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Kristen Carder

I HAVE ADHD PODCAST - Episode #287

October 29, 2024

Is Your Life An ADHD Dumpster Fire?

I’ve got another solo show for you this week and as always you’re going to need to strap in for the ride!

First: I’ll explain the concept of living in survival mode and help you to work your way out of the dumpster fire that is your ADHD life.

Then, I answer YOUR questions! We discuss how to transition smoothly between tasks and how to advocate for yourself.

Have a question for me? Call 1.833.281.2343

I AM SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THE RESOURCE OF THE WEEK – so make sure to tune into that around minute 38:00.

We discuss this research on sunlight helping us sleep better, and lastly, I share what triggered me (hint: my Instagram comments). We end on a spicy note, as usual.

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Kristen Carder 0:05
Kristen, welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults. With ADHD, I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter, and you’ve tuned in to the I have ADHD podcast, I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and so ready to roll.

How are you welcome? So good to be here with you today, this morning, this evening, whenever it is that you are tuning into this podcast, I am just so glad that you’ve pressed play and that we are here together. This is a solo show. It is going to be a bumpy ride. It’s just you and me. I hope you are here for it. Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s the dishes or running or maybe you’re in your car driving your kids around. I’m just glad that you’re taking me along for the ride. So good to be here with you. I had the most gorgeous drive down. I’m trying not to be the most like stereotypical suburban mom ever, but the fall colors Y’all are so gorgeous right now in the Northeast, and I have this hour drive into Philadelphia every Tuesday when I come here to record my podcast, and I just was like oohing and eyeing at the fall colors like an old person, like an old person, and I’m just embracing it. It was such a pleasant drive. The yellows, the reds, the oranges. I loved every second of it. I wore this gold shirt in honor of autumn, like I am here for it anyway. You might be listening to this in winter or summer or spring, so it might not resonate with you, but can we just take a moment of silence for how gorgeous the autumn colors are? Gosh, I’m loving every second.

So I told you it was going to be a bumpy ride, and it already is a little bumpy. These solo shows are so much fun. So what we’re going to do today is I’m going to rant for a little bit about health and wellness and sleep, diet and exercise. Then I’m going to give you some research. I am going to share a resource with you, and as usual, we’re going to end with what triggered me this week. And I got to tell you, it’s not hard to trigger me. It’s really not hard. I don’t know if you relate to that, but like it’s not that hard to get me riled up. I’m already getting warm just thinking about it. But I hope it’s relatable to you, because as someone with ADHD, we feel our feelings real big, and it takes us t minus zero seconds to get activated. And I just kind of want to normalize that for you, for me, and so talking about what got me riled up, what got me activated this week, hopefully we’ll first of all give you a chuckle and then also help you to see that like this is just part of it. This is just normal. This is just how we are. It’s okay. We can self soothe. We can handle it as long as we’re not spewing it onto other people and harming others. It’s totally fine. Now I want to give you an update about the trigger from last week. So in last week’s episode, I talked to you about the process that I’m going through with my son, trying to get him evaluated by the school, and just the whole process of like speaking to the school psychologist, the Director of Student Services, the power dynamic of school and misunderstandings that might happen. It got me all riled up last week, and I was telling you that I, you know, I lost some sleep over it, and it was just difficult. And it took a whole week, but yesterday, I finally had a meeting with the school psychologist and the Director of Student Services, and the thing that we were going back and forth about that I was feeling like misunderstood and like I was going to get in trouble, and I was afraid that they were mad at me. It turns out it was a misunderstanding, and when we sat down face to face. We cleared it up in about 45 seconds, and it was so wonderful and such a huge relief. It was just such a reminder of like, we’re just all human.

