Kristen Carder 0:05
Welcome to the I Have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement, and coaching for adults with ADHD. I’m your host, Kristen Carter, and I Have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor, and challenges of adulting, relationships, working, and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hello, what is up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’ve tuned in to the I Have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, slightly dysregulated, but ready to roll. How are you? We had some major issues going live on YouTube, so if you have been waiting, I apologize. I am so so sorry. We for some reason YouTube said cannot go live, and it just kept giving an error message. Sorry, you can’t go live, and you know what? I love it. What a rush! What a dopamine rush to to like blast out to the email list to blast out to everyone like 100,000 people. Kristen Carter is going live now. Join her, join the live, and then for YouTube to be like, nope, you can’t, not going to happen. You cannot go live. It there is nothing like it. A great little adrenaline rush. I don’t think my producer Dan feels the same way, because he might need to change his underpants after this. He was like, “What is going on?” He was like, absolutely freaking out. But for me, I’m like, “What an adrenaline rush! This is exactly what I needed to get me into the mode to record this podcast. So no, I am not completely regulated, but I am amped. I’m amped up. I’m ready to have this conversation. I am so glad that you are here, and I am so glad that I am here. Let me tell you, it is so much more fun for me to talk to you live than it is for me to stare at a camera and pretend that I am talking to you live. So, if you usually listen to the audio, great, love that, love that for you. But if you ever do want to join me for a live podcast recording, just hop on my email list. You can go to ihaveadhd.com and subscribe to any of like the freebies that I have. That’s going to pop you onto the email list, and then every once in a while, you’re just going to get a random email. You’re going to get a random email that says Kristen’s going live, and then you can just hang out with me. It is so much fun. Anyway, anyway, anyway, it’s a little bit of a floopy opening because your girl was like, “Oh, I wonder if I’m even going to have a podcast today. I wonder if this is even going to happen.” But here we are. It is welcome. If you are live and in the room, my book “You’re Not in Trouble” comes out in five days, five effing days. And if you are listening to this later on audio, the book is out now. Can you believe it? This gorgeous, gorgeous thing is out, and I am just feeling all the feels. Very excited to get it into your hands. And also, we’re going to talk about today Paris Hilton’s ADHD Summit and how we treat celebrities and how we like what we expect of them. And I’m going to relate it back to the book eventually, but just know that like it is hard to put yourself out there. It is so so so hard, and to know that like you’re gonna read it. I hope you love it, but what if you? What if you’re like this thing is a piece of crap? I hate Kristen now, and I hate the book, and I hate every like. That is a possibility. And do you think that my brain is different from your brain? That like I don’t have the that I don’t have the inner critic that you have. That I don’t have the fear that you have because I do. That I don’t have that part of me that’s like I hope, I hope everybody likes me. I hope everybody’s nice to be like I’m the same as you. You think I’m different, but I’m not. I swear I am the same. So imagine how you would be feeling. You know what I’m saying?
