Kristen Carder 0:00
Buckle up and come along for the ride, because we’ve got a lot to talk about. I wish there were subtitles for real life, and I want to hear from you. I want to answer your questions. All right, let’s talk about what triggered me this week.

Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’ve tuned in to the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. It’s New Year’s Eve, y’all. It is New Year’s Eve. It is the week between Christmas and New Year’s where nobody’s wearing real pants. Nobody knows what day it is, nobody really knows which way is up or down. And if you’re kind of like floundering like the rest of the world during this week, I gotcha. I got you. We are going to be hanging out today for a solo show, and it’s gonna be fun as usual. This is the type of show where you’re just gonna need to buckle up and come along for the ride, because we’ve got a lot to talk about. And the first thing that is, like, really on my mind is, I think it’s important that we talk about auditory processing issues in adults with ADHD. Now, I’ve always known that auditory processing overlaps with ADHD. But I didn’t realize how pervasive this was until I posted a couple hysterical reels on Instagram, and the response that I got like they have over 2 million views. There’s a 1000s of comments like it’s hysterical so many of you resonated with it. By the way, if you’re not hanging out on Instagram with me, what are you doing? Come be my friend at I have ADHD podcast and let us connect. And I just want to say that these videos about the auditory processing deficiencies in those of us with ADHD were so resonant to so many of you that I was like, We need to talk about this on the podcast. So I just want to show you, play for you one of the videos that I had posted. The caption is a every ADHD ER with auditory processing issues. Now, let me just pause here and say not every person with ADHD struggles with auditory processing, but a lot of us do, and way more of you do than I thought, because the responses are hysterical. Don’t worry, I will get into what auditory processing is, but actually, maybe you will be able to deduce what it is just by watching or listening to this video, let’s go ahead and play it.

Video Clip 2:45
When he grew up, he started working with his father, but later and began traveling around the USA. He was greatly impressed by the scenes of the working slaves, and he worked as

Kristen Carder 2:59
opposed Okay, so let me explain what’s going on here. So the guy is watching TV, and he is processing just fine what’s being said on the TV, but then he looks away to grab his cup of coffee, and as he looks away, all of the sudden, the clear sentences that were being heard just a second ago while he was looking at the TV are now complete gibberish. And if that does not sum up the experience of an ADHD or who struggles with auditory processing, I don’t know what does it’s like we can hear, but we can’t hear. I’m just curious how many of you were taken to the doctor to get your hearing checked as a kid because your mom was like, the child cannot hear me? I will tell you that I actually did take my neuro divergent son. This is like I am, that mom. I took my neuro divergent son years ago, probably 1011, years ago, to the doctor, to an audiologist to get his hearing checked, because I swear, he could not hear me verbal. Oh, by the way, he could hear just fine. There were no issues with his hearing. And I guess he struggled with auditory processing a little bit. For those of us who struggle with verbal directions, somebody is telling you something verbally, but you’re just you’re hearing the words. You’re not processing them, we need to see it in writing subtitles. I’ve had so many people comment and say, I wish there were subtitles for real life, like I wish that humans just walking around. Came with subtitles. One of the really common experience that we have when we have auditory processing issues is I will give a personal example. My husband will say something. He’ll make a comment. I’ll say, Huh, after he’s done, and then he will be. Begin to repeat himself. But by the time he starts to repeat himself, I’ve already processed what he’s saying, and now I interrupt him with the answer. It is one of it is one of his favorite things about me, actually, is one of his favorite experiences when we have that type of interaction. Actually, that is a complete lie. He gets so frustrated. A lot of you said in the comments, or a lot of people commenting said that I always miss the first half of whatever someone is saying, and then they repeat themselves and I interrupt halfway through, because now I already know the last part of what they said. Another commenter on Instagram said, my boyfriend said, Can you pass the salt? And I’m sitting there thinking, Can I pass the salt? Can I pass the Oh, of course, here you go. It’s like you have to repeat the words in your head before your brain