This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. You know that moment for me, it’s around like 2 or 3pm when my ADHD brain just decides we’re done for the day. We’re done here. The afternoon slump hits, the lights go off upstairs and suddenly answering an email or doing basically anything feels like climbing a mountain. That’s when I reach for Cure Energy. It’s a clean plant based energy drink mix made with 100 milligrams of natural caffeine and electrolytes so I get the focus and hydration boost I need without jitters, without a crash and without that like I drink battery acid Vi vibe that some of the energy drinks have. The peach tea and akai berry flavors are my current go to’s crisp, refreshing and they don’t taste fake, y’. All. They don’t taste fake. I’ll drink one before recording a session or when I need to get help through like that afternoon drag. And honestly I I drink it anytime. My brain just needs to cooperate. What’s wild is that Cure Energy is only 25 calories and has zero added sugar. It actually helps me stay hydrated while giving me energy. Okay, I love coffee, but coffee could never Staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, it tastes great and it actually works. And remember, Cure is FSA HSA approved which is amazing. You can use that money to pay for cure and for I have ADHD listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD. And if you do get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really helps to support the show. Don’t just drink more. Upgrade it with Cure. Parlez tout francais? Hablas espanol? Parle Italiano? If you’ve used Babbel, you would Babbel’s conversation based techniques teaches you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world. With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, Babbel is like having a private tutor in your pocket. Start speaking with Babbel today. Get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription right now at babbel.com wandery spelled b a b b e l.com wandery rules and restrictions may apply. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education and encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host, Kristin Carter, and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 122. I am medicated, I am caffeinated, and I am ready to roll. How are you? How are you? How are you? Oh, my goodness. This is a big day in the Carter home. Our three boys started school today and it is a very big deal. Owen is in eighth grade. He, he’s nearly a man, you guys. He starts high school in one year. I cannot handle it. He’s only an inch shorter than me and I’m a pretty tall woman. I’m five, eight, five nine, kind of a situation. He got braces last week. He’s just so old. Charlie is in sixth grade, currently enjoying his very first day of middle school. He took his first bus ride since kindergarten. Our elementary school that we moved into when he was in first grade doesn’t have any buses. It’s a walking school. So now that he’s going to middle school, he’s riding the bus. Super fun. He’s like ready to take on the world and transition into this, like, more grown up phase. And I’m really, I’m so happy for him. Crosby is in second grade and let me tell you, he is the most sparkly, delightful, animated child you will ever meet. Maybe it’s just because he’s like my last kid. He’s my baby. I don’t know. Do all of the parents out there feel this way about their last kid? It’s like, oh my gosh, he’s perfect. He’s just got a spark, you know? But anyway, I’m just feeling so in love with my kids right now. And for the first time ever since becoming a parent of school age kids, I’m like, really sad that school is starting. I’m always sad that summer’s ending, but I’m really, really sad that school is starting. Because this summer, for the first time ever, I had the luxury of, of having an office outside of my tiny little home and having reliable childcare and having my husband be home and available to me. Usually he is traveling a ton in the summer and it’s like his really busy season. He’s had A lot of events with his previous job. However, gosh, we really need to do a podcast with Greg because he’s got some updates, and that includes being happily unemployed. So. So although he’s, you know, busy working on a new venture, he’s been really available to me and the kids this summer, which, my gosh, is so relieving and amazing. And I know that this is, like, super luxurious and full of privilege, and I’m acknowledging it because I’ve lived without all of these privileges. Having to work, like, inside my home that’s very small with all the kids, and then, you know, some summers not having reliable childcare, and then also having my husband who travels. So, like, this summer, all of the stars aligned, and it just. It really felt luxurious and fun. And so I ended up having the best summer with the kids. They spent most of their days at the little community pool that we go to, which totally mimics the sandlot pool, if you’ve ever seen the sandlot. Which, side note, like, I totally hope that you’ve seen it, because it’s a great movie. So if not, like, pause this, go watch it. But then I’d meet them there after work, and I just sit in the shade and hang out in the heat while they swam. It was, like, so good. So I still plan to spend most of my evenings on the back porch with a glass of wine, little Cabernet in hand. But, you know, next week, all the sports start, so we’re going to be busy running kids around to their various activities. Marching band, water polo, soccer, all the things they start up soon. So, anyway, it’s just we’re going to buckle up