Kristen Carder

Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults. With ADHD, I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD, let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.

Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’ve tuned into the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated, happy to be with you and ready to roll. How are you? Are you just enjoying that? It’s June, like it is June. It is summer, officially summertime, the best season, in my opinion. Now I know I have listeners in Australia, and to my Australian listeners, I know you’re in winter, and I’m sorry. I know you’re in your winter and I’m sorry, but for the rest of us, we are enjoying summertime. My goodness, the sun is shining today, so let’s talk about it. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. They’re the grass is green, the sky is blue. I noticed. Could not be happier my kids are out of school. I used to really hate when my kids would be out of school, because I have three boys, and I was extremely dysregulated and extremely unable to parent them without getting what’s the word? Angry all the time, frustrated all the time, feeling like I was losing control all of the time. But I’ve done a lot of work. I’ve done a lot of work in that department. And my kids are older. They’re old. They don’t even like they don’t interact with each other, they don’t interact with me. It is not the same when they were little. It was chaos. They were fighting. They were they were clamoring for my attention, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and school was a break from that for me. So even though I was at work while they were at school, it was still it just it felt like such a major break. And then they would get like, summertime and be like, Oh my gosh, I cannot. I cannot I cannot handle it. But now they’re old. They’re old. I have a 17 year old, a 15 year old, an 11 year old, they’re all doing their own thing. We’re doing band camps. We’re doing water polo. We’re going to Texas for water polo. I mean, like, that’s crazy. And then the little guy, he still feels so little, but like he’s just kind of the family mascot, like he’s just so fun and so easy, and it’s just, it’s like, so much better than it was.

So if you are in the trenches with little kids in the summertime, my heart goes out to you, all of the solidarity, all of the support, and I just want to encourage you to gather up your ADHD scaffolding, whatever that looks like for you, because when I had three tiny little kids during the summertime, and I was untreated and I was unmedicated, I was unsupported. It was not easy. It was not easy. I was not a good I don’t want to say that was I not a good person. I mean, I was still a good, well meaning person, but I did not have control. I didn’t have control. I didn’t have control of myself. I didn’t have control of my emotions. I didn’t have control of the words that came out of my mouth to my kids. You know, last week, we did a Q and A session. I hope you guys enjoyed that. And one of the questions that I got that I wasn’t able to answer was, what do you do with the regret of parenting and like, the way that you treated your kids at certain times? And this is one of the things that I think about a lot, because when I was not supporting my ADHD. It wasn’t just about me, and I want you to think about that too. Like if you are not taking your ADHD seriously, it’s not just about you, it’s about the people in your life as well. And so, like I said, I didn’t really have control of myself. I didn’t have control of my my actions or my words or my emotions or my attitude, and it wasn’t cute.

And so if that’s you, I encourage you to get more support. And actually, our topic for today is going to be really helpful to you, because it is so much about gaining control, and the whole the whole point of evolving as a human is to be able to be self directed, right? So I think the most frustrating aspect of having ADHD is just kind of feeling that out of control, feeling like you’re. Life is not in your own hands. Feeling like you’re not driving the bus. You don’t have control of your destiny, that you’re more controlled by, like your emotions or your whims or your ideas or getting distracted by certain things, and that does not feel good. And today, the whole topic is about thought downloading, which sounds so nerdy and boring. How do I make that sound exciting? We’re talking about thought downloading, and it’s gonna be amazing, but like, Truly, this is the pathway to developing more control. And if I had this skill when I was a young mom, I think I would have had the capacity to understand that I needed more support, but I was just going through the motions, going through the motions without observing myself, without really understanding myself, and so I didn’t have the capacity to understand Okay, so today we’re talking about thought downloading. And the reason why I’m doing this is because we, we, again, I say we. I recorded an episode back in 2019 in the dark ages of 2019 all about this topic. And one of the things that I’m going to do from time to time is revive some of these older episodes and update them for you now, because not everybody listens to all 316 episodes, I have a lot of brand new listeners, especially those of you on YouTube. What’s up? YouTube? How you doing? You hit that subscribe button. Just hit it for me real just real quick. It’ll take you two seconds hit that subscribe button.

