This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. You know that moment for me, it’s around like 2 or 3pm when my ADHD brain just decides we’re done for the day. We’re done here. The afternoon slump hits, the lights go off upstairs and suddenly answering an email or doing basically anything feels like climbing a mountain. That’s when I reach for Cure Energy. It’s a clean plant based energy drink mix made with 100 milligrams of natural caffeine and electrolytes so I get the focus and hydration boost I need without jitters, without a crash and without that like I drink battery acid vi that some of the energy drinks have. The peach tea and acai berry flavors are my current go tos. Crisp, refreshing and they don’t taste fake, y’. All. They don’t taste fake. I’ll drink one before recording a session or when I need to get help through like that afternoon drag. And honestly I I drink it anytime. My brain just needs to cooperate. What’s wild is that Cure Energy is only 25 calories and has zero added sugar. It actually helps me stay hydrated while giving me energy. Okay, I love coffee, but coffee could never Staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love CUR Cure. It’s clean, it tastes great and it actually works. And remember, Cure is FSA HSA approved which is amazing. You can use that money to pay for cure and for I have ADHD listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD. And if you do get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about CURE right here on the podcast. It really helps to support the show. Don’t just drink more, upgrade it right with cure. Did you know you can opt out of winter with VRBO? Save up to 1500 dollars for booking a month long stay when thousands of sunny homes are waiting for you, why subject yourself to the cold? Put the snow shovel down, put the parka back in the closet and don’t you dare scrape another windshield, slip into some flip flops, consider a sunless tan and use the monthly stays filter to save up to fifteen hundred dollars. Book your warm getaway at vrbo.com. Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristen Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving. With this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, hey, hey. What is up? This is Kristen Carter and you’re listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 137. I am medicated, I am caffeinated, and I’m ready to roll. How are you? How are you? I am glad to be with you here today, but I have to tell you that I had so much trouble sleeping last night and I’m just, I’m downright exhausted and it’s so ironic and this always happens to me. I’m teaching a course in focus this month on how to rest and right on schedule. I have insomnia. So, so annoyingly ironic. Of course, right? It just like has to work out this way, doesn’t it? So I had a lot of like negative feelings about, you know, just being frustrated, not being able to sleep. But I have finally come to the conclusion that, you know what? I’m not entitled to a good night’s sleep. Sometimes it’s just not going to happen. So I’m trying not to be dramatic about it. I am simply just going to accept my fate, whatever that might be, and move on with my life and record this podcast for you. So my fate last night was that I woke up at 3.30am, couldn’t go back to sleep, and now it’s like 1pm ish today and I’m sitting here recording this for you and I’m like wanting to just lie down on my floor like I talked about last week and go to sleep. I just want to go to sleep, which I will do later. I’m tired. I’ll be going home early. I’ll be taking a little snooze before the kids get home from school for sure. This week I had a hard time deciding on what I wanted to chat with you about. Sometimes the ideas are like so heavy on my heart and on my mind that I’m hyper focused on it and I just can’t not talk about it. But sometimes I’m just like, what am I gonna talk about? And I ask myself that a thousand times until I finally land on an idea. And that’s exactly what this week was like. But let me tell you, I landed somewhere really useful. We’re going to have a year end wrap up and here’s why. I was shocked to find out this week that it’s mid December. What? How, how is that possible? It’s mid December already, the new year, it’s just a couple weeks away. Time flies when you have absolutely no sense of time. Am I right? And so I was thinking, like, if I’m shocked by this information, my guess is so are you. So today we’re going to evaluate 2021, take a conscious look at what worked, what didn’t work, and what you might want to do differently. And I’m also going to dish and give you the scoop on some major Kristen Carter life updates from 2021 as I reflect back on my year. So it should be a good time all around. Next week’s podcast is all about thinking through your vision for 2022 and setting some very clear intentions and goals. But first, before we do that, let’s look back. Let’s reflect. Now remember, adults with ADHD struggle to evaluate the past and change their behavior to create a different future. We’re not so good about reflecting, evaluating and changing our behav. And so this is why it’s important that even though this episode isn’t necessarily ADHD specific, it is in that I’m taking you through an exercise that your brain likely won’t do on its own. Does that make sense? So, like, a neurotypical brain is likely going to do this naturally. Your brain probably will not. And so we’re going to go through this exercise together and I’m going to help you along. All right? And guess what? I’m a badass coach who’s here to help you. Right? Like, let’s just go for it. But of course, of course, of course, my friend. Before we get started, we need to take a very quick ad break. This podcast is sponsored by Focused. Focused is my ADHD coaching program where we take the concepts that I dabble