They sent me the wrong document. So I was looking at the wrong document and I was asking questions about the wrong document, and it’s because they sent me the wrong document. Neurotypicals make mistakes too. It’s not just me. And so that’s really kind of encouraging, but what I want to kind of normalize is that there was an entire week where this was in question, where I had written an email, they had responded. We were going back and forth, and finally. Were like, hey, let’s set up a meeting. And even though I was pretty sure I wasn’t wrong, I was still afraid that I was going to get in trouble. I wonder if you resonate with that. I was still afraid that I was going to maybe be rejected in some way. I was still afraid that they would find a way to say, Kristen, you’re being stupid, you’re wrong, you’re wrong about this, and you you don’t know anything about this. I just was afraid that there was some way that I was going to be humiliated or shamed, and for a week I carried that in my body, and that was annoying, like I was pretty sure I was right, but there was still a chance that I was wrong. And for a whole week, I just kind of carried that stress. And I’m telling you this for a couple reasons. First of all, I think that normalizing the vulnerabilities that we experience is a really important part of my job, sitting here talking to you, it’s just, it’s a really important part of my job, and normalizing the fact that like, even though I am a grown ass woman, squarely in my 40s and have done years and years of therapy and coaching and self development work, I still will often revert to that inner child who’s afraid she’s gonna get in trouble. Like that still happens to me, and if it still happens to you normal, it’s okay. It’s not a problem. A couple things that I did to like help myself and self soothe during this process. Was I sat down with my husband, and I asked him to read the email exchanges, and I was like, Am I off base here? Can I get a little reassurance? And he was like, You’re being clear. You’re being respectful and like, there’s no way that, like you’re in the wrong. He was just like, I don’t I don’t understand it. And I was like, That’s very helpful. Thank you. I also reached out to my sister, and I, I don’t know if I should admit this, but I did BCC her on an email that I said, So rent directly to her. And she responded immediately and was like, clear, kind, assertive, not a problem. I needed reassurance and validation from the people in my life that I wasn’t being a problem that I don’t know. I think that we have this tendency, as ADHD ers, who have always been made to feel like the problem where we show up now in our adult lives, in situations where we’re pretty sure we’re right, but we’re still scared, what if, what if I get in trouble? And so I did a lot of self soothing. I reached out for reassurance. I went on a bunch of walks and hikes to, like, kind of get it out of my body. I sat and just like felt the feelings, I did some journaling, and I tried not to think about it, because I couldn’t do anything about it until we had that meeting. And then when we had the meeting, they were kind. They were so, like, respectful, and they were like, Oh, we made a mistake. We sent you the wrong document. And I was, I don’t know it’s just so important that you hear me say that neurotypicals make mistakes that even when you feel like you might be the problem, it’s still a good idea to stand in what you think is right and to just kind of put one foot forward in front of the other. So I’m just kind of walking you through that process because it feels important. It feels important as someone with ADHD who’s trying to lead a pack of ADHD ers who are on the path to self development, to like, really show those vulnerabilities and just let you know, like, I carried stress for a week, and it was resolved in 45 seconds, and I’m really glad that I followed the process that I did, and now my son is getting the help that he needs, which is wonderful.

Hey. And on that note, if you resonate with what I’m saying, if you are really liking what you’re hearing, the biggest thing that you can do to support this show is just to engage with it somehow, to subscribe, to follow, to hit that like button. If you’re watching on YouTube, leave a comment. I’ll respond to you. If you’re listening on Spotify or Apple, hit that rating button. Make sure it’s like the button all the way to the right, that five star button. Hit that one like this is what you can do to support the show and to give me a little dopamine boost to say, hey, Kristen, I’m listening. I appreciate what you’re doing. I would absolutely be so grateful to you. It really is the biggest way that you can support the show is just engage with it somehow. Share it with a friend. Share it on your socials, do the things. I appreciate it so much so a couple weeks ago, Dr Ari Tuckman, esteemed ADHD psychologist, Dr Ari Tuckman, was here, and he said that in order to be productive, one of the things that ADHD ers need to do when they are looking at their productivity and. Wanting to be more productive is take a good hard look at their sleep, diet and exercise. And I hated hearing that. I did not want him to say that I was like, Why? Why do you have to bring it back to sleep, diet and exercise, the three things that are literally the hardest things for those of us with ADHD, why you gotta do that? Ari Tuckman, why? Why? And so I’ve been thinking about it for the last couple weeks, since he was sitting here in this studio chatting with me face to face. I’ve been thinking about what he said. And here’s what I kind of concluded, there are different stages of awakening when you have ADHD, and for many of you, you’re in survival mode, like you’re listening to this. And when you hear someone say, like, look at your sleep, your diet, your exercise, you’re like, Excuse me, my life is on fire.

I have so many things happening. I am like in the spin cycle of the washing machine all day, all night. I’m overwhelmed constantly. My life is falling apart. I don’t have this space or capacity to look at sleep, diet and exercise. And so I wanted to say to you, if that’s you, that’s totally valid. I’ve been there like I grew up in a family of chaos chaos, like I was born into chaos. I lived a chaotic life, and literally nearly four decades of just feeling like absolutely chaotic and like my life was a dumpster fire. So when somebody would say something like, look at your sleep, diet and exercise, I would want to punch them in the face, because I’m like, I don’t. I can’t. My life is falling apart. Sleep, diet and exercise ain’t gonna cut it. And I don’t have the capacity to fix that. I don’t have the capacity to look at it now, sitting where I am right now, after the last five to 10 years of getting out of survival mode, I realized now what was going on, that there were so many squeaky wheels in my life. There were so many things falling apart in my life. There were so many things overwhelming me in my life that sleep, diet and exercise were the last thing that I wanted to think about, that I wanted to look at. They were the last things that I had the capacity to engage with. I just was like new. And so if you hear sleep, diet and exercise and you’re like, immediately, turn off. Immediately. No, I get you, but I want you to understand that that is probably a really good indicator that you are living in survival mode. It really is. It’s probably a really good indicator that you are living in survival mode, that you’re maybe hyper vigilant, overwhelmed, that you maybe don’t have good enough boundaries that you’re overworking, that your relationships are kind of a mess. And so my question for you is, what’s one thing that you can do today to help yourself get out of survival mode? Because we all know, every human knows that sleep, diet and exercise are important.