My goal is to get to 10,000 this summer, baby. These episodes are not on YouTube, so I am updating them and making them amazing. And I recorded this episode all about thought downloading. In my research for this episode, I went back and read the transcript of the old one, and my goodness, do I feel like a completely different person from the woman who recorded that episode six years ago. It’s just such an interesting experience to have six years of documentation of weekly yapping you know of yourself like weekly yaps on this podcast to go back and listen to how my life has changed, how my perspectives have changed, and how I’ve grown even in my late 30s and early 40s. And this really goes to, or really speaks to the idea of neuroplasticity, how it’s never too late to make changes, how it’s never too late to develop and evolve. I love that word, E, evolve. My sincere belief is that humans are meant to evolve throughout the entirety of their life, that we’re never meant to stay stagnant, that we’re never meant to stay the same. And one of the things that makes evolving so hard for someone with ADHD is the inability to think about our thinking, the inability to observe our thoughts. And so that’s what we’re talking about today. We’re talking all about thought downloads and why they matter. So a thought download is essentially just writing out the sentences in your brain without editing yourself, without filtering, without

Kristen Carder
making it pretty or cute. It’s not journaling. I would say it’s different than journaling. It’s literally just like stream of consciousness, writing whatever comes to your brain, and I’ve talked about brain dumps before. There’s not really much of a difference. Brain dumping is like clearing the clutter out, getting everything out of your brain, a thought download, though, is more of like a mindfulness reflective practice. Okay? It’s not a diary entry. It’s not necessarily a rant or it’s certainly not a productivity tool. It’s a mindfulness practice. And you might be like, Well, I’m not interested in mindfulness practices.

That sounds boring and it doesn’t sound useful, but it is absolutely useful, and here’s why, it’s because your thoughts are driving the bus of your life. Your life is headed in a certain direction. Your thoughts are driving you in that direction. This is something that I wish we talked about to all humans all of the time. I wish we learned this in school. I wish this was just common knowledge, but it’s not common knowledge. Your thoughts are shaping how you feel and then how you feel fuels what you do, what decisions you make, what actions you take or don’t take. And so your outcomes are driven if you just like, back it up, your outcomes are driven by your thoughts. Now, of course, life happens and you’re not. In charge of everything, and everything is not your fault. So do not hear me put responsibility on you, that that does not belong. That’s not what I’m saying. But as much as it relies on you, as much as it’s dependent on you for the things that you can control, for the decisions that you are able to make for the power that you do have. It’s your thoughts that are driving you. It’s your thoughts that are driving the direction and the decisions and the outcomes that you are getting. Wow, profound. Kristen Carter, the outcomes that are happening as much as it relies on you, as much as it’s dependent on you, it’s your thoughts that are driving that Okay, so why does that matter? Well, for the ADH, dear, this is actually a little bit of a problem, because so many of us are not even aware of our thoughts, right?

So many of us. So if you’re like, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second, you’re saying that as much as it depends on me, like, obviously stuff happens, obviously you’re not choosing you’re not choosing your race, you’re not choosing your gender, you’re not choosing whether or not you were born into privilege or not. So I’m not talking about that kind of a thing. But as much as it does depend on you as a human, it’s your thoughts that are moving you forward or keeping you stuck. The reason why that’s a problem for an ADHD er is because we’re not so good in the thought department. We, many of us, are not aware of the thoughts that we think we have this deficiency called deficient. Verbal working memory. So nerdy, so nerdy. I just love talking about nerdy things. So we’re going to nerd out for a little bit. This podcast is sponsored by ag one, and listen, I have some huge news to share with you all. Ag one just launched their next generation the same single scoop once a day, but now with more vitamins, more minerals and upgraded probiotics, and it’s clinically backed by four human clinical trials, they’ve seriously gone the distance to raise the standard In supplement testing. Ag ones next gen is now one of the most clinically backed greens powder. They went above and beyond the industry standard in testing, and they have made a great product. Even better. You know that I love this product? You know that I drink it every day. I’m not lying when I say every day. It is easy enough, it is tasty enough for st Carter, the queen of ADHD, to drink it every single day. And what’s so awesome is now it’s clinically backed with an advanced formula. This is the perfect time to try ag one, if you haven’t yet, I’ve been drinking ag one every day for more than two years. I’m so happy to be partnering with them. They are my favorite. You already know this, so subscribe today to try the next gen of ag one, and you’re getting more than usual right now. I just I read this, and I was like, Oh, this is more than usual. If you use my link, you’re also going to get a free bottle of ag D 3k to an ag one welcome kit and five of the upgraded ag one travel packs with your first order. So make sure to check out drink. Ag one.com/i, have ADHD to get started with aging ones next gen, and notice the benefits for yourself, I know you will. I have I know you will. So that’s drink, AG, one.com/i have ADHD to check it out. So as someone with ADHD, your executive function skills, many of them are deficient. Your executive function is housed in your prefrontal cortex.