in on this podcast and we go deep, we study them and we apply them to our lives. We make use of huge changes. I am a certified life coach who has thousands of coaching hours under her belt. Here’s what Focus member Vicki says about the things that she’s accomplished over the last year of being in Focused. Vicki says, I edited and finished my novel. I completed a major leadership role at my job. I joined two coaching certification programs. I have a sustainable plan to leave my current position and become a coach. And I’ve met a wonderful man who I’m letting love me for the first time ever. And I credit Focus with most of this. I wrote my book in Body Double Sessions. I signed up for the coaching accreditations because of my awesome experience here. My new job plan involves coaching And I have a wonderful man because I was finally ready for him. It’s all very Lovely. Bring on 2022. Congratulations, Vicki. Focused is the perfect complement to an ADHD treatment protocol. So if you’re being treated for your ADHD, but you still feel like there’s some something holding you back, I want you to know that it’s possible for you to take charge of your Life. Go to ihaveadhd.comfocus to learn more. Okay, so today we’re centering ourselves on remembering that it’s now December, the year is almost over, and we’re going to reflect on what worked, what didn’t work, and what we want to do differently. I saw a post yesterday on Instagram from a colleague, Erica Hanlon, that said, said the end of the year is a mile marker, not a finish line. And I thought that was so insightful because I know a lot of you will have drama about this year coming to a close. And I just want to encourage you that there’s no Finish line here. December 31st is just a mile marker. Okay? It’s just a moment in time. It’s just a point to stop and reflect and catch your breath, to look back on where you’ve been, where you came from, and just kind of look at the view. If you’ve ever gone hiking and you’re just like walking, maybe it’s up a hill or maybe you’re even just like in the woods and you turn around and face the rear of the path, face where you’ve been, just to take in the sight and like, breathe it all in. That’s what we’re going to be doing today together. Decide if you like the view. Do you know what I’m saying? Look at the view. Look at where you’ve been and decide if you like it. Decide if it’s working for you. Decide if you want to continue with it. And next week, we’ll look forward at what’s coming up ahead and we’ll decide what we want that view to look like. So I want you to use the next 20ish minutes as your own personal life coaching session with me, Kristin Carter. Okay, this is your time to focus on you, on your brain, on your emotions, on your body, on your desires and your wants and your dreams. I’m going to leave a little bit more white space. Space or just a tiny bit more silence in this episode, a little bit more than usual because I literally want you to answer me. I’m going to be asking you questions and I don’t want them to be rhetorical, I want you to answer whether it’s out loud or in your head or you’re maybe pausing the episode to write it down. Use this time to actually think and respond. Don’t just passively listen. Now. Side note here, as you hear me say that, don’t say, oh, I should probably save this for later. Then I’ll come back to it when I have more time or more space to actually think. Don’t do that because you’ll probably never come back to it. Just purpose yourself as we go through to answer as best as you can while I’m talking to you in real time. Okay? All right, so be an active participant of this episode, not a passive listener. All right, so we’re going to start by evaluating what worked. Here’s a bunch of questions to get your brain thinking. So we’re looking back over the last year. What did you do this year that you enjoyed? What did you do that gave you good results? What were you pleased with? What worked about this year as you reflect back on the last 12ish months? What worked? We’re starting with the good stuff. Okay. What do you. What did you do that you want to keep doing? Like, maybe you went for a walk every day and you were like, yeah, that was great. I want to keep going for a walk. Okay, what did you do that gave you results that you liked? It’s really important to take some specific time to look at the good. And some of you will really struggle to find anything good because your brain has been in the habit of looking at the negative. So if you’re finding it difficult, I want to encourage you. It’s important to spend some time really searching for the good, searching for what worked, searching for what went right. I know there were parts of your year that you enjoyed. I am positive that there were things that you did well. When did you feel most loved? When did you feel most generous? When did you feel most capable? Tell me the parts that you felt really connected. Who are the people that you’re like, yeah, these are my people. As you look back over the year, what are you most proud of? What was your shining moment? Or what was your crowning achievement? Maybe you sacrificed yourself to care for a sick loved one. Maybe you received an award or a promotion. Maybe you finished something that you’ve been wanting to finish. Maybe you set a clear boundary with a family member for the first time. What goes down in history as your, like, 20, 21 moment of achievement? Thinking back on the year, what fills you with gratitude? What are you Thankful for? Did you always have food to eat? Did you always have a warm bed to sleep in at night? Were you safe? What are the things that you are so grateful for? I invite you to check in with yourself right now. What are you feeling? What’s that emotion in your body? What is that vibration as you think about all of the good things that