what if you let it get harder for a month and then it makes it easier for the rest of eternity? And I was like, okay, am I willing to kind of quote, unquote, sacrifice one month of it being difficult for it to be easier forever? Yeah, I’m down with that. I’m okay with that. And that really is what happened, is it did take longer. I had to say all of the things. But I do remember saying we need some sort of system. So as I’m talking, I don’t ever want to have to say this again. And not in a mean way, but, like, I don’t ever want to have to tell anybody how to do this task again. So you make a note of how to do it and you put it somewhere where someone else can access it. And to this day, I don’t know where those places are. I don’t know. I have no idea. If somebody asked me for our SOPs, our system, I would be. I would say, I have no idea. I don’t know. I don’t know where it is, but I don’t actually need it. It’s for you guys and you guys need it. And so to be able to pass that along to each other, that’s been really helpful for me is to know that I only have to do it once. I only have to say it once, and then it’s done. Yes. I love that, Kristen. And I also, as you were talking, it reminded me of the early days and thinking through, I think another piece of that is lowering your expectations, which I know sounds not great, but it’s like, I think you were open to mistakes being made and just being like, this is part of the process. And I love what Felicia said. It’s supposed to be messy. Like, I love that quote. Like, yeah, this isn’t. You’re not. You don’t hire someone and all of a sudden they can read your mind. Like, that’s just part of getting to know each other, how you work and then the standards that you have, Like, I. So I think those expectations are huge. I love that. I think, Selena, you and I have done the most work on figuring out, like, how I want things done with Instagram and that kind of thing. And I want to talk about that process of what it’s like to work with someone who gives feedback that’s like, I don’t really like it that way. Can you change it? Because what I am hearing from people as I’m coaching them is I’ve hired an assistant. They don’t do it the way I want to do it. So I just have to go back and do it myself anyway. So now I’m spending my money and I’m still having to do the work. How have you. And I kind of navigated that. And what would you say to someone who is, like, taking those steps? Yeah. So it definitely was trial and error when we first started trying to figure out what exactly you wanted and what worked also. Yeah. So for the person who’s hiring someone and is not really seeing results or doesn’t know how to tell them that that’s just not what they’re wanting to see. I think they just kind of have to go about and just do it because your assistant isn’t. Can’t read your mind. And they’re not going to know that what exactly you want without you telling them. So I think, Kristen, you do a really good job about being like, no, I don’t like this. And I don’t take it personally. Right. So then I go back and make some revisions and then come back to you, and it’s like, oh, I love this, or let’s change this. And it’s just helped me learn throughout my time with you is what exactly you like. So now I would say there aren’t as many revisions as there used to be. And I think it’s all just a learning process. And to not take anything personally and not be scared to tell someone or hurt anyone’s feelings because it’s. This is a working relationship, and we all respect each other, and it’s just all, again, back to wanting what’s best for the business. Yeah, I love that so much. And I want to say to people who have felt like maybe you’ve had an assistant in the past and it just hasn’t, quote, unquote, worked out. And I think a big part of that a lot of times is, as the person who’s done the hiring, our unwillingness to tell someone, I don’t actually like it that way. Can you please change it? In my experience, everyone is willing to go back to the drawing board and to try it again and to make changes and revisions, But I think the discomfort that I have to tolerate being like, Selena’s the nicest human in the whole world, and she has the added bonus of being Canadian, which makes her even nicer. And, like, how can I, as this, like, Philly girl, come in and be like, no, don’t love it. Try it again. Like, I have often had to really tolerate the feeling of. What is that? Just that feeling of, like, feeling badly. Like, oh, I don’t know. But what I know and what I’ve seen as we have all worked together is the more that I can communicate what I like, what I don’t like, what works, what doesn’t work, and ask you to make changes, then you learn from those changes. And then, like you said, we hardly ever have that process anymore because we’ve spent so much time going back and forth with those revisions. Right. Yeah. I think what you said about communication, it is so important just having that open communication back and forth between myself and you. Like, it’s been a game changer, for