But the thing for an ADHD er who’s living in survival mode, the thing is that sleep, diet and exercise are very low on the priority list, because everything else is on fire, everything else is falling apart, everything else is just overwhelming. And so if that’s you, the pathway forward is, how can I get out of survival mode so I can look at the important things, like sleep, diet and exercise. So I have some suggestions here for you. I don’t know where you are on this journey, but I want you to see like kind of in order what it might take to get out of survival mode. First of all, if you suspect you have ADHD, but you never have gotten a diagnosis, that is the number one place to start. That’s number one. In order to get out of survival mode, you need to know about your brain. You need to know what’s going on, and you need to start treating it properly. So whatever it is that your doctor prescribes for you.

Do it like find something that will help you. The research right now shows that medication is the number one helpful treatment for ADHD. So if your life is a dumpster fire, stop resisting medication. That’s my that’s my suggestion. You’re a grown up, you get to do whatever you want, but my suggestion is, follow the research, follow the science, and if your life is amazing, you don’t even even need to worry about it. But if it’s a dumpster fire, if you’re in survival mode, start. With the very basics of getting diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, that’s it like start there. And I know it takes so much executive function to even take those steps.

I completely understand it, but it is the starting place. Okay, so get diagnosed, get treated medically for your ADHD, now, about 10% of people who try medication do not respond well to it, and so if you fall into that 10% that sucks. I’m sorry. Like that is not ideal. Just know that there are stimulants and non stimulants and different types of medication to try. So give it a try and know that there are different options, and that you should be feeling better and more clear and more like yourself, not worse. So anyone who says like, well, I felt like a zombie, well, that was not the right medication for you, because you should never feel like a zombie. You should feel like a more alert, turned on version of yourself.

Okay, so we’re going to start with finally getting diagnosed, committing to take the medication that will help you function. The next step, if you’re like, Okay, check, check, like, done those things, what I would really encourage you to do is one of two things, either schedule with a therapist or schedule with a coach, somebody with ADHD, you me, we need people helping us with our brains. We need people to help us to understand our emotions and to help us learn how to feel our emotions, identify our emotions and self soothe. These are things that we have to be taught in adulthood, and your brain is probably going well. I should be able to do it on my own. Well, if you have ADHD, No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t be able to do it on your own. You should need help. So not only getting diagnosed, not only committing to take the medication that works best for you, but then also scheduling time with somebody who’s going to sit down with you and help you understand your brain and your body. So that would be a therapist or a coach. And I mean, I know you know that I have a coaching program that you are welcome to join if you think that is the right pathway for you. But if you’re in survival mode, here’s what you need to know. You don’t have enough support. You need more. So if you are looking around and you’re like, everything’s on fire, everything’s falling apart. I’m not able to function. I’m staying up super late, I’m not able to eat healthy. I’m just like floundering. That is an indicator that you’re in survival mode and you need more support those thoughts that come into your brain that say, like, you should be able to do this. You should be able to do this on your own. That is a lie from the pit of hell, and so I just want you to capture that. It’s not true. You should not be able to do it on your own. No adult with actual ADHD is just able to do it on their own. They’re never going to reach their potential. That is literally the definition of ADHD. I mean, it’s not actually the definition, but what I’m saying is like from a top down perspective, that is the definition of ADHD that you’re you are not able to take steps to move your life forward on your own, because you are debilitated by these different symptoms. And so if that is you, I want you to know that you shouldn’t be able to do it on your own. You actually do need help. Not only do you need help, you deserve it. You’re entitled to it. Go get it. Okay, so sleep, diet and exercise so important. And actually, I’m, I’m kind of like in my own little deep dive on sleep, diet and exercise for myself, and what I realize is that the only reason why I’m able to is because I’m finally out of survival mode. I’m finally out of constant hyper vigilance. I’m finally out of the spin cycle. I’ve turned off that spin cycle. And so now that the spin cycle is off and I’m able to look around and my life is not a dumpster fire now and Only now do I have the capacity to focus on things like sleep, diet and exercise. So what I want to encourage you with is look at your life. Do you have the capacity to focus on sleep, diet and exercise? If not, it’s probably an indicator that you’re in survival mode. And so your job is to say, What’s one thing I can do today to move me out of survival mode?