happened? And yes, don’t worry, we’ll get to the bad stuff. I know that you’re like, well, yeah, I mean, like there was some good stuff, but also, blah, blah, blah, Listen, we’ll get to the bad stuff, but purpose your brain to think about the good. Don’t be so anxious to go to the bad. Let’s sit with the good. Sit with what you did right. Let’s sit with the beauty of your life for a moment. Find it. Where is the beauty? Let your whole body be enveloped by that delicious feeling of gratitude or love or pride or satisfaction, whatever it is that you might be feeling as you reflect on all of the goodness, all of the delicious goodness from 2021. Mmm. So good. Listen, if this is new for you, the looking for the good, I invite you to come back to this practice over and over again. It will change your life. Okay, now, I know you’ve been dying to get to this part. Now let’s talk about what didn’t work for 2021. What did you do this year that you want to stop doing as you move forward into 2022? What don’t you want to bring into the new year with you? What do you need to forgive yourself for doing or not doing this year? Self forgiveness is a huge, huge component when it comes to evolving and growth, moving forward. Without self forgiveness, you’re going to stay stuck. I promise you. So if you’re holding on to all of the things you did wrong, if you’re holding on to not letting yourself off the hook, not forgiving yourself, you will stay stuck. I’m saying this part again because I think it’s very important for you to really hear. Self forgiveness is a key component to your ability to grow, evolve, and move forward. And without it, you stay stuck. One of the best predictors of success in the future is the story that you’re telling yourself about the past. So what story are you telling yourself about 2021? Really think about that. What’s the narrative that you have when it comes to your year? Is it a story that paints you as a hero or a heroine? Or are you the villain? Are you powerful or are you powerless? Now, as a life coach, I spend a lot of time helping my clients rewrite their stories about certain situations. And I want to be very clear that I’m not suggesting that you create an alternate reality or deny what’s true. I’m not asking you to gift wrap the crap or live in fantasy land. But we do have choices when it comes to the narrative or story that we tell ourselves about situations. And whatever that belief is, whatever that story becomes, will create feelings. And those feelings, remember, are the fuel that drive our action. Negative feeling equals negative action. Positive feeling equals positive action. That’s an oversimplification. It’s very generalized. So like, I know there’s more to it than that, but like very generalized, dumbed down version of it. That’s what it is. So you do want to really kind of evaluate. If you have a lot of negative stories about 2021, you may want to spend some time thinking through how you can change that narrative. Right. So let’s circle back to these couple of questions. What did you do this year that you want to stop doing in 2022? And what’s the plan to stop? What don’t you want to bring into the new year with you? Remember, the new year is just a mile marker. It’s not a finish line, just a mile marker. So as we’re crossing into the next chapter, what do you want to leave behind on the trail? What do you need to forgive yourself for doing or not doing this year? What is it that you want to do differently? This whole episode is about kind of looking at the year from a top down approach and asking what worked, what didn’t work, and what do I want to do differently? Now, if you’ve been here a while, you know that I believe your brain is your most valuable resource. Yes, even your sweetly distracted, adorable ADHD brain. Okay. And learning how to hack your ADHD brain so that you can thrive. And whatever that looks like for you, it’s going to look different for all of us. But learning how to hack it so that you can thrive is the best investment that you can make. Better than any NFT or mutual fund or IRA or whatever the heck the kids are investing in these days. And investing in your brain and setting yourself up to thrive is the best investment that you can make. The investment that you make in your brain, especially with qualified professionals and reputable programs, will always yield positive results. So I like to ask you ballpark, how much time and money did you invest in your brain in 2021? Time is a huge investment. Right? So it’s not just about the money that you spend, but it’s also about like the time slash effort that put into it. So maybe you set aside time for a self coaching practice. That does not cost you any money, but it sure does cost you your time. And for a lot of us, our time is very scarce, it’s very valuable. So let’s kind of go through these questions and see like how much time and money did you invest in your brain? Maybe you invested in medication, maybe you invested in talk therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. So that’s time and money investment. Maybe you invested your time and money in some sort of like workout fitness. What was that like for you? And then time and money, maybe in coaching. So for most of this it’s not just the money that you invest, but you also have to make the investment of time. So if you went to therapy like once a week for a couple months, that’s going to be costly, but it’s also going to be like a time investment. If you bought a gym membership, that’s costly, but if you didn’t go to the gym, then it’s not worth it, it’s not actually an investment. Does that make sense? So a gym membership is an expense unless you are actually going to the gym and then it’s an investment because it’s actually yielding you positive results. It’s the same with coaching. An investment in coaching is an expense