sure. Totally. I think that a lot of adhders really hate to be told what to do. And so when we hire people, we project out onto the person that they are going to not want to be told what to do. And what I found with all of you is that the more that I can communicate, like you said, and give as Much info as possible. That’s actually what you want, right? And so, like, we’re literally hiring the opposites of us on purpose. Well, and you’re paying us. Yes. This is an exchange. This isn’t like we’re doing it out of the kindness of our hearts. Like, hopefully that gives people permission too, to also give the feedback. Like, yes, that is huge. And that’s another thing with the revision is like, it’s not like somebody makes a revision and they’re not paid for the hours that they spend making the revision. They are. And it’s totally like, it is always a mutually beneficial exchange. And I think that’s a really good point. Finding someone or someones who really do feel like it’s a mutually beneficial, like, bonus for both ends. That was a weird way to say it. Could I say it differently? Bonus for both ends. It’s a win win. Find someone who you feel like it’s a win win with. Oh, my gosh. Bonus for both ends. I don’t even know. Leave it in. Leave it in. Karen. Yes. Okay. You can. Okay, so here are some common things that I hear from people. The barriers that they tell me that they have to hiring an assistant. We’ve already talked about the one where people are afraid that their assistant’s going to judge them. What do you have? I’m curious about this one. Another thought that comes up a lot is that, like, I’ll have to answer to my assistant. Like, I won’t be able to just work the way that I want to work. I haven’t found that to be the case. Do you have any thoughts on that? When you are hired by someone, do you ever feel like they answer to you? Absolutely not. Never say more words. Felicia. Yeah, no, that sounds terrible for everybody, to be honest. When the job before this, I had just left because we were expected to reply to slack messages within 30 minutes. It doesn’t matter if it’s 10 o’ clock at night. And that just was a no for me as an assistant. I feel like it’s just super important to me that you have time to live your life. That ideally there is nothing that needs to be done immediately. And at times there are going to be. But I feel like the way that Kristen runs her business that works really well is that it’s okay if you’re at the gym right now. It’s okay if you’re with your kids right now. You know you’re going to get to it soon in a reasonable amount of time. But there’s not this urgency of if this isn’t answered within 30 minutes, then we’re going to have problems. And I think that is so important. And it leaves us room to live our life, to have that work, life balance and everything’s working really well because there aren’t a ton of fires. Yes. I will say to your point that it has taken me a year and a half to evolve into the person who doesn’t need an immediate answer. Because I think, oh, you’re giving me a questioning look. That’s interesting. So I think that I started out as being the person who needed immediate feedback. Do you disagree though, Christina? Maybe I don’t remember that. Or if. Or maybe I felt. Yeah, maybe I’ve. Maybe that we both felt that. Like maybe we both wanted that. But I, I agree with Felicia. I think that. And maybe this has been an evolution. I just have rose colored glasses on. But I, I think for you, you have to get it out of your head. You have adhd, you need to get out of your head. But the expectation was never like, why isn’t she responding? Like, I never felt that way. I might’ve responded perfectly in time, but. And oftentimes you’ll even be like, this can wait till tomorrow. You know, this is not urgent. But you had to get it out of your head. And yeah, I just, that’s. That wasn’t my experience. But I see how you might think that because your needs are being met. So you’re like assuming you. I felt like you were always there with an immediate answer. And that is something that I think I had that conversation with you, Selena, when I hired you. I just remember being like, I really like answers. Like, I really like to be responded to or something like that is. Did I say something like that? I don’t know why I’m having this like distant memory of like, I need to. I think maybe I had worked with someone briefly who wasn’t responding. I think I can answer that. I think it’s when we talked about like the company culture. Yes. And if people were taking like two days to respond, that is a non starter. And so you were like, we need to think through the culture of this company. And I think we all were probably very naturally just responding to because that’s the way we operate. Yeah. And then when that didn’t happen with some people, you were like, what’s happening? Yes. Okay. That is. It triggered you and you recognize, like, this is a value for me. It feels like I’m being ignored. And so like, let’s make this part of the culture. And it’s very hard for me to