Episode #129: How to Stop Procrastinating

This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. Cure is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. So when I’m scrambling through my day forgetting my water again, CURE helps me to catch up fast. I throw a few packs in my bag and it makes drinking enough water simple. Which for my ADHD brain is basically a miracle. So staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, tastes great, and it actually works. And bonus, CURE is FSA HSA approved so you can use those funds to stay hydrated. The smart way for I have ADHD Podcast listeners. You can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com ihaveadhd with the code ihaveadhd and if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really does help to support the show. Don’t just drink more water up. Upgrade it with Cure. Shopify’s point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person? We’ve got you covered. How about card readers you can rely on anywhere you sell. Thanks. Have a good one. Yep, that too. Want one place to manage all your online and in person sales? That’s kind of our thing wherever you sell. Businesses that grow grow with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 a month trial@shopify.com listen shopify.com listen. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristen Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor, and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’re listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 129. I am medicated, I am caffeinated times two, and I am ready to roll. How are you? How are you? I am sorry to report that I’m not great. I’ve had a sucky week. I’m in a terrible mood. I hate all the people, I hate all the things, and I wish I was in my bed right now. So how’s that for an intro? Do you like the real or do you want me to fake it or what? Like, this is just where we’re at today. I am a life coach who is completely against toxic positivity and pretending things are okay when they’re not okay. And I am just here today to tell you that I am not okay. I’m not. And not being okay makes me want to procrastinate, put everything off. So I’m here at the last minute recording this lovely intro for you so that you, my wonderful listener, who I’m so grateful for, can have an episode this week. I considered not putting out an episode this week. I was like, it’s not a big deal. Who really cares? I just won’t do one. Then I thought about you, and I thought about how so many of you are really enjoying the consistency of every Tuesday. You know what to expect. You know that there’s going to be an episode for you. And I just. I didn’t want to let you down. I didn’t want to let me down by just, like, blowing it off. And so here we are. I decided to utilize a Focus class this week for this episode because I could not be trusted to write and record a solo show. I just couldn’t do it. Actually, I probably could have done it, but I like myself too much to force myself to do it. So I looked through our Focus Call archives, and I found one that I thought would be really, really helpful, really, really valuable, really applicable to your life right now. For today, it’s a class that I taught a few weeks ago on procrastination, which, of course is ironically fitting for today since I’m wanting to procrastinate on everything, including talking to you. And I’m just like, how much longer until I can just get back into my bed. Do you ever just dream about how great your bed is? Because that’s where I’m at right now. The reasons why we procrastinate, they run so deep. And that’s what we cover in this class. And then you’ll get to hear me coach one of my clients at the very end who just can’t seem to figure out why she’s not taking action in her business. And I help her make sense of that and gain some authority over it. And the reason why I chose to coach someone on this particular call and why I want to share it with you is because I want to illustrate how when we procrastinate, it’s just. It’s more than just, I have adhd. I just don’t manage my time well. Or I’m just not sure what’s happening. I just am procrastinating for no reason. Like, there are reasons and they’re usually pretty deep. So I can’t wait for you to hear it. I know you’re gonna love it. And I want to let you know that I have an entire course within the Focus membership that includes an amazing, like, life changing workbook and four video classes on procrastination. And every Focus member automatically receives this incredible course. And when I say it’s incredible, I know that it’s tooting my own horn. I know, I know it’s saying, like, something I did is awesome. But I’m telling you, this course is life changing. I remember writing it last summer. I remember teaching all of these classes like, this is a life changing course. And all of our Focus members get it at month seven. So we drip the content out three courses at a time so that we don’t overwhelm people. I don’t want you to like show up within Focus and be like, this is too much. It’s overwhelming. So everybody gets it at month seven. But here’s the fun part and I want you to listen up because this is super fun. I’m gonna be giving that entire course on procrastination. I’m giving it away upfront with no waiting as a bonus next week. Now, I’m only doing that through my email list. So if you’re interested in learning more about this, all you have to do is get on my email list to get the details. Okay? So go to my website. I haveadhd.com, opt into any of the freebies that you see on the site. I think there’s three on the very first homepage right there. And that Will automatically put you on my email list and you’ll get all the details