if you’re not utilizing it. But if you’re actually showing up and being coached and using the resources, then it’s an investment because it’s improving your brain and it’s improving your life. I hope this is making sense. So ballpark, how much time and money did you invest in your brain in 2021? You can notate it by day or week or month or year. It doesn’t matter. Whatever makes the most sense to you. But like kind of get a ballpark. Every year I invest more time and more money into my brain. And every year I am seeing my results go up, up, up. And I know I have listeners all over the world with varying budgets and incomes, but if you do have some money that you can allocate to investing in your brain, do it. Do it. So as we close out this section of our time together, I want to encourage you to continue to reflect on 2021. What were the good things that happened? What were the good things that you did? What were the parts of it that were so connected and loving and full of gratitude and fun? What was the most adventurous thing you did? What was the most delicious night that you had, like, what was the best part of 2021. And then really sit with those positive feelings. Notice how when you think about the good, you feel good. Notice that you can reflect on the good whenever you want. Isn’t that so fun? Like, if you are kind of in this habit of feeling a lot of negative emotion, take some time for gratitude. Take some time for reflection on what’s working. Get yourself into a mode of positive energy, because that energy is fuel. It’s fuel that will propel actions. All right? And then think about what didn’t work, what didn’t go so great, what do you want to kind of leave behind and not take with you into 2022? And as you reflect on what didn’t work, give yourself a lot of grace. Give yourself a lot of self forgiveness. When you notice shame coming up for you, feel it, process it, name it, call it what it is. Oh, my gosh, that is shame. I wonder why I’m feeling shame. And get really specific. Like, I’m really feeling a lot of shame about this. Let’s feel that deeply, because here’s why. When we feel shame come up and then we’re like, oh, this feels gross. I don’t want to feel it anymore. What we do is we avoid and we procrastinate and we hide. So if you notice that you’re doing a lot of avoiding, procrastinating, and hiding, you can guarantee that there’s some shame involved. I do have, I think, a couple episodes. I think there’s two episodes that I have on shame. I would highly recommend that you go back and listen to them if shame is coming up for you a lot. As we evaluate your year. And always remember that the story that you tell yourself about the past is going to be a predictor of your success in the future. Right. The best predictor of success for the future is the story that you’re telling yourself about the past. So be very intentional. Not to live in fantasy land, not to, like, create this false narrative, but be intentional about deciding how you want to think and feel about your year. The end of the year is not a finish line. It’s just a mile marker. It’s just a point on the trail where we get to say, oh, here’s a stopping point where we can reflect. We can take a drink, we can catch our breath, we can turn around and see the view. View and see if we are on the right path. It’s just a moment of reflection to decide if you’re on the right path. Next week, we will talk about the future, what view we want to create for ourselves, what vision we want to have for the future. We’re going to set some goals. I don’t really love the word intention because it’s just like, to me, that’s just like a wish, like a fantasy. But we’ll set some goals. We’ll see what you want to create for yourself in 2022. So speaking of creating things for yourself, I wanted to give you some life updates, some Kristin Carter life updates that a lot has happened in 2021, and I wanted to, first of all catch you up and second of all, kind of give you a example of what’s possible. So I want to take some time to let you know a bunch of the changes that I have made in 2021. A bunch of, like, my views. When I look back over 2021, what am I seeing as I turn around and I look at the trail and I look at where I’ve been? There’s a bunch of things that have changed in 2021. And so I want to give you kind of a taste of that. Keep in mind, I have been doing life coaching. I’ve been getting coached for four years and I have been in therapy for a year. So I’ve been doing this, like, self development work for a little while. And I always tell this to my clients because we want immediate gratification. We want things to change immediately, but they don’t. And it’s not linear and it’s kind of squiggly and swirly. But when I look back on the year, I’m like, wow, we’ve done a lot. And I’m really proud of myself. So first of all, my husband left his job in February. He was at a position that he really liked, working in a ministry that he absolutely adored, but he didn’t see a future for himself at this church. So my husband’s a pastor. He was working as a student ministry director for sale 16 years in the same church. And while he loved the ministry of students that he worked with, he didn’t see a spot for him at this church moving forward. And he’s 40, he’s going to be turning 43. So I’m like, married to an official grownup. And it was so fun to be able to talk to him and be a part of his decision to transition out of the church. Even though he really loved his job and where that led him was deciding to start a church, which is super fun. And we actually had it on our calendar to record a podcast together this week for him to tell you all the details and just give you a sense of, like, where we’re at with that. So I’m going to let him tell you most of it. But what’s super fun is he is going to be launching a church with a team of