Podcast Episode #24: Motivation – Why we don’t have it and how we can get it

This episode is sponsored by CURE Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. CURE is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. So when I’m scrambling through my day forgetting my water again, CURE helps me to catch up fast. I throw a few packs in my bag and it makes drinking enough water simple, which for my ADHD brain is basically a miracle. So staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, tastes great, and it actually works. And bonus, CURE is FSA HSA approved. So you can use those funds to stay hydrated. The smart way For I have ADHD podcast listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com IhaveADHD with the code IHAVEADHD. And if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about CURE right here on the podcast. It really does help to support the show. Don’t just drink more water, also upgrade it with cure. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristen Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? You are listening to The I have ADHD podcast episode number 24. Today we are going to talk all about motivation, which I know is a huge issue for us, all of us. If you do not struggle with motivation then you do not have adhd. That just is what it is. You can’t be motivated to do everything and also have adhd. So one of the key defining factors of someone who, who has ADHD is someone who knows the right thing to do but just cannot seem to motivate themselves to do that right thing. So you are in good company. We are going to talk all about it today. We’re gonna cry, we’re gonna laugh, we’re gonna hug, we’re gonna be okay together. I am having an awesome day today. I’m so excited to be here. I just read a quote that said what an amazing experience it is even just to exist. And that’s kind of like the place where I am at this very moment. And I know that life is a roller coaster and it’s not always great, but I am just really enjoying life today. It is my first born son son’s birthday and he made me a mama, so that’s a really fun thing. He is such a lovely human. He is my most challenging child to parent. He is helping me to become more mature. He holds me to a higher standard. I suspect that he has some enneagram1 characteristics. If you listen to last week’s episode episode on the enneagram, you will know what I mean by that. But he’s a perfectionist, which I know makes it really hard for him to have a mother with adhd. So I am sure that I am screwing him up, but I intend to pay for his therapy bills later. So that’s how I’m going to make it up to him. So yes, 11 years ago today I had Owen and what an interesting experience birth is. Maybe one day we’ll do an episode all about parenting, motherhood and the birth experience. I think that ADHD absolutely played a part in my birth. My inability to focus during labor was very apparent as I reflect and look back and it’s just really weird to see how ADHD affects absolutely every single part of your life. It’s so strange to me. You know, these are the things that the doctors don’t tell you when you get a diagnosis that like, hey, this is actually going to affect every area of your life, down to the nitty gritty stuff. And so lucky us, you guys, this is why it’s so paramount that we really take our diagnosis seriously and we embrace that diagnosis. I think it’s most helpful for me to really identify with the diagnosis, to see my life through the lens of ADHD so that I can make really healthy choices and really embrace the strengths and weaknesses of my neurodevelopmental disorder. So that’s where I am today. It’s a good day to be alive. So let’s chat about motivation. I get a ton of questions in the Facebook group and on Instagram about motivation. And just in general, you know, I work with ADHD students in my day job, and parents are constantly complaining that their kids are super motivated to do the things that they want to do and have zero motivation to do the things that they don’t want to do. And I think it’s really important for all of us to recognize that you don’t grow out of that. You carry that on into adulthood. That doesn’t go away. And so if you find yourself really able to hyper focus on things that you find to be entertaining, fun, exciting, but then you just cannot make yourself do the tasks that you feel like are mundane, are maybe a little bit above your head, that you don’t understand, you don’t know the steps or that really just like, you just hate. That is a very normal and natural part of having adhd. So I invite you to accept that about yourself. That just is. Is what it is. So now what are you gonna do with it? Right? What are you gonna do with it now that you know it? So the first thing that I will say that is the most important part of getting motivated to do anything is, number one, being properly treated and properly supported for adhd. Now, I haven’t gone on a rant about this in several episodes, so I think that it is time for me to go on another rant. Here’s the deal. If you are not treated somehow for adhd, whatever that treatment looks like for you, I am a fan of medication. I believe the research that says that medication is, you know, documented to be the most effective, effective treatment for adhd. But if you are not someone who can take medication or who really likes the idea of medication, or, you know, who’s just like, totally not gonna do it, okay, Totally fine. You get to be a grownup and make your own decisions, which is amazing. And so there are other options out there like supplements and seeing a naturopathic doctor. And I have even heard that specific types of chiropractors can help ADHDers. So medication, supplements, all of that is super, super, super important. Additionally, get a therapist, my friend. Oh, my gosh. You need somebody speaking into your life. If not a