This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. You know that moment for me, it’s around like 2 or 3pm when my ADHD brain just decides we’re done for the day. We’re done here. The afternoon slump hits, the lights go off upstairs and suddenly answering an email or doing basically anything feels like climbing a mountain. That’s when I reach for Cure Energy. It’s a clean plant based energy drink mix made with 100 milligrams of natural caffeine and electrolytes so I get the focus and hydration boost I need without jitters, without a crash and without that like I drink battery acid vi that some of the energy drinks have. The peach tea and acai berry flavors are my current go tos. Crisp, refreshing and they don’t taste fake, y’. All. They don’t taste fake. I’ll drink one before recording a session or when I need to get help through like that afternoon drag. And honestly, I. I drink it anytime. My brain just needs to cooperate. What’s wild is that Cure Energy is only 25 calories and has zero added sugar. It actually helps me stay hydrated while giving me energy. Okay, I love coffee, but coffee could never. Staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love CUR Cure. It’s clean, it tastes great and it actually works. And remember, Cure is FSA HSA approved, which is amazing. You can use that money to pay for cure and for I have ADHD listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD. And if you do get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about CURE right here on the podcast. It really helps to support the show. Don’t just drink more, upgrade it with cure. Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristen Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you’re listening to the I have ADHD podcast, episode number 88. I am medicated, I am caffeinated and I am ready to roll. Today’s episode is a treat for you. It’s a coaching call from my coaching Membership focused. And today I coach four of my clients on various topics. And I want you to notice how much you relate to these four people. Two men, two women. We coach on anxiety, overwhelm, obligations, procrastination and business. And I want you to see how helpful it is to get coaching and how you can apply this coaching to your own life. Even though I wasn’t speaking to directly to you. Now, I’ve said this many times, but aside from medication, coaching has been the most helpful thing to me and to many others. And many of my own huge transformations have come when watching or listening to someone else being coached. It’s crazy. Amazing. So if you’re listening to this in real time, it’s that weird magical week between Christmas and New Year’s where no one knows what day it is. This is one of my favorite weeks ever because the whole world seems to be on pause. And if you’re anything like me, you’re recovering from the stress of December and the holidays and you’re starting to think about what next year might hold. I wonder if you’ve ever intentionally planned out your year in a way that makes sense for you. Do you know what you want to accomplish over the next 12 months? Are you dreaming about what’s possible? I want to invite you to join me for a live class where I’ll walk you through how to plan out 2021 in a way that makes sense for your life. We’ll talk about things like prioritizing and setting ADHD friendly goals. It’s going to be so much fun. And it’s this week. It’s on Wednesday, December 30th. Now again, if you’re listening in real time, you probably don’t even know what day it is right now. So head to my website to sign up. You can go to ihaveadhd.com webinar. Okay. And I will send you reminders. You can even opt in for a text reminder so that you get a text from me saying, hey, don’t forget to attend that webinar in an hour. All right? So did you do it? Did you go to ihaveadhd.com webinar? Did ya? Go now sign up and I’ll see you on Wednesday. I cannot wait, wait to hang out with you. Now here’s my coaching call. I hope you find it to be extremely helpful. I know that you will. Amazing. Raise your hands if you want coaching people. Welcome. Welcome. All right, let’s start with you. Hi. Hi. How are you? I am good. I like get really anxious So I was like, take a breath. It’s totally fine. Okay. How can I help you? Well, I’m so excited that I get the opportunity to do this today. Thank you. Good. Oh, you’re so welcome. Yeah. So something I’ve been dealing with quite a bit for a while now is I get really anxious at work before I talk to my supervisor. So I don’t know, I think I created this narrative in my head that I’m going to get fired if I make a mistake. Or I’m just waiting until I make that really, really big mistake that’s going to be, you know, then it’s over for me. And, you know, I tried doing the thought model yesterday, and I did the unintentional one that I kind of got stuck on. The intentional one, totally. Let’s talk about the unintentional one first. So your feeling is anxious. Is your thought, like, he’s going to fire me or she’s going to fire me or like, I’ve done something wrong? Like, what do you think the primary thought is for you that’s causing that anxiety? I think the primary thought I would say is, I made a mistake, I did something wrong. That’s like the thought that keeps replaying every time I’m going to. I’m going to talk to my supervisor, even though not every single time I make a mistake, But I’ve created that reality for myself, I guess. And so when you’re feeling anxious, what do you do from that feeling of anxiousness? You’re thinking, I made a mistake. You’re feeling anxious. What do you do? Well, the first thing that happens