and enjoy this new season of life. But I am in a little bit of, like, sadness with the summer ending. I wonder if you are feeling the same way. All right, so I’m going to interrupt this intro just very briefly for an ad break. That’s right, my friends, an ad break. Because podcasting isn’t easy, and it isn’t free. This podcast is brought to you by Focused. Focused is a coaching program where I help adults with ADHD create the life that they’ve always, always dreamed of. I’m a qualified, certified, experienced life coach who has coached hundreds of ADHD clients. I have thousands of coaching hours under my belts, and I’ve transformed my own life in the last three years. And I am a very difficult, stubborn client. So whether you’ve been formally diagnosed with ADHD or you’re simply sick and tired of feeling like there’s something holding you back, I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to take control of your life, and I’m uniquely positioned to help you do it. I’ll show you how. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused to learn more. Whew. Thank you for enduring that. Thank you. Thank you. Because I really appreciate you listening to my ads. Now let us continue with the content, shall we? So I want to let you know that this podcast episode is less about ADHD specifically and more about handling life right now. There’s a lot going on in our world and I want to take some time to acknowledge it, talk about it, and give you some of my own coping strategies on how to deal with it. I think that even a trigger warning might be appropriate for this episode because we’re going to be chatting about the events happening in the world right now and I’m going to be leading you through an exercise to feel and process your emotions. And if you’re not in a safe place or if you’re not in the right mental headspace for this type of episode, I encourage you to skip it and maybe find an older episode that better suits your needs right now. And you can always come back to this one later. If you’re looking for an older episode that maybe you haven’t listened to before, I recommend going all the way back to episode 11 and listening to one of my very favorite episodes from when I was a brand new podcaster called five Life Changing Beliefs. But if you’re here for this episode and you feel like you can handle some of this deep conversation, welcome. First, I want to acknowledge that I know I have listeners all over the world and depending on where you’re listening from, your location will likely be impacting what’s on your mind and what’s on your heart today. As you interact with my words, I want to take a moment and acknowledge that ADHD doesn’t discriminate. So you might be old or young or rich or poor or gay or straight or trans or American or European or Australian or Asian or African or South American or whatever, and we are all dealing with some of the same things, but also we’re dealing with some very drastically different things. Things right now. Okay? But what we all have in common is that we all have adhd. And I’m a firm believer that ADHD is enough to connect us. You are my people and I am your people. And as a collective like listenership, we are each other’s people. So I hope that this episode, and just this podcast in general, helps you to feel Less alone in the world right now. Now, here’s the thing with adhd. We are easily distracted by our emotions. We are easily distracted by extraneous stimulus. We have a very hard time prioritizing what to focus on. We have a hard time putting things aside that aren’t urgent right now so that we can focus on and prioritize what is urgent right now. And that means that the things going on in the world are likely a distraction to us, whether we realize it or not. So getting onto social media or watching the news and seeing all kinds of world events taking place can be very, very triggering and even debilitating. And there’s a sense that we should know what’s happening in the world, right? But how do we protect ourselves so that we can still function as humans with families and jobs and dreams? I don’t know if you’ve experienced, you know, showing up to work, maybe opening social media just, you know, as you’re getting things ready to start your day, and seeing either images or a news post or a post by a friend who has a different opinion from you, and you’re just so triggered and so distracted by your strong emotions that really your whole day is kind of, like, driven off course. I hope I’m not the only one that has experienced this, and I really don’t think that I am. There have been times when I have engaged with either news or images or videos or people on social media, and I’ve been so emotionally charged that it has derailed my entire day. And I have not been able to produce, to show up as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a human. And that’s what I want to talk about today. The world is a heavy place. It’s a really, really, really, really heavy place. And in this episode, I want to acknowledge that and make some space for it. Now I’m recording this podcast on Friday, August 27, 2021, and just in the last two weeks, there’s been a devastating earthquake in Haiti. The Taliban has taken over Afghanistan. Just yesterday, there were suicide bombers in Kabul who killed both Afghans and American troops. And the COVID 19 Delta variant numbers are surging in different parts of the world. Guys, are you okay? It’s basically what this podcast is for today. Like, are you okay? There’s so much going on. There’s so much pain happening right now. Are you taking time to feel it and to process it? Are