Kristen Carder 4:55
Anyway, right now we’re doing a really fun thing, and it’s only going. Only doing it for 100 people, so the first 100 people that fill out this form are going to get it. So I’m just letting you know right away. It’s only for the first 100. Once 100 people do it, it’s not going to be available anymore. But here’s what we’re doing: we’re running this promotional where, when you pre-order your copy of the book this week. This is for brand new pre-orders, or if you’re listening to it after the fact and we still have more space, then you can do it. But it’s like brand new orders. When you order or pre-order the book this week, I will send a free copy to the professional of your choice. And here’s why I’m doing that. I want you to help me get this book in the hands of the people who are serving the ADHD community. Because I don’t know your therapist, I don’t know your coach, I don’t know your doctor, I don’t know who to send this book to where they have an influence in the community, God bless all of the doctors, therapists, coaches out there. But they don’t know what they don’t know. You know what I’m saying? They don’t know what they don’t know. And we’ve all been to a professional. And let me know if this has been your experience ever, but we’ve all been to a professional where you’ve asked them a question about ADHD or you’ve shared something about ADHD, and they just don’t understand it. They don’t know. They’re just kind of like, oh yeah, like maybe they dismiss you or they kind of brush it off, or they give you advice that you know is like not good advice. You just you’re just kind of like okay, like clearly I’m not going to be able to get this type of help from you. Um, I want to help those professionals have a deeper understanding of ADHD and how it impacts our relationships. So, if you go to ihaveadhd.com/bogo, b-o-g-o, that stands for buy one get one. You can fill out the form with your proof of purchase, and then also the address, name and address of any professional that you want me to send the book to, so you buy one, and then you pop in the name and address of a profession: your doctor, your psychiatrist, your coach, your therapist, your maybe even like your church leader, like somebody who is influential and works with adults, somebody who is Impactful in the community who needs more information, more research-based, evidence-based information about ADHD and relationships. You put in their address. I will literally send them a copy today. I’m not joking, and we’re doing this for the first 100 people that fill out the form. The reason why we have a limit is because, like, no offense, but it’s going to cost $3,000. So, like, my budget is limited. Your budget is limited. All of our budgets are limited. So, I’m going to do it for the first 100 people that fill out the form. I have put it out on the email list already, and I think we’ve gotten about 30 people who have submitted the form already. But hold on, I’m like literally doing math, making sure that my math is correct because we were like, maybe we could do it for 200 people. Then I was like, $6,000 is a lot of money. So we’re going to do it for the first 100 people that fill out the form. So go to I have ADHD. I have. Let’s not say it in a Southern accent, Kristen. Let’s go to I have adhd.com/bogo. That’s B O G O. So you buy the book, and then I will send one to the professional of your choice. And I am curious, like, how often have you experienced just and and I don’t mean this in a mean way, but like ignorance, the ignorance from somebody who you’re like, I feel like you should know more about this than you do. I I feel like you should know more about ADHD than you do. When I speak with psychologists, a lot of times I will ask them like, how much class time or textbook time? Did you get on adult ADHD? And the answer is usually zero.
Kristen Carder 9:48
So just understand, like the people that we are trusting and entrusting our brains and our medical needs to, and our. You know, our couples therapy and all of that are not getting educated on adult ADHD. So I want to change that. I want to send a copy to your doctor or your therapist or your psychiatrist. Somebody said I’m sending one to my psychiatrist, and I love that. I love that so so so much because I want to get well researched evidence based info into their hands because what that’s going to do is create a ripple effect that doesn’t just to help you and the family members that you have that go to that professional but it also helps every other person with ADHD who is being seen by that professional. Somebody asked if it’s available in outside of the U.S. Yes, actually, it is currently available in the U.K. and Australia, and you can grab your copy today. Okay, we’re going to talk about Paris Hilton’s ADHD Summit. Have you seen it going around online on the socials? Paris Hilton’s ADHD Summit, because my feed is packed full of ADHD content regarding Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton’s ADHD Summit. People who have been there, people who were not there, people who loved it, people who hated it. Make sure you have live chat selected. Thank you. I love getting notes from my producer. Selecting live chat, awesome in real time. All I saw was Jane Insane hanging out with her. That’s amazing. So if you don’t know, this past week Paris Hilton invited 200 content creators to join her at her home for an ADHD summit, and I think that’s pretty cool, honestly. And when I first found out about it, I started seeing like promotionals from people who I followed who were like, “I got invited to Paris Hilton’s house, I’m going to Paris Hilton’s house, and I was like, I want to go to Paris Hilton’s house. Like, what? I want to go, and let me tell you, my rejection sensitivity was going off the The hook, because I love who doesn’t love Paris Hilton. I grew up with Paris Hilton. We are the same age. She became an influencer, literally the original influencer, and then she was on that show. What was it called? Oh, I’m not even going to remember. But she was on that show with the Richie girl. Yes, with Lionel Richie’s daughter, and obviously, I mean, she’s a Hilton, so she just in ’90s lore. She is big. She’s big. We are the exact same age. We graduated high school the same year, like I was just like Paris Hilton, and no, she did not invite me. And listen, that’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m fine, you guys. I’m fine. But I did start out with a huge rejection sensitivity spiral, like rejection sensitivity Spiral, because of course I wanted to be invited, and of course the Alanis Moore set song “Uninvited” was like playing in my head on repeat. You’re uninvited, like I’m just like not a part of it at all, and all of these people I know are going, and one of my good friends, Brooke, was invited, and I was just like, “It’s not, it’s not me.” Okay. Then I started seeing videos coming out about the event, and I have to let you know I was annoyed. This is not the end of the story, but this is the middle. This is the middle of the story. I started to get really, really, really annoyed. I was annoyed at all the sparkles. This is not my vibe. I was annoyed with the fact that like people were making videos that she is actually affiliated with a drug company. I believe she is affiliated with Journey. She does marketing for Jornay, which my son takes, and I I absolutely think it’s a great medication. But I was like, oh my gosh, she’s using this as a money grab, and she is just trying to she is just trying to like big pharma all of us. Then I was annoyed. Because like all of this talk about her saying ADHD is our superpower came out, and I was like so annoyed with that because you all know how I feel about people calling ADHD a superpower.
