Kristen Carder

Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults. With ADHD, I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.

Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’ve tuned into the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, cavided, regulated and ready to roll. Although I don’t, I don’t promise that I’m going to be able to stay regulated this whole time. We’re talking about RSD, which is a topic that gets me very, very fired up. So come in. Come in the room. Get cozy. Get comfy. We’re going to just have a chat here today. And I just want to say it each year, I’m so glad that you’re here. I’m so glad that you found this podcast. I feel so surrounded by the community of ADHD ers all over the world who are just kind of hacking it together, just trying to make a way for for ourselves in the world. I appreciate your support of this podcast. Thank you for your reviews and all of the nice things that you say, it matters. I hear it. I love to read your comments on YouTube.

Thanks for being there. We just started posting on YouTube in, I think, September or October of 2024 so it’s been like six to eight months. I’m not really even sure, I can’t do the math, but our channel is growing, and that’s because of you. So thank you. Like Share Comment down below, as all the YouTubers say, I appreciate you, and today we’re talking about something pretty deep. Now, a year ago, that’s a lie. Two years ago, I recorded four episodes on rejection, sensitivity and RSD. Those episodes are fire. I went back and listened to them yesterday as I was prepping for this podcast, which I had a lot of anxiety about, by the way, because I have rejection sensitivity. I am afraid that you are going to reject me. I want to make sure that I am pleasing you, that everything that you hear out of my mouth makes you really happy, makes makes you feel calm and supported and great, and the thought of making you upset listener that gives me massive amounts of anxiety.

So as I’ve been preparing for this podcast, and even this morning, like I woke up early and I was like, I have to make sure I get this right. And I I hope I do. I hope I do right by us, and when I say us, I mean the ADHD community at large. Obviously, we’re not a monolith. We have all different perspectives. We’re from all over the world, different races and gender and age and all of that stuff. So I understand that we’re gonna have varying perspectives. The thought of me like talking to all of you at one time about such a spicy topic as me such anxiety. But I am so passionate about this topic because I believe that we can be empowered through our understanding of rejection, sensitivity, and that’s what I want the meat of this episode to be, is empowering you through the understanding of rejection sensitivity. So anyway, I was recording. I was listening to previous recordings that I had made two years ago, which almost exactly two years ago.

They came out in March of 2023 all about rejection, sensitivity and RSD. I highly recommend you go listen to them. They’re around Episode 204, I think if you want to go look, and if you’re watching this on YouTube, you’re not going to find them on YouTube. You’re gonna have to go to the audio that, like, like in the dinosaur days, where people listen to podcasts on audio only. That’s where they are, so you can go find them there, but they’re really, really good. And what I wanted to do today is just revisit, revisit this topic, bring it to the YouTube audience. Talk about rejection, sensitivity versus RSD, bring in a ton of compassion, hopefully a lot of nuance and clarity, and just kind of set the stage for the ADHD experience of rejection, because it’s intense.

It’s intense. If you have ADHD and you experience deep emotional pain when you feel rejected, you are not alone. That is, from what I can tell, it is, across the board, a very common experience for people with ADHD, okay, this is, this is something that really joins us together. It’s a common not a symptom, but just like an outworking of our ad. CHD, is that most of us are highly sensitive to rejection. Now we’re going to talk about why, which I think really is very important, but just please know as we get started that rejection sensitivity is a deeply human, very common experience in our community. And I Kristen Carter, my gosh, have dealt with this my whole life. I’m getting better and better, which I am so grateful for. I’m getting better and better. It is really improving for me, which I’m so grateful for, but it is something that I still deal with. So what is rejection sensitivity? Rejection sensitivity is a tendency that we have to interpret mild or benign social cues as rejection. It’s extremely common in adults with ADHD, as I’ve already said, and what’s really important is that the rejection does not necessarily have to be acute. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a quote, unquote, real rejection for the emotional experience to be real.

So sometimes we create our own rejection stories in our minds and and we have overwhelming, debilitating emotion that goes along with it. I’ve done this to myself so many times where I’ve made up a rejection story, a rejection scenario of like, this person doesn’t like me, this person is mad at me, and I have been flooded and overwhelmed with fear and shame and guilt and just like panic and just like so much distress, and then come to find out later, it was just misunderstanding. Their phone was off. They were asleep.