check something off my brain. Like, yes, I can dump it into Slack or write it in an email or something, but if no one is acknowledging it, like, even just an emoji helps me to be like, okay, they got it right. And then it’s truly checked off because it’s no longer my property. Like, it’s out there for you to take care of. And I do agree, like, it happened so naturally with all three of you. And when somebody comes into the business that it doesn’t happen naturally with, I am confused. I’m just like, I don’t understand what’s going on. What do I have to, like, tell you how to respond? Isn’t that just part of it? I don’t understand what’s happening. And so it did become something where we had to talk about it as a company culture. And yes, you’re absolutely right where this is a value. Like, I love a fast response. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing the task necessarily, but you’re even acknowledging, like, even you. Felicia yesterday reached out to me via text, which is so rare, and you’re like, hey, got some stuff going on. I just want to let you know I’m not going to be available for the next couple hours, but I’ll be working tonight. And that for me was so helpful because then I know I can continue with business as usual and put all my things here and you’re definitely going to get to it. That’s just so helpful to me. Yeah. And I feel like there’s that trust that you have with us now, too, that even if it’s not immediate. Yes. It’s not the end of the world. And I also think I. I’m like, oh, sometimes I’m slow to respond, but I think I’m fast to respond. Which is why when I. I’m like, I’m slow, but that’s probably just slow for me. Perfect. Like, you think you’re slow. And I’m like, no, it’s perfect. I just don’t feel that urgency with you of this needs to be done right now. Yeah. Or else. Yes. Like, the dread of getting a notification from a client that we can all relate to. Yeah. You don’t feel that with Kristen, right? Yeah. But it’s the communication, the trust, the expectations, all those things. And that trust does take time. And so if you are just starting out with somebody, communicating those needs of, like, I like to have a response within X amount of time. And I’d like to know that you’ve seen the thing. Like, again, those are things that you can say to someone. And I do want to say that we have had people come into the company where maybe we’ve communicated that, and it still hasn’t just jived. Is that a word? I think it’s a word. Right. And so it just. It didn’t feel mutually beneficial in ways. There’s a person outside my window walking a dog. What is happening? Sorry. That was very scary. That was a very ADHD moment. A little ADHD moment. Let me get back to you on my thing. We’ve had people come into the company where that didn’t really resonate with them. It wasn’t the way that they naturally worked, and it just wasn’t a good fit. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. You want to bring people who. It feels easy. Like for us, even though we’ve tweaked certain things and we’ve had conversations, and it’s always felt easy. And I want to say one more thing here, which is your assistant should blow your mind with how much easier they make your life. And that’s something that I’ve felt with all three of you. And you’re not in all, like, an assistant role, but you have all totally blown my mind with how much easier you’ve made my life. Even when we’ve had to go back and forth on things and I’ve had to say like, hey, can you change? This still made my life exponentially easier. And so if you do start working with someone and you’re just like, this is so much work. Like, this is. This is more work. It should never feel like more work. Other than that. Like, initial introductory period. It should be so easy. Like, working with you guys is so easy. That’s what I have to say right back at you, Kristen. You guys are like, I don’t. I know. I’m like, what do you want me to say? I don’t know what you want me to say. No, like, working with you is very easy, too. Like, the other way around, too. Like, you make it easy. Like, it’s. It’s enjoyable working with you because you communicate. You’re not afraid to communicate. And if you’re feeling weird about something, you’ll just be like, okay, I’m not really even sure how to say this, but this is what’s going on in my head. It can be as simple as that. Like, I think we kind of build it all up in our heads, like, projecting. Like you said, they’re going to hate this feedback. Whereas like, we want you to give us the feedback. So it’s like getting your brain to just be like, say this imperfectly, but get it out there. Because if you don’t, it’s never going to be the beautiful relationship you want it to be. Yes. Yeah, I do think that that is on the owner or the whatever person, the employer, to overly communicate, to say so many more words than you think you need to say. And I think as an ADHDer, we often hold back because we’ve been told our whole lives that we’re too much. You’re like, you’re too needy. You have too