AG, one is like daily self care for me, it’s. I have ADHD, I’m pretty inconsistent with my diet and nutrition, but I know that I’m doing at least one good thing for my body every day, when I start my day with ag one. And I’ve been doing that for years now, and it really does give my body the vitamins, minerals and probiotics that it needs. And speaking of probiotics, in a recent research study, AG, one, was actually shown to double the amount of healthy bacteria in the gut. These healthy bacteria work together to break down food and are known to alleviate bloating, promote digestive regularity, and aid to digestive comfort long term, and also, for those of us with ADHD, having a healthy gut actually does improve our brain function. Now that’s so, so important for us. AG, one is just a simple thing that I’ve implemented into my daily routine, and I use that word very loosely, routine that has made a big difference for me. It’s helped me to fill nutrient gaps, and I know that it has supported my gut for healthy digestion. So start your day with a g1 and notice the difference for yourself. It’s a great first step to investing in your health, and that’s why they’ve been my only partner on this podcast ever. That’s why. So try a g1 and get a free bottle of vitamin d3, k2, and five free. AG, one travel packs, which are amazing, by the way, and I was just in Europe, and you better believe that I took those. AG, one travel packs with me. I 100% did so you can get five free travel packs with your first purchase at drink a G one.com/i have ADHD. That is a $48 value for free if you go to drink a G one.com/i, have ADHD, go check it out.

All right, we’re going to go to some voice mails. Let’s hear from some ADHD ers from around the world. Remember, if you want to call and ask a question, you can call 833-281-2343, the first caller is Mary. Let’s go to her first Hi.

Mary 22:09
This is Mary from the Quad Cities of the United States. My question is I really struggle with transitioning from one activity to the next. I just can’t seem to pull myself away from what I’m doing until it’s finished or complete, which usually leads me to running late for the next event. And if I do, like, get pulled away, like, if someone’s husband or pull me away from the event, like, I get a lot of anxiety, because it’s not initially, like, drives me nuts to not be able to finish something before I move on. Just wondering if you had any tips to help with this problem. Thanks.

Kristen Carder 22:45
I mean, so good to hear from you, Mary. And I think you’re putting words to something that all of us feel. It drives me nuts to have to be pulled away from something before it’s finished. I completely understand that, and I think that everyone listening will resonate with that as well. It is so annoying to have an open loop, and when you have an ADHD brain, it’s really hard to trust yourself that you’re just going to be able to come back to it and pick up from where you left off. And so what your brain does is it’s like, kind of pinging you with that, like, don’t forget, don’t forget, don’t forget. And so it’s really hard to move on to the next thing that can be really agitating. It can be frustrating, and then those agitated and frustrating feelings can distract you from your next task. So like, same I totally get it. There are a couple things that I can offer to you. The first thing is that, instead of working right up until the deadline, like right up until, you have to transition, allow five to 10 minutes of time beforehand to kind of wrap up as much as you can and close certain loops or leave yourself breadcrumbs. So what I mean by that is give yourself five or 10 minutes to be like, Okay, I’m gonna have to transition out of this task. Where do I want to leave it? What can I give to myself as a reminder of where to start next time when I am leaving one task entering another, but I I was, like, maybe really hyper focused on it, and I really want to remember, like, my train of thought, I just make bullet point notes. Don’t forget. Like, here are the next things that you’re going to want to do. Here’s what was next on your mind. That is, like, I am calling it a breadcrumb. I think that’s like a Hansel and Gretel reference, but it’s like a, it’s a it’s a clue to you. It’s a clue to your future self. Actually, that’s what it is. It’s a clue for your future self, for tomorrow you who has to swing back around to this task and get back into it. It’s a clue. To say, hey, here’s where we were going. Here’s where you should start, and here are the things that I don’t want you to forget. All right, so allowing yourself to kind of pause a little bit earlier than your stopping point and wrap it up for yourself, kind of tie it in a bow for yourself. Okay, we’re not actually done, but here’s where we were going, and here’s what we need to remember. That will really, really help, that’s also going to help to build trust with yourself, that you will come back to it, you will know what to do, and it will give you a little bit of reassurance, because here’s what your brain’s going to do, it’s going to say you’re going to forget about it, you’re not going to do it right? You’re you’re not going to be able to get into it tomorrow. Your brain might like berate you and beat you up and say you’re not going to do a good job, but you can self soothe and reassure yourself a little bit with, Hey, I left myself a trail. I know what’s going to happen next. I don’t need to be freaking out right now. And speaking of self soothing, that’s another thing that we have to learn to do. It’s interesting, because I think what we tend to do is dismiss ourselves. You’re fine, just move on. It’s not a big deal. But that agitation, that frustration that you’re feeling is real. So how would you talk to a friend about that? Hey, it makes sense that you’re frustrated. We didn’t get as much done as we wanted to, and now we have to move on. Take a deep breath. You’ll be able to come back to it tomorrow. We’re going to take care of it. Don’t worry, we are going to finish it. Okay? Using that kind of self talk, using that self soothing language is going to help your body consent to moving to the next task. And that’s really what you want. You want your body to just consent to moving on. And what’s happening right now for you it sounds like is that your your brain and your body are like, I do not consent to move on. We are not going to the next thing, and then you’re having to, kind of like, steer the ship in a different direction. And it’s like all this work. It’s probably exhausting for you, so pause about 10 minutes before your stopping point and wrap it up for yourself. Give yourself clues and bread crumbs and things. Jot down things that you don’t want to forget. Give yourself a really good starting point for the next time, and then really work on your self talk and your your willingness to feel your emotions like, Okay, I’m feeling frustrated, I’m feeling agitated, but I had, I have a good place to start tomorrow, and so it’s gonna be okay. We gotta move on to the next thing. Mary, thanks so much. I’m really glad that you called in and listen. Anyone listening who’s resonating or has a suggestion, like, Help us, please. Like, we all want to know what works for you to transition out of tasks. You can leave a comment on YouTube, and we can get the conversation started there. All right, let’s go to the next one. Hi, Kristen, I