And in your prefrontal cortex, are all of these different skills that, to some degree or another, are going to be impaired. That includes working memory. There are two types of working memory, nonverbal working memory and verbal working memory, to some extent, varying degrees for different people, both of those are going to be deficient. Non verbal working memory allows you to picture things in your mind’s eye. Verbal working memory allows you to have an inner monolog. Many people with ADHD do not have an inner monolog, this part of our prefrontal cortex, which is

Kristen Carder
it’s been seen on brain scans, is smaller than the prefrontal cortex of neurotypical humans. This part of the prefrontal cortex is deficient, and so that means that our verbal working memory, for many of us, not for everybody, for many of us, is deficient. So Okay, what does this mean? We don’t have that internal monolog, talking to us, directing us, keeping us on track. We’re not able to recognize the thoughts that come into our head. It is estimated that we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. And actually, I’ve heard varying numbers. I don’t I mean, like, who really knows? Who really knows? Why are we even projecting? I have no idea, but it is estimated that we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. So if we are completely unaware of the thoughts that we’re having that are creating emotions in our body that are driving action or inaction and giving us outcomes, and we’re not aware of those thoughts, that means we’re not actually in the driver’s seat of our lives. And that’s a problem. That’s a problem that’s not what we want. And so I talked about evolvement and development and growth and neuroplasticity, and that is what we are leaning on here. We want to evolve as humans, as someone with ADHD, yes, get a diagnosis, yes. Get treated, medically, treated for the disorder, yes. Find a therapist, find a coach. But like part of our self development is understanding what our deficiencies are and determining to improve those deficiencies. And amazingly, Neuroscience tells us that the brain will change. The brain is happy to change. It’s neuroplastic. It means that it is not fixed. It is bendable, it is shapeable. It is willing to grow and change.

And so one of those skills that we want to improve is the nonverbal, excuse me, is the verbal working memory. Another way to talk about this is to explain it as metacognition. Metacognition is observing your thinking and being able to think about your thinking. Okay, and ADHD impairs verbal working memory, which impairs metacognition, especially, just like in the moment, to be able to have that inner dialog that’s like, I’m gonna do the dishes. The dishes need to be done. I’m doing the dishes. Okay. We’re getting the dishes now. We’re gonna do and just like keeping you on track, instead, what often happens is, I’m gonna do the dishes. I’m doing the dishes. There is a shiny object over there, whatever that shiny object might be. And we have what some people disparagingly refer to as a squirrel moment. I would never do that, but Well, that’s what happens. And we kind of scroll off to something else, right? And so instead of staying on tests, and this is a stupid example, but you can apply this stupid example to every day, every hour, every minute of your life, right where you’re not able to talk yourself through in a kind and compassionate way, to stay on track and do what you want to Do. You’re not able to think through the goals, the direction you’re not able to this is paired with our nonverbal working memory, which is the idea, the ability to picture something in your mind’s eye. And those two really work together. So we’re talking to ourselves, and also we’re able to visualize what’s coming next, or we’re able to visualize where we want to go in life. We’re able to visualize the pathway I’m making all of these weird gestures. We’re able to visualize it Okay, and when we’re not, when those skills are impaired, when we’re unaware of our thoughts, we are going to be excessively impulsive, distractive, distracted, emotionally reactive and really completely unaware of what’s driving it all All right? And so many of us, to compensate for this, are what we love to affectionately refer to ourselves as external processors. Well, why are we external processors? It’s because we don’t have that internal ability to just sit and think. Because we don’t have that inner monolog. Can’t even hear our own thoughts. It’s like I just I remember when I first realized that my brain felt blank. And I don’t mean that I’m not smart because I’m very smart. Obviously I don’t mean that there’s not ideas and, and, and, like so much in what’s the word ingenuity, intuition? Like, there’s so much inside of me, but when I were to actually just, like, sit down and think it’s just silence. Like, how do people do this? And I promise you that this is a skill that I developed through thought downloading. This is a complete. Completely free way to change your brain. Completely free way to grow, to evolve, to self develop.