Kristen Carder 15:12
She like launched an ADHD clothing brand or like clothing line, and I was like so annoyed by that, and I was just like, ugh, just getting like really, really mad, really mad, which is so adorable because honestly, I’m pretty sure I was just mad I wasn’t invited, and I, I just want us all to pause for a second and think about how we treat people when we’re actually just like a little bit jealous. It’s like I just wanted to be, I just, I just wanted to go, and I just wanted to be invited. And when I wasn’t, I just got a little bit mad, and I started to like find things to be really, really mad about. I was annoyed in general. I was annoyed. A couple of my black friends on Instagram or even clients were like, they were annoyed that there weren’t wasn’t more like BIPOC representation. And so then I was also annoyed about that. I was like, that’s another thing that I can be mad about, and I just started to rage. Like she’s in it for the clout, and she’s just trying to take over ADHD. And like, who does she think she is? She’s in it for the money. And then I started talking to people who actually went, and no one who actually went had a bad time. No one who was actually there thought that it was a bad look. No one was sold to. No one was like there was no drug company there. Like hey, you should take this medication. There was no pushing of her clothing line. All of the proceeds from the clothes that she is selling right now are going to understood.org. So 100% of the profits and proceeds from the clothing sales are going to understood.org. So like that is a nonprofit organization that helps people with learning disabilities, including ADHD, although ADHD is not a learning disability, but learning disabilities and ADHD. And where was I? Nobody was mad about it. Nobody who was there was mad about it. The BIPOC creators, the Black and Brown creators, and Asian creators that were there, they had a great time, and their perspective was like, “Yep, there’s not enough representation here. True, and there’s not enough representation in most rooms, so we absolutely need to change that in general.” But their perspective, the things that I kept seeing of the people who actually attended the event was like this was actually great. We loved it. We had such a great time. I called my friend Brooke from Coaching with Brooke. If you don’t follow her on Instagram, you absolutely should. But I called her yesterday. I was like, tell me everything, because I have been on a roller coaster of emotions from all of this. Like at first, I was excited, and then I was like feeling left out, and then I was raging about like the clothing and the drug, like the pharmaceuticals, and then I was mad about like a specific person who was there. I was like, “Tell me what your experience was.” She said it was the most magical, warm, welcoming, inviting space ever. Why? How can I be mad about that? How can? How am I going to be mad about that? She said absolutely nothing was sold. In fact, Paris gave away a ton of stuff. She gave away so much stuff that my friend Brooke had to literally DoorDash or Instacart or something a second suitcase. She had to get a second suitcase sent to her house, or her excuse me, her hotel room. She had to get a second suitcase sent to her her hotel so that she could take home all of the free stuff. So imagine, imagine going, seeing all of these other ADHD creators having an entire party put on in your honor, in honor of celebrating ADHD and neurodivergence, getting all kinds of free stuff, and then feeling angry about it. Nobody did. Nobody did. This person says, “All I can think about is the.”. Extra checked baggage fee for the flight back. I know, isn’t that so fun? Isn’t that so funny? She was like worth it.