They were taking a nap. They couldn’t text me back. It was completely benign, but it was something that I interpreted, on my own to be a rejection. So what’s really important here is for us to have a big, debilitating rejection response does not necessarily mean that the rejection is an actual rejection, and in our healing, that’s something that we’re going to talk about. Is like distinguishing between an actual rejection, which does happen, obviously, and a rejection scenario or a rejection story that we tell ourselves, okay, so most of us with ADHD have experienced rejection over and over and over, throughout our lives, in school and friendships at work, and I would say, especially in our families, if You think about the family system and the family unit as being the primary place that children who are developing like developing children learn about relationships, learn about love, learn about safety, we learn it in our families. Now think about your families. For some of you, your parents were your first bully.

For some of you, your parents were the first people to reject you, and sometimes even as an infant, and so that this aspect of it, which is excruciatingly painful, nobody really wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to talk about it, but I’m talking about it. I just feel like it’s so important. We have to talk about it. We have to talk about the lived experience of a person with ADHD within their family system, because many of our family systems are straight up dysfunctional, which is just, is what it is that’s I’m not that’s not even me saying like it’s terrible. It’s just calling the grass green and the sky blue.

Like a lot of us grew up in dysfunctional families, especially if we had undiagnosed parents, and so so many of us were rejected in infancy, in toddlerhood, in our own family systems, and when your nervous system, when your body, gets the message that you are not enough, that you are not correct, that you are not doing the right thing, that everything you do is wrong or bad, you’re gonna start to have a response to that. You’re gonna start to see rejection everywhere, and even the safest places, like home, no longer actually feel safe. And again, no one really wants to talk about this. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but like, that’s not a disorder when, when we have a big, extreme response to rejection, because we’ve grown up being rejected. That’s not a disorder that’s survival, that’s adaptation, that’s a that’s a that’s a normal and natural, legitimate response to repeated. Rejection.

Everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives. You go to bed at a reasonable time, you wake up early, you make a list, you cross things off the list in order, blah, blah, blah, like, yeah, we know what to do, but ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it. That’s why I created focused. It’s an ADHD coaching membership for adults with ADHD. I’m a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019 I’ve coached over 4000 adults with ADHD from all over the world. I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from Hot Mess express to grounded and thriving.

I’ll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions and your behavior and accept yourself, flaws and all. And with this foundation, we’ll build the skills to improve your life with ADHD. And not only do you get skills and tools and focus, but you’re surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. So if you’re an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real, lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in focused go to I have adhd.com/focused to learn more. That’s I have adhd.com/focused to check it out. So common coping mechanisms that we use as adult ADHD ers, who are like navigating the world trying to, of course, avoid rejection, is a lot of times we’ll disengage. We won’t put ourselves out there, we won’t take risks.

We won’t like maybe you won’t ask that girl out, or maybe you won’t try to make a friend, or maybe you won’t go out for that promotion, or maybe you wouldn’t even thinking of asking your neighbor over for dinner when you’re lonely, and you can tell they’re lonely too, but you don’t, you wouldn’t even consider it, because of the possibility of maybe being rejected, because the rejection experience for us is so overwhelming, it’s so debilitating and is so excruciatingly painful. Another thing that we do so we either disengage or we become people pleasers. We’re trying to make everyone around us happy.

One of the reasons why i i struggled to talk about this so in 2023 I like outed myself as as rejecting the term RSD, which we’ll get to. So don’t if I lost you, come back, come back, come back. We’re gonna get to that. You’re gonna understand my thinking. But in 2023 I came out saying, like, hey, like rejection sensitivity is a real thing that we need to grapple with. But I’m not really sure about the label of RSD. One of the reasons why it literally took me three, four years to do that after already believing what I believed, is because I was people pleasing. I did not want to tell anyone. I wanted to just keep everybody happy. Okay, so people pleasing is such a common aspect of the ADHD experience, and for so many of us, we’re trying to avoid that rejection, understandably. So another thing that we do to avoid rejection is we become perfectionists. We want to do everything perfectly. We want to make sure that we are getting it right. So we’re we’re over editing, we’re overdoing it.