many questions. You’re too much. But really, I think I’ve found with these types of roles, if I can be a lot and just be like, here I am again. Like, I have all the thoughts, you guys can then synthesize that and take what you need. And you, because your brains work so much differently, you can prioritize it, you can organize it, you can categorize it in ways that my brain is never going to do. I love that. All right. What would you say to someone who’s worried that they’re going to lose control of their business? They hire someone to come in and do the back end, they’re going to lose control of their business. Is that mean? Right? Isn’t that kind of the point? Oh, I like that. I mean, you have to get into the mindset of letting go a little bit, like, and building the trust that they’re going to do and believe in the work. And I had written this down too. Like, they believe in the company and the vision of the company and you, obviously. But, like, it’s not just about you paying them a rate and they’re just doing the. You know what I mean? There has to be the bigger picture there. But yeah, I would say questioning that whole idea that, I mean, aren’t you. I mean, you. You have really let go of so much, right? Let go of the reins, let go of the control. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. So, yes. It’s so funny. I was sick. I was pretty much flat on my back in my bed alone in my bedroom for nine days. It was awful. And when I came back on Monday and you guys were like, yeah, like, we’re good. And I was just like, does anyone even need me around here? It was just fun. The business was functioning so beautifully without me. I literally was not needed. Except for coaching calls, which we, like, other people stepped in and we, you know, I had to cancel my one on ones and that was fine. But as far as like the business running, the emails going out, people being responded to, questions being answered, I wasn’t needed for any of that, which was an amazing feeling. And then also just a little bit like, what’s my job again? Why am I here? You guys have got it. It’s amazing. Yeah, I love that. And I think that you kind of passed some control to me in certain areas. Like, hey, here’s this marketing idea, here’s these emails, here’s this ad, here’s what about this? And being able to test it and to, you know, let me bring in some ideas and try some things and see what works. Yeah. Can be super valuable just to have another person’s perspective. Yeah, I think that’s a really good point. So obviously your first hire is probably going to be more like an administrative, like an assistant type role. As you grow, as your needs grow, as your company grows, hiring someone in that like operations management role, like you, Felicia, has been so amazing because what you’ve been able to bring to the table is experience. So like, for my industry, the coaching industry, you’re able to bring experience in that industry and be able to know like, okay, I’ve done this before, I know how other coaches are doing it and I am able to lean on you in a way that I’ve never experienced. And I would just really encourage anyone, like, maybe you already have an assistant or you’re ready to expand your team, finding someone who can be in a management role who’s an expert in your industry or at least has experience that you can let go some of that creative vision strategy. And even just like the weight of it, I don’t feel like I’m carrying the full weight of the vision. Does that make sense? So, like, when you have a team of assistants, there’s still so much on your shoulders as, like, okay, but it’s still me like thinking through the business, implementing the vision, like all of that. But when you’re ready to hire, like another level, it’s that weight being shared has been so helpful to me. So helpful. I think that’s a great tip, Kristen, in that, like the industry knowledge, really. And to your point earlier, point about like the brain dumping or the collaborative experience, I think. And an assistant could grow into that too. Yes, you could bring someone in. I mean, Selena’s a great example and she’s. I mean, I don’t know how much of the content creation is like you starting from scratch writing, but like, as you’ve learned, Kristen and the industry, like, that’s taking more off Kristen’s plate. So. Yeah. But I do like the idea also of bringing just someone in at that level that has the industry experience. Yeah. Selena, tell us about your experience of, like, evolving from. So you went from just purely Instagram and Facebook, and then where did you move after that? I think customer service. Yeah. What was that like? Yeah, so it definitely was different learning the other side of your business, because there is a lot in the I have ADHD business, which is a good thing, but it is a lot. But, yeah, no, it was definitely different. Just kind of communicating directly with your members and learning how you want your brand to be presented in a customer service way. So that was different, but it was good. I learned so much, and I