Kristen Carder 20:07
I mean, she was giving away Alex and Olivia clothing, and so my friend Brooke was able to choose like a cashmere sweater, a $400 sweater, and then have it personalized and take it home, and then she also got some like stuffed animals and some other things as well. So it’s like, it’s like an, it’s like a, yeah, it was like a carnival. It was like an ADHD carnival. Now, now, I just want to take you on the journey that I have been on because it has been a roller coaster, and I think, oh my gosh, Nicole Richie, Nicole Richie, thank you. I mean, that was like 30 minutes too late, but thank you. And you all know that I’m going to interrupt myself here to name the person that I forgot. Nicole Richie, that’s who it was. The Simple Life, that was the name of the show. Thank God we all have ADHD, and I know you’ve been tracking with me. Amazing, Ashley. Thank you. So, I just wanted to take you on the journey, and I I want to relate this to your life when you are not invited, when you’ve got Alanis Morissette screaming at you in the background. You’re uninvited. What is the roller coaster like for you? Because for me, I was immediately flooded with FOMO and rejection sensitivity. I was like, clearly, I am not good enough. Clearly, my work is not good enough. Clearly, I am not a a cool kid. I’m just not a cool kid. And then that, of course, triggers like my 11 year old self who just wanted friends and community, and who saw all the cool kids like being together, and having community, and knowing each other, and me just always feeling on the outside as I was engaging with all of this Paris Hilton content. I was like, I’m just not cool, and everybody’s gonna have so much fun without me, and I’m never gonna have friends and nobody actually likes me and nobody thinks I’m credible. I mean, like I was spiraling, and then from the spiral I started to rage. And I wonder how often we do that. We take the actual pain and we turn it into rage. Ah, she’s such a bitch! She’s nothing but a rich millionaire who wants more clout. Blah blah blah blah blah. And I’m start to rage about like she’s just in it for the money. Which what money? What money? What money is she in it for? She literally got nothing. I asked my friend because my my husband asked me, “What was in it for Paris? Like, what did she get out of it?” And I was like, “That is such a great question.” So I asked Brooke. I was like, “What do you think was in it for her? Like, what was her ROI? Like, what was the return on investment for Paris?” And she was like, literally, I can’t think of one thing. Like, there was no money made. There were no brands that were like her brands weren’t highlighted or anything like that. There was no like, to her knowledge, like drug company money. Now we might find out in three weeks that like Journey, like the drug company, is going. You know, like I don’t know using clips from it or some. We might find out, but as it stands today, on whatever the date is, October 22, as it stands today, we truly have no like don’t know what was in it for her, other than she wanted to have an ADHD party, and guess what? She’s allowed. The thing that kept going over and over in my own mind was not every opportunity is for you, Kristen. Not every opportunity is for you. You’re not entitled to be invited to absolutely everything. Not every opportunity is for you. That was so helpful to me. That was so helpful to me. Not every opportunity is for you. There were 200 people invited. I don’t know how she curated the list. I have no idea. I also don’t know, and I am curious about this. Like, was she intentional about inviting BIPOC creators, and then they just weren’t able to attend. Was there an intentionality around having representation at the party or not? We don’t know the answer to that. I don’t know the answer to that. If I were to give some feedback, that would be.
