This episode is sponsored by CURE Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. CURE is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. So when I’m scrambling through my day forgetting my water again, CURE helps me to catch up fast. I throw a few packs in my bag and it makes drinking enough water simple, which for my ADHD brain is basically a miracle. So staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, tastes great, and it actually works. And bonus, CURE is FSA HSA approved. So you can use those funds to stay hydrated. The smart way for I have ADHD podcast listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD. And if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really does help to support the show. Don’t just drink more water, upgrade it with cure. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristin Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to the I have ADHD podcast, episode number 90. I am medicated, I am caffeinated and I am ready to roll. I am so, so, so glad to be back here with you. I Have missed you so much. Happy new year. Happy 2021. Like, it’s just a regular old solo show with me today. I’m so glad. I just really miss talking and connecting with you. I can’t wait to give you all of the updates on my life because there’s a lot. December was an intense month for me and for my family, and let me tell you, I’m really glad it’s over. I am so glad that it’s over. Today’s episode is all about the hell that is a day off or a Saturday or a holiday or a Sunday or whatever. Really, any day that you’re not on your regular routine. And this episode has been a long time coming. My husband and I were going to record this together, like, weeks ago because he has a lot to say about Kristen Carter and how she shows up on a day off. But honestly, we just kind of sucked at coordinating it. And I wanted to get you this episode asap because we just came out of a holiday season. And you guys, don’t you think that holidays and Saturdays and days off are like, the worst? I totally have decided they’re the worst. So anyway, we’re going to talk about that, but first, okay. I want to give you all of the updates on my life in the last couple weeks. Omg. It’s been a little intense. So, as you know, we made a bunch of new and amazing changes to the focused ADHD coaching membership in December. After running the membership for a year, I wanted to make updates to our process. I read over, like, exit surveys that we did and I listened to members requests and I really tried to assess, like, what do we need to change in order to make this so much better? What are we doing great and what could we improve? My number one priority, obviously, is helping ADHD adults to get results. So I spent a lot of time assessing, like, what’s working, what’s not working, what do we want to do differently, what do we want to improve? Okay, so this was a huge process. It took a ton of my brain power. It went great. Like, everything was implemented smoothly. But seriously, by the time that the beginning of December came, I was totally shot. I did the work, we made the changes and improvements, whatever. Members were thrilled. It was great. But I was kind of fried, like, not quite burnt out. I wouldn’t go that far, but I was close. I was almost there. And then like, December is the holiday season, right? Which is just, just self explanatory. Was anybody else overwhelmed during the holiday season? I know that overwhelm is a Choice. Like, it’s just one of those things that I was like, yeah, it’s the holiday season. I’m going to be overwhelmed. It was for sure more low key this year because of COVID and all of that. But I still allowed myself to feel pressure, right? Pressure to decorate, pressure to buy presents and bake and cook and do all the things. And then as an extra special treat, my husband got COVID 19. And I know that a lot of you have been dealing with this as well, so I’m sending so much love to you. So Greg was completely isolated. The boys were home from school, doing virtual. I was working from home. It was just a lot. So first of all, he’s okay. Thank God. He had flu, like symptoms. He was very sick, very uncomfortable for about a week. But then he bounced back pretty quickly. And luckily the poison I didn’t get get it. It was a miracle. Like, seriously miraculous. I can’t believe it. So all that to say, like, December was not my favorite month. We had a very quiet, quarantined, isolated Christmas. Christmas Day was actually Greg’s first day out of complete isolation in our bedroom. So it was really great to all be together as a family. And then the day after Christmas, the boys and I went and got tested. And eventually that test came back negative for all of us. Huge. Hooray. Thank you, God. And then after that, like, we got together with my family and saw them. They’re like in our bubble. We’ve been seeing them. So anyway, after all that, we had holiday break, you guys. Three boys at home. Winter time in Pennsylvania. It’s like freezing. Pennsylvania right now is completely closed, so nowhere to go. Freezing cold. We’ve been quarantining for weeks, so we hadn’t seen humans in a. And like, there was just a lot of video games and fighting and wrestling and yelling and just me trying to survive the chaos without killing anyone. And I don’t think I mentioned we’ve also been in the middle of a bathroom renovation since October, which Greg is doing himself. So we have one full bathroom for five people, and Greg gutted it down to the studs and he’s creating