is my body just reacts. I start sweating. I, like, have a hard time keeping my breath even. I might shake a little bit. And this happened so much that I think for a while, I wasn’t even that aware of what I was feeling, that it. It just comes and goes. And now I’m realizing this is, like, a huge issue. Like, I shouldn’t be feeling this before I go into meetings or before I talk to my supervisor. And so I think the initial. What you were asking is like, it’s just my body reacting, and then it kind of paralyzes me a little bit. So it’s hard for me to think logically. Yeah. Yeah. Has that worked out in your favor ever? Never. Never. Have you had times when you’ve felt anxious and you’ve started sweating and shaking and your breathing is, like, a little bit, like, funky and you’re feeling paralyzed? Has that led you ever to say anything that you wish you hadn’t said or shown up in a way that you wish you hadn’t. Like. Like, what does that perpetuate for you? I think makes me feel, for one, I don’t feel confident. I lose my confidence. Right. Or I lose my ability to think logically. And I sometimes feel like I’m showing up, like, a little bit messy. Like, oh, I don’t remember if I told my staff that, or I don’t remember. And it comes in with the memory, too. And I think that’s what’s really hard, is, like, if I don’t take really good notes about, like, what I’ve said in the past, I might. I can’t rely on my memory. It’s just not there for me. Same. Yeah. Okay, so you have meetings with your boss, probably regularly. Right. And you think something along the lines of, I’ve done something wrong, I’ve made a mistake. You feel anxious, you start sweating, you’re. You start maybe shaking, your breathing gets weird, you feel paralyzed, you kind of lose your ability to think logically. And, like, even things that maybe you would have remembered, you don’t remember just because you’re kind of in, like, this panic mode. And then the result is probably something along the lines of you set yourself up to make mistakes. Right. But not because you’ve actually made a mistake, but because you’re thinking this thought that’s causing all this anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. Does that resonate with you? Yeah, I think so. Because when I’m on it and I’m able to really zoom in, focus in, take good notes and just be there, like, be present, I make way less mistakes when I’m in that mentality, in that mode, rather than when I’m like, oh, I’m nervous. I’m going to do a presentation or I’m going to talk to my boss or. And then I just. That’s when it. Yeah, it creates that. Here’s a question I have for you. When you think that thought, either, you know, whatever flavor your brain serves up, because, you guys, we all have these kind of, like, things that our brain believes, but it gives us different flavors of it on different days. So some days it’s, I made a mistake. Some days is it’s like, I did this wrong. Right. Some days it’s like he’s mad at me. Like, something like that. Right. When you think that, is it true? When you think the thought I made a mistake, is that true? Not in that moment, necessarily. I mean, I’ve made mistakes in the past, but I think in that moment, I’m Prejudging myself. Right. Because I. I don’t know what happened yet. I don’t know what the situation is, but I’m just automatically assuming I made a mistake or I screwed something up or this is it, you know? Yes. Why? Okay, so let’s go there. Okay, you’re in. When’s the last time this happened? It actually happened yesterday. Right. Perfect. Yeah. I was like, ah, okay. So yesterday you have a meeting. You’re like, I did something wrong. I made a mistake. Your body starts reacting as our bodies do, of course, like normal in that moment. Was it true when you were. Was it a prejudge or was it true that you made a mistake? So it’s an interesting situation. I definitely prejudged myself. But I have to talk to her today because we were both off before she told me that. So she was like, well, we really need to talk to this person because I think she did something without our permission. But then I started thinking like, oh, gosh, what if I. What if I missed something? What if I forgot something? What if she. What if I didn’t take good enough notes and something happened and I should have known? Or. You know what I mean? Does that kind of make sense? I’m still kind of waiting to talk to my boss today, but it is definitely a pre judgment on myself. Totally. Yeah. Can you just play with me for a minute here? Why do you think your brain or our brains. Because we’re all the same. Why does our brain do that? Why does it prejudge us that way? I think maybe due to past experiences, maybe. So what it’s doing maybe, is like, there have been times when I’ve made a mistake and then it wants to protect you in this moment. What does it think? What does your brain think believing you’ve made a mistake will do for you? Because there’s got to be some benefit, right? Yeah. What’s the benefit to that, do you think? I think, like, protecting yourself from the hard news, maybe, or the news of, like, oh, you made a mistake. So I’m like, all right, gotta brace myself. It’s coming, you know? Yeah. Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. It’s protecting you. Now, it’s a little misguided, but it really does think it’s protecting you. Right. Yeah. So what would it be like for you? Because you’re going to be talking to your boss today. Right. Perfect. This is so good. Like, you’re in the middle of it. What would it be like for you to have that thought and Then just know this is just my brain’s way of protecting me. I feel like it. It would be good to start practicing that. What feeling does that give you in your body? If you can picture the thought being there? So it’s not like it’s not going to come. It’s automatically going to come. Like, we know your brain’s going to serve it up. So it comes, and then you kind of notice it, and you’re like, oh, look, my brain is really trying to protect me. Maybe a little bit more comfort knowing that this is kind of an automatic response that’s going to come up every single time, and that I have to just understand that it is my brain trying to protect me. So on the scale of, like, I’m shaking, I’m sweating, I’m paralyzed over here, and I’m completely comfortable over here, it moves the needle maybe just a little bit. What are some other thoughts? Do you think that might help you to move the needle closer? Hmm. Maybe if I did make a mistake, it’s okay. Like, I can learn from it. It’s another opportunity to learn. Yeah, it is. I do. Because this. I’m so grateful that I work with people that are very understanding, and, like, they all really have that growth mindset. And so I definitely am lucky to work with people like that. So I would say, yes, I think that is true. Just trying to kind of move my thoughts in that direction rather than getting stuck in that, you know, like, it’s the end of the world if I make a mistake, you know? So what’s really interesting is that the thought, if I make a mistake, I can learn from it is true. You believe that to be true. Yeah. And when I asked you, is it true that you’ve made a mistake? You said, no, that’s not true. Like, it wasn’t true yesterday. It was a prejudgment, you know, like, maybe, but we haven’t figured it out. So taking your brain to focus on the truth rather than your story, and your story is like, I made a mistake. I’m going to get fired. Mm. You don’t even actually believe that. Right? Do you? Do you believe? Like, so, like, in the moment, your brain serves it up, but if you kind of zoom out from that moment, is it true? I made a mistake. I’m gonna get fired. This is it. No, it’s not. Yeah, that hasn’t been true at all. Every time I’ve thought that this whole time I’ve been at this job, so. Right. Could it be true someday? Yes. Which is why Your brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. Yeah. Like, listen, you’re gonna die. So we need to get really worried and anxious and in this fight or flight mode in our body so you can escape really quick. Yeah, yeah, it’s working perfectly. Your brain’s working perfectly. The problem is it’s serving up lies. Like, it’s. Yeah, it’s serving up things that are not true. So if you can just notice that, like, watch your brain think you’re gonna get so much authority over because you’ll be like, oh, there’s that thought again. Yeah. And look at what my body’s doing. My gosh, like, I’m already sweating. Yeah. And sometimes you’ll notice your body first, right? You’ll notice your body’s kind of automatic response. The fight or flight kicks in before you notice the thought. No problem. I want that to be a signal to you when you start getting, you know, you’re just like, oh, like, I. You know, I’m feeling terrible. I’m feeling really anxious. That’s your signal of like, oh, I’m believing that, like, this is the end. I’m believing that I’ve totally screwed it up. Yeah. Yeah. I like that because I. I think, like my original thought was that I needed to eliminate that feeling from my body and I just didn’t know how to start. Stop it. Because it just comes on, you know, it doesn’t. There’s no warning. Sometimes it just. Yeah. Like, what is happening to me? You know? Yes. Okay. So I want. I just want to encourage you. That feeling is not a problem. Okay. At all. It’s not a problem at all. That feeling is just an indicator of what you’re thinking. Okay. That’s it. And so when you notice it, when you notice that feeling come up, all you need to do is like, okay, wow, that happened fast. And then you’re like, okay, where am I at? What am I thinking here? Yeah. And a super quick thought download. Like, you don’t have to, but if you have a minute to just like, grab a scrap piece of paper and just like, what am I thinking? And then ask yourself, is it true? Yeah, that’s all it’ll take, I think. Yeah, that’s super good. I like that. That’s awesome. Coming back to reality. Yes, that’s exactly it. And our brains, you have to, like, we all have to remember this. Our brains are wired to protect us. So when we get in that fight or flight, like, something’s going wrong. It’s. It’s our body’s automatic Response. Response of like, you’re gonna die. So let’s, like, get out of here. And bringing back to, like, oh, no. I’m like, I’m okay. Yeah, this might be an uncomfortable situation, but I’m okay. And, like, I like to, like, use physical touch on myself because I do get, once in a while just, like, overcome. And I just. I’m like. I’m like, you’re okay. I got you. And kind of like, bring myself back to the present. Very powerful. Super, super powerful. Good. Go get them. Thank you. Thank you, sweetheart. All right. See ya. That was fun. Okay, who we got? I will tell you all a story while I promote them. I had the same experience last night. I was, like, in the wrong place. I thought I was in the wrong place to pick up my son. And I just got overcome with anxiety. I started sweating in my car. It was freezing last night. I was sweating. It was crazy. And I was like, oh, this is the part where I think my kid’s gonna die because I’m in the wrong spot. Hi. Hi. This is not. This is. How are you? I guess I’m using my husband’s. No problem at all. What’s up? How can