December 13, 2022

Manage Your Mind Around Your Money This Season

Do you or do you not have the extra cash to spend on holiday gifts this season? Episode 189 includes a recorded excerpt from the FOCUSED ADHD group coaching program with tough questions to ask yourself ASAP in order to properly prepare for holiday gift-giving without going into debt or feeling shame.

Those of us with ADHD know how easy it is to overspend due to feelings of guilt and/or anticipation. This happens especially around this time of year when regulation and routine seemingly fly out the window.

In this episode, I talk about managing emotions when it comes to your finances and how to approach holiday spending from a grounded, reality-centered place.

I’m proud of you for listening to this podcast and seeking out growth. Keep up the moment by joining my group coaching program, FOCUSED, so you can gain more tools and a strong support system.




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Kristen Carder

Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with ADHD. I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain. Unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.

Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to the I have ADHD podcast episode number 189. I am medicated, I am caffeinated. And I’m ready to roll. Welcome, welcome. How are you? I am so so glad that you are here with me today. And this episode is going to be so helpful to you. If you are in a season, like me, a season of holidays, and parties and kids concerts and gift giving and all of the things we’re chatting today about managing your money and your finances around the holiday seasons. What I found is that a lot of us it each dears kind of bury our heads in the sand and just let the holidays come at us without much executive planning or follow through. Which makes a lot of sense, obviously, like, it makes a lot of sense. We’ve got ADHD, but let me tell you, it’s not a great way to live, it’s not a great way to feel authoritative and in charge of your life, which I think is what most of us are going for. And if we can just take a couple minutes to access our executive brains, we make really, really good decisions. It’s the decisions that we make impulsively on the fly out of extreme emotions, whether good or bad, those are the decisions that get us into trouble.

But you and I are very smart. We make good decisions. We just need a little bit of planning time in order to do it. And so on today’s episode, we have that executive planning session. In regards to our money, I give you some easy and doable tips for how to plan and be the boss of your cash. And even if you don’t have anything to spare, there’s still a lot of golden nuggets in here for you. Because listen, there is no shame, there is no judgment. We have all been there, including me for decades of my life. I did not have enough money around the holiday season. And so this episode is not just for those of you who have money who have extra. This is also for you. If you’re like crap, I’ve got literally nothing to spare around the holidays. How am I going to make it through this season? I got you. We’re gonna chat about that today.

All right. And in the spirit of the holidays, I would love to request a gift and which I know is so awkward but a gift from you to me. Is that okay? Is it weird? Yeah, I know. It’s a little bit weird. But I’m still going to ask that if you love this podcast, and you want to give back this holiday season to me. Would you subscribe? Would you subscribe though, is so awesome. You just have that little plus button and subscribe. And then maybe even take it a step further and tap that five star rating button. If you’re listening in iTunes, you’d have to scroll down past the first few episodes to find the stars. And if you’re listening on Spotify, they make it a lot easier. It’s right there at the top and Spotify listeners I see you I see those ratings climb. Thank you so so much. No matter what holiday you celebrate, it would be the very best gift to me. If you would take a minute or two of your time and subscribe to this pod and give it a rating a five star rating. It would not be a great gift. If you want to give it a one star rating just the gift then in that case would be just like don’t read it at all.

Okay, just like move along and not read at all. But anyway, it does make a huge difference in my life. And it does feel like a gift. Thank you so much. All right. Ah dear. Do you feel like you don’t know what happens to your money during the months of November and December? Do you notice that you buy either from a place of guilt or a place of anticipation and excitement? Which equally can be dangerous? Are you always mad at yourself when January rolls around? If So this episode is going to help you so much. This is a recent recording of a class that I taught in focused on managing your money around the holiday season. Focused is my ADHD coaching program. And this month, we are focusing on how to thrive not just survive how to thrive during this holiday Season. So this class was absolute fire, I had to share it with you, I hope it’s super helpful, enjoy, and happy holidays.