Kristen Carder 24:59
A huge piece of feedback that I would offer because what I have heard from my Black and Brown and Asian friends who are in the ADHD community, and when I say friends, some of them friends, but some of them just like creators that I follow, is that they wish there was more representation, and so on their behalf, like yes, I agree. If you’re taking feedback, Paris, let’s improve that for the next time. But then I started to think, is there gonna be a next time? Because she’s gotten a lot of hate about this summit. A lot. Like if you just go to your socials and Google like Paris Hilton Summit, or okay, I just said that wrong. I I sound like I’m old. If you go to your socials and Google, oh god, you know what I mean. If you go to your FYP and look at Paris Health and Summit, you’re going to see such a mix of people and their responses. And there’s so many people saying that she’s a grifter. There’s so many people saying that she’s just in it for herself, and I just do want to say: Is this how we want to treat people who are putting on parties for ADHDers? I just don’t know. Is this how we want to treat people who are trying to serve the community in their own way. Listen, how is Paris Hilton going to serve the community? She gonna throw a party. Like who better, who better to throw a party than Paris Hilton, right? So like, how? What is her version of serving the community? She gonna put on a party and have literally llamas at the party. Alpacas, alpacas. Literally llamas at the party. A huge slide. I think there was a ball pit. There was a sensory station. Everything was pink. Of course, everything was pink. Right. So we’re all trying to serve the community in our own way, and what is her contribution? She’s throwing a party, and what I just want to say, like, are we going to be mad about it? I’m getting some questions here, so I’m going to interrupt myself. You’re wondering what to do, how to fill out the form, the buy one get one. Go to ihaveadhd.com/bogo, b-o-g-o. Again, you buy a a book, I will send one to the professional of your choice, up to 100, and then we’re going to close the form because Because, oh yes, you must be new here. Yes, so you buy a book this week. I will send one to the professional of your choice. So go to ihaveadhd.com/bogo to fill the form. I’m just really curious about your thoughts on the summit and your thoughts, especially if you are a person of color, like your thoughts on the lack of representation. Obviously, as a white girl, I don’t have like, I don’t have like the right words and the right perspective to share about that. And I do want to honor the perspective of my BIPOC friends who are just like, hey, this was a very white scene. It was a very white party. Like, I I want to honor that, and and like, yeah, isn’t that a systematic issue that we all need to be working on together? I think that is true. And can we hope and pray that Paris like hears that feedback and like maybe make some changes next year if there is a next year? Yes, yes, yes. I certainly hope so. Um, to be okay. So Blaze says to be honest, giving her hate for everything she does is the standard response to her. I just wonder, like, do we all realize that Paris has ADHD, and that Paris probably struggles with rejection sensitivity, and that Paris is probably like spiraling and freaking out and laying in her bed crying about all of the hate that she’s getting? I don’t know. I I mean, she’s just a human. I don’t think that just because she’s rich, she’s immune to having a very normal rejection sensitivity response to hate. It’s so interesting because I really do think that as people, just as humans, we think like when you get to a certain level of success, when you get to a certain level of money, when you get when you have a certain level of like.
Kristen Carder 29:59
Privilege, pretty privilege, financial privilege, whatever kind of privilege, you just don’t feel those rejection sensitivity feelings. And I just want to say, like, I don’t think that’s true. I think that no human is immune to feeling that. And I just want to like hug her, and I would say, like, baby, you did good. Thanks for putting on a party. It looked like so much fun. I wish I could have been there. I really, really do. Here’s a couple tweaks that I would love for you to make for next time. Number one, maybe don’t highlight ADHD as a superpower. Now this comes with some caveats because there are people out there who just really think that ADHD is a superpower, and and if you are super rich and you have access to staff, then ADHD might actually be a superpower to you if you don’t have to use your rely on your brain only to get stuff done, but you have staff and you have assistants and you have people shopping for your groceries and making your meals, and then yeah, you can just lean into your creativity and to your impulsivity. You can let your hyper focus kind of, you know, run amok, and it doesn’t actually harm anything. So, like, sure, if ADHD is your superpower, that probably means you have a lot of money, and that’s okay. It takes all kinds of people in the world. Some of us are rich. Some of us are really not rich. But I have never, ever encountered a person who was struggling financially, who felt like ADHD was their superpower. I just haven’t, Because when we are struggling financially, when we can’t hold a job, we can’t remember to pay our bills. When the water gets turned off because we haven’t paid our water bill because we forgot to pay our water bill, ADHD is not awesome. It’s not our superpower. It is. It’s actually preventing us from getting the things done that we need to get done. When we have a certain level of privilege, when we have a lot of help, when we have supportive family or staff that are at our beck and call at all times, and they’re willing to help us and serve us and give us compassion, then sure we can lean into those areas of creativity and impulsivity and ingenuity, and we can be like, oh my gosh, ADHD is my superpower because all of the things that make ADHD so hard are actually taken care of by other people. You know what I’m saying? You know what I’m saying. So that is something. That is some feedback. I fully and you know I fully reject and always have that ADHD is your superpower narrative. 