processes them. It is okay. It’s funny to talk about like this, but it can be really annoying. It can be annoying for us and it can be annoying for the people that we’re interacting with. Like, can you can you just listen? Can you just hear me the first time? Why do I always have to repeat myself so auditory processing disorder, and I’m not saying that anyone who struggles with this has actual auditory processing disorder, but it is a difficulty in the connection of the brain, so hearing the words and then processing what they actually mean. And auditory processing disorder and ADHD can lead to difficulty in understanding language, following instruction and remembering auditory information. So there’s a lot of overlap in the in the symptoms of the diagnosis. Both disorders can, of course, impact academic performance, particularly in tasks that require auditory processing, such as reading comprehension or following lectures, like how many of us grew up like sitting in school, just like listening to lectures and not really comprehending what was being said? Now what’s interesting is that you’re listening to a podcast and comprehending what is being said. So there is like, sometimes it’s a little bit selective, I think when our attention is not fully on the person, or maybe when you’re not able to see the person’s mouth, and like watch their lips, you it can be so hard to hear what they’re saying, which is so wild, because it doesn’t mean necessarily that their volume is any different, but It’s just your ability, your brain’s ability to process the information. When we were in COVID and everybody was wearing a mask, I I felt like I was hard of hearing. I could not understand people when I couldn’t see their mouths. And it’s not like the mask affected volume very much, but because I couldn’t see their lips moving and and like that little I don’t know, it just it was like a crutch for me, I guess, to be able to see people’s lips moving, I really struggled to process what people were saying. Maybe you find that in noisy environments, it your attention is so pulled to all of the different conversations that you really struggle to focus on the individual in front of you and and hear what they are saying. Now, there are a lot of differences, of course, between auditory processing disorder and ADHD. Living with ADHD, you have a lot of issues with attention and regulation, hyperactivity, impulsivity, blah, blah, blah that is not necessarily connected to auditory processing, but it’s so interesting how many of us at each deers really struggle to like not just here, but process what people are saying. So if you’re resonating with this, and you’re like, oh my gosh, this is exactly it like, this is, this is a huge struggle for me. There are a couple things that you can do. You can absolutely go see an audiologist and get your hearing checked, and they can identify whether or not you have auditory processing disorder and provide educational services, prevention advocacy, etc. Also, a speech language pathologist is someone that will be able to help with auditory processing treatment. And you know, Google says that psychologists and teachers and physicians can also identify and help treat, but I would honestly stick with an audiologist or a speech language pathologist, because I think those are the most specialized professions. And just know that like this is a common experience. Like this is a very common experience for people with ADHD. I can’t. I explain it any better than to say I can hear, but I can’t hear. It’s it’s not about hearing the sounds. It’s about processing the information. And so sometimes you’re just going to need to give yourself an additional minute or so couple seconds to process the information. What I what I am trying to do now with Greg, he’ll say something, and instead of impulsively immediately saying huh, I try to just wait, like give myself a breath to see if I can figure out what he actually said. I just, I just try to just give myself a second, because I know that it’s helpful to him if I’m not always saying, huh, and it’s also helpful to me to just remember, like, hey, I can pause here and take responsibility for my own deficiency and see if maybe I can make a change so that that has been really helpful. It doesn’t work all the time, but it does help. In general, it does help another thing, and maybe this is just because I am 43 years old, but like, I have started to use subtitles in when we watch TV, not all the time, but about a lot of the time, especially if the kids are around, and I am struggling to to, like, focus on what’s going on in the TV. I’m gonna, I’m gonna put those subtitles on you. Better believe your girl is watching with subtitles, which is another adjustment that my my husband has had to make, because he don’t love those subtitles. They’re a little distracting to him, but, um, turning up the volume doesn’t always seem to help, especially if somebody on the TV has an