Hello. Today we are talking about managing our money around the holidays. All month long in December, we are going to be talking about how to survive holidays as an adult with ADHD, but also just in a world that is sometimes a little bit toxic. And so what I have noticed for myself is that the holidays are a lot more emotionally charged, a lot more triggering, it’s a lot harder to stay regulated to hold my boundaries to make sure that I’m managing my time, my attention, my responsibilities, in addition to everything else that gets put on my plate during this holiday season, even if it is the simplest things like my kid has a holiday concert in the middle of the day, next week, right? And so just kind of like it’s a disruption to the normal routine. For adults with ADHD, the normal routine is hard enough, can I get a witness, like the normal routine of like, just adulting. In general, it’s hard enough for us to manage, it takes a lot of time, energy attention, like it just is so exhausting.

But then when you throw in all of the disruptions to routine that the holidays provide. And all of the extra expectations that family friends, companies like even if your company is like, I’m we’re having a work party, like that’s an extra obligation, right. And so all of these interruptions into whatever semblance of routine that you’ve been able to kind of cobbled together can be really, really difficult. So I just want to validate that, like, if this season, whatever holiday you celebrate, if this season is more intense, more difficult, and you kind of feel like things get lost, or you’re not able to manage your life in the way that you wish you could. Same. Same and so I really want us to spend this month, making sure that we are going in with eyes wide open, that there’s clarity that we’re intentional. We are in a community like this for a reason. You have this support in your life for a reason.

t’s so that I can put these things in front of you over and over and over and help you to think it through and make conscious executive decisions for yourself so that you don’t feel like you’re at the mercy of somebody else’s whim. So that you feel like you can stand in your authority, you can make clearer decisions, and you can have some autonomy when it comes to how this is going to look for you. Okay, sounds like a plan. So today, what we’re going to talk about specifically, is in relation to our finances. And I wanted to do that now, because I think it’s important to understand that there are a lot of additional holiday expenses. Around this time, let’s have this first class, be on making a plan and understanding what we’re working with and kind of just living in the reality of where we are right now. So that we can end the month of December or January knowing like Okay, I am okay. I’ve not put myself into too much debt, I have made decisions from a grounded place, etc, etc. So the first thing that we’re going to do is we’re going to talk about living in reality. And the pregnant pauses intentional, because as adults with ADHD, it can be very hard for us to face reality. What we want to do often is swing to one end of the spectrum or another or let the pendulum swing to one side or the other, which is either everything is fine.

It’ll be fine. Everything’s great. It’s no problem. So that’s one end. And then the other end is like it’s a disaster. This is terrible. It’s never going to get better anyway, so I’m not going to bother to try. Okay, do you see those ends of the spectrum? I’m curious. If you notice that you lean one way or another? Do you live in the fantasy of no problem? This is no big deal. I’ll just spend this money or I have plenty of money. This is no no biggie, no problem and just kind of like glossing over reality, or do you Go to the other end, which is still a fantasy. Just not as much fun. The fantasy of it’s all a disaster, this is terrible. So it doesn’t matter anyway, as if my decisions don’t matter. Because, you know, it’s all terrible anyway. So my decisions this month aren’t going to really make that big of a difference. So that is also a fantasy. It’s just a fantasy. That’s not quite as much fun. As the first one. Yeah, Maggie says both. Haley says, I feel like my life feels like an ON FIRE garbage can. I think we call that a dumpster fire.

Right? Like this is a dumpster fire. Yeah. I think that, like we can totally relate to that. But what is so interesting is that if we have the perspective that like, Well, my life is a dumpster fire anyway, then we don’t really have to make much effort to like, curb our impulses this month. We don’t have to make that much effort to make intentional executive decisions, because well, whatever my life is a dumpster fire anyway. So do you see how that’s like a problematic?

Not so fun fantasy? That makes sense. Okay, so what we’re going to do together, and I’m going to hold some space for you. And whether you are here live in the room, or you’re listening to the recording, I would really encourage you to open up your financial apps, right the second and get a clearer picture of what reality is.

Increased says no. Erin also says no, yeah, you do not have to, you literally do not have to do anything that you do not consent to do, you’re a grown adult. So you don’t have to do anything. However, this is a time that you’ve carved out for yourself, to be with me, your coach, and allow me to kind of lead you through a process. What I am saying, as your coach is, hey, it would be a really great idea to just kind of see where we’re at, you’re probably not going to feel great about it.