like, 25 people in February. And we’re so pumped. So we have spent the last year kind of feeling, dealing and healing from our transition out of church and then creating a vision for what we want moving forward with the new church. I’m not saying it eloquently because it’s really not my story to share, so I’m going to let Greg do that. But that’s really, really big because what we’re doing is we’re creating a different kind of church. A church that hasn’t, like, it’s not just, like, the same flavor, there’s nothing like it around. And it’s a very neurodivergent, friendly church. I actually had somebody say, I feel like you’re creating a church for ADHD ers. And I’m like, oh, my gosh, that’s so amazing. So I’m really, really, really, really, really, really, really pumped and excited about that. But again, that’s Greg’s story to share. That’s his result. That’s not my result, but I’m very happy to be a part of it. Something else that we did is we had two kiddos diagnosed with ADHD this year, and one of those was also diagnosed with ocd. And that’s a big shift in our lives. So at the start of 2021, we didn’t have any neurodivergent kids or, like, we didn’t recognize any of them as being neurodivergent. And now looking back, two of our three kids have mental health diagnoses. It’s really fascinating. And so we are implementing medication for them, and they’re both in therapy as well. And I just feel so privileged to be able to give my kids the things that I never had as a child. So, like, the recognition of a neurodivergent brain, treatment for that neurodivergent brain and then like therapy, somebody to talk to. It’s just been really healing for me, I think, to be able to give my kids the things that I never had. Because in the 90s or 80s, even, like 80s and 90s girls were not being diagnosed with mental health stuff. It just was not a thing. Only. Only a few lucky ones, you know. So having a diagnosis as an adult and then being able to help my kids through that at such an earlier age is just such a privilege. So I just feel so amazing that that is one of the things that we were able to accomplish this year. And I started therapy. I’ve been doing, and I’ve talked about this a bunch, but I’ve been doing therapy. Now, as I look back over the view of my year, so to speak, I’ve been doing therapy for 10 months and it has been treacherous and difficult, but so healing. And I am nowhere near done that journey for me. I feel like I probably have at least another year of like intense therapy. It’s been life changing for me, which is another reason why I just say, like, that investment in coaching or therapy, especially for trauma, it’s so healing and it’s opening me up to have so much more love and care for myself so that I can just be a better version of myself. I can enjoy my life more. But then also, like, I’m getting a lot more done because I’m not stuck in so much drama. It’s so amazing. And then two really fun things as we close. Number one, I’ve talked a lot on here, how we live in a relatively small house. So we have five people living in a 1700 square foot home, and we have finally decided to move. Finally. You know, it’s interesting. Like, we loved our house. It’s small, but we love it. And it’s in a great neighborhood. We have a nice little yard. Like, it’s great. But once we had the kids diagnosed and we had to like move two kiddos in together because we only have three bedrooms and whatever, my therapist was like, why aren’t you moving? And I was like, I don’t know. Like, we love our house. And she really encouraged me, essentially, like, hey, your kids need more space. And if you have the means to do it, I highly recommend that you move. And so we decided to build a house, which is so fun. So we decided to build a home, which is just such a beautiful benefit of having a thriving business, is that I’m able to do that. So we’re able to build a home. We move in in April. It’s amazing. It’s so beautiful. And speaking of my business, it’s just grown into the most beautiful business and I am so grateful for it. I’m leading a team of 11 contractors. 11. We have an online business manager, Felicia, who you met on the podcast, executive assistant, Selena, who you met on the podcast. We have a podcast editor, a graphic, web and graphic designer, Facebook ads manager, copy editor, contract coaches, community managers. And it’s such a beautiful team of people that are working together to change the landscape of adhd. We are having the best time. I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful for this business and I’m grateful to 2018 me, the version of me in 2018 who was not being coached regularly yet, just occasionally. She wasn’t in therapy, but she had this dream that maybe people would listen to a podcast. She had a dream, she was like, I think maybe people might listen to this podcast if I start it. And she cursed and she cried her way through that dream. And because of her, because of that version of me, I’m able to be sitting here talking to you now saying like, hey, thank you for listening. And I have this thriving business that’s allowing me to have just a great time. We’re having the best time. So as I reflect on my year, I am so grateful for you, my dear listener, and for you, my Focus members, and for all of the people who are resonating with my message and like, yes, let’s go. Let’s change the landscape of what it means to be someone with adhd. And I am just so pumped about the next chapter, which we are going to talk about on next week’s episode. Let’s go. Can’t wait. Talk to you then. Bye. Bye. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve. Improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation, you know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program, and I’m confident that you will, too. Go to ihaveadhd. Com Focused for all the details.