accent that I’m not used to, using Subtitles can be really, really helpful. If you’re experiencing this at work, it can be really helpful for you to request written instructions. So if your boss or your manager, your superior, or even just a colleague comes to you and is giving you verbal instructions, you can just pause and say, I appreciate this, but it would be really helpful to me if you put this in an email or whatever you use, like maybe slack or something. Can you write this down for me, because I’m not going to remember what you’re saying, or you can take ownership for that on your own, and you can write it down as they’re talking to you, but you’re going to need to write it down. You’re gonna you’re gonna need to write it because there’s a couple things at play here. First of all, you’re distractible. Second of all, your working memory is trash. And remember, your working memory is the ability to hold something in your mind long enough to use it. And so if someone’s giving you verbal directions, or if someone is giving you the code to the alarm, or whatever the case may be, it is hard for you as an ADHD or to hold that information in your mind long enough to use it. So that’s not auditory processing, that’s working memory. But then if you add in an auditory processing issue, and you’re just like, I’m not comprehending what you’re saying, that’s just an additional deficit, right? And so we’re working with a lot of deficits. It’s not a problem. This is just our lot in life, but you gotta figure out how to manage it. Okay, so writing everything down is going to be paramount. Another thing that I suggest you do is in the moment, say to your person, your your friend, your partner, your spouse, your colleague, hang on. I’m processing like I just need a moment pause on processing, because your brain likely will catch up, right? It’s just like, it just needs that minute. There’s like, just like, that lag. That lag even the most intelligent impulsive, like quick ADH deer, will sometimes have a lag when someone’s talking to them, giving them verbal instructions, asking them a question. And so I’ll just be like, wait a second, what? Hang on. I’m processing. And I have also began to explain to Greg, here’s why I say what, all the time, or here’s why. I say huh, so often. So I’ve told him, like, listen, I know this is annoying, but I’m not doing it on purpose. I’m struggling to process what you’re saying. So that’s just I mean being in a partnership means trying to figure out how to work together, even when one person finds something difficult that an another person finds easy, right? Like that is part of being a partner. So I will say to him, Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t hear you, or I’m just not processing what you’re saying. And so if you want to explain to your person. Like, I’ve got some auditory processing issues, I wouldn’t, probably not auditory processing disorder, but I’ve got some issues. There’s some there’s some spiciness there, so explaining to them what’s going on can help them to be more patient and and be more empathetic. And like, I’ve, I’ve said to Greg a couple times in relation to this or something else, like, I know this is annoying, but it’s not more annoying for you than it is for me. Like I’m the one with the disability here. So I mean, like, sure, I empathize, like I’m with you that this is annoying for you, but I’m the one here with the disability, so, like, I’m asking for some empathy, I’m asking for some patience, I’m asking for some understanding and just some like, leeway to be neurodivergent. That’s what I’m asking for here. My husband is great. He does give it to me, but sometimes I have to ask for it, right? Sometimes we have to kind of stand in that and ask for it. I’m asking for patience because I am struggling so saying that to your person is not out of line, that is definitely something that I encourage you to ask for if you want to do a deep dive on auditory processing issues, auditory processing disorder, I highly recommend just doing it like do a Google Talk to your doctor, make an appointment with an audiologist or a speech language pathologist, because these issues may be contributing to the severity of your ADHD they may be exacerbating your ADHD symptoms. They may be making it worse, or vice versa, which is why we got to talk to professionals. Every one of us like that are kind of trying to pick through. Is this an ADHD issue? Is this an auditory processing issue? That’s where we get clinicians involved, but it’s definitely worth talking to somebody about it and then just giving yourself the support that you need, the subtitles, the extra time recognizing and like, accepting, like, Okay, this is just part of it. This is just part of it, and then training the people around us, or just asking and hoping that they will consent to be patient and understanding about it. All right, let’s move on to the ADHD hotline voicemails of the week.