So again, I just want to circle back to the external processing. I used to only be able to process a feeling or a thought or an idea if I could talk about it, and this is one of the reasons why some of us with ADHD are excessive talkers, or we just chit chat, chit chit chit chat, because we’re actually just trying to get our thoughts and ideas and like process what’s going on on the in side, because the internal dialog is either completely silent or unavailable, or maybe it’s just like a little fuzzy or foggy. Okay, so the more that we develop, and I will say this is true for myself, 100% the more that I was able to develop my internal monolog, the less that I needed to yep, yep, yep, externally, which is totally fine. I mean, you still hear me chit chatting on this podcast constantly. I still have a lot to say, but I don’t have to seek out,

Kristen Carder
you know, willing or unwilling participants for conversation, for me to hash out every single idea, because I can do that on my own now. So I just want to encourage you that this can be improved. Okay, your ability to think, observe your thinking, think about your thinking. So it’s metacognition that can be improved. Again, where I’m gonna I’m gonna reference neuroplasticity. I’m gonna reference the the scientific reality that your brain is willing to change from the cradle to the grave, that you can make improvements in this area. Okay, so just because it’s deficient doesn’t mean it’s doomed. Can we all just join hands together, turn to your neighbor and say, just because it’s deficient doesn’t mean it’s doomed. You can absolutely grow and evolve in this area. Okay, so a thought download is a really simple mindfulness tool that will improve your metacognition. All right? It’s just that is what it is. It’s a simple mindfulness tool that will absolutely 100% if you do it enough, if you are persistent, it will improve your metacognition. It will improve your verbal working memory. Okay? What it’s going to do when you download your thoughts on a I would love to say daily basis, but I’m not gonna commit any ADHD or to do anything daily, like we don’t even eat on the daily. I’m not gonna expect you to thought download on the daily, but if you do it a couple times a week, if you’re just kind of persistent, and when you remember to do it, you do do it. It will help you to know what you’re thinking, to observe your thoughts without judgment. It will help you to understand the source of your emotions. It will help you to understand why you’re deciding to do things a certain way. It’ll help you to understand why you’re going in a certain direction.

And let me be very clear, this is not about fixing your thoughts. It’s not about changing your thoughts necessarily, right now, all we care about is understanding. Because what I hear from y’all, and it makes no sense for for someone from Pennsylvania to use the word y’all, but I’m still using it, what I hear from y’all is I don’t know why I’m stuck. I don’t know why I’m procrastinating. I don’t know why I can’t just do it. I don’t know why you fill in the blank. Listener, my dear sweet listener, you fill in the blank. What is it for you that you say? I don’t know why, whatever. And the whole purpose of thought downloads is to answer that question. Why? Why am I doing this? Why am I moving in this direction? Why can’t I just do this? It’s thought downloading is answering questions that your brain is continually asking. And let me tell you, it is so powerful. It’s so powerful. One of the things that I tell my clients, if you don’t know if you’re new around here, I’m a coach. I have multiple certifications, and I have a group coaching program called focused and we have people from all over the world, people diagnosed with ADHD or self diagnosed with ADHD. It’s an incredible. Incredibly transformative program, and one of the things that I tell my clients constantly is, don’t let your brain ask a question that you are not willing to answer. So if you say, I don’t know why I’m stuck, it’s important that you answer that question. Wait a second. No, let’s stop here. Why are you stuck? Let’s write that. Let’s do a thought down. Let’s write that on the top of the page. Why am I stuck? And we’re going to ask our brain to answer that question, and you’re just going to stream of consciousness, right? This is exactly how to do a thought download. You can do it any time of day. It does not matter when. Okay, the time to do it is just when you’re willing to do it. So it doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to look pretty, it doesn’t have to be in a certain spot, it doesn’t have to be in a certain journal. It can be on the back of an envelope. Just grab any paper available to you. You’re not going to save it. We’re not going to be precious about it. We’re not going to, like, bind it into a journal and like, press flowers and make make like, what is it? Macrame, shellac. What are the crafting tools that we use? I have no idea. I’m not a crafter. Never have been, but we’re not gonna make it pretty, is what I’m saying. Make it ugly, and just know that you’re gonna burn it or throw it out.