therapist, then a coach. Hire somebody to point out your weaknesses, to point out your blind spots, to see your patterns of behavior, and to help you to overcome them. So just because you have this neurodevelopmental disorder does not mean that you are not able to function at a high level in the world you are. ADHDers can do anything as long as we are properly treated, properly supported, spending our money on our ADHD brains and making them amazing. So get yourself a coach, get yourself a therapist, get yourself somebody who’s going to call out your crazy, call out your weaknesses, call you out on your blind spots. You know, sometimes this can be somebody in our lives, but honestly, I think it works so much better when it is somebody that we are actively. I know this sounds weird, but like paying somebody to do it. Because the thing is, somebody in our lives, like a partner, a spouse, a friend, a family member, they have all of this, like, all of these feelings around our drama, right? But if you hire a coach or a therapist, they don’t really. They’re not like attached to our feelings, they’re not attached to anything, but they just see like, oh, well, this is like, you have some obvious patterns of behavior here that we need to remedy. And I have found that to be super, super helpful. So the first step in becoming motivated to do the things that you don’t want to do is make sure you are being properly treated for adhd. It is serious. It affects every area of your life. You’re never going to function at the highest level. You’re never going to be able to reach your full potential. And unless you are treated. Okay, wow, that was a good one. It’s just been a long time since I’ve gone there and I went there, which I’m totally fine with. Okay, so the main reason why we struggle with motivation is because we have a major lack of dopamine in our brains. Now, dopamine is a neurotransmitter and it allows us to feel good about the things that we do. So the problem is that if we don’t want to do the dishes, it’s an issue because we don’t get a huge dopamine hit from doing dishes. Do you know what I’m saying? The inconsistency in motivation and performance is the most puzzling aspect of adhd. I am reading right now from an article in Attitude magazine titled the Mystery of ADHD Motivation Solved. That title is a little click baity. I would say that. I don’t know, that’s a little clickbaity if you ask me. But the article itself is real good and I will link to it in the show notes. Okay, so let me read a little bit from this article, recent research offers considerable evidence that ADHD is not a quote, unquote, willpower thing, even though in many ways it appears to be a lack of willpower. When individuals with ADHD are faced with a task that is really interesting to them, not because someone told them that it ought to be interesting, but because it actually is interesting to them at that moment. That perception, conscious or unconscious, changes the chemistry of the brain instantly. This process is not under voluntary control. So the problem with us ADHDers is that when we find something interesting, we can totally be excited about it because our brain changes in a moment, okay? However, when we are not interested in something, like if somebody says, like a teacher, you know, if you think back to your academic career, if a teacher is like, okay, you have to write this paper, well, that’s not interesting. I don’t care about whatever, you know, like the butterfly, I don’t want to do research on it. I don’t care about it. And so we don’t have that chemical dopamine in our brain to help us to just like, do it anyway, to get excited about it. So the article goes on to say that we have a problem with neurotransmission. For many years, it has been recognized that individuals with ADHD tend to chronically have insufficient release and reloading of the neurotransmitter dopamine at synaptic junctions of neurons in the networks that manage executive functions. Now, basically, that means that we are going to suck at executive functions, all right? And executive functions include prioritizing, planning, problem solving, getting started, finishing working memory, all of those things that basically allow you to be an awesome adult. So we’re going to struggle with all of them. The article continues. Many studies have demonstrated that treatment with stimulant medication improves the efficiency of neural communication. Woo. That’s awesome, right? So if you are someone who totally struggles with motivation, if you’re someone who sees that, you know, when you’re interested in something, you can totally go all in. But when you’re not interested in something, it doesn’t matter. You just can’t make yourself do it and you’re not being treated with a stimulant, I highly recommend a discussion with your doctor to see if that is something that is a good fit for you. Now, I am taking medication, but I am actually not on a stimulant medication. And part of that is because in my adult life, at the ripe old age of 38 years old, I actually don’t struggle so much with motivation anymore. I’ve learned so many coping mechanisms for adhd. I have been coached. I’ve gone through cognitive training. I have improved my working memory, my processing, and all of the executive functions. So I have had the privilege of getting to the point where it is not a huge issue for me to be motivated. I’ve also figured out my why, which is going to be the next topic that we discuss. So I am extremely motivated to go to work because I know exactly why I want to go to work. I’m extremely motivated to keep my house clean most of the time because I know exactly why I want to keep my house clean. I’m extremely motivated to have friendships with five to 10 people in my life because I know exactly why I want to have those friendships. So let’s move on to the topic of why. This