of getting the procrastination course right away with no waiting, no having to wait until month seven to get it right. Ah, I’m really excited about it. All right, my friends, please enjoy this class on procrastination. I hope it changes your whole entire life. Okay, shall we get started? We are going to chat today about procrastinating. I know that this is a thing that we all struggle with. I know that this is something that we can absolutely make progress in. But first we have to bring awareness as to why we are procrastinating. I think that what a lot of us do is we’re just like. We notice it and then we judge ourselves for it. And we’re just like, I wish I didn’t do it, but I don’t know how to get myself to stop. Who relates to that? Like, I notice that this is a thing with me. I noticed that it’s way more of a thing for me than it is with anybody else that I interact with. I don’t know. I wish I didn’t do it. It’s really annoying. But I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what to do. We can for sure improve in the area of procrastination, but it’s not going to happen until we become very aware of why we do it. Okay, so I think there’s a couple things at play, and I think that it’s really important to understand that this is going to be an ebb and flow. You’re going to gain some ground in this area and then you’ll kind of revert back and then you’re going to gain some ground and then you’ll revert back. And eventually, in my experience and from all of the coaching hours that I’ve done over the years, what I see is people do make sustained progress, but we always have the capacity to fall back into procrastination if we’re not in a place of self awareness. And being in a place of self awareness takes some effort, it takes some time, it takes some energy. So even if you’ve been in focus forever and you still notice that once in a while, you procrastinate, no problem. Guess who else procrastinates? I do. It’s not a big deal. Especially when you know how to pull yourself out of it. Some of you have a course available to you. Depending on how long you’ve been in focus, you might have the procrastination course available to you. And I really love this workbook. I’m really proud of this workbook. I remember writing this workbook and it being very, very, very difficult to write. But I’m glad that I stuck with it because this workbook is really valuable. So I’m going to cover today an overview of what I teach in the workbook. So the first thing that needs to be stated is that sometimes we just straight up procrastinate because we are not meeting our very basic needs. Sometimes we procrastinate because we just are not eating. We’re not drinking water, we’re not sleeping. We’re not giving ourselves the space to breathe. And so our brains go into this, like, preservation mode where we’re not able to be productive and get anything done because we’re just, like, not taking care of ourselves. And so for some of you, this is just the thing that you need to be focusing on. Like, check in with yourself. Are you taking care of you? Are you eating? When you need to eat, tell me which basic need you personally struggle to meet for yourself. What’s the one that gets you? So, for me, obviously, it’s food. That’s the one that gets me. But it could be sleep. It could be, like, downtime. Drinking water. Yep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Eating food. Gemma says, I’m so guilty of this right now. I keep forgetting to eat, but I also really struggle with sleep. Yep. Yeah. Walking and moving my body. Yeah, that’s another one that’s so important. And when we deny ourselves those, like, small, little. They seem insignificant. But for a lot of us with adhd, like, movement is not insignificant. It’s actually very, very important. And when we deny that, we don’t function as well. Right. Downtime and vitamins, exercise. Yeah, it’s really good. So, you know, if you’re in a place right now where you can eat something, do it. If you’re in a place right now where you can grab a glass of water, please do it. It’s really important that that’s kind of like where we start. Are we medicated? Are we caffeinated? Are we ready to roll? That’s, like, the foundation before we even begin to uncover why we’re procrastinating. Okay. Medicated, Caffeinated, hydrated, satiated. Oh, my gosh. That felt really fun. Grace says I’m eating cookies and heating up a coffee. Good. Go for it. Okay, so that’s number one. Number two, a lot of us procrastinate and we talk about, like, I don’t know why I’m procrastinating. I want to tell you why you’re procrastinating. Lean in real close. It’s because you’re feeling a feeling that you do not want to feel. And so you’re trying to distract yourself with other things from that feeling so you don’t have to lean in to that uncomfortable emotion that’s required in order to get the thing done. There we go. Let’s close in prayer. We’re 10 minutes in. We can just end now. Like, we can just be done, because that’s it. We procrastinate doing the thing because we don’t want to feel whatever it is that that task is evoking in us. So, for example, I’m procrastinating calling my mother in law because I often feel judged when I talk to my mother in law. This is hypothetical. And so I’m going to just put it off and put it off and put it off and put it off. Because really, what I don’t want to feel is judged. If I’m willing to feel judged, I can just give her a call. Right. Or I’m procrastinating doing the dishes because it’s really boring and I don’t like to feel bored. I know it’s easy. I just don’t do it. So I just look at them all day and I think, I don’t want to. It’s going to be so boring. I just look at the dishes all day because