just love being more in the membership and being involved, and it’s just what you do and your membership just. It just brightens up my heart. Is that even the saying. I don’t even know what it is. It’s just like, it’s what you do. And for me to be able to be a part of it and help you with it is just. I’m just so grateful. Yeah. See, guys, go find you. Go find you an assistant who just feels like it’s a privilege to be a part of your business. Right? Like, and that, I think, too, is when we can really know, like, what is it that my business does? Right? Like, when you can really identify your brilliance, your secret sauce, and you can communicate that to your team, then they start to see it, and then they start to carry out that vision and be like, okay, this is bigger than just an email. This is bigger than just a conversation or answering a question. So one of the things that stopped me or, like, it was a barrier for me to hire. And one of the things I hear it from people all the time is nobody’s going to be able to do it better than I can. Nobody’s going to be able to take care of my people. Nobody’s going to understand my people the way that I do. And I. I would just like to say, for the record, that is bs. I just remember. And Christina, I remember going into the email inbox because I really felt this urge, this need. This is at the beginning of working with you, being, like, are people. Like, is she responding to people? Are people being taken care of? And I think that’s legitimate. Like, of course we need to. When you first hire someone, you want to make sure they’re doing their job. You want to make sure that they are taking care of the things that you’ve asked them to take care of and that they’re not just like not doing the work, but I would go in and mess things up. And I’m so sorry. No, it was more. I mean, in the beginning, of course that’s part of like building the trust too. But I remember there were. I had like started a draft or two and you were like, hey, I just wanted to like let you know that this draft sitting there or you sent it or something. And I was just like, firstly, I understand why. But then I think within like four to six weeks, you were like, I don’t ever want to go in that box again. Because you trusted me. And it was. It was perfect because then it also empowered me. It gave me the permission to know that I was handling things, I was being professional, I was caring for your people. And I knew that you knew that. So I feel like we needed that. Like, you had to be in there because I’m not going to be like, hey, I responded to 10 people today and I did a great job. Like, I would never going to do right. But I really would go through. I mean, I remember at the beginning, like going into the scent folder, like, how is she talking to people? What’s. What’s being said? Because I care about my members so much, wanting to make sure that they are being cared for. And once I was convinced of that and I was like, oh, you’re responding to them right away, like on time. They’re not having to wait two days for an answer. They’re getting a response right away. Those kinds of things are what proved to me, like, okay, somebody else can actually take care of my people in this way better than me. Right. So, like, I fully believe that Selena is the best person to be in that focused inbox answering questions from members. It’s not me. It’s not. Because I’m going to be like, I don’t know. I don’t know how to respond to this email. I’ll just keep it unread for the next three weeks. You know, while I think about it, instead of having someone in there who’s neurotypical, who’s just going to be like, no problem, no drama, just answer it. Take care of the people. That’s been huge. That’s been huge. Yeah. And I think it’s just that building the trust piece and that just. Just back to Felicia’s point, like, expect it to be a little bit imperfect until you have that. Yeah. You as the employer and the assistant as the. Like, I had to figure out. It was clunky for me. Like, I Had to figure out that going into the inbox and like finishing emails that you had started, it’s not a great idea. I think it’s also helpful too. Like, for me, I started with your social media and then I started taking on more tasks too. And it kind of showed like, oh, Kristen does trust me too. And it gave me that confidence working with you as well. So I think kind of talking with someone who is looking to hire someone is to. And Kristen, you always did a good job of giving like feedback and positive feedback just so that they know they are doing a good job, which also helps the assistant and their confidence and helping out in the business. I love it. What’s the best way for someone who wants an assistant to find an assistant? That is a big barrier. People are overwhelmed. What’s the best way to go about doing that? What are your thoughts? In my experience, Christina found me in a Facebook group that we were both part of. It wasn’t necessarily an assistant group. It was just a group that we were both new people in. But with