Okay, so do it whenever you’re willing to do it, whenever you can get yourself to do it, first thing in the morning during emotional dysregulation, after a conflict, before bed when I was really trying to grow, when I was really determined to change my life. I was thought downloading most nights before bed, and it was so helpful. I didn’t realize this is a tangent, or this is like a rabbit hole, but I didn’t realize that one of the reasons why I struggled to sleep was because laying in bed in the quiet stillness was the first time all day long that I checked in with myself, the first time all day long that I could feel my emotions, the first time all day Long that I was actually present with me. And so then I would have like this three hour period from like 12 when I went to bed till 3am when I was just like being with me and like ruminating on all of the things that I hadn’t processed throughout the day. And what thought downloading does is allows you to take time to process, maybe in smaller bites, so that you’re not overwhelmed by it at any given time. For me, it was like when I turned out the lights. For you, it might be a different time of day, but for me, it was that time when I was just like, Finally, everything was quiet. Finally, I was still. There was nowhere that I could go. I was in my bed. And then all the thoughts would just race and race and race, and then all of the feelings would come up, and I would just be flooded and overwhelmed and dysregulated, and I would go into like this fight or flight, kind of like panic attack, because I didn’t. I just wasn’t processing anything throughout the day because I wasn’t aware of my thoughts, because I didn’t have functioning verbal working memory, because metacognition was a skill that was really, really deficient for me. Okay, so are you seeing where I’m going with this. It’s allowing us to get tuned in to who we are, to what we want to, where we’re going to what we think, to what we feel. At different points throughout the day. There were times where I was doing this many times a day, I actually did when I got really into it, and this is just, it’s not a, how do I say this? It’s not a consistent part of my life anymore at all, but it was for a season, and I just want to offer that to you that you don’t have to think like, Oh, great. Now I have to do this for the rest of my life.

Maybe it’s a skill that will be available to you for the rest of your life. But if you want to go through a season of growth, this is the way to do it. Okay, this is the way to do it. And when I was in that season of growth, I would order on Amazon these notebooks, like grid notebooks, and I still have all of them. I should go through them, but I think that would be a little bit scary, just so many thought downloads. I just needed a place to put them, and I would just process and process and process and process so many thoughts. Keep in mind, this is this coincided with me going to therapy. This coincided with me changing all of my relationships. This. Coincided with me completely revamping my familial relationships, and so like, there was a lot going on for me, but if there’s a lot going on for you, this is the way to process it. Okay? So here’s how to start if you want, if you feel like you’re afraid that you’re going to get stuck, or you’re afraid that you’re gonna get overwhelmed, or you’re afraid that you’re just gonna, like, take too much time, or you don’t have much time, just set a timer for yourself. Just be like, Okay, I’m just gonna give five minutes. Just give it five minutes, and then choose a prompt which I will I’m gonna give you lots of

Kristen Carder
prompt options. Okay, so just choose a prompt. So set a timer for five minutes, choose a prompt and then answer the prompts question. Write down every sentence that your brain gives you, and just ask yourself, what else? What else? What else do you got? Why else? So, a common prompt that I would give myself is like, Why do I feel angry? Because I at the time, and maybe you relate to this, at the time, I had no ability to connect my thoughts and my emotions. They were connected. My thoughts were creating emotions and driving actions, but I personally did not know how to connect them. I did not understand that connection between what I was feeling and what I was thinking. And so this is how, this is one of the main ways and a completely free way that I developed it. This is without the help of a therapist, without the help of a coach. So I would write down, why am I feeling blah? Why do I hate my kid? Why I would just, I would ask my brain a question, why am I angry? Why don’t I want to do this? Why do I feel stuck? And then I would just answer it. I would answer the question, Why am I overwhelmed? And the stuff that would come out of my brain, I was like, Oh my gosh, honey, no wonder why you’re struggling.