I’m not willing to feel bored. Yeah. So Ariel posts a really great question. Could it be that what I don’t want to feel is, like, the trying to focus feeling. Yeah. Effort. Right. Or that, like, I have to get into flow. That’s part of the reason why I procrastinate my podcast is because all of the effort that it takes for me to get into flow, it’s just. It’s taxing. It’s not easy. I. I want things to be easy. It’s not that the podcast, like, I can do the podcast. It’s just like, oh, gosh, like, such an effort. I’ve been mortally afraid of boredom for, like, my whole life. Yes. So good. Right. And so we need to ask ourselves a couple of questions with that. Like, if boredom is the thing for you or whatever that feeling is for you that you are trying to avoid. What’s so bad about feeling that feeling? What’s so bad about it? What’s the worst part about feeling the feeling? Yeah. Kelly says she feels that way about YouTube. Posting on YouTube. Yeah. It’s like, oh, gosh, lack of stimulation. And what’s so bad about lack of stimulation? What’s the problem? Like, let’s define the problem of boredom. It hurts. It hurts. My body physically hurts. What else? It’s uncomfortable. Great. What else? Like, it’s just so boring. Ah, right. So really tapping into, like, oh, it’s not actually a problem. It doesn’t feel good. But that doesn’t mean it’s a problem. This is not fun. Okay, well, what’s the problem with not having fun? Oh, there’s actually not a problem with not having fun. That’s like half of our life. Right. But maybe for you, what you are avoiding is like, fear. So I want to ask my boss for a raise, or I want to ask my boss to be allowed to work from home or whatever. I want to ask my boss something, but I’m afraid. And so in order to not feel that feeling of fear, I’m going to just put off, I’m going to delay, I’m going to avoid asking my boss. The thing that I know will give me a good result if they say yes. You see how we do that? Okay. Another reason why we procrastinate is because we put too many things on our to do list. And our brain just looks at it and it’s like, I don’t even know. I have no idea what you’re trying to do to me. So we make these very bedazzled, beautiful, long lists of things that we think we should be able to do. Because that one time, that one time we were able to do all those things. Remember that one time? Remember that one great day you had where all the stars aligned, where you had a great night’s sleep and you were feeling really good and you were in great energy and the sun was shining and the birds were chirping and you were able to get all that stuff done. And now every day, you expect your days to be like that. Remember that? Yeah. It’s not a thing. And so we make these to do lists or we try to pack in these hours that are just like way too many things. And then our brain literally goes into shutdown mode. Like, it’s too much. There’s too many things here. I can’t prioritize. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do because there’s like, you’re telling me there’s a lot of important things. So I’m just going to shut down and we gonna avoid. Let’s go on Netflix. Let’s go on Instagram. Anybody? Anybody? So a big point here is to Constrain get very, very, very clear on, like, what is that one thing? What’s the one thing that’s going to change everything? If I had to choose one thing that matters today or this, in this hour, what’s that one thing that I need to do in order to constrain down to that one thing? You have to. Pete is nailing it right now. Because the next thing on my list is you have to decide. And a lot of us are procrastinating because we’re putting off deciding what is that important thing that I need to do? Right, it’s putting off making the decision. Now, we talk a lot about decisions. If you’re brand new around here, I will let, like, do a brief overview. But we talk about decisions a lot around here. We talk about how we often want to make our decisions moral. Like there’s a right and there’s a wrong. With 99.9% of the things that we decide during the day, they’re not moral issues. It’s just like vanilla or chocolate. There’s not a right or wrong answer. Now don’t come at me with that because it was just an example. We have to be able to separate morality from just these normal decisions that we need to make. Choose one thing from your to do list and let the other things go. If you have additional time to get more done, amazing. That’s great. That’s so, so good. And if you don’t, that’s okay because you got that one important thing done. What’s coming up for you guys? As I’m saying this, you can put questions in the Q and A and then the last thing which goes into the decision thing is like believing in yourself that you can get it done and that you’ve chosen the right thing. Like just deciding to believe that you’ve got what it takes and that you can accomplish the thing. So let’s use the example of wanting to talk to your boss. Okay, let’s say that it’s been two years since you’ve gotten a raise and you’re like, it’s really time for me to get a raise. But I’m like, really afraid to ask. And I just keep delaying. And maybe your partner keeps saying, like, hey, like, have you asked for that raise yet? And you’re just like, I can’t do it. Like, I don’t want to do it. And everybody’s like saying, hey, you should. Or like, if you’re in business for yourself, you should raise your prices for your clients. Right? And you’re just like, I’m afraid, I’m afraid. So you’re putting it off. The first thing is make sure your basic needs are met. Make sure you’re taking care of you so that you are clear minded, clear headed. And even if you’re not clear minded or clear headed, like at least you’re