100%. It it is not. I don’t think that’s helpful to the community. I really don’t. And I’m curious what you all think in the chat, um, because I know there are varying perspectives. But for me, for my work, for the people that I serve, um, I’m just never going to to say that because I would never want to give ADHD credit for the good things that I do. ADHD is not allowed to take the credit for the amazing things that I have accomplished in my life. I’m not giving credit to ADHD. I have been able to accomplish things in spite of ADHD because I’ve understood my ADHD because I have treated my ADHD because I’ve gotten support for my ADHD because I have scaffolded my life in a way that allows me to function, and so I have been able to do the things that I’ve accomplished in spite of my ADHD, not because of my ADHD. And I would never want you to outsource your like the credit for what you have accomplished to ADHD. Oh, it’s because ADHD is my superpower. No, it’s because you are amazing, and you worked like hell, and you figured it out, and you worked twice as hard as everybody in your life, and you got it done. You’re amazing. You are the superpower. Whatever makes you you, that is what is like divinely. Super about you, that is my that that is my opinion. But guess what? We’re all allowed to think about it how we want to. Like I’m not I’m not going to police someone.
Kristen Carder 35:14
I’m going to give my opinion, but I’m not going to police someone who says that it is their superpower. What else did I want to say? Oh, this is the other thing that I wanted to say. If I could give this feedback, and this is asking a lot, okay, this is asking a lot. But if I could give this feedback, if it were me, if I was Paris and I understood how much like influence and just like, yeah, like power I had in this community. Here’s what I would do. I would say, guys, I’m having a party, and some of you are going to get invited, and some of you aren’t going to get invited. I love all of you equally. I would really, I would literally want her to say that. I would want her to say like, I can only invite 200 people. My house is only so big. I wish I could invite everybody, but I can’t. And when you see people being invited, I just I really want you to celebrate them, but don’t feel like you’re not good enough because you are, and I love you. That’s what I. That’s what I would have wanted her to say to me. Like you’re okay. Everybody is great. I see you. I love you. I just don’t have enough room. And that’s what I was telling myself. She just doesn’t. She just does not have enough room to invite everybody, and that is okay. But if I were to give her some like trauma informed advice, I would I would say, honey, you’re gonna activate collective rejection sensitivity across 10s of 1000s of people who work with ADHDers, and so if you want to mitigate that a teeny tiny bit, what I would offer to you is just like a just like a word to everybody, like you’re good, you’re loved, you’re seen, and I only have room for X amount of people. That’s what I would want. That is asking a lot, don’t you think? That is asking a lot. Oh my gosh! This person says, “Kristen, you are one of the cool kids in my eyes.” Oh, that’s so kind. Thank you. That is so kind. Tamara says, “I bet Kristen Carter must have been guest number 201. I just didn’t make the cut. It’s totally, totally, totally fine. Listen, one of the other things that I kept saying to myself is like, I’m not actually a content creator. I’m not. I’m a coach. I’m an author. I’m a podcaster, but like I don’t show up on Instagram and make cute videos. I wish I could. I wish I could, but I can’t. Every time I do, I spiral. I want to vomit, and I’m so distracted by it that I can’t even function. Like that is just not my ministry. It is just not my ministry, y’all. I just can’t be a content creator. Somebody, do you know Dan from the Aspie World? A couple of years ago, and I’ll never forget it. He like we were having a face to face chat over Zoom, and he was he called me a content creator, and I got so offended. I was like, “What? I am not a content creator.” He was like, “Kristen, you’re a content creator,” and I was like, “What? No, I’m not.” I don’t know why that was so offensive to me. I think because I just don’t identify in that way. Like, I, I don’t, I don’t make amazing YouTube videos. I put out clips of podcasts, and my podcast is great, but I don’t make YouTube video. I don’t make content. I coach, I write, I podcast, but I am not a content creator. So that is totally, totally okay. It makes sense that I wasn’t invited. I’m not a content creator. I just want to read some of your comments, but my eyes are so old. I should have my readers here. Sounds like the haters are throwing accusations rather than expressing their curiosities. That is such a good point. She’s done so much for teenagers who went through what she went through. She played the dumb blonde role for 20 years while being very intelligent and a great business person and advocate. Ricky, that is such a good point. We did not even mention her advocacy work for closing down those. And now I’m not going.