I help you? I have to take a breath, too, because my heart. I’ll take one with you. I’m new. Welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. So far. Good. I made some notes. I was nervous to raise my hand, and you did it anyway. Nice to meet you, by the way, too. I’m so, so glad you’re here and that you’re brave enough to raise your hand even when you’re nervous. Thanks. Yeah. I don’t even know why I’m crying yet. I haven’t even picked one of my topics. There’s so many. I’m just gonna cry. Honestly, I love it. You’re so overwhelmed. Right? I love it. Your body’s like. Yeah. We can’t really talk about all of these, so let’s just get it all out. In a cry, I guess. Yeah, totally. I guess I’m just kind of mad that, like, I can’t talk about all of it. I know. Listen, we have plenty of time. Plenty of time. So I want you to know right away, no, there’s no rush. All of you. There’s no rush at all. Becoming a new person takes time. And you can be patient. And you’re perfect just the way you are right now. And there is not better than here. It’s still 50. 50 still feels like crap half of the time. Okay. It’s a Good answer. Super inspiring, right? I know. All right, pick one. What do you want to talk about? Well, I. I guess just like, the topic of overwhelm. Perfect. Because. Well, I. I think first I want to talk about just, like, being a mom. Perfect. Overwhelm. Mostly, like, my. My big topic is my emotions and exploding and just getting so irritated and frustrated and annoyed. And the worst time that this happens is in the mornings. I hate waking up early in the mornings with my kids, and often my husband will do it for me. And I, like, I only have to do this, like, a couple times a week because usually I am waking up and going to work anyway. So it’s not even like the act of getting out of bed. It’s like someone else getting me out of bed. Yeah. And then even if I. Even if. I know, like, we. We schedule out our mornings, like, okay, tomorrow’s your morning. You know, we try to break it up and. And. And that way we can be prepared. So. Okay, I better not read the chat because, yeah, it was like, a little pop up. Okay, so. But even when I’m prepared and some mornings I’m, like, totally dreading it, and the thought is no bueno, but even if I’m prepared and I’m like, okay, I got this. I’m gonna wake up early. I don’t even care how early they wake me up, it’s gonna be a great morning. I can do this, right? Then as the morning goes on, like, an hour into it, then my kids will start, like, asking, you know, childlike questions and being kids, and I’m. I just like. I’m like, okay, I reached my boiling point. Like, I did it. I thought I made it all the way. Like, the morning is over, you know, I’m out. Where’s your dad? I love it. Okay, so what I have a sense about here is that you have two options in your mind. You have the option where you act like you hate it. It’s terrible. It’s like a crap show. You have the option over here. You’re like, I’m the perfect mother and we’re gonna have the best morning. I’m either a good mom or a bad mom. Yes. Perfect. Okay, so what happens over here is you’re just like, I’m gonna embrace the sock. I’m gonna hate it completely. Completely. What happens over here is you’re like, I’m gonna resist all of that and pretend it doesn’t exist. No, this is my favorite. I love this. This is so great. Yeah. What if we talk about a middle ground yeah. Where it’s like, this is the part where I’m a mom doing something that I don’t really enjoy. Yeah. And that’s okay. This is the part where the little humans control my life. And that’s okay. Yeah. This is the part where I get out of bed before I want to. That’s okay. This is the part where they spill their cereal and then they yell at me because they have milk on their jammies. Like, it’s my fault. And that’s okay. Yeah. This is happening. Yeah. What comes up for you when I say that? That’s it? I mean, that’s a, like, that’s a great answer, you know? And I’m like, oh, is that all? I think that as a mom, I’m like, okay. That’s just like, so easy. That just. It, that, that seems so easy. It’s just. It was easy. We would all do it naturally. Yeah. It’s not easy. Yeah. So, like, accepting reality rather than what it seems like to me is happening is you are either like creating a reality that’s like, this is horrible, or you’re trying to create this, like, alternate reality of, like, fantasy. It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be great. I just love it. It’s my favorite, I guess. Like, I just am constantly feeling, feeling like I’m just trying to get away from them. Yes. All the time. Every moment that I can get, I’m like, when’s my next time away? Yeah. And I literally am rescheduling my life so that I have more time away from them. Like, I’m working, I’m going back to school. I’m like, putting them in full time care so that I can, like, have more time away from them so that I can. The goal is to, like, enjoy my time with them more. But I feel like as a family and, and for myself too, like, we want to, like, raise these good humans. Right? And obviously that’s the goal. And we’ve. We’ve set so many, like, hard boundaries in our home of like, like something that I feel like would make my mornings go so much easier if I could just, like, turn on the TV for them 100%. But we don’t, we don’t like it. Like, when my kids watch a lot of tv, it makes them grumpy and it’s just not a good thing for them. But then, like, but then I end up losing it on them too. But that I just, like, I get so addicted to giving them the easy things. Yes. And I just don’t. That’s not like. Like, I could, but