that being said, there are some amazing virtual assistant Facebook groups. So I would try first, just kind of networking and see if anybody knows anybody. And then second, I think Facebook groups are an awesome way. There are tons of people in there looking for jobs that are ready to go and have experience. Kristin, are you surprised? Yes. I would have never thought about that. Oh, Facebook is fine. Yeah, yeah. And you can also find a lot of people responding who maybe aren’t qualified. But I love that Felicia and I were in a group where it was kind of establish that there was a certain level of professionalism. But it’s also good to get not maybe necessarily posting like, hey, are you a virtual assistant? You want to work for me? Or maybe just saying, hey, does anyone have a referral? Because then you can kind of have that next level of like, okay, they’ve worked for someone before, you know. Yep. Love that. Are there any go to websites? I really don’t know the answer to that question, but like. Or is this just like easy googleable and people just need to do. Do it? I wouldn’t say it’s easy. I think that’s valid for people to feel that because I know even when I was hiring out for subcontractor work, like, yeah, so I, I just want to pause and like validate. Like, it’s not like it’s so easy. You can find one tomorrow. It is. The expectation needs to be set. Like, it is going to take some work. It’s no different than like, like, I’M trying to find a therapist right now. It’s no different than me having to cull through, do Google searches, go to my insurance. It’s just like those tedious tasks that we may not. Our brain may not want to do, but it can be done. And I think just one foot in front of the other, like, don’t give up until you’ve figured it out. That’s helpful. Yeah. I think just the determination there is what you’re talking about, like, being persistent enough to make it happen. I think having in mind the end goal, which is freedom, in my opinion. I think just knowing, like, this is the pathway to doing what I want to do. And so I agree with the referral. That has been huge. And all three of you have come from referrals to me, and that has always been the best way. And so putting it out on your social. Putting it out, Facebook, Instagram, asking entrepreneurs that you know or people who have assistance or just anybody connecting with somebody who has a track record doing a good job is huge. Yeah. And if somebody did want just a basic Google search, there’s a company that I’ve heard of, it’s called the Virtual Savvy, and they have a place where you can put your information in. And they have like a. They train virtual assistant. So there is some level of training, if that’s helpful. Just somewhere to start. Yeah. That’s where Selena and I got our start. Yeah. Serious. Yeah. They have a course and they’re actually working on a platform. It’s not ready yet. Where it’s going to be even more like, you can connect. They’re trying to bridge the gap between this huge pool of professional virtual assistants and different industries. But for starting now, I guess that’s the kind of the bridge place to go. I love that. I didn’t know. That’s so cool. I didn’t even know that. That’s so funny. Okay. Is there anything else? Did we miss anything? I don’t want to take any more of your time. Did you guys have your crazy. What? Has anybody asked you to do anything crazy? Oh, yes. Just for. I couldn’t really think of anything too crazy. Me either. Haven’t I asked you guys to do weird things? Come on. I mean, I get asked to do stuff, but it’s like, yeah, I mean, Kristen, you asked me to print off your workbooks or something. I don’t know. It wasn’t crazy. You were just like, I’m never going to do this. And I don’t actually think you ever picked them up. My Workbook for my life coach, school certification. No, you offered because you knew me. Oh, did I? Amazing. That’s a sign. That’s a good sign. That’s the thing. It’s like, gosh, you make my life so much easier. So you’re like, I know you’re not going to do this. You want me to print these off for you? Yeah. And like, an hour later, you said, they’ll be at Staples in Y missing tomorrow. Like, what? Are you serious? I think that is a good point to think about. Like, your person that you hire should be making your life easier. I love that. And, like, for them to, like, be like, hey, how can I always try to think, like, how can I help them? I am in that. That mindset. I’ve been asked to do some strange things, but I was thinking about this the other day. I would literally do anything. I know. I just like, if that helps you, great. I’m not above you know what I mean? Like, right? I’m not like, well, that’s not in my job description. I’m not like, what? Right? I mean, I don’t know. Maybe that’s kind of like Devil Roche, Prada, where she’s like, find the Harry Potter books and get my dog from the car for the dog wash. But, like, literally, I literally wouldn’t care. You know? Like, that’s what makes you such a valuable asset to a company, though, is your willingness to