you taking time to grieve the losses that you, your loved ones, your country and the world are experiencing? I know this like Sounds maybe a little dark. And it’s not the most peppy feel. Good advice. But I’m here today to encourage you to intentionally feel pain. Yeah, I know you heard me. Set aside some time to feel pain, to grieve, to acknowledge what’s happening, and to let the pain of it course through you. Because if you don’t, I promise you it will be a distraction to you. And you might not even notice it. But it might look like you being more irritable or having trouble sleeping, being more emotionally explosive on people that you love and feel safe with, being more prone to buffering, overeating, over drinking, over porning, daydreaming, physical pain like neck pain, back pain, migraines, and, you know, whatever, you fill in the blank. It might manifest itself differently in each of us, but it will likely be a distraction. As someone with a mental health diagnosis, I want you to know the signs of unprocessed pain so that you can allow yourself to feel. If you don’t process it through your body, it’s going to stay in your body. Now, disclaimer. I’m a life coach. I’m a qualified, certified, experienced life coach. I’m not a therapist, I’m not a psychologist, okay? And I encourage you, if you are dealing with a lot of triggers right now, with a lot of pain, if a lot of traumas are coming up for you, I beg you to go see a therapist, a psychologist. There are online resources like BetterHelp and services that are maybe affordable for you. And I do want to encourage you that, like, this podcast is just meant to get the ball rolling. But if there is some serious pain, trauma, trigger going on for you, I want to encourage you to see a professional, someone who is highly qualified to help you deal with this so that you can take care of yourself and be the most functional, thriving human that you can be. Okay? Disclaimer over. Moving on. I’m going to say that again. If you don’t process your pain through your body, it will stay in your body and, you know, perhaps contrary to what you’ve been told your entire life, your body doesn’t lie. My therapist said that to me in a session yesterday, and it really blew my mind. I mean, it’s just so obvious. But as someone who has been conditioned to dismiss the way that she feels her entire life, being told that my body doesn’t lie was, like, groundbreaking for me. Right? Your body doesn’t lie when it’s feeling something strong. Pay attention, listen to it, make space for it, process it. Now, I’m going to walk you through just a short emotion processing exercise now because I want to give you all of the free help that I can give you. But listen, like I said, see a therapist, see a psychologist. And if you want to take this coaching, work deeper. Come join me in my ADHD coaching program, focused, right. So I can spend quality time teaching you the skill of how to feel and process and handle these emotions so that you can expand into the person who can feel the full spectrum of emotions without being completely distracted and derailed by them for hours or days or weeks at a time. Okay, so what is it that’s on your mind? Your heart, in your body? Today, I know that we have so many listeners all over the world, on every continent. You’re each dealing with some likely similar heaviness, but then some also very specific to you. Pain. I want you to feel it. Where is it? In your body. The first and most important thing to do is just to locate the pain and to pull your attention to it. Now, I know this is seemingly counterintuitive because we’ve spent most of our lives trying to escape pain. But in order to process our emotion, we must bravely move toward it. So find it in your body. Really focus on it. Does it have motion? Sometimes it’ll feel like pressure or a clenching or a pulse of some sort. So for you, is it moving? Is there motion to it? And as you’re focusing all of your attention on this pain, if you have to assign it a color, what color would it be then? What is the name of this emotion that you’re feeling? Is it sadness? Grief, Anger, Loss or devastation? Frustration or powerlessness or regret or fear? What is it? Maybe it’s something else for you. What name would you give to it? Take some time to breathe deeply into it. Maybe you notice tears welling up. Maybe you’re even ugly crying by now. That’s okay. We’re here together. Your fellow listeners are here with you as well. And we’re collectively feeling the weight of the world. And we’re doing it intentionally right now. So as you breathe into that emotion, you might notice it intensifying and then dissipating. I’ve heard it said that emotions have about a 90 second lifespan. I remind myself of this when I’m feeling really acute emotional pain. Just remind myself, I can handle this for 90 seconds because I can do anything for 90 seconds and so can you. You might notice that the emotion comes back like a wave. And as it does, I encourage you to go through the same processing exercise instead of resisting it, as so many of us are prone and really conditioned to do. I invite you to open up to it and welcome it. This is part of being human. Feeling grief for the events happening in your neighborhood, in your life, in your world. It’s part of being human. Because we feel grief, we can also experience the opposite of grief. Joy, elation, pleasure. I’m so thankful we get to feel those positive emotions, but we don’t get to experience them without having the contrast of the negative emotion. One of the things that I’ve been able to do since really being in tune with my body is