that truly is taking the easy way out for me. I believe, Like, I don’t want to do that. And I do give myself time where I’m like, oh, I just, like, gotta get through this next hour or whatever, you know, like, when I’m making dinner and stuff, like, I turn on the TV for them. Totally. But that’s like. That’s like. That’s like getting rid of my kids for, like, you know, that’s not being a mom. I feel like. I mean, sure, we. We get through. I don’t know. I love it. It’s so good. Okay, here’s what I want to say. When you, quote, unquote, escape from your children, what? Are you able to feel sweet relief? Yes. And sometimes. Sometimes I. I’m like, well, I could be super productive and start prepping dinner. Or I could, like, chill on my phone for a minute, and then it’s like, time is wasted. And then, you know, their show is over. Whatever. I’m like, oh, I should have been prepping dinner. I feel like I’m talking to me 10 years ago. Great. Cool. So tell me how you got where you are, because I’m trying to change my life right now. I got where I am, kids, a little, by understanding that it is supposed to be crazy. Yeah. It’s supposed to be loud. Yeah. It’s supposed to be chaotic. Yeah. Like, literally, that is how it is supposed to be. I lived most of my time as a mom of little kids being like, they shouldn’t be so loud. They shouldn’t be fighting. They shouldn’t be asking me so many questions. They shouldn’t want to be around me so much. They should be sleeping more than they are resisting all of the reality of what was actually happening. Everything that was happening. I thought it should be different. Shouldn’t be happening this way. They shouldn’t be getting up so early. They shouldn’t be getting up in the middle of the night so much. They shouldn’t be asking me so many questions. Why are they touching me all the time? I, like, I literally find myself saying to my kids, like, ah, get away from me. Yeah. I’ve literally. I’ve literally. Not often, but I’ve literally spoken those words and been like, ah, stop. You know? Like, totally. Yes. Yeah. And I like, I. It’s like, ugh, Instagram, you know, like, because what. You’re. What you need, my friends. Like, I just feel like it’s not as hard for them. Yeah. And then that’s so good. It’s true. Like, I know that sounds disgusting, you know, but, like, I feel that way. Yeah. But, like, I. And. And I’m, like, honing in on my adhd, and now I’m like, oh, maybe that’s, like, why I do lose my temper more, you know, like, I feel it in my body. Yes. Yes. Okay, so I want you to start with the thought. Some sort of version of the thought of, like, this is the way it’s supposed to be. Yeah, I like that. And when you get upset and overwhelmed, this is the way I’m supposed to feel. This is the way a mom with ADHD feels. Yeah. Supposed to be this way. Because it seems like you’re in a lot of resistance. Like, they’re not the way they should be. My morning isn’t the way that it should be, and I’m not the way that I should be. Like, nothing is the way that it should be right now. And it’s just resisting actual reality. And if you can just start just with that one little shift. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Byron. Katie. I consider her to be one of my teachers. And something that she says is, how do we know that this is the way it’s supposed to be? Because. Because this is the way it is. It’s how we know. Yeah. This is supposed to be this way. How do we know? So what’s happening? Yeah, it’s all about just, like, embracing the reality of what’s happening. Then I think your next step would be, how do you want to feel when you’re around your kids? Like, if you could describe your relationship with your kids, your fantasy relationship with, like, one word. How do you want it to be connected? That’s my word, too. That’s high five. That’s what I want to. And it is 100 available to you, but not if you don’t first embrace that reality of, like, it’s supposed to be this way. I’m supposed to hate mornings. You’re not supposed to be like, okay, great, kids. It’s like. Like, that’s weird. Nobody. Nobody in this group is like that. Okay, Maybe people out there are like that. Nobody here is like that. Why do I have to have, like, perfect friends? They suck. You need to get new friends. No, they’re. They’re good friends. So, like, listen, embracing that reality, this is what’s happening. This is how it should feel. This is how I should feel. This is how kids should. Should act. The thought that I used to literally have to practice is, my kids live here. I had to practice that thought because I was always like, why are you here? Go away. And I had to practice intentionally. Can you make a, like, you know, frequently asked questions thing? If you will, like, on, like. Because you said you gave me the my husband loves me or my husband loves to be married with me. Married to me. Yes. That’s a great one. Literally, game changer in, like, less than a day. 100%. Yeah. Let’s compile those little mantras. My kids live here. It’s super profound. Super profound, right? Yeah. My husband loves to be married to me, so. So, yeah, obviously. No Sherlock, right? You totally got this. Listen, you have plenty of time. You don’t need to rush anything. I would just start with embracing reality. And then once you’ve kind of practiced that, then kind of introducing the idea of connection. How can I. How can I be more connected to them? Maybe that is turning on the TV and sitting in your jammies and snuggling. I’ve been doing that a lot with my kids. The TV’s not bad. Especially when I’m sitting there snuggling with them and kissing their little heads