do whatever and your willingness to think ahead. Like, meet someone’s need before they even know it’s a need. But also, like, doing those tasks then frees up your brain to be in your zone of genius that builds the company that’s paying me, like, it’s like, all. To me, it’s all connected. It’s just that symbiotic, you know, kind of relationship you were referencing earlier. I don’t have any crazy stories that I can think about. Oh, man, I was really hoping you would. Dang it. I guess I want to end here. Do you think that it is different working with someone who has adhd has. What has that been like? Honestly? Honestly, for me, it’s been a good thing. I think, like I said earlier, it just allows us to show up human and not have to be perfect. And other people that I work for, like, my hair is in space buns and I’m wearing a cozy coat. And with other companies, it’s like, no, you need to look good. You need to be perfect. You need to, like, you have to be amazing 247 or that is it. And just the Ability to be able to not be perfect and to show up as you are and just know that it’s all okay. And we’re all like, we all have different strengths. Yeah. And mine isn’t looking as cute as Kristen does, and that’s okay. And I also think we, generally speaking, I feel like we’ve all worked for entrepreneurs, and I suspect that a lot of entrepreneurs have ADHD undiagnosed, or they act in that way. Totally in that. It’s just very. Lots of ideas. Because that’s right. Because that’s your. That’s the whole point. You’re growing this business. Um, so I don’t. For me, I just don’t feel like it was that different. Um, so I think it’s amazing. It’s fun. I love the variety and, like, the. Oh, no, we’re not working on that today. We’re going to work on, you know, like. And I think that that actually holds people back from hiring is like, well, I’m not consistent in what I want to work on, or I’m not, like, I can’t really, quote, unquote, be trusted with what’s going to come out of my mouth. And what you’re saying is like, yeah, that’s actually kind of cool. Like, that’s an asset. Yeah, it’s fun. Yeah. Yeah. I think. I don’t. I don’t really treat it any different working with you or someone who doesn’t have adhd or like Christina said, oh, we’re working on this today, or we’re doing this another day and all over the place. But I think that’s where we kind of come in, because it’s like, okay, well, let’s keep this written down and we’ll have it in our back of our mind does get done. Right. We’re there to help you when you’ve decided, let’s do something else. But then maybe forget about it. But then I come in with my friendly reminder with the asana emails. Yeah. Like, oh, crap, gotta go check asana. I love that because you’re right. It’s like, again, I want to position it as like, you’re hiring a neurotypical brain. You’re hiring someone who actually does remember stuff. You are hiring someone who knows how to prioritize and organize. And so when you do that, you can feel free as the adhder to kind of bounce around the things that feel most exciting to the things that you feel like are the most important that day. And you can trust that the neurotypical brain has the things stored in the places and you’ll never be able to find them. That’s okay. You’ll have to. I have asked you guys the dumbest questions like where do I find this XYZ thing? And you’re just like. I’m sure that you’re like, oh, my goodness. I did that to you the other day, Felicia. I was like, I know. You told me you did some research for me. I can’t find it. Can you tag me in it? And 30 seconds later there I’m like, I’ve been looking for this because I’m like, kristen, you’re a grown up. You can find it yourself. And then I was like, screw it, I’ll just ask her for it. And it was 30 seconds later you had tagged me in it and it’s like, okay, this is literally why I pay you money. Thank you so much because I am not going to be the person who knows where I put the stuff I got you. You just. I just use the search bar at the top for pro tips. See, Lisa, you’re giving away all your secrets. Sorry, rude. We give away a lot of free value here. Thank you so much for being here. I love all of you. You have made my life so much better. It is such a joy to be able to work with you in varying capacities and I’m really, I’m really excited for people to hear this because I know that they will be encouraged to go out and find people like you. Not you. It’s like off limits, off limits, but people like you. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Kristen. This was fun. Kristen, thanks for having us. Bye. Bye. Hey, adhder. I see you. I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated and like no one out there really understands the way that your brain works. That’s why I created focused focus. August is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself, feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study, be coached, grow, and make amazing changes alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit ihaveadhd.com focused to learn more.