We’re overdoing it when it comes to, like, trying to get things right, which is paralyzing, because nobody can get everything right, and nobody can do things perfectly. And like, if you think about that work project and you’re really scared that your boss is going to reject you because of the report that you’re writing, and so you’re just editing and editing, and re looking at it for so long now it’s late, and so now you have to ask for an extension, and you’re just going because you’re so afraid of that feeling that comes when there is a rejection. Okay? So disengaging people pleasing and perfectionism, those are the three main ways that we often try to cope now, rejection, sensitivity is a real thing. Obviously, it’s so important that we are making sure to validate that as a common experience among ADHD ers and and in my estimation, it is a normal and natural response to a lifetime of being rejected. What I struggle with is the term RSD, rejection, sensitive dysphoria, and there’s a couple reasons why I struggle with it, but I’m going to go. For just a few things. And now keep in mind, remember, I know that rejection, sensitivity and the overwhelming pain of being rejected is excruciating. Yes, I validate that. What I struggle with, what I struggle with, and what we’re going to talk about today is the term RSD, rejection, sensitive, dysphoria, and I’m gonna share with you why I struggle with it. Listen, if it gives language to your experience, and you absolutely are just like, No, this is this is my experience. This is what I want to call it.

Of course, I’m not going to police your language. I’m not going to tell you what you can and cannot identify with. I’m just sharing, from my perspective, why I’ve ditched that term RSD so it was popularized by Dr William Dodson, who is a giant in the ADHD field. He was an ADHD psychiatrist, treated lots of patients. Were grateful to Dr Dodson for his contribution, for the work that he did, but I do not appreciate, I do not appreciate this aspect of RSD. So here are a couple things that you might not know that go along with using the term RSD. Okay, so first of all, there’s no actual research studies to support it. It’s not mentioned in any major ADHD texts. It’s not recognized as an ADHD symptom in the DSM. It’s also not recognized as its own disorder or diagnosis. And what I consider to be the most problematic, because even if all of that was true, that that would be fine, but what I consider to be the most problematic thing is that dodson says that RSD is genetic. It’s brain based. There’s nothing you can do about it. Psychotherapy doesn’t help. There’s no improvement that there that can be made with anything other than medication. And that, my friend, that is a problem. For me, that’s a big issue.

And so as someone who obviously has ADHD, but supports 1000s of people with ADHD, and over the last six years, has had the privilege of being able to be in this community and support so many of you. I reject. I reject. I reject the idea that therapy and coaching and other supports will not help the experience of rejection sensitivity. That simply is not true. It’s not backed by any research. It’s not backed by anything other than an opinion. And I have a different opinion. I have a different experience. I have 1000s of anecdotal case studies that can show no the rejection experience actually can be improved. It can be improved. You can be empowered to take ownership, to heal these wounds, to understand the root of your rejection sensitivities, and to make major, massive healing in this area. And that’s what I care about most. That’s what I care about is, is disempowering language versus empowering language. And so to me, in my opinion, and again, you don’t have to have the same opinion. In my opinion, it is extremely disempowering to say this is genetic. It’s brain based. It’s just a symptom of ADHD. There’s nothing you can do about it. Get used to it. Here’s medication. Having an ADHD diagnosis is disempowering enough, we don’t need to add on to it. And so that, to me, is like, wait a second, wait a second. Wait a second. How do you know? How do you know that it’s not caused by trauma? How do you know? Like, how do you know? How do you know that it’s not helped by therapy? Because that is not the experience of myself and many of my clients, I really do I want to be careful, because

I am grateful that William Dodson started this conversation and gave us language. He brought the idea of rejection sensitivity into public discourse. Now I don’t love all that rejection, sensitive dysphoria, like entails, like all of that it brings, but the fact that we’re talking about it, the fact that we have language for our experience, I’m so grateful, and I know so many of you are too. I’m so grateful he gave us language for a deeply painful experience that so many of us didn’t have words for. So that contribution matters, and gratitude, so much gratitude for that. It has helped people to feel seen. It sparked conversations. It’s given a name to the things that so many people felt but just didn’t have language for.