Remember, if you want to call in and chat with me, the number is 833-281-2343, I’m gonna repeat that. That’s 833-281-2343, you can also find that number in the show notes of this episode. And I want to hear from you. I want to answer your questions. I want I want to hear from you. So first we’re going to hear from Ariel. She wants to talk about coworkers finding out about her. ADHD,

Ariel 17:59
hi Kristen. This is Arielle from Montana. I’m calling because my question or my dilemma is that it seems like everywhere I work, in my professional setting, I have a lot of fear and anxiety wrapped up in my coworkers finding out that I have ADHD, and I think the current setting I’m working in has been the most accepting, or at least has felt very accepting, because I have a lot of co workers who either joke about their own ADHD or actually have it, but I just struggle to know when to let that cat out of the bag and to know if it’s going to be detrimental for my career, or if people will look at me differently or value my my thoughts and experience less, I wonder to myself at times like, Is this appropriate to bring up? I work in a healthcare setting, so I don’t bring it up with patients, just because, for the most part, I feel like it’s not, it’s not my my visit, it’s their visit. They’re paying for that visit, and I don’t need to share more than every once in a while a snippet of my life to relate to them. But with my co workers, I just really struggle, and I think part of it is that I’m fairly new in my practice, still as a health care provider, and I’m I’m just so eager for people to respect me and my work and my thoughts, and I often struggle with self worth anyway, so that’s my question in a nutshell, and I’d love to hear your thoughts and your responses. Thanks. Thanks for all you do. I love listening to you, and I think you’re just fabulous.

Kristen Carder 19:36
Ah, Ariel, that’s so sweet. I think you’re fabulous too. This is such a good question, and I just want to hug you like I there’s so much to say about this question, and I want to point you to an episode that I did on the past. In the past should. Tell people about your ADHD, and that would be a really good one for you to go back and listen to, because, you know, we have like, a 40 minute conversation about exactly what you’re saying. Will it be helpful or harmful? Should I tell them? Shouldn’t I tell them? Will they respect me more? Will they respect me less? And that’s a really nuanced conversation, and especially when you’re talking about in a work environment, I think that I personally need to be very careful in making any kind of recommendations, because I would never want to put you in a position where you’re not seen as the professional that you are, or you’re not able to get what you need because you’ve disclosed your diagnosis. But here’s what I want to say, that information, the fact that you have ADHD, is yours, it is yours. It belongs to you, and you get to share it or not share it, depending on a few things I would really try to assess the safety of each person that you are considering sharing with and what I mean by safe. What I mean by safe is that they have proven to you that they can hold sensitive information with care. Not everybody can do that. In fact, in fact, Ariel, most people cannot do that. Most people are not very safe, and they’re not able to hold sensitive information with extreme care and empathy and understanding. And so that is like the number one thing, because I feel very protective of you and every other listener. I want to protect you from any kind of I just want to protect you i won’t be like do. So I really want you to understand first, that that’s your information. It belongs to you. You don’t have to share it with anyone. Second, if you do consider sharing it, you have to think of each individual person and whether or not they have shown they have a proven track record of being able to hold sensitive information with understanding, with empathy and with care. The third thing that I want you to consider is, why? Why would I share it like what benefit would it be to me? So for some of you, sharing or disclosing your ADHD diagnosis might lead you to get accommodations in the workplace, and that could be really, really helpful disclosing your diagnosis to like the HR department, could could possibly lead to accommodations and things that would make your make your work life easier and make you better at your job. So that could be really, really helpful. If there is, like you said you’re in healthcare, if there’s a certain way to write your notes that you would prefer to do that’s more ADHD friendly, and you could disclose, perhaps to HR and say, like, Hey, I’d like to use this program because it’s it works better for my neuro divergent brain. That’s just an example of what might be able to take place if you do choose to disclose your diagnosis, but I also want to speak to the fact that you are feeling very fearful and that you’re worried that it might take away from your credibility, and I really want to encourage you to begin to build your self trust, I really want to encourage you to begin to think through what makes you credible as a healthcare provider, what makes you respected, what makes you good at your job, because ADHD is not going to add to that or take away from that, like you are good at your