medicated and you’re caffeinated, you’ve got some food in your belly, you’re ready to roll, right? And then you identify what is it here that I’m trying not to feel? Oh, it’s fear. I’m like so afraid that they’re going to be like, how dare you, how dare you ask for a raise. You’re a terrible person, I hate your guts. Right? Like our brains create these scenarios where people are going to be really mean to us most of the time. People are really nice most of the time. Even if they have to tell us no most of the time they’re still nice about it. Not all the time, but most of the time. And yet we allow our brains to go to the worst case scenario, right? And so allowing yourself to feel whatever fear, anxiety, overwhelm, boredom, whatever the things are that are coming up for you, allowing yourself to feel that is so important, then constraining down to that one thing, what’s the one thing that, that I need to do? So for example, if it’s this like raise situation, maybe the one thing you need to do today is compile data for like why you deserve a raise. What’s the evidence for it? So maybe I’m just going to today I’m just gonna go through my emails and figure that out. And then tomorrow what I’ll do is I’ll go through my files. I don’t even know I’m making things up right now. And then the next thing I will talk to past clients, right? And I’m gonna compile some data. It’s the one thing that’s going to make a difference so that I can do that other big thing, you know what I’m saying? And then decide what’s the thing today. So again, constrain and decide are very closely related. Knowing that there’s only so many things that you can do in a day or in an hour or in a moment. You have to just choose. And we delay choosing because we think, oh my gosh, I don’t want to choose the wrong thing, but, but then we’re just failing ahead of time and we’re just failing by not choosing. Build the belief in yourself. I can do it. I know that this is the Right choice. How do I know it’s the right choice? Because it’s the one that I chose. Where’s the rule book for the right choices? I’m not sure. I don’t know. It’s not there. So I guess I just get to decide. And I get to decide that I can believe that I can do it. I get to decide that this is the thing that I’m doing, and then I can do it. Are there any questions about that process? I would like to coach some of you who are procrastinating. If you have something specific that you are procrastinating on right now. I want to take a couple of you through this process or at least, like, uncover and show. I want you guys to be the example for the whole group of, like, why you’re procrastinating and how this is not just like an easy, quick fix solution, but it is doable to identify what’s going on and shift out of it. So put your hand in the air if you have a specific thing that you’re procrastinating on right now. I’m going to read Jodi’s question first. Sometimes I procrastinate because I realize that as I get into it, it’s actually a lot more than I thought. So I just don’t start. What’s that feeling? Well, I don’t know what feeling that causes in your body, Jodi. For me, that would be like, dread, overwhelm. What’s like, this is too much? What’s the feeling for? This is too much? Yeah, maybe defeat. That’s a good one, Annetta. And so what I would counter that with is like, okay, this is more than I thought, which most of us, when we are starting a project, we’re like, oh, this is going to be great. This is going to be so amazing. I can’t wait to do this project. And then we start. Start the project, and we’re like, oh, my gosh, this is going to take so much longer than I expected. This is going to be so much harder than I thought. And then the question is, like, what’s the problem with that? Do I want the end results or not? Am I willing to take the steps in order to get the end result or not? It’s more about, like, a focus on the end result. So, like, if it’s like, I want to make $100,000 this year, and then you start out and you’re like, oh, my gosh, this is going to take a lot longer, and it’s going to be a lot harder Than I thought. Do you say, oh, I guess I don’t want to make $100,000 anymore? Or do you say, okay, I want to do what it takes? So, like, what do I need to adjust in order to make that happen? Does that make sense? Okay, go. Talk about procrastinating. Tell me about a specific thing that you are procrastinating on. Oh, I recognize you from your slack picture. I’m so excited to talk to you. Oh, how is it? Hello. How are you? So good. How are you? I’m good. I’m grateful to be here. I’m so happy that you are here. Tell me what you’re procrastinating on. I’m procrastinating my taxes. I still haven’t filed last year’s or my quarterly taxes or just taxes in general. Okay, let’s just take a second and ask the our friends how relatable procrastinating on taxes is. Like, oh my goodness, you are not alone. You are in the right place. John says me, and I’m an accountant. Yeah. So you’re procrastinating your taxes? Yes. Why? So I stepped into being a coach and sort of doing independent work in the last year or so. And because of that there were some changes and I have not been paying my, I think my fair share of taxes. And I know it’s probably going to in some ways and I’m going to owe some things, but also just the boring elements of going through. I. Because I outsourced, I, like, had an accounting firm that came in and like, was like, do these things and I tell them exactly what I do. And all I need to do is just bring my, like go through all of my reports from last year and drag them into the QuickBooks. They set everything up for me and I can’t do it. I have not. Tell me about this line. It’s going to