again, goes back to living with vision, which, as you know, is a huge thing that’s helped me and is helping many people to understand why they show up the way they do and to become very, very motivated. So what is your vision? Why do you want to have a job? So if you’re not motivated to go to work, what I would really encourage you to do is think about the reasons why you go to work. Do you go to work to have fun? Do you go to work to make money? Do you go to work so that you’re not homeless? So if you’re not motivated to go to work, I would question, like, if I were to say you would be homeless tomorrow if you didn’t go to work, would you be motivated? So sometimes it just really takes getting down to a big why. So one of the reasons, and I know I talk about money a lot, but I think that we just don’t talk about it enough in general, not only just in society, but among ADHDers, because it’s such a huge deficiency among ADHDers is like money. And so I want to say over and over and over that I am super motivated to make money and to have a job and to show up as my best self at my job because I really see how my life is so much easier when I have options. My life is so much easier when I’m medicated, when I have the money to spend on medication, on coaching, on therapy, on all of the things that make my life better. So figuring out your why, maybe you want work at a fast food restaurant and you’re struggling with that, but figure out your why. Like, if you did not work there, then you would not be able to, what, buy food or have your apartment or pay for your adhd medication. So those things are a really good motivator. And I don’t think it’s wrong to have money as a motivator because in our society, it’s just. It’s an important part. It’s an important part of being a grown up. It’s an important part of life. I really enjoy keeping my house clean, although I’m looking around it right now and it’s a hot mess. But before I transition out of podcast mode and go to my day job company, I’m going to tidy it up. There’s several reasons for that. Number one, my husband is a neat freak and he gets upset when he comes home home to a messy house. So he has taught me that cleaning up after myself is one way that I can love him. Well, it’s one way that I can show him respect. Now I really love my husband and so that is a good motivator for me. Also, when my kids walk in the door, I want them to feel at peace. So they’re going to get home in three hours. And like I said, it’s Owen’s birthday. I want him to come home to a of weeks couple cozy house. Not that everything’s going to be perfect. It’s not. But I know exactly why I want to clean up. Even though I hate cleaning up, I’m not really good at it. I get distracted. I need a body double of a podcast in order to do anything. But I have a really strong motivation. My motivation is it doesn’t feel good when my family members are upset with me because I’ve left a huge mess. That’s a really good motivation. Okay, so figuring out your why, getting to an internal motivation I think is really, really key. Also, you know, dopamine, which we lack in the brain, is basically like the body’s reward system, right? So it’s basically for a neurotypical person. For someone who does not have adhd, they get a hit of dopamine. When they do the mundane tasks of life, like, let’s say, their finances, they get a release of dopamine that’s like the reward system, like, good job, that felt good. Let’s do it again. And we don’t have that. So I would highly suggest figuring out rewards for yourself, external rewards that you can create for yourself, yourself. So, for example, I love the show Grey’s Anatomy. So if I were to want to create a reward for myself, I could say, okay, I am not going to watch Grey’s Anatomy. I watch it on Hulu, right? Usually on a Friday or a Saturday. So I’m not going to watch Grey’s Anatomy until I’ve done the laundry. So I make myself do the hard thing first, knowing that there’s going to be a reward at the end. Another really good way to do this is to say, I’m not going to go on. Well, remember when I said this? Oh, it was so adorable. I’m not going to go on Instagram until I work out or I’m not going to drink my coffee in the morning until I’ve taken my ADHD medication. So creating a reward system for yourself externally is really amazing. We do this in my day job company all the time. So we work with students who struggle in school and, and with our ADHD students, they don’t just show up and do the work. They just don’t. So they need rewards. So if they’re young, we have like a coin system and they get coins when they do a good job and they lose coins when they are intentionally not working hard. And it’s just like an external reward and consequence system that is immediate feedback and it really, really helps. So, so figuring out how you can reward yourself in real life is amazing. So let’s say you really want to budget and you haven’t been able to make yourself sit down and do your finances. First of all, don’t be afraid to ask for help. And second of all, create a reward for yourself. So if you want to do it weekly or bi weekly, you know, you can say, every time that I sit down and budget, I’m going to allow myself $10 to buy anything I want on Amazon. That’s a pretty great reward. And I will tell you, the money that you save by budgeting far exceeds the $10 that you’re gonna spend on Amazon. So figuring out those reward systems is going to be amazing for yourself. And lastly, I would say that making sure that you’re writing down the things that you really want to do. So another part of ADHD is that our working memory really, really sucks. Okay, so the article that I was reading in Attitude magazine continues and says the second factor that influences the ability to pay attention to some tasks but not to others is the relative weakness in working memory that