And that’s okay.

So in this space, right now, again, whether you’re live in the room or listening to the recording in this space that we’ve created, allow yourself to feel that discomfort, maybe shame, or fear. And go ahead and open those apps anyway. And just see, huh, where are we at? Are we okay? Do we have enough to buy Christmas presents or buy holiday gifts this year? And if we don’t, what’s the plan? These are really important questions.

Does that make sense? Because what we often want to do is just avoid and not look at it, and just spend whatever we want to spend. Because it feels better in the moment to do that than to really engage with reality. But engaging with reality, and bringing awareness to what’s happening in our finances is an extremely important step in just personal growth in general, you know, the relationship that we have with money, it’s very telling. It’s a very interesting relationship, because I think a lot of it is very representative of the relationship that we have with ourselves. We’re going to go into all of this in February. But if you are looking at your account, and you’re shaming, blaming and judging yourself, as really important to be aware of tell me the emotions that you guys are experiencing right now. What are you having to tolerate or surf while we’re having this conversation?

Shame? Avoidance fear. Yeah. I think that makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of people would resonate with that. Grief.

That’s a really interesting one. It’s so interesting, right? Because the grief of like, I used to have money, but now I don’t. Or I wish I’d done things differently. Or, yeah, regret is a big one. Totally. Overwhelm is a really important one to notice as well. Because I think that for a lot of us, there are so many details in the management of money. That overwhelm just seems to kind of creep in and then the overwhelm can often lead to spinning out in indecision. And so what I would really, really love is for you to understand that these emotions that you’re experiencing around your money make sense. They’re normal. They’re here for a reason. But they don’t have to be the end of the story. We can create a new chapter of this story. But for right now, just being aware, and really take care of yourself in that, okay, we’re feeling some shame here.

This is shame. Now, we just spent a month learning to serve our emotions, learning to really regulate what’s happening in our body. And so telling yourself logically, this is shame. It makes sense to feel it. This is overwhelm, of course, you’re overwhelmed, honey, there’s a lot involved in this. It’s not a problem. Take a deep breath, we’re going to be okay, that self talk that you can borrow from me, if you don’t have it yet, that’s totally fine. Just borrow some of those phrases for yourself. It’s okay to feel this. It’s okay. If it’s okay to feel shame, then you’ll engage with your money.

If it’s not okay, to feel shame, you’re going to avoid it.

If it’s okay to feel fear, you’ll be willing to open up that account and take a look at reality. If it’s not okay to feel it, you’re going to avoid Can I get an amen? Or something? Anybody? Yes. Okay. So, I want you to take everything that we learned last month, which was emotions are here for a reason. They’re extremely valid, they are here to teach us something and they’re not going to kill me, I can handle this and I know exactly what to do with it. I want you to apply that to when you engage with your money. Okay. And so we do the work of okay, it makes sense to feel this, of course, I’m experiencing this right now. This is kind of a habit, emotion around my money. And I haven’t really learned how to navigate it yet, but

I’m on my way. Okay. This is the part where we employ all of our emotional regulation skills. We understand what we’re feeling and why we’re feeling it.

We know what to do with it. And we we process it and serve it. Okay. So being realistic when it comes to money and your finances. Step number one, we need to know exactly what’s going on. Maybe not exactly what’s going on. But can we get a general idea?

Like, do you have money to spend? That’s a great question to ask yourself. Do I have money to spend? If so, how much? What are your thoughts on that?

Do you know the answer? Can you find the answer? Can you use this time right now? While I am holding space for you? While everyone in the room? There’s 50 People here holding space for you? Can you figure that answer out in a very safe environment? Some of you are saying I don’t know the answer. And some of you are saying I don’t have extra to spend. And I’m guessing that those of you who do have extra spend feel bad putting it in the chat. And that’s okay. I want you to know that having extra to spend is nothing to shy away from it also shows people in this group that it’s possible for an ADHD or to have extra to spend. Does that make sense?

So I if you do have extra to spend and you’re like, oh, I don’t really want to say that right now.