Question 2 28:07
was wondering if you have any tips or advice to become a stronger advocate for yourself, not only when dealing with medical professionals that gaslight us, but people in our everyday life who downplay our struggles as well. Thank you.

Kristen Carder 28:24
 Just even the question makes me feel a feeling. I wonder, listener, if you, if you resonate, oh, my gosh, it makes me feel a feeling. How can we be a stronger advocate for ourselves? Well, I kind of wish we were sitting face to face. I’m really glad you called in. I think this is an amazing question, but I do wish that we could have a real conversation about this, because what I would want to ask you would be, what was it like for you when your parents advocated for you when you were a kid? What was it like for you when your parents stood up for you and protected you? What was it like for you? Do you remember experiences when your parents corrected other people on your behalf, like as a way to advocate for you and protect you? See, the thing is, my guess is that you’re going to say, Oh, I don’t have any memories of my parents advocating for me. I don’t have any memories of my parents standing up for me or protecting me. I don’t have any memories of my parents correcting other adults on my behalf, and that’s the part we all need to recognize, is that we learn to advocate for ourselves as adults based on how our caregivers advocated for us when we were kids and. So if you didn’t have anyone advocating for you, protecting you, standing up for you as a child, it’s so hard, nearly impossible. I’m not going to say absolutely impossible, but like it is so hard to do it as an adult, because what many of us experienced instead of having an advocate, instead of having a protector, instead of having someone who was correcting others on our behalf, what many of us had was people who told us your feelings don’t matter. Be quiet. Be children. Should be seen and not heard. You need to stop crying because you’re making other people uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter that this grown up is talking badly about you. Grown ups can say whatever they want to say. It doesn’t matter what your teacher says about you, because they’re the teacher, so they’re the authority, and they’re the ones that I’m going to listen to. So notice. I just want you to notice, and this might be painful, but I think it’s a point that needs to be made if you’re struggling to advocate for yourself as an adult, it’s likely because no one advocated for you as a child, and that matters. And so this is deep work. This isn’t just like, let me give you the three tips and tricks, although, sure I’m going to give you some suggestions, but I just want you to notice that the reason why you’re struggling to advocate for yourself is not your fault. It’s not it’s not your fault. Now you might respond to this and say, Kristen, I had wonderful parents who completely advocated for me, and I was always protected and I was always sheltered and I was always made to feel safe. That might happen. But I kind of I doubt it. I doubt it. I mean, I’ve coached 1000s of people with ADHD, and I I ask them questions like, when, when we are on a call in my focus, ADHD coaching program, and there are 70 people on the call with me, and I say, what was it like for you as a child? What? How? Did your parents protect you? What I get as responses is like they didn’t. It wasn’t a thing. And so every time that I interact with ADHD ers, what I’m told is I wasn’t advocated for, I wasn’t prioritized, I wasn’t made to feel safe, and I was always having to contort myself to make other people feel comfortable. And so my dear, here’s why I’m saying this. I’m saying this to normalize the fact that you struggle to advocate for yourself. It makes sense. It completely makes sense.

Now you know better than I do why it makes sense. And so I would just spend a couple minutes asking yourself this question, why does it make sense that I struggle with this? And you’ve said, how do I be a stronger advocate, not just for the doctors that gaslight me, but for the actual people in my life who don’t believe me about my symptoms, who don’t believe me about my struggles, and so you’re surrounded, even now, by people who I’m going to use a strong word. I’m not sure if it applies to you, but it sounds like you’re being gaslit, being told like this isn’t as bad as you think it is. What are you complaining about? I’m not really sure why you’re making such a big deal about this for symptoms that are real and based on a diagnosis that is real. And so what I want to say to you first is understand why it’s so hard for you to advocate for yourself and don’t blame yourself for it, all right, and you might want to do the deep, deep work of of really unpacking all of that, but you might not, and that’s fine, too.