and, like, giving them all sorts of loveies. Right. Like, it’s beautiful. But how can I make this more connected or how can I create a sense of connection here? Those questions can be so powerful. Yeah. You got this, mama. Thank you. You’re welcome. Go have a good cry. Thanks. You’re welcome. See ya. Thank you. You too, honey. That was really fun. All right, who we got? Good. I’m so glad you’re here. So og been in Focus one year soon. Hi. Hi. Great to see you. How are you? Good, good. Pretty good. Anyway. Yeah, good. So you’re moving? Yeah, in about a month. A little over a month now. Nice. So that’s exciting. But then, yeah, like, last Saturday, my mom called me and she said she got tested positive for Covid. Then my dad got it this week as well, so. And the thing is, we saw them the previous week, so on the Sunday, so we had to be quarantined till this coming Monday. I can go back to work finally. But it was kind of a shock. I was, like, planning to go to Ottawa for work trip, so I was gonna be driving, like, seven hours away and all that stuff. So everything was kind of getting prepped for that. And then all of a sudden, nope. I guess I’m staying home, which was not the most exciting. I’ve been really fortunate to work this entire time. I haven’t stopped. And so this was like a new thing for me. And I did not know how to deal with it at first, but then we kind of realized, well, we can pack for the move, so, okay, this could be a good thing. So that was on Sunday. We decided we were going to do that. And until, like yesterday morning, we did absolutely nothing. Just kind of played around with the kid in the house. Couldn’t go outside because it was freezing cold last couple days. So I was just. And I was getting. Going stir crazy. Didn’t really know what to do with myself. And yeah, I’m like, in typical fashion of myself, we packed like in an hour. We packed like two and a half rooms and like everything’s. But we still have so much to do, and I should be doing way more of this, but I just don’t feel. Feel like it, you know, I just don’t want to because I don’t know why. But then if I don’t do anything, then I’m bored out of my mind. Okay, I know exactly why you don’t want to. Okay, ready? How does this thought feel to you? I should be doing way more. I should be packing. Yeah. It just feels like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to. It feels. Feels like I’m letting myself down, I guess. Right? Yes. Yeah. Every time we tell ourselves that we should, we kind of ruin our chances of actually doing it. Right. Yeah. I should be packing. I should be packing. I should be. I should be doing my whatever. Whatever it is, like for anybody watching or listening, like whatever it is for you. Every time we tell ourselves, I should, I should, I should. It’s very unlikely that that’s ever going to get us to do the thing because it feels terrible. Nobody wants to be told that they should. So, like, when your mom’s like, oh, you should really blah, blah, blah. You’re just like, shut up, Mom. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it’s true. Tell me about this thought. I don’t want to. I don’t know. I just. I don’t really. I just don’t feel like doing all the work for it. I want to just do nothing and hang out with my kid and just play and whatever. But do you want to move? Oh, yes, very much. Are you sure? Oh, yeah. Can you move without packing? You could, but it wouldn’t be a good new house. You leave all of your stuff. I guess that’s true. You. Okay, that’s actually a good point. You don’t have to pack. You could just take your wife and your kid and go to the new house and buy all new furniture and all new stuff. You could. It’s not a good idea. Just don’t pack. Yeah, I can’t do that. Why? Can’t really? Because then I. Then I don’t have any of my stuff and we’re going to be sleeping on the floor and I don’t want to do that either. Oh, so you want your stuff with you when you move? Yes, I do. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, do you want to. Do you want to pack? I guess I do. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah. It’s just. I don’t know. So here’s the thing. Your brain is doing what it’s supposed to do. Just like, I don’t know if you were here for session. Okay. Yeah. Your brain is like, hey, hard work could kill you. I want to keep you alive. Don’t do any hard work. It’s bad for you. You could die. So your brain’s like, no, we don’t, we don’t want to pack. We don’t want to pack. We don’t want to pack. So much work. I don’t want to. So your brain is working the way that it is supposed to. There’s nothing wrong. But again, I want you to ask yourself, is that true when you think the thought I don’t want to pack. Is that actually true? No. Right. No, you’re right. Tell me about your new place. Tell me, tell me why you’re excited to move. Well, because it’s our first house and there’s like a fenced in yard for our two dogs. So there’s that. And it’s kind of like a nicer area. It’s just a. It’s exciting. It’s a nice place. A little bit of stuff I can do. I can keep myself busy there with stuff, but there’s actually things I want to improve there as opposed to the place I’m at now. Like, it’s just, it’s exciting to go. I can’t wait. But it’s just, it’s. I have to wait and I have to pack in the meantime. So it just wants to pack? Yes, I want to pack in the meantime. Yeah. It just, it caught me off guard this week because I’m home all of a sudden and I wasn’t planning to do this this week and all of a sudden I’m, you know, I should be doing this this week. Right. Because I’ve got time and my wife’s here. Otherwise