hurt. Yeah, Yeah. I just finished paying off like 35, $40,000 in credit card debt over the past two years, which I’m really proud of. Amazing. But that means I’ve been ignoring IRS stuff and I’m pretty sure I’m going to owe another like 15 to 20 to the IRS. And then how do you feel? What’s that feeling in your body feel? Dumb. I can feel it on my body talking about money. I feel it in my body right now. Yeah. What is it? What’s that emotion? Anxiety? Guilt. Ooh, let’s talk about guilt. Yeah, yeah. What’s the thought causing guilt? The guilt is that I have been trained very well and Raised very well to respect money and to do wealth. Money. And I consistently, as soon as I get it, I’m putting it into places that are. I go to festivals and I party. I live in a really nice apartment and I do all those things that outwardly give me that dopamine, not being true to my word of what I say, what I owe, and what I truly get to dedicate this money of where it. Where it actually belongs. Yeah. So it’s like I’m not being honest or something like that. Yes. Yeah. That’ll make me feel guilty. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And when you feel guilt, this is so amazing. When you feel guilt, what do you do? I will definitely go. Yeah. Find something else to fill that space for that time. Yeah. I have a question for you. Do you ever spend money when you feel guilty? Oh, yeah, Right? Yes. Yeah. Okay. So I think a lot of us have been brought up to. To feel or to believe that like, guilt is an emotion that is really useful. Maybe some of our parents used it as weapons, you know, I’m just saying, hypothetically speaking, I’ve heard that that is a thing that happens once in a while to people. It’s fascinating though, that it’s not actually a motivation tool. Right. Like feeling guilty is actually perpetuating more of the action that you’re not wanting to take. So I would just really, really, really be aware of guilt in your body. Can you pinpoint it? Like, where does it live in your body when you’re feeling guilt? Feel it, like right here. So I want that to be a warning bell to you. Like warning, warning. Because I guarantee that that is going to cause more avoidance, more procrastination, and more spending. Yeah. Okay. So we’ve identified what you don’t want to feel like. We don’t like feeling guilty, so we distract ourselves from feeling guilty. Every time we open up the idea, the task of taxes, it’s like overwhelming guilt. Then we have some anxiety, Then all of these other feelings are happening as well. What is the one next step? If we could constrain down to just like one next step with your taxes? What is that? It’s the next step is getting clarity from this accounting firm that I’ve worked with of like, where do my expenses need to be in this quickbooks now? Because again, I knew it was supposed to be like three to four months ago, but I think deadlines have passed and there’s something new that I need to do now. So I need to figure out from them where do they need my information and what emotion Will you have to tolerate in order to make that phone call or send that email, embarrassment? Yes. Yeah. Mostly just, like, embarrassment. Totally. Yeah. And so how many of us. I mean, I think so many of us do this delay and procrastinate because we don’t want to feel embarrassed, but then it just grows. It festers. Right. Where do you feel embarrassment in your body? That’s a little bit back here. Mm. Yep. And so for you, how can you create space for yourself to take care of those big feelings? What does it look like for you to allow yourself to feel? It’s interesting. So I’m going through, like, yoga teacher training and everything right now, and I’m feeling a lot of that through my body. And it’s actually. It’s helped a lot. And again, I’ve. Over the past two months, I’ve expressed this a couple times in Slack. Like, all so many things. I’ve been procrastinating. I’ve been checking them off and they’re going there, and I feel like I’ve been leveling up. But then these really big emotions are really big things. I feel like I’m like Legend of the Hidden Temple. It’s like the last room is like my taxes. And I’m like, oh, my gosh, I want to go back and do all the other things again for this. So. Yeah. But feeling that really big stuff, I think is hard for me. I don’t know if I’ve ever done that. Okay, so this is really relatable. So here’s what I would suggest is what if you set aside some time and start with like, a minute, and then go to two minutes, and then go to three minutes, where it’s like, I’m not even going to do the thing yet. I’m just gonna feel the feeling that’s required for me to do the thing. Because the reason why you’re not doing your taxes is so simple. Yeah. It’s just very deep and complicated. It’s like, I don’t want to feel guilty. I don’t want to feel embarrassed. We can say that logically. But then you have to do the work of allowing those to be present in your body. And that is a skill that you can develop. So it’s like, let me just, like, open that lid just like, a little bit. You know, like, not like, wide open. Like, let me just, like, open it a little bit. And, like, what’s it gonna feel like to feel embarrassed? So one thing that I’ve noticed or pattern myself is I think because I’m a coach as well. I train people to do this, and I find myself, when I want to do that, I sublimate that feeling. I do it in other ways. So, like, over the past couple days, I’ve been feeling this guilt. I’ve been making these Instagram posts about. You know, I dealt with, like, addiction and things like that, and I’ve been sort of, like, not lashing myself, but, like, putting this. These embarrassments out in the world so that I can feel those