Yeah, like Lee says, I have extra to spend, but I really didn’t want to type that out. Yeah, exactly. Because I think there is this like, we don’t want to make others feel less than. But in this community, we actually celebrate each other’s the different successes that we have. And that is something to be celebrated. Because it is an example of what’s possible for the rest of us. Deb says I have extra but I need to budget to know where it’s all going. And I think that’s really, really important. Sneha high Sneha said I started saving and delaying gratification months back so that I can spend now. So with Sneha saying that it gives all of you like wait, is it it’s possible for an adult with ADHD to save and delay gratification so that they have money, like it shows the possibility for all of us, okay, so I just want you to know that we need all all perspectives in this group. Okay? So the question is, be realistic about what you have? And whether or not you have money to spend on the gifts that you want to buy? If you do great, how much? How much do you want to give? If you don’t, if you’re like, I have zero money, and a pile of people to buy for, we’re gonna get to that. Okay, we’re gonna get to that. I don’t want to talk about it right? The second, but stay tuned, we’re gonna get to that. So number one, be realistic, what do you have?

Do you have a very specific list of humans that you want to purchase for? Or do you kind of go randomly and just buy for whoever comes to mind or whoever you’re seeing that day, I want you this time around to be intentional. We are having an executive session together. Okay. So grab a piece of paper, grab the Notes app on your phone, type it in the chat, whatever works for you make an actual list of who you’re gonna buy for, when you say family, what family who specifically. And then I also want you to next to the person, right, the reason that you’re going to get them a gift.

Why. So for example, I’m gonna buy from my mom, because I love her so much. I know that I’m going to see her Christmas Day, it’s going to be so fun to exchange gifts with her. Write down the name of the person that you’re buying for, and why you want to buy for them. This is important because I want you to notice that there might be people on your list that you’re buying for out of guilt, out of obligation, out of shame, out of feeling judged. Like we’re bringing reality, we’re we’re shining a light on all of it. I know it’s so hard. I know it’s hard. Okay, so you’re making a list. This is who I want to buy for. This is why I want to buy for them. I want to buy for my kids, because I love them so much. And I want them to just be delighted.

That makes sense. I want to buy for my husband, because I have to win at this gift giving thing once in a while. That’s a terrible reason. He’s so good to give a gift. It’s really annoying to win one of these years.

Okay, so you’re making a list? Who do you want to buy for and why?

The next question, or the next conversation we’re going to have is, what emotion Do you want to be buying from? So emotions fuel our actions? Notice how when Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate rolls around, a lot of times we’re buying from an emotion of obligation, guilt, or like that. flighty excitement of just like, I want to, I want to, I want to I want I want it. Right. And yeah, so Ashley is like, I’m either buying from pure joy, which I think is that excitement of like, oh my gosh, it’s gonna be so fun, or guilt. Right? And that’s,

like, what we’re gonna do instead is what Kathy is suggesting, buying from being thoughtful. We’re doing it consciously. And what I would suggest as an emotion is like grounded.

Everybody take a deep breath. Imagine making a detailed executive list of who you want to buy for.

And then purchasing from a place of feeling grounded, not grasping, not trying to prove yourself or your love, not trying to prove you’re worse, not feeling guilty, but a place of groundedness a place of thoughtfulness, place of generosity, but within the boundaries of your reality. I do think generosity is a feeling. But I think that generosity can get us into trouble. Because when we intellectualize generosity, we do things like talk ourselves out of buying the smaller gift and get the bigger gift even though we can’t afford the bigger gifts. And we trick ourselves by saying like, Oh, I’m just being generous, but generosity has to happen within the boundaries of your financial reality. That makes sense. Now, again, we are going to talk about what if you don’t have anything at all, we’re gonna make a plan for y’all who are just like I’m buying on a credit card either way.

Okay, so we’re gonna make a plan for you. But if you are, you know, looking at your reality and saying like, Okay, I do have money to spend, and I want to spend within my means. Now what? Remember that generosity isn’t, is within the boundaries of your financial reality.

I’m curious what you think? What emotion you feel is best for you personally to buy from? For me, I think it’s grounded. And I think it’s an emotion of connection, almost. Like, I’m not going to buy the biggest gift or the most expensive gift, but I’m going to find one that’s very connecting to the person. Does that makes sense? I don’t even know if I’m describing that properly. But it’s like, if I can do a little bit of thinking about the person and like, who they are, what they like, and what might be really like, sweet. I feel more capable of staying within the boundaries of my financial reality.