job because of who you are, because of what you’ve studied, because of what you bring to the table. And ADHD is just kind of like there. And of course, it’s going to make things a little bit hard in certain areas, but you’re still 100% able to be an amazing healthcare provider, with or without ADHD. So I would love to just encourage you to find your inner credibility. What makes you credible? Because if you don’t have that, if you don’t have an evidence bank internally for what makes you credible and what makes you a good healthcare provider and what makes you a respectable coworker? Then no matter what happens with anyone else, you’re always going to feel shaky. You’re always going to be afraid that people are going to find out. You’re always going to feel like, Oh my gosh. Are they thinking XYZ? I’m not sure. So your work, my dear. Learn is to build your internal credibility so that you can stand in your own authority as a healthcare provider, regardless of your ADHD diagnosis. So I want to ask you, Ariel and anyone else listening who’s like, oh my gosh, I resonate with this so much like I struggle in my work environment. I’m afraid people are going to find out that I have ADHD I want you to begin to build an evidence bank for your credibility in your profession. And I am talking about like literally writing down what makes you good at your job, literally writing down why you deserve to work there, literally writing down why you deserve the paycheck that you get, and really making sure that your brain can see that there is a large bank of evidence for your credibility in your workplace and ADHD, it’s there. It’s not there, whatever. It doesn’t affect your actual credibility. Does it affect your time management? Yes, of course it does. Does it affect your memory, your working memory? Uh huh? Does it affect your impulsivity? Yes, it does, but those are not the things that make you good at your job. So what makes you good at your job? What makes you credible, and then whether or not your coworkers find out, it’s kind of inconsequential. It doesn’t actually matter, because you know that you’re good at your job no matter what. All right, I really hope that was helpful, my dear. Everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives. You go to bed at a reasonable time and you wake up early, make a list, cross the things off the list in order manage your time. Well, yeah, we know what to do, but ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do but not being able to get yourself to do it. That’s why ADHD is so frustrating. We’re smart and we want to succeed, but we can’t get ourselves to do the things that we know we should do in order to make improvements. That’s why I created focused I’m a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019 I’ve spent 1000s of hours coaching adults with ADHD time for me to focus on you. Hello. Welcome to your coaching call. I am going to be coaching you today on relationships, I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from Hot Mess express to grounded and thriving focused. Is my monthly coaching membership where we go deep and we get to the root cause of what holds us back with ADHD, I’ll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions and accept yourself flaws and all with this foundation, we build the skills to improve life with ADHD. And not only do you get skills and tools in focus, but you’re surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. As a matter of fact, listen to what actual focus members have to say about being in this program. What can I say

Focused Member 28:12
about focused, full

community of people who have issues similar to you and judge you?

Focus just really supported me with my difficulties and asking help, I’ve been encouraged and cheered on by the community. I really

like that you can do as much Gore as little as you want. It’s it’s not just about the volume of the content. It’s about the quality. Focus. Is how we understand ADHD better. I would recommend this to anyone. I would thoroughly recommend focus. I can confidently say that this is one of the best decisions that I have made for myself.

Kristen Carder 28:41
So if you’re an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in focused click the link in the episode description to check it out. All right, let’s move on to the resource of the week. This is slightly embarrassing. This is slightly embarrassing, but your girl just discovered chatgpt. I know I’m late to the party. I know I am, but I just realized how like amazing it can be for my everyday life, and I’ve started using it regularly, and I literally had the thought, like, I have to talk about this on the podcast for anyone else who’s not using chat GBT, because it is such an ADHD friendly tool. You can use it for all kinds of things. And I’m going to give you tons of examples. I actually went into our Slack community within the focus program. And I was like, tell me how you use chatgpt, because I’ve seen people talk about it, but I’ve never really engaged with it. And so I got so many responses, the most common thing that i. Seen ADHD ers use chat GPT for is meal planning. And what’s really cool about that is you can literally list out what you have in your pantry, or, like, the ingredients that you have, and have chat GPT suggest meals to make with those ingredients, like what