So what I would say is really begin to educate yourself and build your evidence bank for how much you know about you and your symptoms. That was one of the things that I really had to do as I was doing this work is build my evidence bank for how much I actually know about myself and my symptoms and that that included me writing it down as like actual cold, hard evidence for myself and so that might be helpful to you when you go into a doctor’s Office. Have things written down, have a list, have evidence, have studies. Some doctors don’t appreciate that, and if your doctor doesn’t appreciate that, maybe find a new doctor. You know, I’m saying, if you build that evidence bank, what that’s going to help you to do is feel like you deserve to be advocated for. Like feel like you’re right. Have enough evidence to be like, No, this is true. This is right. Do you feel like you deserve to be heard? Do you trust your intuition about what you’re struggling with? Do you trust the science behind it? All of that matters, and so there’s this. Like process where you have to educate yourself, but then you also have to trust yourself. You have to trust what you’re going through. This is, this is just like really, really deep work. And the last part is like allowing other people to have their own experience. So you are allowed to have your symptoms, to have your struggles, and to know that they are valid, and other people might not agree, but they don’t get to determine what is good and right for you and your life. And I’ve said it a million times. I’m going to say it again. Some of you need new people, and I don’t know if that applies to you, my dear listener, the person that called in. I don’t know if that applies to you, but it might.

If you don’t have people in your life who want you to advocate for yourself, who want you to speak your truth, who want you to communicate what’s happening, you might need some new people. So first, understand why advocating for yourself is so hard in the first place. Then begin to build your evidence bank and really educate yourself on the facts and the science behind what’s going on for you, build up your self trust, and then allow the people in your lives, whether that’s doctors or family members to have their own experiences and beliefs, and don’t let that change you. Thank you so much. I just am so glad that you called in. Remember listener, if you have a question for me, you can call 833-281-2343, and I will be able to answer your question here. Don’t worry. This is linked in the show notes. You can go find it there. Everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives. You go to bed at a reasonable time and you wake up early, make a list, cross the things off the list in order. Yeah, we know what to do, but ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do but not being able to get yourself to do it. That’s why I created focused I’m a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019 I’ve spent 1000s of hours coaching adults with ADHD.

Time for me to focus on you. Hello. Welcome to your coaching call. I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from Hot Mess express to grounded and thriving. I’ll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions and accept yourself, flaws and all with this foundation, we build the skills to improve life with ADHD, and not only do you get skills and tools in focus, but you’re surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. So if you’re an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real, lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in focused go to Ihaveadhd.com/focused to learn more. That’s Ihaveadhd.com/focused

All right, let’s move on. I’m going to blow through the next couple things really quick. I have a resource for you of the week, and this absolutely blew my mind. I’m so excited to tell you. I’m so excited to tell you I was listening to a podcast with Casey means and Callie means you can do a quick Google of them. They’re super hot right now. They’re all about educating America about health and wellness, and I am doing a deep dive. But one of the things that I heard them say on a podcast recently was that you can have your doctor write a prescription for exercise, my mind is blown. Hear me. ADHD, you have a diagnosis of ADHD, you can literally go to your doctor and say, Hey, can you write me a prescription for exercise, and then you can take that prescription for exercise to your insurance company, and it is very likely that they will cover the cost of a gym membership. Dun, dun, dun, Isn’t that so cool. I had no idea. I had no idea that a doctor could write a prescription for exercise, and that if you have a prescription, that it is very possible that your insurance will cover it, and that you can find a gym that will literally give you a free, or close to free gym membership. Now this circles back to like the sleep, diet and exercise conversation.

We had at the beginning, one of the barriers that we have to exercise is like, it’s hard, it’s so hard, but also you might want to do some sort of exercise that costs money. You might want to go to a gym. That might be a barrier for you. You can literally have your doctor write a prescription for exercise, chat with your insurance company, chat with a gym. Find a gym that accepts insurance, and it is very likely that you can have a gym membership covered by insurance. I mean, that was mind blowing to me. I’m so excited to tell you. I’m just so excited to tell you, I think that’s amazing. I personally hate working out in a gym, and so it is just not for me.