And this is what I want for you. I want you to be able to kind of just skim over what you wrote and notice, notice everything that you’re carrying. Notice everything that’s going on in your brain. No wonder why you’re struggling. Notice all of the people that you’re trying to please. Notice how your relationships are feeling. Notice, just like begin to notice again I’m going to say the word metacognition. It’s observing your thinking, being able to think about your thinking. This is something. This is part of the developmental process that we, most of us, ADHD, ers, we missed we missed it. We got to learn it as adults, and that sucks, but that’s our responsibility. Now. Now you’ve heard this, so it’s your responsibility, right? So now you know you know better, so you’re going to do better. So it might feel awkward. You might be worried about what will come up, and I will say that’s a very normal experience for an ADHD. Or I don’t really want to look under the hood, because I’m not sure what’s going to be there, and I’m kind of scared. I don’t know what’s I don’t I don’t know what’s going to be there. And what I want to encourage you with is that’s it’s driving the bus anyway. It’s shaping your life anyway. It’s causing you to feel something or do something anyway. You might as well know what it is ignoring. It doesn’t mean it’s not there. What I think of for that is like a little kid playing hide and seek, and they think that like, if I can’t see you, you can’t see me, or if I can’t see you, then you’re not there. Like that’s that’s not a grown way to think about it, because it is shaping you either way. So I highly encourage you to summon the bravery, summon the courage to take a peek at what’s going on.

Okay, I want to just really encourage you with that. Take a peek. Take a peek. Be brave enough. Everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives. You go to bed at a reasonable time. You wake up early, you make a list, you cross things off the list in order, blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah, we know what to do, but ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do but not being able to get yourself to do it. That’s why I created focused. It’s an ADHD coaching membership. For adults with ADHD, I’m a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019 I’ve coached over 4000 adults with ADHD from all over the world. I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from Hot Mess express to grounded and thriving. I’ll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions and your behavior and accept yourself flaws and all. And with this foundation, we’ll build the skills to improve your life with ADHD. And not only do you get skills and tools and focus, but you’re surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. So if you’re an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real, lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in focused go to I have adhd.com/focused to learn more. That’s I have adhd.com/focused to check it out. So here are some prompt ideas. You can write these down if you want to, or maybe you’re like, Don’t worry, I have no shortage of prompt ideas. What I would love for you to do is write it at the top of your paper, a question, or even just a person’s name. So when I was trying to gain understanding about my familial relationships, I would write down the person’s name and just write down like memories and thoughts and feelings that I had about them. It was really helpful to gain an understanding of why am I interacting with this person in a certain way? Okay, so that’s an option. You can write down a person’s name, just download all of your thoughts. You can ask yourself, why do I feel overwhelmed? Or what do I believe about myself? Or what’s making me anxious? What’s something I want to change? What? What do I want to change? If I could just write down everything that I wish were different. What would it be? Or it can even be as simple as, like, what’s on my mind?

Because that’s the thing. Again, I want to remind you that most of us, ADHD ers, because we struggle with working memory and because we struggle with metacognition. We don’t actually know what’s on our mind. We don’t actually know what’s on our mind, and but it is still driving our actions. And so if we could just understand what’s on my mind, what’s going on, what’s going on, I just, I want to encourage you to keep it simple, like whatever, whatever you’ve got for the day. Just download it and listen. It could just be like, What am I thinking about? Why am I mad it can be so, so simple. It doesn’t have to be pretty. We’re going for awareness, not elegance. It doesn’t have to be pretty. But the more that you can get your thoughts out onto paper. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to slow down. You’re going to slow down. How many of you listening with ADHD feel like I wish I could just slow down? Okay, so you’re going to slow down. You’re going to become more aware. You’re going to develop the ability after a little while, I would say, a couple weeks, a couple months of writing out your thoughts, you’re going to notice yourself thinking thoughts. I promise you, promise you. Take it to the bank, cash it in. I will give you a refund if it doesn’t work. Okay, you can come for me, come to me for a refund if it doesn’t work, but you will start noticing your thoughts after a couple weeks or a couple months of writing out your thoughts, which I know is slow and it feels laborious, but that’s the point. Is that we’re slowing down our thinking and we’re becoming more aware. And what that process does, it’s a developmental process that then allows us to think about our thinking and actually hear our thoughts in our own mind. Okay, so I just want to go over like some obstacles that might get in the way of you doing this. First, you might be like, I don’t know what to write.