to stop, breathe and feel. It’s kind of like stop, drop and roll, only less terrifying. Most of the time it’s. That’s terrifying. Stop. Like just pause. It’s halting what you’re doing. Just stop. And then breathe and turn your gaze inward. Feel. Allow yourself to really intensely and intentionally feel whatever is coming up for you. You may have to do this once a day, or maybe 20 times in a day, but I promise you it’ll make a huge difference. It’ll make a huge improvement in your ability to handle life. Stop, breathe and feel. The last thing I want to say here, that you are a human being who is not meant to carry the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. So it’d be very appropriate for you to have boundaries with your news consumption. It would be very appropriate for you to have boundaries with the conversations that you engage with online or in person. It would be very appropriate for you to have boundaries around who you follow on social media and what you expose yourself to. It would be very appropriate for you to have boundaries around what images you look at and what videos you will watch. I firmly and fully believe that we are not meant to have truly 247 access to the world’s pain and suffering. We’re human beings. We are not robots. Technology has evolved beyond our human capacity to tolerate and to handle. And what I mean by that is we have the technology to see images, videos and live footage of unbelievable pain and suffering and trauma all over the world. But our human brains and our bodies were never meant to be able to carry all of that and hold it and tolerate it and process of it and still function. We get triggered. And especially those of us with a mental health diagnosis, we have adhd. We are going to hyper focus and obsess over the things that matter the most to us. With world issues and issues happening in our lives and our family’s lives and our communities, we will often watch a video or read a news post and then be non functional for the entire day because of what it triggers. Triggers in us, friends, we must implement healthy boundaries so that we can keep our jobs and our relationships and sleep and take care of ourselves and have our priorities straight. I was on Instagram this morning, as is my custom, because Instagram is awesome. And I saw a post, or I mean a quote by Nadia Bolz Weber and I thought it was so fitting for this podcast. So I’d like to read it for you here. Nadia says, I just do not think that our psyches were developed to hold, feel and respond to everything coming at them right now. Every tragedy, injustice, sorrow and natural disaster happening to every human across the entire planet in real time, every minute of every every day. The human heart and spirit were developed to be able to hold, feel and respond to any tragedy, injustice, sorrow or natural disaster that was happening in our village. So hear me. I’m not saying don’t be informed. I do not think Nadia bolts. Weber is saying don’t be informed. But what I do want to communicate is no, yourself. What do you have capacity for? What boundaries do you need to put in place so that you can be a fully functioning human? What do you want to decide to focus on in your own community, in places in your own community where you can affect real change? I was talking to a neighbor friend yesterday. She happens to have ADHD as well. We were sitting, sitting at our little sandlot pool and she was telling me how she never looks at the news or reads her personal email during her workday because if she does, she’s so distracted by what’s happening in the world that she literally can’t function. She can’t do her job, she gets in trouble at work. She just cannot do both. And she’s not being an uninformed citizen. She’s simply understanding that she is a priority. Her ability to do her job and provide for her family must come first. My suggestion and what I’ve been doing, if you want to watch the news, plan for a time to do so and be really intentional about it. Make time and space to feel and process your emotions and take care of yourself after your news consumption so that you, you can be an informed citizen. And maybe if you want to donate money or partner with organizations that are on the ground helping, you can do that. But then you can take care of yourself and you can cope and you can get back to your life and your people and your world. I’m going to say this again. Remember, you are a human who was not meant to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. And your worth is not measured by how much you know about world events. If you can’t actively help donate, participate in relief efforts, it might make sense for you to have some boundaries around what you consume, what you read, what you watch, what you engage with, what conversations you’re willing to have. And if you find yourself being more irritable or in pain or distracted, I encourage you to take time to stop, breathe and feel. Process your emotions, go for a walk, have a good cry, ask your partner for a hug, pray, meditate. Do the things that help you cope. Because you matter. And you being a functional human being in the world for your work, for yourself, for your family, for your people, it matters. You are a lovely human. I’m so glad you decided to spend your time with me today and I’m sending you so much love. Bye bye. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, product, time management, emotional regulation, you know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program and I’m confident that you will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the details.