Okay, so that’s. Really, really powerful, but, but that’s a good thing. But here’s what he says in his original attitude magazine article in 2020, early childhood trauma makes anything worse, but it does not cause RSD pause, how do you know? How do you know? How do you know that’s that’s your opinion. It’s fine. You’re allowed to have your opinion, but state it as an opinion, please. Because unless you have some some research, something substantial to back up that claim, you’re simply stating an opinion. Okay, moving on. Often, patients are comforted just to know there’s a name for this feeling.

Agree. I totally agree with you. That is a huge comfort. I appreciate the contribution. Thank you so much. It makes a difference knowing what it is that they’re not alone and that almost 100% of people with ADHD experience rejection sensitivity. I love how he said that rejection sensitivity, Yes, agreed after hearing this diagnosis, which to me, is like, why are we calling it a diagnosis? They’re relieved to know that it’s not their fault and that they’re not damaged. Okay, sure, here’s the next line. Psychotherapy does not particularly help patients with RSD, because the emotions hit suddenly and completely overwhelm the mind and senses. Do you know what that sounds like? That sounds like a trauma response. Sounds like a trauma response as someone who is trauma informed, who’s done a ton of work in this area, who has a trauma informed coaching certification, who’s gone to conferences, who’s been to Oxford University to study like this is a, this sounds like a trauma response, which is a normal and natural response to a wound.

Okay, I’m gonna read it again. Psychotherapy does not particularly help patients with RSD, because the emotions hit suddenly and completely overwhelm the mind and senses. It takes a while for someone with RSD to get back on his feet after an episode. Okay, sure, sure, sure, but I reject the statement that psychotherapy does not particularly help patients with RSD. That’s that I reject it. I reject it. That’s not true. I have a completely different experience. I, for one, have have healed so many of my own rejection, wounds in trauma, informed relationship based therapy, healing from the dysfunctional family in which who were my first rejecters, healing from that so that I can function as An adult in the world. Okay, I don’t love that. Dodson speaks about it with like so much certainty. I wish there was more nuance. This is a term coined by Him and Him alone, the fact that he claims that it’s neurological, it’s it’s genetic, it’s definitely not caused by trauma.

It’s only treated with medication, and we’ll talk about medication, because medication can be really helpful, and it might be a great option for you, but the fact that he says that it’s only treatable with medication, that is a red flag, like I don’t even I’m a believer In medication. I take medication for ADHD I almost always have I recommend that my clients take medication. I’m like you’ve heard me on this pod. I am an advocate for medication. But if I were to say that medication is the only thing that improves ADHD symptoms, that would not be great. That’s not actually true. There’s a lot of things that improve ADHD symptoms, medication is the primary thing, and medication gives us a way that we can actually sit in the therapist’s office. It gives us a way that we can actually work with the executive function coach. It gives us a way that we can actually pay attention to our calendar and use the tools.