What emotion do you feel is the best fuel for you? To purchase from grounded? Ease. Yeah, like that one? It’s good.

Yeah, what if we say that we like make a list of things to buy, or we put things in our Amazon cart, but we don’t actually purchase until that grounded emotion is there? And if it doesn’t come we find something else. Tina says same as you but I’d call it love. So I called it connection. You’re calling it love. I think that’s a perfect description.

Something that we both like that connects us. Yeah, so here’s the thing. A couple of you, Eddie, Ashley, you’re saying things like enthusiasm, excitement, y’all. Those are really, really fun emotions that cause us, you and me to make decisions that are really not going to serve us. So excitement and enthusiasm. I would say that they are kind of like danger zones when it comes to spending money. Like, when they’re so fun. Yeah, they’re fun in the moment. Tell me if you have experienced that excitement and enthusiasm have led you to make purchases that you’re proud of a month later.

Yeah, Monique says excitement causes me to overspend. Haley says literally never.

Haley and I had a great conversation about purchasing from the emotion of I think we call that excitement. And it literally never leads us to make a decision that we are like, feeling great about a week or a month later. Now here’s the deal. If you got tons of money to spend, great. Right, like, you have more freedom, then with your emotional purchases. If you have a ton of extra money to spend, you do have a lot more freedom, because you can purchase from excitement and it’s not going to ruin your budget. Okay, if you have less money to spend and you notice the reality of that, then it is your responsibility to choose an emotion that is a little bit more grounding, so that you can stay within the boundaries of what you set for yourself.

That makes sense. Okay, so I like Tina’s perspective here. She says grounded and enthusiasm can happen at the same time. You can delay a 24 hour delay before having the idea doing the research and the bank. I love this because you can get really excited. And then press pause, do the research. Look at the reality of what you’ve got. Make an executive decision, but by the time that you’re pressing purchase, it’s actually not so much from excitement, there is much more groundedness in there. And so I’m going to go back to what we’ve said before, which is we are hybrid vehicles. Yeah, we can experience two emotions at the same time. And so if excitement and grounded are there together and you’re working Have both of them, I do think that that can be helpful. So I really appreciate that. If you are looking at the reality of what’s happening, and you’re like, Okay, I know I’m going to be spending outside of my means this holiday season, I want you to know, that’s totally fine.

There’s zero judgment, there’s zero shame, there’s zero anything, like, you got to do what you got to do. And if that is your decision, like, we’re gonna support you no matter what. What I want you to do, though, is make that a conscious decision. So often, we overspend or spend beyond our means. And then we, we do it kind of impulsively, we do it without thinking, or we do it. Because we’re avoiding, you know, we’re just like, I don’t even want to look at it. So I’m just gonna put all this on the credit card. And then we use that as a tool to shame ourselves and beat ourselves up and prove to ourselves that we’re bad with money.

Anyone? Anyone at all?

Yeah. And so what I want you to do instead is make a conscious decision. I want you to make the conscious decision of I know, I’m going to be spending $1,000 on a credit card this holiday season. I’m doing it consciously. I’m making this decision from a grounded place. I just feel great about it. But it is what it is. And here’s my plan to pay that off. Like literally write out a plan. I’m making this plan because I’m good with money. I’m making this plan because I know that my financial future is bright. I’m making this plan, because I make good decisions. To understand how different that is from Oh, great. Now you just put $1,000 on a credit card. I knew you were terrible at money, I knew you’d be really bad at this. See, this just proves you can’t keep a budget. See, this just proves you’re never going to be good at it. See, this is proof that you’re always going to be poor.

Do you see the difference between the two? Make a conscious decision of like, okay, this is reality. Reality is I do have $200 Extra I will be spending that. But also, I want to spend more, I’m going to be putting it on this credit card. It’s going to be sitting there for four months while I pay it off a couple $100 A month extra. Here’s how it’s gonna happen. Executive Decision made. Now no shame, no blame, no judgment. And we call this a good financial decision.