that’s so awesome. You can even say like, maybe like, before you go grocery shopping, like, plan out five meals that only take 30 minutes to make, or plan out vegan meals or healthy recipes or whatever, and it will give you. It will plan out your meals for you. I mean, I feel like half of you guys listening are like, yeah, no, crap. Like, we already know this. But for me, this is new information. And so for anyone who’s not using it, you gotta start another thing that people use it for is like, making packing lists, like packing for a weekend away or vacations. And you can say, like, here’s where I’m going, here’s when I’m going, here’s what I’ll be doing. And then you can factor in the weather, like the time of year, and it’ll create a packing list for you. One of my clients said that she used it to help her son write a text to his landlord offering to upgrade things in his house if she pays for the materials and and the landlord agreed to it. People have said that they use it to, like, help them with their work emails. Or one of my clients said anything, I need a thought partner for and I was, I thought that was so amazing. Like, yeah. As someone with ADHD, I often need a thought partner. I just need someone there that I can, like, bounce things off of. And that’s not always possible, but you can do it with chat, G, p, t, it can help you to create content or recipes and act as a loving parent. This is what one of my clients said, act as a loving parent to give me advice in a specific situation, so like, respond to me in a nurturing tone and help like give me advice on how to deal with conflict with my best friend. Like, like, sometimes we just need, we just need some advice and a thought partner in those types of things, and we don’t want to muster up the vulnerability of reaching out to a person. I’m not saying chat GPT should replace a person, but it can really be helpful in lots of different areas. One of my clients said I vent about my supervisor and get help responding to her questions in a less reactive way. And then she gave an example. She says this, I wrote this in my work plan, and my boss asked this, and she adds in the annoying question, what are some possible responses? And chatgpt gives lists some responses. Okay, last one, a client who is a professor, said that she entered random bits of information about a student who asked for a letter of recommendation, and it came up with a very nice first draft. So I just really encourage you to get creative. Go to chatgpt.com type in some questions, ask for suggestions and see what you can come up with. I coached a client a couple weeks ago who this was like the week before Thanksgiving, and she said that she had 100 things, like, so many things on her list, and she was feeling very frantic, like when we were talking, I could really feel her energy was like overwhelmed, and there she was feeling a lot of pressure, and she was like, there’s so much to do, and I don’t know, I don’t know what needs to be done before Thanksgiving. I don’t know what can be saved for after Thanksgiving and listen ADHD, or this is what we struggle with, right? We struggle to prioritize. We struggle to know what’s most important. We struggle to know what needs to be done now. What can I say for later? And so for the first time ever, in a coaching call, I was like, Okay, I’m gonna open up chat, G, P, T, you’re gonna tell me everything that you have to do, which she did. And it was a long list, like I was typing for days, and then we just asked chat, G, P, T, like, tell me what can wait. Tell me what needs to happen now. And I was trying to show her that, like, I’m gonna do this with you, but this is something you can do on your own. And we got an amazing list in priority order, with the highest priority tasks, the lesser priority tasks, and then, like the least priority that could be saved for later. It was so helpful. So that’s the resource of the week. It’s kind of awesome. Obvious. I know a lot of you are just like, yeah, no, shit. Like, we already know this, but I didn’t. I didn’t know. I didn’t know it could be so great. I have used it for email subject lines. I have used it, you know, I’m writing a book right now, so I’m using it to just, like, ask questions, obviously not write the book, but I have like, questions or like, get me started on this. I use it for meal planning. I’m I used it. I plugged in. I have a son who’s a junior in high school, so he’s starting to think about, like, what he wants to do, and so I listed out for chat, G, B, T, here are my son’s skills here, are the things that he loves to do. What are some possible career options for him? And then we talked about them. It was really, really fun and super helpful. So I just encourage you to check it out if you haven’t already. Also don’t hate me if you already do, use it constantly, you’re just like, Okay, you’re late to the party. But for those of you who don’t know about it or or have never thought like how helpful it could be for your ADHD life, I highly encourage you to check it out. All right, let’s talk about what triggered me this week. This is actually very similar. This is not the same client is a different client that I coached, that told me that she had over 100