I need to be in the out of doors. But if working out in a gym is for you, go check it out. Call your doctor, see if they’ll write you a prescription for exercise. It just it blew my mind. I just love it so much. When I heard it on the podcast, I immediately did a Google, and the Googles were like, yeah, it’s a thing. I just don’t know why it’s not widely known. And this is why I’m grateful to people like Casey means and Callie means, who are out like saying all the things right now I really appreciate them. But anyway, look into it. Have your doctor write you a prescription for exercise, see if your gym will cover it. I mean, that’s pretty amazing. Okay, research of the week, again, this is on like the health and wellness kick. I learned recently that sunlight, actually sunlight during the day helps to improve your sleep at night. Now I’m saying this to you, and I feel like many of you are going to be like, yeah, no crap. Like, we already knew that I did not know this. Like, maybe I’m the last to know. And so here, sharing it with you, sunlight exposure during the day helps you to go to sleep at night. Now here’s the thing about having ADHD. Here’s the thing, tell me if you resonate. Please, tell me if you resonate. The thing with having ADHD is that we don’t really feel the rhythm of the day. Do you resonate? So maybe I should speak for myself. Up until the last little while, I never felt a rhythm of the day. I just was like, I feel like I felt like a bull in a china shop, just kind of like barreling through my days, barreling into the night, and working, working or doing something stimulating, until finally, I would just crash into bed. Then I would really struggle to go to sleep. It was just a mess, hot mess. Express right here, Chris and Carter and what I’ve been able to do recently. This connects with our conversation about getting out of survival mode, which is like delightful. Getting out of it was delightful. I’ve been able to establish a rhythm so that morning feels like morning, which is a weird thing to say, but I hope you know what I’m saying.

Morning feels like morning. Afternoon feels like afternoon. Evening feels like wrap up time like I’m unwinding, I’m I’m slowing down. I’m getting tired. This is not an experience that I ever had. Let’s just refer back to a couple minutes ago, when I said I was born into a family of chaos. Like in my family, there was no rhythm, there was just chaos. There was just the spin cycle of the washing machine zooming around and around and around and around and around with no end in sight until we just finally crashed. And so what I’m realizing now is that there’s a thing called the circadian rhythm. Like that’s a thing, and the more sunlight exposure that you can get in the mornings, in the afternoons. What that will do is allow your body clock to actually have a body clock. So our circadian rhythm is an internal clock keeping us on track. Keeping us on track. I mean, just like kind of scoffing at that as an ADHD, but that’s fine, keeping us on track for many of our day to day activities, when we go to sleep and when we wake up the following morning, those are the most common activities that people associate with our circadian rhythm. Though, there are many more things that it influences, like metabolism, mental and physical performance, immunity, etc. I’m reading from an article that I’m going to link in the show notes. It notes. It is from. What is it from? I think it is from Huberman. And then I’m going to quote another article that’s from Stanford Medical so the sleep wake cycle can be influenced by various stimulus throughout the day, but it’s most heavily. Influenced by the changes in light exposure.

Listen. What scientists are finding is that in the morning, sunlight helps to tell your circadian clock what time it is. In the afternoon, sunlight helps to make the clock stronger at any time of the day, getting sunlight means that the artificial light to which you’re exposed at night will have less of an impact. This is from Stanford Med, whether it’s taking the dog for a morning walk or finding time to bask in the sun over lunch, spending a little more time outdoors during the day can help regulate your internal clock, and it’s the first step in a healthier relationship with sleep. Hear it. It is the first step in a healthier relationship with sleep. Not going to bed earlier. ADHD, or like, you don’t even have to worry about that yet. Just get a little bit more sunlight during the day. How cool is that? That’s blowing my mind. And as I’m thinking it through, I’m like, Yes, this is making more sense, because I am like I said, just starting to feel that rhythm, that circadian clock happening, where morning feels like a like a fresh start, and afternoon feels like the heaviness of the sun and like the deep work of the day, and then evening feels like, Okay, we’re gonna wrap it up.

We’re gonna wind it down. I, as I’m talking this through, I’m just so grateful that I get to give my kids the experience of rhythm that I never had. I get to give my kids the experience of like, like, we wind down together as a family at night, and they go to bed at the same time every night, and there is like an ebb and flow and a rhythm to their day that I just was never privileged to receive, that I’m just like learning it in, like my late 30s and now into my 40s, and so sunlight exposure is a huge part of that. So you want to sleep better at night. Don’t even worry about going to bed earlier yet. You can, like, address that at some point, but how about you just get more sunlight during the day? One of the things that I read is that you can wear like glasses and contacts, but make sure that at least some of the sunlight exposure is without sunglasses. So you want at least 10 to 15 minutes of exposure without sunglasses. It is something with like the light hitting your retina is what is making the circadian rhythm, whatever words, I’m not really sure, but you get what I’m saying. So glasses and contacts are fine.

Outdoors is what is needed, so not through a window or through like the windshield, but like actual outdoors, and then at least 10 to 15 minutes of it without sunglasses. How fun. But what like? What a great way to help yourself sleep better at night. Just get more sunlight during the day. I’m a huge fan.