Okay, hey, ADHD, here, this is a PSA, a public service announcement that Mother’s Day is right around the corner on May 11. I know you’re not good at knowing dates and times and all of the things, so I am putting this on your radar. Mother’s Day is coming up so soon. And I’m curious, when you think about the moms in your life, what characteristics come to mind? Maybe it’s strength or patience or love or resilience or care showing up in ways big and small, whether it’s your own mother or maybe it’s your wife, or maybe it is you. Maybe you see these characteristics in yourself, motherhood looks different for everyone, and that’s okay. Some have moms who shape them. Some are moms themselves. Some carry the love of motherhood in their hearts in different ways, but I am betting that right now you have a mom in your life that you. Love, and whether you’re celebrating a mom or remembering one, or longing to be one, navigating motherhood, maybe in unexpected ways, we can all agree that moms deserve the best. I mean, as a mother myself, I like yes, moms deserve the best, and that’s where cozy earth comes in, from their temperature regulating bedding to their ultra soft pajamas. Cozy Earth creates comfort that feels like home, because I know for my kids, home feels like mom. When my kids are around me there is this like, let down, this sigh of relief, this breath of like, this exhale. I just know that being around me feels like home to my kids. I know that, and that’s one of the most special things about being a mom. A mom feels like home, even if we’re on the road, even if we’re on the go. When I pick up my kid from his job, he gets into the car and he says, I’m home, even though it’s just the car, it’s because I’m there. And that’s such a it’s such a beautiful thing about motherhood. Cozy Earth creates comfort that feels like home, because moms feel like home. Now, listen, I have told you how much I love cozy Earth products, but I just need to restate the fact that these bamboo pajamas are out of this world, the fact that I am in my mid 40s, that I sweat through most of my pajamas. So sorry, too much information. I sweat through most of my pajamas and have to change them every single night. It’s a lot of laundry, people, it is a lot of laundry, but with these cozy Earth pajamas, I can re wear them, and they are fresh as a daisy every single time. They are so soft, they are so comfortable, I am obsessed and with Mother’s Day right around the corner. I’m telling you, it is so soon. It’s so soon. So put it on your radar. You need to know you can get 40% off with my coat. I have ADHD and to celebrate moms everywhere. Listen up. This is This is crazy. This weekend only may 2 through fourth. Cozy Earth is giving my listeners a special promo, buy one, get one free of their bamboo pajamas. You guys, buy one, get one free. Use the code. I have ADHD BOGO. You know, buy one, get one. I have ADHD BOGO to take advantage of this. Listen, whether it is you and you are treating yourself or your partner or your wife, the mother of your children, maybe it is your own mom or a mom in your life that you love, you’re going to want to take advantage of this sale. Those bamboo pajamas are not messing around. They are the real deal, and you need a pair immediately. Actually, two pair. Let’s take advantage of this coat. I have ADHD BOGO to get, buy one, get one free of the bamboo pajamas. Go to cozy earth.com, to check it out.

Oh, I told you I’d get fired up. I told you I it’s happening. So when we tell people with ADHD that their intense emotional experiences, that that the experience of that intense, excruciating experience of rejection, that it’s only genetic, that it’s brain basic it’s your brain’s fault. It’s not the fault of the society that you grew up in, or the dysfunctional family you grew up in or the toxic relationship that you’re currently in. No, it’s your fault. It’s your brain’s fault, and it’s only treated with medication. Then we strip ourselves of hope. We pathologize something that is, in many cases, just a rational response to a lifetime of rejection, and that leads me to the question, why do we have to pathologize everything? This is the part that really frustrates me, like we already live in a world that tells us that our brains are wrong, that the way our thinking is the way that our brains work is wrong. Our behavior is wrong. We’re inherently flawed. And like, I know that this podcast, I really try to, like, set the record straight on this podcast, but honestly, like, the way that we show up in the world does not fit inside the box, right?

So do we need to really turn rejection sensitivity, in addition to our ADHD, do we need to turn rejection sensitivity, which is a deeply human, biologically rooted response, I believe, into yet another disorder. That’s our brain’s fault. I don’t I don’t think so. I don’t like it. Maybe we don’t need to pathologize rejection sensitivity. Maybe we just. Need to call a spade a spade and recognize that we’ve we’ve been rejected all of our lives. We have suffered rejection throughout our lives, or from our dysfunctional families, from our broken society, and from all of the people and systems that have rejected us over and over and shamed us and made us feel small. I mean, listener, I just really encourage you like think about your childhood. Think about some of your earliest memories. I can remember being bullied at a very young age. I remember my neighborhood friends creating a club that I I had to like you had to, like, curse to get into it, which is, like, whatever, all kids do that. But like, I was so brought up in a shame based fundamental Christian family that was like, I can’t do it. I can’t say the F word and and just like not being a part of the club because of that, which is benign. It’s just like, that’s like all neighborhoods.

That’s not an ADHD thing, but that was a rejection experience for me, a substantial one that I remember. I can remember Christmas morning knocking over a lamp in our living room. So my dad is filming with a gigantic camcorder. It’s like, circa 1985 probably, and I’m like, bouncing off the walls. I’m a hyperactive little girl, and I’m excited. It’s Christmas morning. I knock over the lamp, and it was rejection. I experienced rejection from my caregivers in that moment. They were just having their own normal, natural response to an obnoxious ADHD child. They didn’t have the tools to react to me with empathy, but that like doesn’t matter, my experience was still valid. I was rejected in that moment. I was kicked out of the lunch table in seventh grade, seventh grade girls sitting all around me. I’m eating my Doritos and my peanut butter and honey sandwich. Shout out to peanut butter and honey. I still love it. I still eat it at least once a week, sitting there eating my PB and H and the girls like, Look at me. And the most popular, most beautiful one, of course, is like, we don’t want you to sit with us anymore. That is an intense rejection experience, of course, the pile up of rejection experiences led me to experience rejection sensitivity at an older age.