tasks on her to do list, over 100 tasks. And it was such an interesting conversation, over 100 tasks. And when I surveyed the other people on the call. So the way it works in my program is I’m having a face to face conversation with the client, but there are 3040, 5060, 70 people on the call with us, hanging out in the chat. And so the chat is kind of going everybody’s chit chatting with each other while I’m having a face to face client conversation with the client. So I just paused, and I was like, Wait a second. I was like, for the other 50 people in the room here, do you also have that many items on your to do list? And I was shocked by how many people said, yes, I’ve got over 100 things on my to do list, and I, I nearly fell off of my chair. I really, I really was like, so shocked. And I’m wondering if you relate, if you are also that type of ADHD who just has this running list of to do’s that you’re just dragging around with you. And I’m just like, I am flabbergasted. How is anyone supposed to be expected to make progress on a list of over 100 tasks? How like? And then we wonder why we get stuck, why we get paralyzed, why we’re just like, I just can’t get anything done, and I just can’t get up off the couch. Like, could it be the 100 things on your task list weighing you down? Now, in each year’s, we’re notorious for having big ideas, big plans, lots of momentum at first, and I love this about us, but we’re also notorious for very poor follow through. And then the items that we got excited about at first that we just can’t get ourselves to follow through on, they just sit there on our list, and then they become shoulds. I really should do that. I really should get that done. And I just hate this. I hate this for us, it needs to change. You’ve got stuff to do. The world needs you to get moving, but you can’t accomplish big things in your life. If there are hundreds of things on your to do list. It’s impossible. It’s not possible to follow through on everything. I’ve said this a couple times now I want to say it again. You can follow through on anything, but it’s impossible to follow through on everything. So the question has to be, what are you willing to let go of? What is the main thing for today that you want to make sure you do that you would completely regret if you didn’t get done? And then what’s going to need to be sacrificed in order for you to do it, it’s a really important question. And here’s the thing, you hate this question. I know you do. I know you hate this question because there is a deep shame that a lot of us carry that we’re not able to do it all. There’s this like, gosh, it is such. An intense feeling that we get when we realize, oh, I can’t do it all. I can’t and then there is an intense grief when we realize that we have to let go of things that will never be done. And this might seem like I’m overdoing it, but I don’t think I am, because I’ve talked to a lot of people with ADHD about this very topic, and there is a massive amount of grief that comes when we fully realize and accept that there are things in our lives that we’re never going to be able to do, that we’re never going to get done, because we can follow through on anything, but we can’t follow through on everything, and for some Reason along the way, most of us with ADHD have gotten this idea that we should follow through on everything, and so we get a great idea, and we’re like, oh my gosh, it’d be so awesome. And then we put it on our shoulds list, and we drag that list around with us, like 100 pound weight, and there are certain things that are just never going to get done. So when I coach this client, one of the things on her list was paint the kitchen, I was just like, why is that on your list of things to do? Like on your daily tasks, on the on the list that you’re looking at every day, why do you have something like paint the kitchen on your list? And she said, because I want to get the kitchen painted like I want to paint it. There is a difference between wanting to do something and which is, like, great. That would be great if the kitchen were painted, but it doesn’t belong on your to do list. You don’t have to wake up on a Tuesday and look at the list that includes paint the kitchen, because obviously you’re not prepared to paint the kitchen today. So paint the kitchen needs to go on a different list, on a like that would be really great. Someday. I should make a plan for that, but it doesn’t belong on a task list of like, what you’re going to get done today? Because we both know you’re not painting the kitchen today. You’re not going to do it right? But there’s grief in that, because if I, if I let go of paint the kitchen from my everyday list, what if I bump it out? What if I What if I don’t get it done today, tomorrow, this year? And my response that is, you’re already not getting it done, and it’s weighing you down. It’s like trying to carry around this like 100 pound weight of this to do list, and then wondering why you’re not quickly executing on your goals. It’s like you’re weighed down so much there is absolutely no way that you’re going to be able to productively get things done. It’s just not possible. This leads me to another thought that I have about ADHD ers, as we make to do lists, and this is something that we’re going to be talking about in detail as I teach the course in January and February on how to follow through. We’re going to talk a ton about the difference between living in a fantasy and living in