It’s like crickets in the chat right now. So I think some of some brains might be broken. Or you might be like, I totally disagree with you. So tell me what you’re thinking right now.

Edie says we want to disagree with you.

But we know you’re right. I don’t really know if I’m right. I’m just gonna call and say that. I don’t really know if I’m right. What I do know is it sucks to have the same cycle happen year after year, and then use that cycle to prove to yourself that you suck with money so that you don’t even try being good at money.

To like, let’s just try something different.

Let’s actually make a plan. And let’s live in the reality of there’s going to be some overspending. And I’m not going to use this as a means or as a tool to shame, blame, beat myself up and keep myself stuck in the same financial place. Oh, Deb said something really fascinating. She said I could really actually use this for my weight loss issues for the last 10 years. I think that this thought process can be really applied to a lot of things. Because I want you to notice how often your brain is so committed to using your actions against you to prove to you that you’re a terrible person. Enough. You’re not a terrible person. You’re actually a really good person. You’re actually on a self development journey. And you are here making progress in your life just even showing up just even pressing play on this recording like this is proof that you are not a terrible person. Do you know what terrible people do? They don’t grow. They don’t change. They don’t try to improve themselves, they don’t make an effort. They don’t develop any kind of self awareness. That’s not you, you are actually a very good person, you actually have the capacity to change, you actually have the capacity to grow and evolve because you are developing self awareness. If you’re not willing to develop self awareness, you will not grow as I am, because you are here. And you are making that effort. Okay. All right.

Another thing that I want to bring in here, if you are like, yeah, there’s like zero money and I don’t have really an option other than a credit card, I want you to ask your future self. What you’re doing gauge a conversation just real quick, with future self six months from now?

Do they care that you put X amount of money on a credit card to buy Christmas presents? Or are they like it’s no problem? We paid it off. You did what you had to do. Great job.

Want you to just go have a little convo with that future version of you? Who’s getting out their tank tops and their swim trunks for summertime? Do they care about the money that you put on the credit card to purchase for the people in your life that you want to give to?

If your body is like yeah, they care, they’re like pissed about it, then I want you to consider maybe a different plan. Hey, family, I love you so much. I’m going to be giving a bottle of wine to every single member of the family and a heartfelt card. And that’s it this year.

So I have capacity for boundary. Okay, I’m going to do a summary. Real quick. Number one, we’re going to be realistic, y’all.

Existing in reality is something that most people are not willing to do. Come here. Let me hold you real close, existing in reality, something that most people are not willing to do. But you are willing to do it. You have the tools to feel what you need to feel in order to exist in reality. First check in what do you have?

What do you have to spend? If you’re not sure? Just ballpark it? Estimate? What do you have to spend? Next, make a list of who do you want to buy for and why? The why is so important. I cannot stress this enough. Do not leave this part out.

I’m giving you the mom eyes.

Do not leave this part out. Who do you want to buy for? And why the why is so important. Number two, decide what emotion is the best emotion for you personally to be purchasing from. Remember emotions like excitement, anticipation, joy, those are really fun emotions that get us into a lot of trouble when it comes to our money. So if you’re kind of waiting for those emotions in order to purchase, what I would really suggest is groundedness thoughtfulness, self assuredness and really what we’re wanting. This is all about relationships, right? What we’re wanting is connection. What we’re wanting is closeness, what we’re wanting is to show gratitude and appreciation. Okay? So decide what is the fuel, what is the emotion that is the best one for you personally, and then don’t purchase without that fuel in your tank. Right?

And then if you kind of, you’ve made the list of people that you want to buy for and why you’ve stepped into reality and seem like, Oh, crap, like, there’s literally no money, I want you to make a plan for that. This is again living in reality. So if the plan is I’m going to put this on a credit card. That is a totally fine plan. Don’t beat yourself up about that plan. Make the plan for what you’re going to do. Make the plan for how you’re going to pay it off and call it a good decision. And use that as proof that even when you don’t have money, you still make good decisions. You make decisions with your executive brain from a grounded place. Okay. Now the question is When it comes to your finances this holiday, how do you want to feel? Do you want to feel shame, regret and judgment? Or do you want to feel grounded? hopeful?