Okay, let’s move on to the very last segment, which is what triggered me this week. Like I said, it’s not that hard. I’m an adult with ADHD who has a ton of trauma, so it’s super easy to trigger and activate me, but I thought it would be funny to talk through what triggered me this week, because it’s the comments on Instagram. The Instagram comments, or just like the internet in general, is a wild place, and people are so interesting. And let me tell you, like with Instagram, we are just starting to be intentional with it, and we’re just starting to try to grow it like I grew my business. I grew my coaching program without doing any social media like none. I’m pretty proud of that. I’m actually really proud of that because I I grew it through this podcast. I grew it just through, like, word of mouth, by going on other podcasts and in ways that were really aligned for me. So showing up on Instagram, showing up on Tiktok. Oh, it’s just like, not super easy for me at all. But in the last couple months, we’ve worked through a strategy, and we’re doing a lot more on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, the things, one of those things, is posting reels that are funny. And so our process is that Felicia, my Director of Operations, she’s like my right hand gal. She also does Instagram for me, and she will send me trending, funny audio, and then I will put, you know, ADHD specific text to it. Wow. This is so boring. You don’t you do not need to know this, but whatever, it’s a look behind the the curtain. So she found. Into this audio. It’s super cute, super funny. I put some text to it. I knew people were gonna get mad because it was about medication. And whenever I talk about medication, medication, people get so, so mad. But here’s what is the most triggering for me. If you want to get me angry, I want you to say, be careful of your language. That’s the best way to get me angry. If you want to know, please be careful, or please tread carefully, or whatever.

Those are the comments that get me so mad. Okay, so here’s the copy of what it says, and then I’m going to play the audio for you. You’ll probably recognize the audio. The copy that I wrote says when I learned that ADHD is the most treatable mental health condition, neurodevelopmental disorder, and that research shows positive outcomes when treated with medication. Okay, Dan, so play the audio for us. It’s awesome. It’s just this kid, and he’s like, celebrating, I think he’s in church, and he’s just like, he’s celebrating. So it’s me being like, hey, when I learned that, ADHD, like, yeah, it bites, but it is the most treatable mental health condition. And yeah, I put in parentheses neurodevelopmental disorder because I knew, I knew that people were gonna get mad about saying it was a mental health condition and, like, also a neurodevelopmental disorder, but these are the ways that the professionals describe it. Okay. So yes, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, but it does affect our mental health and depression, anxiety, so many other mental health conditions are comorbid with ADHD. So like, what other? Oh my gosh. So I knew, I knew people get mad, but it’s fine, like we can all have different perspectives, and the different perspectives aren’t what get me riled up. That’s not what gets me riled up. What gets me riled up is when people say things like what Gloria said. Gloria said, I don’t agree with this post at all. Please tread carefully with your take on medication. Not everyone agrees. Well, Gloria, this is not my take, like, this is not Kristin Carter’s take. This is based on research. This is based on science. This is based on what every single ADHD expert says, like, this is not my take. This. Do you feel me getting upset? So when people tell me to tread carefully with my take, when I’m literally quoting research, and actually I should have told you that I like the caption was two sources. It was Barclays, 30 essential ideas for parents, and it was an NIH research study on, like, the benefits and dangers of medication.

And so, like two actual scientific sources quoted, and she’s saying, tread carefully with your I just can’t the next one that got me ADHD is not a mental health condition. It’s a neurotype and not a mental illness. Please update your ang, your language use. Please update your language use. I cannot with people again. I don’t like to be told what to do, so this is probably why it’s triggering for me, and I understand that different people are going to approach ADHD in a unique way, but my language is based on what scientists use. Okay? So, like, that’s where my language is based. I’m not real sure where your language is based greyhounds and snacks, but like, come on, if you want to trigger Kristen Carter, tell her what to do. And ADHD, er, I wonder if you’re the same. I wonder if you’re like, Girl same. And again, it is not like there’s a lot of other comments that are saying, like, medication didn’t work for me. Totally valid, or I will not choose to medicate myself. Totally valid. But when you look at an Instagram post that has actual science and sources listed, and you tell me to tread carefully, or be careful with my take or update my language, I’m just like,

Girl, please. Like, I can not. I’m going through a moral dilemma. Personally, it’s like, do I want to argue with strangers on the internet? That’s a That’s a great question for all of us to ask. Do I want to argue with strangers on the internet? Again, it’s not about having a different opinion. Just don’t tell me what to do. Ah. Yeah, just don’t know what to do. Like, it’s totally fine that you don’t think that medication is a good thing for you. Totally fine. But when I’m listing scientific sources, don’t tell me to update my language. Use the the most current language is neurodevelopmental disorder, which I used. Okay, she’s spicy. We’re finishing here. So this is what triggered me this week. I’d love to hear what triggered you this week. Tell me maybe it was me. Maybe it was me, saying all of this stuff about my Instagram like I want to hear it. Let me know. Leave a comment. I would love to get the conversation started with you, and I can’t wait to see you all right. Back here next week, I’ll see you. Then, hey, ADHD er, I see you. I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated, and like no one out there really understands the way that your brain works. That’s why I created focused. Focus is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study, be coached, grow and make amazing changes, alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit. Ihaveadhd.com/focused to learn more.

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