reality. Because in fantasy world, I get to have 100 things on my to do list and make myself believe that one day I’ll just magically wake up, I’ll have all the motivation in the world, and I’ll check off every single thing on that 100 task list. But that is fantasy, because that day has not come yet. That’s that’s not a thing, right? When we live in reality, we realize that, like just getting through a day is so much work. And then if I get to do extra stuff after I’ve parented, my kids gone to work, managed by my animals at home, kept food in my fridge, fed the family, worked out maybe, you know, whatever, whatever the things are on all of our human lists. And then we add in these additional tasks. If I get to do all of those things, that is a ton, and then I’m also asking myself to do extra tasks. So reality is, there are very few extra tasks that are actually going to be able to be done. So then the question is, what is the most important thing to me? Me, what is the most aligned thing for me? What am I passionate about? What would I on my deathbed regret not doing this is one of the reasons why I’m writing a book. Writing a book is not that fun. It’s like this has been on my list of like, I really want to write a book. I really want to write a book. And the last couple years I’ve been I knew it was not the time for me. I was it was just, was not the time. But I know that I am now in the season of I have the capacity, I have the space, I have the support, I can write a book. And so I’m in the process of doing it. But the reality of it is not that fun. I don’t enjoy it. It’s really lonely. I’m all by myself. I’m just sitting with me and my computer, and it’s not there’s very little dopamine involved, because nobody really like nobody’s reading it yet, right? I’m not getting any feedback on it. I have a literary agent, but that’s it. Y’all. That’s it. So the dopamine involved in it minimal, but that doesn’t actually matter, because writing a book is on the list of things that on my deathbed, if I have not done it, I know I will regret it. I know I will so it is the type of thing that I’m willing to say no to other tasks so I can get this thing done. So I trained coaches for three years in a row, but this year, I’m not training coaches because I need to open up some room in my schedule, some room in my capacity, some room in my brain, and so I know that I can’t do everything. Did I have to grieve the fact that, like, Man, I don’t get to invest in these new coaches? Yeah, I had to grieve that. But because I’m living in reality. I know that I can’t do everything because I’m living in reality. I know that I can follow through on anything, but I can’t follow through on everything, and so I have had to ruthlessly eliminate things from my life so that I have space to complete the tasks that are the most important, and I am asking you to do the same. Are you willing to let go of lesser priority items? Are you willing to figure out what the lesser priority items are? Are you willing to feel the pain of saying no to someone else’s agenda so that you can say yes to the things that you are meant to do. These are all of the things that we are going to be working on in my upcoming course within the focused ADHD coaching program, and I want you to join me. I know there are a ton of things on your list that you want to follow through on, but you’re not sure what’s most important, and you’re not sure how to prioritize, and you’re not sure how to let go of the things that don’t really matter so that you can focus on what is most important. And I am here to teach you. I am here to take you by the hand and walk you through a very ADHD friendly process so that you can have the community and the support and the step by step program to be able to know exactly what’s most important to you, exactly what feels Most aligned, and have the support to say no and set some boundaries, and then have the ability to follow through on what is most important, follow through on the things that matter most to you, so that there are no regrets. Oh, gosh, I just thought of that.

Dan, you’re gonna have to put in that visual of the no regrets. But if y’all have seen that meme with the no Rugrats of regrets spelled wrong, I’m sorry, but my brain just went there. It was no rug roots is so funny. That’s what we’re looking for. We don’t have to live a perfect life. We don’t have to live an easy life, but I definitely want to live a life where I’m not regretting what I’ve accomplished or not accomplished. So for the next week, if you’re listening to this in real time, I have a coupon code for you for 35% off your first month’s membership fee. 35% off is actually a savings of $70 which is a lot of money you can go to I have adhd.com/focused, and make sure to use the coupon code focused 35 for 35% off your first month’s membership. This is exactly for the course on. And how to follow through, how a person with ADHD can follow through. I have led 4000 over 4000 people through the focused ADHD coaching program. I know it works. It’s tested, it’s proven, and I would love to help you too. So go to Ihaveadhd.com/focused use the code focus 35 for 35% off your first month to savings of $70 that is not insignificant. I want to see you inside. I will see you there. And my dear listeners, I adore you. Happy New Year. I can’t wait to see you next week. Bye.