Of course, of course, rejection registers in our body as danger, and there is nothing more than there’s nothing our brains want more than safety. There’s nothing our brains and our bodies need or want more than safety. And rejection registers as danger, and that’s not a pathology. That’s biology, that’s evolutionary, that’s being excluded from the group. Used to mean death. So of course, our bodies react strongly to rejection. Of course it hurts, and of course, when that happens over and over, we become more sensitive to it. We become more raw. That wound is not just a little cut, it’s a gaping, oozing, gross pussy thing, right? That’s like, that’s a real rejection wound.

That’s trauma. That’s what that is. Trauma is anything that overwhelms your nervous system, and coupled with that, if you don’t have a soft place to land, if you don’t have somewhere to go. So speaking very personally, when I was kicked out of the lunch table in seventh grade, I didn’t have a soft place to land, I didn’t have somewhere to go. I didn’t have safety to go to, and so I was just out there on my own. I didn’t have a place where I felt really connected and seen and heard and understood. I didn’t have a place to go for empathy. I didn’t have a safe adult in my life to go for for empathy, for comfort, for reassurance. Now tell me that that’s not trauma, right? And so I’m just curious about your experience. Did you have safety? Because everyone experiences rejection, and not everyone has rejection sensitivity. But what I will say about the experience of somebody with ADHD is that we experience rejection to a much greater degree, which we’re going to talk about in a second. And so many of us grew up in families with neuro divergent parents that have that were really just most of them were just doing their best, but didn’t have the skills or the tools to offer us empathy and. Whole regulation and understanding and safety just didn’t have the skills. They didn’t have it.

And I’m curious, is that your experience, because I could be totally off, this could be totally not your experience, but I’m curious if it is, let me know in the comments if you feel comfortable, if you’re watching on YouTube, let me know in the comments. Was that your experience that you didn’t have safety within your own home, and so the rejection in society felt even more excruciating, even more poignant, even more acute, because when you’re rejected in society and you don’t really have safety at home, and I’m talking emotional, psychological safety, not physical safety. I’m talking like where you’re seen and validated and understood and known for who you really are, and the goodness of you is actually seen by your parents and you, you know, brought home those bullying scenarios, or maybe you got kicked out of lunch table too.

Shout out, you’re my peep you can sit with me anytime, anytime, there’s always a spot for you. But like knowing that if you didn’t have safety in society and you didn’t have safety at home, your body is primed to react to these rejection experiences. Primed this is, this is trauma. 101, so looking at some actual research, there’s a study published in 2007 in the Journal of Pediatric psychology, and it found that 52% of children with ADHD fall into the rejected category among their peers. 52% of ADHD kiddos fell into the rejected category among their peers. Children with ADHD are more vulnerable to bullying and to victimization. They grow up being excluded, they grow up being criticized. They grow up being socially awkward and overestimating their ability to fit in, like I did at the lunch table with the popular girls thinking, like, what’s up?

Girls like, we’re we’re friends. And they were like, Could you not could you get out of here? Because you’re annoying. I, for sure overestimated my social standing, and a lot of kids with ADHD do because they’re not self reflective, because that’s a deficient executive function skill, and we’re so misunderstood. And so there is research to show that children who have ADHD are rejected more often than their peers. That matters, that’s traumatic, that is wounding, and especially if you don’t have a soft place to land at home, my goodness, that is going to change your body and your brain.

So if a child experiences repeated social rejection and then grows up to be an adult who fears rejection deeply, are we calling that a genetic disorder. Are we calling that a genetic aspect of ADHD? Are we saying that that is not treatable with with therapy? To me, oh, that’s just like I have written here in my notes. I’m scared to say it like, that’s just bad science, in my opinion. And I’m gonna say, in my opinion, I’m gonna give that nuance, even though it wasn’t given in the articles. I’m gonna give it that, in my opinion, as bad science, taking care of your health isn’t always easy, especially for those of us with ADHD. We struggle to cook, we struggle to remember to eat. We struggle to plan meals.