two full bathrooms out of this one larger bathroom. So it’s going to be incredible to have two full bathrooms in our home. But it’s just a lot, like, just a lot. So there was that craziness added into everything as well. So those are my updates. Like, December is over. I am so glad about it. I’m still trying to get my footing. I don’t know that I’VE completely recovered from the chaos and the intensity of the month, but I’m really doing my best to be kind of to myself, take care of myself, you know, just kind of let myself off the hook for it, not being perfect or even close to perfect. But I’ve got to tell you, even with all the craziness going on in the world right now, I’m just, I’m really looking forward to this coming year. I’m really filled with anticipation for 2021. I have such high hopes for my clients and for the ADHD community at large. Like changes are on the horizon, my friends. I can feel it in my bones. What I’ve seen in the last year is nothing less than remarkable. Thousands of you are listening to this podcast and have gained more insight and awareness into adult ADHD and improved your lives. And then there’s those of you who are in focus. I mean, if you. It’s just incredible. Hundreds and hundreds of you have invested in yourselves and change your lives little by little, imperfectly, inconsistently. And I’ve just gotten a front row seat to this. It’s been such an honor. I can’t believe this is my life, that I get to lead this community and be a part of so much positive change that’s happening in the world and in the ADHD community. And I am just forever, ever grateful. I’m so grateful that I get to do this. I can’t believe this is my life. A year ago, I went all in on this ADHD coaching thing and it was so scary. And I’m so glad that I did it. I’m so glad that 2019 me decided to do that. I’m so glad. So, getting a little sappy here. Getting a little sappy. So it’s time to move on and talk about the absolute horror that is the weekend or day off or the holidays. Now hear me out on this, okay? Most of us think of our free days like our weekends, vacations, holidays, whatever, as amazing. We long for them, we live for them. We create these fantasies about what it’s going to be like. I’m going to get so much done. I’m going to finish xyz. I’ll have so much more time. I’ll be able to organize that closet and I’ll make cookies and I’ll get the car washed and I’ll see my friends and I’ll make connections and I’ll play football, football with my kids and I’ll run my side hustle business, right? But then when the day comes, my experience is That I get agitated, I get annoyed, I get unhappy. I don’t do any of it. So my pattern, I’m noticing this about myself. I’m changing this about myself. But my pattern, my default pattern used to be this. Sleep in as much as I could, which now, like, I’m nearly 40. It’s not very late, right? Have a lazy morning. And then right around 10am I start to get this, like, okay, so what are we doing today? What’s gonna get accomplished? Then I get mad for not doing anything. Then I rely on Greg to come up with something. And then I judge Greg and the kids for not being more productive or not having more fun or not doing more things. And then I’m agitated and grumpy all day long. It is no fun. So about a year or two ago, I can’t really remember because, like, adhd, but a while ago, Greg began to notice this repeatable pattern in me. I’d be a lovely human all week, and then Saturday would come and I would just kind of implode, right? So we’ve been talking about it a lot, and Greg, like, he’s got this really innate ability to notice repeatable patterns over long periods of time. Basically the opposite of me in that way. So it’s actually one of his biggest strengths. And of course, like, it’s a huge weakness of mine. So hearing him say, like, oh, it’s Saturday again, that’s why you’re feeling this way. It’s because it’s Saturday. You do this every Saturday, and it’s fine. It’s just like, this is what happens on a Saturday. Hearing him say that repeatedly week after week has really helped me to gain clarity around it. So here’s what I’m realizing. Our brains, our ADHD brains, they like structure. And as much as we want to fight against structure and against rules and against, like, the systems that. That are in place for us Monday through Friday, structure really is everything for us. So when we have an open day, a day when the world is our oyster, our brains kind of panic. What does the world is our oyster even mean? I don’t eat oysters. I think seafood is disgusting. No offense to any of you. And I don’t know what it means that the world is our oyster other than, like, so many options available to us, right? Our brains panic. So we have all these options way, way, way too many options, and we don’t know which one to choose. And we tell ourselves we should get so much done. We tell ourselves we should be doing xyz, and today’s the day that we should catch up and accomplish it all. We feel so much pressure and obligation, and this, ironically, will lead us to spinning out and not accomplishing anything or, like, definitely not all of the things that we want to accomplish. So, like, how many of you have quote unquote wasted Saturday after Saturday or vacation after vacation doing nothing you said you were going to do, feeling annoyed and agitated and frustrated most of the time, or buffering to avoid feeling annoyed and agitated and frustrated. And we have a whole episode on buffering. And by we, I mean me. As usual. Buffering is basically