Kristen Carder 39:59
To remember what they’re called, but they’re like the homes for troubled children, where she got sent away and was like held truly like in captivity for quite some time and suffered abuse. And she, I believe, announced at the summit that she. Hold on, I’m doing a quick Google. Everybody, pause. Paris Hilton Advocacy. Um, she changed the law in Utah. The Utah Department of Health and Human Services revoked the license of the Provo Canyon School Girls Campus in Springville, Utah, following a years-long advocacy campaign by former resident Paris Hilton, that’s not nothing. She truly is someone who is an advocate, and to the point of like, what’s in it for Paris? Like, she did not have to do that. She’s a grown woman now. It doesn’t impact her now, but because of her experience there, she wanted to make sure that that school got shut down. And I believe that she is hoping that like there is a ripple effect then with other schools as well. So that is such a great, great, great point. Yeah, the world treated her like she is a joke since she was a teenager, but she’s not. Yes, yes. Keeley says, “I like to say that ADHD is my superpower just to pump myself up at times.” Fair enough. You are totally, totally allowed to do that. You are allowed to do That yes, when you are rich, so this person says she’s a good example of hiring out her frontal lobe, and I fully agree with that. So, like I said, I had a good friend who was there, Brooke from Coaching with Brooke. We chatted on the phone yesterday, and when Paris was asked, like, how do you get it all done? How do you, like, how did you even put this on? Like, how did you do all of this? Like, you have ADHD. It doesn’t look like you’re struggling. And do you know what her response was? I have staff. I’m privileged. I’m able to hire this out, and I just appreciate that. Like she’s not pretending. Like, oh yeah, I did this all by myself, and I do everything by myself. And ADHD doesn’t bother me at all. She’s like, guys, I could not do this without help. And I just want you to like really embed that. If ADHD does not feel like a superpower to you, Same, and are there ways that you can outsource your frontal lobe? Do you have any money that you can spend to outsource your frontal lobe? If not, could you make a plan for like, okay, I’m going to plan to save so that next year I can hire a laundry service, or a house cleaner, or a personal assistant that will come and open my mail and pay my bills, so that I don’t have to. Literally, if my husband did not do that for me, I would hire someone to do it because our bills wouldn’t get paid, my friends. They would not get paid. I am so privileged. I have partner privilege. I am so privileged to have a partner that is supportive, that says, “Hey, I notice that your mail is piling up. Do you mind if I open it for you and take care of everything that I can take care of?” Like, oh my god, I love you. I’m so, so, so lucky. Okay, I’m just reading some of your comments. You are connecting with real people every day, and we love you. Oh my goodness! And we all want you at our party, you guys. I swear I didn’t do this just so that you would tell me that you love me, but I don’t hate it. I don’t hate it because truly, I am no different from you. I have the exact same ADHD brain. I have the exact same automatic rejection sensitivity response. We are the same, and that’s the point that I want to make. That like I also think Paris is the same, and I’m wondering how she’s doing, and I want to send her like such a big hug and be like, “Girl, maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was a great first round. You did good. Next time, maybe make it a little more diverse. I think that would be much appreciated in the community.