is characteristic of many persons with adhd. Working memory is essential for keeping in mind relative process priorities of our various interests at any given time. So basically, it’s super hard for us to even remember what our priorities are. So maybe, and this happens to me all the time, like, I know that I want to be someone who moves my body every day, but Can I tell you that I forget, Like, I literally forget. I forget to eat, I forget to move, I forget to brush my teeth. Although I never leave the house without brushing my teeth. But like, I will get to like 11am and be like, wait, did I brush my teeth? I forget to take my medicine, I forget to do all the normal things. Remember when I talked about our morning routine and it’s basically like, hey, if you just like, couldn’t maybe not die, that would be great. Like, literally that’s what we’re dealing with. Our working memories sucks. It just does. So if you have something that you want to do or that your partner or your roommate or your friend or your parent has said, like, hey, this is really important to me that you get this done and you do want to do it, write it down, put it somewhere on the wall. Buy 5 million sticky notes because you’re going to need them. I highly, highly, highly recommend that you write down the things that you do want to do do. So even if it’s, you know, clean up before you leave the house, write a sticky note. What I have started doing is taking a stop and think moment before I walk out the door every time. I used to forget things like nobody’s business, and now I take a stop and think and I say to myself, phone, wallet, keys, computer charger, lunch. Nine and a half times out of ten, I haven’t packed a lunch because I hate packing lunch. It’s so annoying. Guess who wakes up every morning and packs my kids lunches? My husband, because he’s methodical and he remembers that it needs to be done. So I look at him like, oh, yeah, the kids need lunches and I’ll help, but I rarely remember to get it started. It’s annoying to him, it’s annoying to me, but it is what it is. So I don’t really fight against that anymore. I don’t fight against reality. I embrace reality and I try to figure out ways to work within my reality. All right, I am not motivated to do things that I do not find to be fun, but I am really motivated if I can figure out why I want to do them. So, for example, we are currently renovating our family room. I’ve mentioned it since several times. And my job is to paint the built ins. I’ve also mentioned that painting them black. And I’m about halfway done with the sanding and the prepping. And I will tell you, it’s not fun, it’s not exciting. I do not get a dopamine hit from it. It’s not stimulating for my brain. It’s not something I want to hyper focus on. However, I can see the finished product in my mind. I can imagine what it’s going to be like. And that is motivating to me. So the actual task is not motivating, but picturing myself sitting on the couch looking at that black built in with my TV mounted there with like awesome decorations on it. That’s super motivating. I want to get there. And so I am willing to suffer through the annoying, you know, mundane task of like sanding, filling nail holes, painting it black, painting a second coat, and then after that, polyurethane. I mean, honestly, it’s going to be terrible, but it’s going to be so worth it. So you have to figure out your why. You have to make sure that you are properly treated for adhd, and making external consequences or rewards for yourself can be really, really helpful. Remember, everyone struggles with this to some degree, which is why you probably have a lot of people in your life being like, oh, yeah, well, I struggle with that too. Maybe I have adhd. Which if you’re listening and you don’t have adhd, you’re just listening on behalf of someone that you love. That is a really defeating thing for us ADHDers to hear because we actually have a clinical diagnosis of a neurodevelopmental disorder that hinders us in more than one area of our lives on a daily basis to a debilitating extent. Okay, so it’s hard. Living with ADHD is really hard. So just because someone you know can’t pay attention once in a while or isn’t motivated once in a while, doesn’t mean that they have ADHD. We ADHDers have it to a debilitating extent where it affects everything. So basically, if your life isn’t falling apart, you don’t have adhd. It just is what it is, right? Unless you’re being treated for it. Okay, friends, everyone struggles. Everyone struggles with motivation. Everyone struggles. Even neurotypical people struggle with different things in their lives. And that’s just part of the human experience. So I want to invite you to embrace your humanity. You’re just human. It’s okay. There are things that you can do to make your life better. There are things that you can do to make sure that you’re motivated to do the things that you actually want to do. All right? Do not beat yourself up. But also do not view yourself as a victim of your adhd. You have options, you have choices. You’re still held accountable for the things that you do or don’t do, right? So know that there’s treatment, there’s therapy, there’s supplements, there’s coaching. All of that stuff is available to you to make you a better and better and better and better version of yourself. All right, that’s it. It’s been so much fun being with you today. Please, please make sure to rate and review the podcast. It’s the best thank you note ever. And I’m telling you, that dopamine hit gives me the motivation to continue. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please take a second and rate and or review the podcast. Find me on Instagram. Haveadhdpodcast. Join my Facebook group. I have ADHD support for adults and you can visit my website. I have adhd. Com. Can’t wait to talk to you next time. Bye.