like the mindless things that we do to avoid feeling our feelings. So it might look like watching Netflix all day, taking a nap, playing video, video games, shopping, whatever, right? So this is something that I’m still working on. I definitely haven’t mastered it. Saturdays still are difficult for me or days off or like the. The holiday break that we just had where I had several days in a row without structure. It was difficult for me. So I definitely haven’t mastered it. But I have realized certain things and I’ve begun to implement these five strategies to help me survive days off. Okay, so strategy number one, you must still prioritize taking care of your mental health. Now, I used to think that on a Saturday or a Sunday when I wasn’t required to work, when I wasn’t needed in my job, that I just could take a med break. I didn’t really have to worry about eating or sleeping. Didn’t really matter. And I’ve heard from a lot of you that you are kind of like thinking the same, like, you’re not as vigilant with your meds or your eating or your exercise on your days off. But listen, we don’t get a break from having adhd. It is with us every single day. And so if you want to be more consistent and have a more consistent experience in your life, you’ve got to show up for yourself more consistently. And so in my opinion, and of course, this is just Kristen Carter’s opinion, notadoctor, we should not be taking med breaks on our days off because this just leads to spiraling, spinning, impulsivity, and really nothing good. For example, last Saturday was like, in the middle of Christmas break, and I didn’t prioritize taking my medication or eating. I woke up kind of late. Like, late for me. Right. And so had a nice relaxed morning drinking my coffee. And then I got hyper focused on putting the Christmas decorations away, which is great because it’s something that I wanted to do. I just didn’t bother with taking my meds, I didn’t bother with eating. And it was not good. It was not good. And I ended up sending my sweet son to a birthday party late and with wet shoes, fresh out of the washer but not dried. So I dealt with shame for the rest of the day because, like, I didn’t show up as the mom that I wanted to be. And I knew that if I had just prioritized my mental health, this probably wouldn’t have happened on those days off. Like, we don’t get to take a day off from having adhd. We still need medication, we still need food, we still need exercise. We can’t let these things go by the wayside. Okay? So still have those reminders to take your meds, have those reminders to eat, have the reminders to go to bed when you want to go to bed. Those kinds of things that might make a huge difference of your experience on a day off. Remember, we don’t get a vacation from adhd. It is always here. So prioritize your mental health health. Okay, strategy number two. Stop fantasizing. Stop bedazzling your Saturdays, my friends, ground yourself in reality. Instead of telling yourself that it’s going to be the most magical time ever and you’re going to get XYZ accomplished and you’re going to have the best time with your children and you’re going to make connections with your spouse like you never have before, like what’s actually realistic, what does a Saturday really look like for you and for your family and your friends or whatever, right? So it might be good to chat with a roommate or your partner or your spouse or your bestie about this because again, we can really lack self awareness and struggle to really know what is realistic for us and for our Saturdays. So I usually have a conversation with Greg and every weekend now about what’s realistic, what’s on his mind, what’s on my mind, what can I really expect out of my Saturday? And I really work to ground myself in reality. I don’t put sparkles on my Saturdays anymore. I don’t bedazzle it. I don’t fantasize about it. I just try to get very realistic about what is possible. And then this leads into number three. As with every other part of of our ADHD lives, our job is to learn to constrain. Choose one thing to do, not 12, right? Even when it comes to fun stuff like choose a couple things, but not all the things. Like Saturday is going to come around again next week, vacation is going to come around again. You don’t have to accomplish every single fun thing. Choose one. Constrain what is essential? What do I really want out of this day? What is going to move the needle closer to feeling rested, feeling restored, feeling connected? Right. Make sure that you apply the idea of constraint to your days off, just as you would to a work day. Huge. Okay, same thing with number four. Set aside a minute to plan. I know that we have a lot of thoughts about plans and schedules and being confined to a routine, but I promise you, it actually gives us so much more freedom. If you can intentionally access your executive brain to make decisions about your day off, you will find yourself being so much more relaxed, so much more fulfilled, so much more rested at the end of the day. We’re totally not used to doing this with our Saturdays or our days off. I mean, for sure I wasn’t, but I promise you it will be worth it. I block off my Saturday time now just like I do with my workdays. So on my work days, I time block and I just basically have on my Google calendar like exactly what I’m going to be doing. And I break it up into either half an hour or one hour slots. And on a Saturday I just put fun things in there. So I put in like, okay, this is my, like sit on the