Just start there. Just start writing again. It doesn’t matter. It’s not about impressing anyone. And notice how you’re putting some pressure on yourself. Notice that. Notice how you kind of want to do it right, or you want to, like, I don’t know, perform. Form, like it’s just you, just you and you, so there’s no pressure. Another one that we already talked about is like fear of what might come up. And I just again, I want to remind you it’s already there. It’s already there, so writing it down actually gives you the choice of what to do with it. But when it’s just kind of there, lurking in the background, and you’re not quite aware of it, then you don’t have the choice. You’re not empowered to do something about it. Okay, so if you’re afraid of what might come up, I just want to remind you it’s already there, and observing it is going to empower you to make a different choice if you want to another obstacle that I think we definitely need to talk about is like self judgment or shame, and I just have so much compassion for this, like our inner critic is such a jerk, and I’m so sorry, and I just want to hug you, and I want to squeeze you and just say, I’m so sorry if that is your experience. But even that is important to observe, and you could write about that, you could write about the self judgment. You can notice like, wow, I really notice that I’m being mean to myself. I’m not sure I want to keep talking to myself this way.

I really am noticing that I’m critical. Do I want to choose to be different, right? And you might also like notice perfectionism. I’m not doing it right? Oh, this is so messy. What I would notice is that my handwriting would change depending on even just on one piece of paper, but depending what I was writing about, and I thought that was so interesting. And at first I was like, why is my handwriting changing? Like it should be consistent throughout. And then I was realizing, like, oh, depending on my feeling about the topic, my handwriting changes. That’s wild, but I just wanna remind you, like you don’t, even though perfectionism is pervasive with ADHD ers, like you’re not writing scripture, it’s totally fine. Like you’re dumping out the contents of your brain. Is not going to be cute, so don’t, don’t try to make it precious. Okay, this practice is going to change everything for you if you’re willing to commit to it. And by commit, listen ADHD, or I mean commit in an extremely ADHD friendly way. You’re not making yourself do it every day. You’re just developing a willingness. You’re setting a reminder on your phone, you’re putting a little post it on your bedside table. You’re making it easy for yourself, so you’re gonna have paper and pen just available for you. And when the thought arises, you’re like, oh, yeah, I’ll do that. I’m willing to do it. Just develop a willingness and a persistence. If you haven’t done it in three weeks, don’t shame spiral about that. Just be like, Oh, I haven’t done it in three weeks. I’ll do it now. Okay, simple as that? Simple. I know it’s not as simple as that. I would love for it to be as simple as that, but really try to notice how shame wants to pull you in a spiral and keep you stuck and self sabotaging and just be like, No, I’m just gonna write about it. I’m gonna write about it. Okay, the awareness that you will develop. It will give you power. It will give you choice. Okay, you can’t change your mind if you don’t see what’s in your mind, hear it. You can’t change your mind if you don’t know what’s in your mind, you can’t change the direction of where you’re going if you don’t know what’s driving it, okay?

So thought downloads are like a flashlight into the dark corners of what’s actually behind all of the action. Or hear me in action of your life. Okay? Because so many of you are frustrated with your own inaction. This is the beginning to self development, I promise you, if you’re like Kristen, what’s the number one thing that I can do to change first of all, of course, diagnosis and treatment for ADHD, but once you are treated, there should be a level of tolerance and patience that you’re able to maintain in order to sit down for five minutes and just get your thoughts onto paper. The more you do this, the more awareness that you’re going to have, and the more ability you will have to make empowered decisions that will shape the course of your life into something that you actually want, like maybe what you write down today are, what are my goals? Where do I want to go? What do I want my life to look like? Thought download and start there and then every day, or as much as you’re able to do, ask yourself questions in that direction. What am I going to do to. Day to move me toward that goal. What are the obstacles in my way of my goals? What is keeping me stuck? Why Am I paralyzed? All of these questions are amazing questions for you to ask your brain, and it will give you answers. I promise you remember, the brain is willing to change from the cradle to the grave. This is the foundational concept of neuroplasticity, and it is what gives me hope for my future and hope for your future as well. I know, I know that you will make progress in this area. All right, I can’t wait to talk to you next week. I’ll see you. Then. Bye. Hey, ADHD. Er, I see you. I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated, and like no one out there really understands the way that your brain works. That’s why I created focus. Focused is my monthly coaching program, where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself, feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study, be coached, grow and make amazing changes, alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit Ihaveadhd.com/focused, to learn more.