Do you want to feel like there’s a possibility of being an authority in this area, there’s a possibility of control, you get to decide, but the way that you are thinking is going to influence how you’re feeling. So be very, very, very careful to make sure that you’re managing your mind around your money this season.

And then also, this is again, the holidays are about connection. Yeah, connecting with the people that you love. So how do you want to show up? If you do decide to spend less this year? If you do decide like, Hey, I’m not going to be buying my extended family presents? Because I want to spend all the money on my kids? How do you want to show up with your extended family? Do you want to show up feeling bad or guilty? Or do you want to show up standing in your authority of like, this was actually a really good decision. I’m sorry, if it impacted you. But like, I’m really glad that I chose to use my budget on the people who matter most to me. That makes sense. I hope I’m making sense here. And then have in the forefront of your brain, What emotions do you need to be prepared to experience? What emotions do you need to be prepared to serve, to stop, let it unfold in your body until it’s willing to recede, and then figure out why it’s there.

Right? For a lot of you, I think it’s going to be a combination, or like a pendulum swing of like shame and guilts on one end to like excitement on the other end. And both of those need to be served. Because the middle ground is where we make really intentional thoughtful executive decisions.

Okay, I’m going to answer some questions now. Okay. I’m pretty passed the shame part, and am evolving, well done. But even when I do have money, I still find myself stuck in the scarcity mindset. Okay, thank you for proving to all of us that money doesn’t change your feelings, money doesn’t change your thoughts. So many of you are wanting to have money so that you can think and feel differently. But grace is proving to all of us that that’s not the way it works. Even when I have money, I still find myself stuck in scarcity mindset. Yeah. Because what you need to change is that scarcity mindset.

It’s not the having money that you need to change. Because if you’re always stuck in scarcity mindset, you will inevitably get rid of your money, you’re gonna get rid of it. And so you probably I’m guessing, and plus, I’ve known you for three years, but you probably go through these cycles of having money, not having money, having money not having money. So you’re constantly having to hustle to have it, and then you get rid of it, because you’re in scarcity. But then you’re in scarcity because you don’t have it. So you hustle and get it. But you’re still in scarcity. And so you get rid of it. Okay. So yeah, you’re confirming that. So the question for you is, how do you evolve out of a scarcity mindset, and that is work that is going to need to be done? Okay. Which we can’t solve in the last three minutes of this call? I’m so sorry. I wish I was that good, but I am not that good. Can you clarify what you said about assigning an emotion for the people we want to buy gifts for? Oh, yeah. That’s such a Philly. That was like the the Philly coming out of me. Oh, yeah. Okay, so why do you want to buy the gift I want to purchase for this person.

Because why?

That’s not an emotion. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an emotion.

So I think that I think you’re overlapping a couple of different things that I said, I just want the reason that you want to purchase for the person so you write the name, sister. The reason when I buy for her, I love her so much. She’s my favorite person in the whole world. I want to get her something that shows her that I’m thinking about her. Okay, grandma.

I feel like I have to buy for grandma because if I don’t, my mom will get mad at me. It’s important to see the why behind the purchase, you might still decide to purchase. But it’s important to understand why do I want to buy for this person? I’m going to be like they’re on my list. But why are they on my list? Right? Hope that was helpful.

No, no, it doesn’t have to be an emotion. Okay, I really hope that this empowers you to live in reality. To understand that being realistic, is actually the most powerful thing that you can do. Even though it feels better a lot of times to live in fantasy, it’s actually so powerful for you to be realistic. I hope it empowers you to make clear decisions about who you want to purchase for NY. I hope it empowers you to understand that not all emotions are helpful when it comes to purchasing.

And so standing in your authority of waiting to purchase until you are in a grounded place can be life changing. And then if you know, okay, I had no money and we’re going on a credit card. I want to empower you to make an executive decision with that and call it a good financial decision. You’re making it from a grounded place with your executive brain. You have a plan to get out of that debt. No problem at all. There is hope for your financial future. Right? I can’t wait to talk to you next time. Hey, ADHD, er, I see you. I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated and like no one out there really understand the way that your brain works. That’s why I created focused. Focused is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study be coached, grow, and make amazing changes alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit Ihaveadhd.com/focused to learn more

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