I got to do it all by myself in two weeks, so. Right. But could you do it all by yourself in two weeks? I could, but it probably wouldn’t work as well, as it would now. Right. Because we can. We can do a lot of. A lot of things better together than we can do when I can do by myself. So. Yeah. Yeah. I would just really build your desire to move. Build your desire to take your stuff. You. When you go. That’s going to be really fun to have my stuff with me when I’m in the new house. I don’t have to take it, but it would be a lot more fun if I did. Those kinds of, like, shifts for yourself are going to be so much more inspiring to get you into action than, like, I really should. I should do this. Should is never going to get you into action. You’ve already proven that. Right, Right. Like, it hasn’t worked. Yeah. I guess the other thing is that it’s just. Is that it’s. It still seems like so far away. It’s like five weeks from now. Yeah. Right. Today, five weeks. So seems like it’s so far away. So I got so much time. But I know myself in the past. If I don’t start doing it now, I’m going to be scrambling in the week before. Yeah, but what’s. What’s the problem with scrambling? Scrambling’s fine. Have you always gotten it done? Yeah. So, like, maybe we also just embrace that, like, scrambling is fine, too. We shame ourselves for being amazing in high pressure situations. You don’t need to do that. You could literally do nothing all week if you wanted to and scramble at the end and still move with all your stuff. Yeah, that’s true. But then I feel bad about not doing anything this week because I have the time right now. Right. So you could just love that. You could just be like, yeah, I took that whole week off. We did nothing. It was so fun. And when the time comes, I’m going to scramble and get this done. Yeah, that’s true. I guess I could do that. Totally. Guess what? You get to, like, decide how you want to think and feel about it. It’s. It seems so simple, you guys, but we’re all like, I know some of you listening to me right now are like, wait, she just told him that he could wait until the last minute. And that doesn’t seem like the right thing, but, like, honestly, why not? Like, we are so good in a crisis. If you want to go ahead and, like, create a crisis for yourself so you get it done, it’s not a problem. You could start today, but you’re not going to start today. If you tell yourself you should. I just know that to be true. You have to decide if you want to. Do you want to start today or do you want to scramble? That’s the only conversation you should have in your mind. Yeah, I want to do a little bit here and there, but. Great, go do that. I guess there’s nothing stopping me from doing that. I guess really cares. You know, you’re going to get it done in the end. Like have that trust and belief in yourself that like we’re going to be fine. I’m going to move with all my stuff either way, you guys. We get to just decide what kind of exception experience we want to create for ourselves. Do I want to create an experience where I have a complete week off and then I scramble and like stress out and get it done or do I want to create this experience where I’m like starting to work now and the work takes five weeks? Either way, it’s perfect. You’re going to move with your stuff. With all your stuff. Yeah, that makes sense. You’re right. Yep. So what kind of experience, like as you’re kind of just getting still within yourself, what kind of experience do you think you want to create? I’d rather not have the scramble because the other thing is I like I plow snow. Yeah. Through the winter. Oh, that’s extremely variant. Like I. Yeah. One day I snowing and the next day I’m gone for three days and I can’t do anything packing wise. So if that happens the week before, before I move, well, kind of screwed. And then leaving it all to my wife and that’s not fair either. So. So maybe we want to pack because we love our wife and we don’t want to leave her with it. No. That’s a lot of it. Yeah, that’s why. Because I’m home here. Right. So I don’t. Yeah. I don’t want to leave it to her to do because she will just do it over the period of time. I will just sit there and do nothing. And then, then I feel even worse about it. Right. So I want to do little bits here and there and then when I’m off in another week then I want to just keep, you know, say one thing a day or something. I don’t know. I’ve been trying to do that, but then I didn’t do that this week and then we packed two rooms in one, like one hour, one and a half hours. Amazing. And I guess that’s good. But it’s just the shoulds are coming back, aren’t they? Don’t let those shoulds back. They. They’re going to come back. The shoulds are going to come back and you just let them pass right by. And I want. Then I want you to pull in and I want to. I want to do this. Let the shoulds go. Throw them in the trash, flush them down the toilet. They are useless to us. Shoulds never prompt us into action. It’s the desire, the want to. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Love it. Have fun. Congrats on the new house. That’s super fun. So good to see you. All right. All right. I have nine minutes. I have to be done exactly at 12. Let’s go. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. Good morning. How are you? Good morning. Morning. Fantastic. I love my life so much. Awesome. Well, I’m getting amazing, mind blowing experiences this morning. Good. Even being in the chat because it’s exactly what I was so call there of using. I want to explore using the model with creating a want. Love. Okay, tell me. And so my want was around, like what other people think of me. And even in the chat today when that beautiful woman, I don’t know her name, but she was talking about her children. Yeah. There was a comment that came back. I think it was a joke. But I noticed that all of a sudden I was like, oh, no, someone doesn’t approve of what I just said. And. And that’s what this all. All is about. So I have a want that I’m creating, which is wanting to put out a higher. Ask for a higher rate with my offer. And the thoughts that come up are like, I’m being unreasonable, I’m being mean. You know, it’s. This isn’t being kind to them. So, you know, yesterday I got help with a model. You’ve been helping me on slack with this model. So it’s like I’ve got this want, but every time I work it through the model and try to get the experience of living it, I like, my mind goes back into freak out. Like, you’re gonna die. Like you’re gonna get kicked out of the tribe. Oh, yeah. Again, just doing what it’s designed to do. Keep you alive. Okay, seven minutes. We got this. I’m not being kind to them. Yeah. Because like, this person’s telling me like they’re. They could barely put food on the table. And then I’m like, you. You’re gonna pay me thousands of dollars. Is that the energy it’s coming from? I know it’s not. No, but okay. I feel. I feel like it makes me feel dirty or like it makes me feel cruel or abusive. Is that your Feeling cruel when you think I’m not being kind to them. Yeah. Like, I’m totally being cold. And then from that energy, what do you do from the energy of feeling cruel? I hear myself be like, well, my normal rates are. But for you. And then I, you know, I go back to, like, for you. I can work for 15 bucks an hour kind of thing. Right. So you lower the price. You don’t hold firm to your offer. I want to. Okay. I’m going to review this model the circumstances. You want to raise your rates, right? Well, the circumstances. I have a particular rate already. There is that. Oh, so you’re not. It’s not even a price increase. It’s just the price. It’s just the price. Okay. What are you charging? I know I asked it on purpose so that you could feel really uncomfortable. Darn it. Money’s so easy to talk about, Pete. All right, so three months is 1750. Six months is 3K. Perfect. So 1750 for three months and 3K for six months. Yeah. Yes. Did I. Okay, good. Great. Just. This isn’t a part of it, but, like, notice how hard that was to say to someone you’re not even selling to? Yeah. Right. Okay, so I’m not being kind to them. You feel cruel, you lower the price. You don’t hold firm to the offer. Do you know what your result is here? Can you see it? Does anybody know what his result is in the chat? You’re not being kind to you. Yeah. I don’t know if I wanted to hear that this morning, but I’m listening to you. I wish I had hours to hold space for you right now, my friend. Yeah. All right. I thought this was a short one, but here we go. Go on. Yeah, no, I feel that, like, there’s. There’s a big sadness right there. Yeah. It’s like. Isn’t that ironic that it’s like, I so want it for other people? Yeah. Yeah. When you are afraid that you’re not being kind to them, You really end up not being kind to yourself. And I would also add that you are not being kind to them. And here’s how. You’re not giving them the opportunity to be resilient and resourceful and figure out how to come up with the money to pay for something that could change their lives forever. Totally. I get that. Yeah. And to, like, model back to them that they’re not. That they are what they are saying they are. Like, that they’re. Exactly. You’re struggling. It’s hard. Exactly. Wow. So. Right. So that’s where right in that very first console call, I can be holding that space. That’s like, dude, you can do this. Like, that’s why we’re talking. Right? Exactly. I don’t know if you’ve listened to Verity on my podcast. I think the title is like changing your mind about yourself. But one of the things that she talked about is the shift that she made in herself when I doubled my rates and said, like, okay, now it’s 5K. It’s in full. And this was back when I was charging 5k and I asked her, who do you need to become in order to pay this and believe that you’ll get the result for yourself? Like, those kinds of questions to your clients and just you believing, like, it’s not your business to know their financials. It’s not your business to decide whether or not you should pay. Like, they can pay you. That’s not your business. Your business is. I know that they can get a transformation and I know it’s the best thing for them to pay me this money. It’s for them. So I wish we had more time, but we don’t. So here’s what I want you to thought. Download on every day. How is this price kind of to them? How is this Christ kind to you? That’s your work. Okay. Oh, I’m sending you so much love. You’re welcome. All right, friends, thank you. I like you and I love you and I will talk to you all so soon. See ya. All right, my friends. Well, what did you think? Was it helpful? Were you able to see yourself in these adults with ADHD that I spoke to? Were you able to see how the coaching was directed at them, but it was meant for you too? I hope so. And I hope you have the best day. I will see you next week. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach. Teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation, you know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for your. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program, and I’m confident that you will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all details.