emotions, but I don’t have to feel the one about money. But I like a lot. I like that I put out all these. I’m getting. Yeah. I consistently do that. If I find other ways to, like, put the things about my life out there without. So that I don’t have to confront this one for myself. And that. Because it makes me feel. I get the dopamine from those. From sharing that, or I get to feel those emotions because I’ve not solved that problem, but I have. I’ve conquered that one. What was the emotion that was coming up for you in the middle of that just right now? It was, like, a little bit of pride, but also. Sadness. A little bit. Yeah. So there’s this thing that we do, especially those of us who have, like. You just have this really magnetic energy. It seems to me like you are. You have hit the nail on the head so beautifully, where it’s like, you’re almost, like, doing procrastivity tasks. Have you heard me use that term before? No, no, no. But I like that. Okay, so it’s like, you have the main task, and there’s these other important tasks that do matter, but they actually keep you from doing the main task. But you can still check them off your list and say, like, well, that was great. So it’s like, I need to do my taxes, but at least I mow the lawn. I need to do my taxes, but at least I paid my bills. I need. Right. Like, all of. But also, there’s this thing that we do where we have this fake vulnerability. Yeah. Yep. And I wonder if that’s part of it, is like, in order to pay my taxes, I gotta get real vulnerable. So I’m gonna just, like, put out all of this stuff about myself that it’s gonna appear vulnerable to the world. It’s not. I’ve actually dealt with it, so it’s not that vulnerable to me. This is exactly it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that vulnerability, embarrassment, guilt, exposure, like, the raw. This is who I am. I’m not saying it needs to be shared, but it does need to be experienced by you. Like, this is the pathway to the taxes. It’s not about, like, you know, what your next step is. It’s just what do I need to feel? What do I need to be willing to be exposed to in order to take that next step. Yeah. And I remember, you know, like, two years ago when I had other stuff backfiled, I did do some research. I found this account. I remember the first, like, calls with that accountant. She was like, what are you. And I had to, like, get really vulnerable with this stranger. It was really tough. But after that, she was like, I’ll take it from here. And she did it. And she, like, did it all together. Boom. She actually, like, got me some money back. But. Yeah, but then coming back to that again, I don’t know, it’s. Yeah, it just. It feels like it’s going to be a lot of work. So maybe we schedule an appointment and we say, this is what I need. I need you to meet with me in person. Yeah. I need you to sit with me while I drag and drop. I’ll pay you whatever it takes. Yeah. Those are the kinds of things that I do. Yeah. I’m just like, I. I’m just. Please, like, let me pay you to sit here with me and babysit me while I do the drag and drop so that it’s done. Yeah. Yep. And I know that about myself. And. Yeah, that’s what I get to do. Did you say that’s what I get to do? Yep. That was so beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And imagine, you know, a grown man saying to an accountant, like, hey, I’m. I just need your help. I’m gonna pay you whatever it takes. So just like charge me. Just charge me for it. Like, we need to get this done right. That’s a self advocacy step. That’s a. I know what I need. That’s. This shouldn’t be easy for me. This should actually be hard. And I’m willing to say those words like, this is actually really hard for me. I know it might seem simple to you, but it’s not. I would really encourage you to do that and feel all of the feelings. But set that meeting, show up to the appointment, have them sit there with you, Just get it done. And also, this is going to hurt is your thought. I think it’s actually going to be so freeing. Yeah. Yes. Go get them. Thank you so much. You’re welcome, honey. I love talking to you. See ya. Love it. All right, who’s next? Hi. Oh, my gosh. I love when I’M like, I know I’ve coached this person before, but who is it? And then I see your face and I’m like, oh. Oh, it’s you. Hi. Tell me the things. What are you procrastinating on? So I feel like maybe if when I was coach before, it could have been the same thing. I am transitioning from being associated with a brand to having my own brand. And it involves a lot of things. And all I need to do my very first step, my next step, you know, like, the next thing is for my existing clients to get them to sign a client service agreement, which I finally now have completed, because there’s legal stuff with that. Then I need to switch their payments, and I don’t have that many to do. And I now know that tomorrow will be two weeks to a day that I said on a group call with other financial planners. That’s my priority today. Two weeks ago tomorrow I needed to do it, and I’m still sitting today not doing it. Okay, tell me why. Well, I think going back to the beginning of the call, like, it’s boring. It’s the admin stuff that I don’t like to do, I’m not good at because I’ll mess up a step or I’ll, you know, do something wrong. I think realistically, I still have next month to get it done. Like, I’ll still. Why does it even need to happen? Because I need to start charging my existing clients. They pay me monthly. I need to start doing that the way they’re paying now. They’re paying someone else, and then I’m getting a percent of that. So we need to do it so that they’re paying me. Yeah. And what will that matter to you? How much are you going to be making? The same. Are you going to be making more first? I’ll be making 15% more because I’m right now I bill like 85% of what they’re paying. Actually, I’m increasing some of their prices now, too. This is the time that I’m doing that. So I’ll have 15% more, and some of them will actually be higher. So it means more money to me. Okay, so you’re just. I want you guys to notice. So I’m going to use you as an example. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. And what I want for everyone to see is that when I said, why aren’t you doing it? You told me it’s boring. I have until next month. Blah, blah, blah. In none of this have you started talking about, like, I need to switch them so that I can get paid what I like, the fair market price for my work. Yeah. How often do you think about getting paid the fair market price for your work in relation to this task that you have in relation to this task? Not. Not a lot. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah. Yeah. So, guys, thinking about the why behind your task, why does it even matter? Because is it true that it, like, doesn’t really matter and you can just put it off till next month and like, who really cares? I guess it is. It is true. Like, I’ve kind of. With my old brand, we kind of said, okay, the transition will happen. By the way, I really have been putting this off that October is six months. Like, so I like, we kind of said, okay, October kind of six months before that, I said, okay, I’m gonna go and I’m going to do create my own brand. And so with that became, okay, let’s transition my clients to paying for me and signing my own clients. So not only is it, you know, yes, I’ve been putting this off. Like I said, two weeks tomorrow. I’ve really been putting this off for five months. Why? It’s more than just, it’s boring. It’s one step in a whole bunch of things that I need to do. Because when, when I’m converting to, like, my brand, I also, you know, want to change my website and I have to start getting my own clients. And there I’m still struggling with the, like, I have created the job that is amazing for me. Why do I still avoid it so much? Like, this job allows me to be away for three and a half weeks. I just was away and I could still work when I was there. That’s amazing. And what, like, why? Why? Okay, but like, let’s sit with it. Why? So I know I left working for the banks and I know that that was the right thing to do. I never question that. I do question is working one on one with clients, what I should be doing is the way I’m working with clients, what I should be doing. You know, I finally narrowed it down to knowing who I want to work with. I know that I work with them well. I know that I help them and I’m really good at what I do. But. But I have, I fight this resistance all the time. And you know, in a way, I do wonder if, like, transitioning to my own brand, You know, getting the client service agreements, maybe that’s just a symptom of, like, is converting to my brand the right thing? Am I okay, so stay there. For just a second sidebar with the group. Do you see how it is just so much deeper? It’s just always so much deeper, you guys. You have to dig and dig and dig and dig and dig, right? Like, we procrastinate for very deep reasons. It is not just like, oh, I just, like, really suck at time management. And I just, like, don’t know where it all went. Like, where’d all my time go? I don’t know. It is so much deeper than that. Like, you’re questioning whether or not this is what you want to do. Of course you’re putting it off because you’re like, if I actually follow through, then that means this is what I’m doing. Yeah. I also want, like, you know, I wonder too. I hate sitting. Like, I can’t sit still. I finally got an office chair that I thought, you know, might help. It does a little bit. But I like, I just. I question sometimes, like, should I even be doing this? You know, I feel like. Because it. Yeah, I don’t know. Okay, so what’s the answer to that? Like, for the next year, foreseeable future, should you be doing this? Yes, 100%. There you go. Okay, so here’s the thing. I would love to see you kind of put a time. Put a cap or a bubble or something around your questions. You have a lot of questions. I don’t think you even realize how many questions that you have that are coming up for you. I would love to see you, say, for the next year. I’m just going for it. So, like, the questions will come and you’re just like, totally hear. You noted. Your opinion is noted. But I’m doing this for a year. Because right now, what you’re allowing is the question to stall you. All that questioning. Am I doing it right? Is this the right thing? Should I even be doing it? Is this the right way to work with my clients? Like, those are big questions. And you not even, like, really being aware or noticing that, like, they’re driving the bus right now. Those questions of, like, I’m not sure this is. I’m not really sure. I would just give yourself a time frame, even if it’s just six months. I’m going all in for six months. I’m not going to. Like, the questions can come because they’re just naturally going to come, but I’m not going to let them deter me. I’m just going, going, going for six months, and then I will reevaluate. Like, I’m going to put you in a little box. And I’ll open that box and I’ll say, okay, I’ve done the thing. Was it the right thing? Most of us, most of us don’t know if it’s the right thing until we’ve done the thing. You haven’t even switched your own brand yet. How do you know if it’s the right thing or not the right thing? It’s like people are asking me, are you going to do another round of coach training? I haven’t