couch and drink my coffee time. This is like snuggle on the couch and watch TV with the kids. And now I’m going to read a book and then I’m going to clean out the car and then I’m going to take a nap. Like I intentionally put these very relaxing restful things and maybe I’ll put in something productive in there if I want to, But I then do not have to feel agitated about what is this day gonna look like? What am I gonna get out of this day? Where are we going with this day? What is happening in this day? I feel like I should be doing something with this day, right? So I literally schedule my day so that my brain knows what to do. I don’t work, I don’t like burn myself out. I schedule in really fun restful things. But it’s like giving myself permission to do that restful thing. Giving myself permission to like lay on the couch and read a book or go take a nap. It’s like, well, it’s on my schedule. I’m gonna go take a nap. Okay. Who am I kidding? I do not nap, but I do like to lay down and close my eyes. So that’s about as far as I Get. My bed is really snuggly and comfortable, and I love it so much. And I’ve actually really practiced loving my bed, which is something that I talk about often when we talk about, like, going to sleep when we want to. So I’ve developed this, like, connection with my bed. I’m just like, it is the best place in the whole world. So I utilize that on a Saturday, and I’m like, I’m just gonna go lay in my bed because I love my bed. And I’m gonna take a nap or I’m gonna watch a TV show. I’m not gonna feel badly about it at all. Which leads me to strategy number five. Don’t believe everything that you think. Your brain will for sure tell you that you should be doing all the things your brain will tell you that you should be doing more, or you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing, or you don’t have time to read a book, or you don’t have time to take a nap. Your brain will tell you that whatever you’ve chosen to do is not actually the right thing to do, so you should be doing that other thing. Listen, I want you to start expecting this. Just expect it to happen, okay? When this happens to people who are unaware, you feel like you need to listen to it. Like, oh, I guess I should be doing that other thing. I should hop around to the next thing. And what happens then is you just kind of bounce around and you don’t accomplish anything. But if you are aware that this is just what brains do, then you, like, have a thought that’s like, oh, I shouldn’t be doing this right now. And you’re like, no, I’ve planned this. I should be doing this right now. This is exactly what I should be doing. Don’t believe everything that you think. Okay? I know it sounds, like, oversimplified, and I don’t mean to trivialize it or demean, like, the way that our brains work, but it really is just that simple. Expect your brain to tell you that you’re doing the wrong thing. Just expect it. Right? You’ve planned to take a nap. It’s on your schedule. And your brain’s gonna be like, you don’t have time to take a nap. Don’t take a nap. It’s like, well, I’ve already accessed my executive brain to schedule out my Saturday. I’ve already made this decision. So I hear you, toddler brain. You’ve come to sabotage me. You are always here to do that. Self sabotaging. It’s fine. Like noted, I hear you, but I’m still gonna do the thing. Okay. Make sure you’ve made that plan with your executive brain. So you this step doesn’t really work unless you have done step four. So step five is kind of irrelevant unless you have done step four, which is set aside five minutes to access your executive brain and plan out your day. Once you’ve done that, you can trust yourself and you don’t have to believe your brain when it’s like, oh, you shouldn’t do that, you should do that other thing. Okay. It really is that easy. You’ve made a plan, you’ve accessed your executive brain and now learn to trust it. Don’t believe the toddler that always comes in to sabotage you. Right. Whatever else your brain tells you that you should be doing, just write it down. Okay. But then continue to do the things that you’ve already planned to do. So if we can learn to implement these five strategies, I think our days off are going to be so much more relaxing and fun and restorative. They’re gonna be so much better. And this is a work that I am still learning. But these are the strategies that I’m implementing. I prioritize treating my mental health. I take care of myself. So that’s number one. I really do the work of getting out of the fantasy and into reality what’s actually possible. I constrain, I access my executive brain and plan and then I don’t believe my toddler brain when it inevitably comes in to self sabotage. These are the strategies that I’ve begun to employ on a day off. It’s making my life so much more enjoyable, little by little. It’s not perfect, I’m not consistent with it, but it is making a difference. I hope it was helpful to you. I hope these are things that you will just try, Just try. See if it works. See if there are other things that might be more helpful to you personally. That’s great. Incorporate those things and let’s all enjoy our days off. All right, my friends, have a great week. I can’t wait to talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation, you know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for your. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program, and I’m confident that you will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all details.