The executive function involved is just off the charts. But AG, one makes it so much more simple. That’s why, for the last several years, I’m talking two years, I’ve been drinking, AG, one every day, pretty much, no exceptions, which is saying a lot for me, that is saying a lot for Kristin Carter, who is generally pretty inconsistent, especially with eating healthy. It’s just one scoop mix in water once a day, every day, and it makes me feel so much better. I wake up, I head straight to the cabinet. It takes me like 60 to 90 seconds. My kids watch me do it, because it’s like, first thing in the morning, and they watch me in my robe with my messy top knot. I’m just, like, scooping the Ag one. They turn up their nose, and I just say, like, listen, it might look gross to you, but it is so easy. It’s such an easy way to support my health. So I’m not, not gonna do it. I’ve got to let you know that I have had other wellness companies reach out to me and ask me to try their products and ask me to be a sponsor.

And I just don’t like anything as much as I like ag one. I’m just not gonna do anybody else. So this is, like, the most genuine. Sponsorship ever. Each serving of ag one delivers my dose of vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics and more. It’s a powerful habit, and it’s powerfully simple, which is why I’m able to do it every day. You might be wondering like, how do you know for sure that AG one is a quality product? And that matters a lot to me, because if I’m going to do something, if I’m going to make the effort, you better believe I’m going to make sure that it’s worthwhile. But I know that with ag one, I’m giving my body high quality nutrition. Every batch of ag one goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it’s safe and the ingredients are sourced for absorption, potency and nutrition density. So if there’s one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it would be ag one, 100% and not the other products that people have tried to send me, literally, they send me products I’m just like, it’s just not ag one. That’s why I partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with. Ag one, try. Ag one, and get a free one year supply of vitamin d3, k2, and five free. AG, one, travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drink. AG, one.com/i, have ADHD. That’s drink. AG, one.com/i, have ADHD. Go check it out. Dodson. To his credit, did update his article on RSD or published a new, updated article in attitude magazine. He published it in 2024 and in it, he tries to, like, retroactively validate RSD by equating it with emotional dysregulation, which is now part of the European ADHD diagnostic criteria. And shout out to Europe Europeans, thank you for doing that. That’s amazing. I hope that the US will follow suit.

But the thing is, like those two concepts are not the same rejection, sensitivity and emotional dysregulation are not the same thing. Emotional dysregulation is a broad and well studied pattern, and RSD is a specific trauma adjacent, in my opinion, experience of intense perceived rejection that it’s never and it’s never been studied or formally validated. It’s not necessarily widely accepted, and so like to say that emotional dysregulation and RSD are the same that, to me, doesn’t make sense. So it’s an interesting article. I think he adds in a little bit more nuance. I think, you know, he’s adding in some compassion. I appreciate it. I appreciate him again, for the for the language that he’s given to this experience. But I still, I It’s a no. It’s a no from me, personally listener. You get to decide your take on it, but to say that emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity are exactly the same. It’s it’s not, it’s not the same. So it is, again, it’s totally valid to say that rejection sensitivity is real. I’m on board. I know it, I experience it, yes, but that doesn’t mean that the term RSD is necessarily accurate or helpful, especially with the connotation that it is brain based, it’s genetic, it’s incurable. It’s only fixable with medication. That’s to me, that’s not helpful, that’s disempowering, not empowering. But let’s talk about medication, because medication can help. I’m not anti medication. We’ve already talked about that, and what Dodson seems to be observing is this that the fast onset of RSD symptoms, rejection, sensitivity, symptoms often come from someone whose nervous system is already in fight, flight, freeze, fawn mode, so already in a trauma response, so rejection hits like a trigger, 100% flooding the body with stress hormones.