done the thing yet. I need to do the thing before I know if it’s the right thing and then I can do the other right. It’s like we need to do the thing before we know. And you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to do the thing because you want to figure out if it’s right first. Does that resonate? Yeah. Yeah. I think the, the big thing to take from that is because I had already talked with, you know, someone who does the same thing as me, and I said, I’m going to commit to, to this and my own brand until the end of next year. I’d already kind of done that. But I didn’t think about how the question, the big, you know, life are relate to that. Totally. Yeah. And the questions are, right now, am I doing the right thing? Your answer for right now is yes, 100% yes. And you told me that like, confidently, right when I was like, okay, so is this the most logical next step? And you’re like, a hundred percent yes. Well, I say that because I don’t know what the alternative. Totally. I totally co sign that thought process. Right. Like the other thing hasn’t come up yet. There’s no other thing. So I’m going to go all in on this. I’m gonna do what I said I was gonna do. I’m gonna do what I mapped out and what I think could really work. I’ll just have to figure out how to back it up and start, like, trusting myself. Because, you know, I’ve let myself down because, you know, two weeks tomorrow, I’ve let myself down because it’s been really five months since I knew I needed to start this. You haven’t let yourself down. You’re still on the pathway. Like when you do the thing today, tomorrow, next week, you’ll be able to look at it and say, I never let myself down. I always do what I say I’m going to do. Timeline’s always a little bit funky. I’m doing it. That is an interesting belief. I can tell in your body that’s A really important one for you to. To check in with. What? What? Because I. Because I 100% agree. I’ve. I’ve let myself down on things I’m said I’m gonna do my entire life. Yeah. You know, as long as I can remember, which. So I’m working through the self concept workbook right now. Is that like the appropriate place to maybe try to figure this part out? Yes, because I want you to prove to yourself how you haven’t let yourself down. Prove to yourself how you can trust yourself even. You’ve built up a whole body of decades of evidence where you’ve let yourself down your whole life. So what’s happening right now in your procrastination of the things that you want to do in your business is you just living into the identity of someone who lets herself down, because that’s the identity. And so shifting that identity into, like, I’m. I am the person who does what she says she’s going to do. That’s the work of our lives to shift our identity into being someone new. What does that woman feel? What does that woman do? What is it like? What does it feel like to know I’m going to do the thing that’s the self concept work? And also I would go hunting for all of the self sabotage stuff that I’ve done too, because I think that you’re on the cusp of something big in your life and your business and there is a little saboteur in your brain that is like, nah, we’re not that person. We’re the person who lets ourselves down. Okay. This is deep. This is so deep. So I want you, I just beg you to, like, let yourself off the hook a little bit. Like, I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since I didn’t do the thing that I said I was going to do. Like, yeah, duh, obviously you’re in an identity crisis right now. This is big. Is this my, like, midlife crisis or like, what? How does it feel? Does it feel great? You should go buy a car. Just kidding. Ooh. Okay. Yeah, Yeah. I think that’s. I think that’s fake. That I can change. Yes. I used to be someone who identified as letting herself down. But what if you go find evidence that, like, no, look at me, I’m beautiful. I have a degree behind me. I’m in a cute office. Like, I’m not letting myself down. Look at me. Go. I do not look at you and say, oh, yeah, she’s really let herself down. Like, this woman’s a badass. She’s got it together. She’s doing it. So it’s your inner concept of how you perceive yourself. Yeah, you know, just small things. Just small things. Don’t you just wish I was like, oh, actually I have this great app for procrastination. Just download it for $2 and, like, you guys are good to go. That was like. You know, one of the last coaching I did with you was like, you know, some of this stuff, and then I hired a va and then like that three months later, I’m like, nope, wasn’t the right time to do that because I couldn’ get them to. So, like, I’ve been trying to. I mean, the one thing I do say is that I keep trying. I haven’t gone back to the bank. They would hire me. Yeah. And that’s what I go back to. Because you are a person who does what she says she’s going to do. Just in my own time. I love it. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. You’re welcome. That was so good. All right, guys. It’s never just about procrastination. It is always so much deeper. I encourage you to go digging deep, deep, deep, deep into your soul to figure out why you procrastinate. And when that’s revealed to you, then you just do the work of shifting, shifting, shifting. I just love you. I have to go to therapy. Bye. Talk to you soon. Yeah. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to. To find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation. You know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for your. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program, and I’m confident that you will, too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the details.