Kristen Carder 44:37
Next time, maybe just give us a heads up that it’s happening, so that we can all take a collective breath and be like, “We’re okay.” If we’re not invited, she doesn’t hate me. Maybe next time, bring a little more nuance to your opinion on ADHD being a superpower. Other than that, like literally, no notes, no notes. Great job! Thanks for having a party. Thanks for inviting cool people. When I looked at, like you know, I’ve seen literally, I’ve seen hundreds of hours of content. Maybe your feed is not the same as my feed, but like literally, I’ve seen so much content. I’m just like, that’s great. Everybody looked like they had so much fun. It’s amazing. Why are we hating on it? I just um, like I said, I’ve been on the roller coaster. I was on the hate train. I was on that. I was on the hate train, and now I just I hopped off. I I think she did good. It’s like, do we want celebrities bringing awareness or not? Because if they do, if that’s what we want, and they do, they’re going to do it in their own way. They’re not going to do it like I would or like you would. They’re going to do it in their own way. She literally had a Rolls Royce parked out front of her house, like a pink Rolls Royce and a and a BMW something something. I forget. Like she’s gonna do it in her way. Like you come to my house, it’s not what you’re gonna get, and that’s okay. Like we’re we’re all gonna bring our different flavors of advocacy and support and awareness. We’re going to bring it in our own way. And I just, again, I just really want us to think about like, how are we treating the people who are speaking out about ADHD? Are we being nice? Are we being nice? Because I’m speaking out about ADHD. Have a new book out. You might not know about it. It’s called “You’re Not in Trouble.” And when I look at how people treat Paris Hilton for what Paris Hilton is doing, like she did a nice thing for the community. I wrote a book, which I think is a nice thing for the community. But people are hating on her, and like, how many people are going to hate on me? Like, that’s it. Makes me be like, maybe I shouldn’t put myself out there, because that’s how you get treated when you put yourself out there. Do you feel me? Do you know what I’m saying? Like, there is a ripple effect to this. Oh, Keely says, “You’re not in trouble, Kristen.” My God, thank you. Truly, I needed to hear that. Um, that’s the thing, right? Is that like this is why we’re afraid to put ourselves out there. This is why some of you are afraid to show up on your social media and talk about ADHD because you see these videos of like how we treat people. I just think we need to be nice, and yes, we can offer constructive criticism. So don’t hear me say that we can’t. Don’t hear me say that we can’t. We can, but we also can do that with nuance and with kindness and with understanding that the person on the other end is still a human; they really are. Okay. Um, I just want to read some of your comments. Um, yes, it would have been awesome to be there. Beth says you are a coach through and through. That is your calling, and that is how you change lives. I agree. I’m not a content creator. I’m a coach, and I feel so, um, gosh, so blessed to be able to do that. Um, this book reads to me like a coach is speaking. It feels very active. I love to hear that. Thank you. Currently planning a party, and yes, the faces that we’ve had to leave off haunt me. It’s true. You cannot have everyone invited, even if you like them. Exactly, exactly, exactly. Even Oprah Winfrey talks about her sensitivity to rejection and getting her feelings hurt. Oprah Winfrey, of all people, right? It’s like there is no amount of money or pretty or privilege that will make you not human. There’s just not. You’re you’re always going to feel the sting of criticism and rejection.
Kristen Carder 49:18
I truly, Truly wish I wish that I could like somehow scrape that off of me, but then I think that’s called psychopathy. Like, wouldn’t I just be a psychopath if I didn’t ever feel that? And so then it’s like, well, do I want to be a psychopath? No, I don’t think so. Um. Oh my goodness, who is this? I’m so happy I found this live today. Love you, Kristen. I’ve been in focus for a year and a half, and it truly has changed my life. Ah, it’s so awesome! Ah, it’s so awesome. Okay, thank you for being here. Don’t forget, we are giving away a free copy of the book to a professional of your choice. Go to ihaveadhd.com/bogo. That’s buy one. Get 1b o g o up until 100 people because listen we have some limits okay so ihaveadd.com/bogo you’re not in trouble is out everywhere now and if you want more Kristen Carter come join focus go to ihaveadhd.com/focus to join thanks for just like hanging out with me today, and ranting, and raving, and vibing with me about this Paris Hilton summit. I have been on the roller coaster, so thank you so much for coming on the ride with me. I cannot wait to talk to you next week. I will see you then. Goodbye. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. And then I created Focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program, and I’m confident that you will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com/focused for all details.