And yes, meds like alpha agonists or beta blockers can dampen that. Okay, they can lower your adrenaline and and bring the nervous system into a calmer baseline. And I’ve heard people describe that as like emotional armor, and that’s a good thing. That’s great. Okay, so I know medications like guanfacine, that’s one that’s prescribed often for rejection sensitivity, and that’s wonderful. If that gives you some armor, that’s amazing. But it doesn’t mean that it’s the only option. There are also non medication methods for regulating the nervous system, like polyvagal theory and the stress cycle completion and mindfulness based stress reduction and somatic work and EMDR and like good old fashioned trauma therapy now, they take time. In, and they require sustained effort, and so medication might be a really good option while you’re in the process, so that you can access these tools, so that you have the regulation needed to actually do this deep, intense work. Okay, but it’s not only medication that works okay, the therapies can help you to build emotional resilience from the inside out, the part that I love is addressing the root cause of the issue. Let’s talk about those rejections. Let’s talk about the actual wound. Let’s not just put band aids on symptoms, right? If you can access deeper work and and realize that you can be empowered to heal these rejection wounds, your life will change now again that might require medication as a starting point, and maybe you’ll be medicated for it forever and ever, which is fine, too, but a lot of us experience the need for medication as we’re doing this work, and that makes sense, but modalities like ifs and EMDR and somatic experiencing and attachment based therapy, ha has the ability to significantly decrease your sensitivity to rejection, and For me personally, it’s true, I’m not as easily triggered. I know what to do when I am triggered. I have a lot more self trust. I’ve built shame resilience.

I have removed people from my life who make me feel rejected over and over. I mean, that’s a big component to all of this. A lot of us are in toxic relationships and then surprised when we’re overcome with rejection sensitivity. It’s like, take a look around at the way the people treat us. We need to have higher standards for what we allow in our lives, and listen that takes so much effort and so much time. And so if medication is a great option for you now as you’re if you just need that emotional armor at first, that’s great. Medication can be awesome. Guanfacine can give your body a break. Beta Blockers can help you to be regulated when you’re overwhelmed. But medications don’t do all of the heavy lifting. Medications Don’t, don’t do that healing work.

Okay? That that’s, that’s what I want to empower you to do if you have the capacity, if you have the stamina. So to book end this and to like, really, I really want you to hear me. Rejection, sensitivity is real. It’s a part of the ADHD experience. Many of us experience it. It deserves attention, okay, and we can be grateful to people like Dodson for giving us language for that pain, but for me, personally, I don’t use the term RSD because it pathologizes Something that I see as just a very human and understandable response to a lifetime of being rejected. I don’t agree that therapy doesn’t improve it. I don’t agree that trauma is not a part of it. I don’t agree that it’s simply genetic and like, that’s it. Close the close the book, it’s just genetic. It’s just your brain. I don’t accept that. I don’t accept it for myself. I don’t accept it for my community, because I know how important healing work can be. I know how important self development can be. I see it in my clients every single day, and because I know from my own lived experience, from my own lived experience, that rejection, sensitivity can get so much better, with support, with healing, with practice, with calming my nervous system, with learning all of these tools that I never had before, with creating safety in my life that I never had before, and with meds, if you want them, that’s a great option if you want it.

With therapy, if you need it, with coaching, with compassion, with real tools. All right, so use the term that works for you. I will never place your language. I will respect you. No matter what I said this two years ago, I will say it again. I I believe that two people can be educated and smart and have differing perspectives and still respect each other like it’s okay. It’s totally okay if you approach it one way, and you say, actually, RSD really fits for me, and I want to use that term, and that really validates my experience. I don’t want to use that great. You use that. I’m going to use rejection sensitivity. And we can still be friends. Okay, we can still be friends. I can’t wait to talk to you next week. Listen. Let me know what you think. Be sweet, be kind, be gentle. I will try to receive criticism with grace and dignity. I will try to put all of my skills to work. I will try to not freak out. Have an overwhelmed nervous system like I definitely wanna hear how you resonated or didn’t resonate with this.

And listen, we’re cool, either way. All right, I can’t. Wait to talk to you next week. I’ll see you, then bye, bye. If you’re being treated for your ADHD, but you still don’t feel like you’re reaching your potential, you’ve got to join focused. It’s my monthly coaching membership where I teach you how to tame your wild thoughts and create the life that you’ve always wanted, no matter what season of life you’re in or where you are in the world focused is for you. All. Materials and call recordings are stored in the site for you to access at your convenience. Go to I aveadhd.com/focused, for all the info you.