Episode #322: Mini Emotional Regulation Practice (10-Minute Guided Reset)

Kristen Carder 

Okay, so what we’re going to do now, my dear, is, I’m going to lead you through a surf practice, and it’s going to be short and sweet. I’ll try to keep it to about five to seven minutes, and it’s something that you’ll be able to come back to over and over. I use adaptations of this for myself all day, every day, depending on how much time I have. Sometimes I do this literally in 30 to 60 seconds. Now this is something that I’ve been practicing for several years, so I have the skill deeply ingrained in my body, and I want to encourage you again, your brain is neuroplastic. It will change you are able to develop this skill. I promise, promise, promise.

Sometimes, though, when I’m experiencing some pretty extreme emotions, I do spend 510, 15 minutes surfing, and sometimes I even have to bring that along with me into my day where I am kind of surfing in the background of just going about my day, and that just is what it is. It just depends on what’s going on in our lives. I’m going to teach you this practice. I’m going to walk you through it, and I really invite you. I know you’re probably multitasking right now, but I really invite you to go through this with me and and see what happens in your body. Notice what happens afterward. Notice how you feel before, during and after. Okay, so this is the surf method for people with ADHD. It starts with stop, then unfold, reassure and find so let’s start. So you’ve noticed something is happening in your body, and you’re just gonna stop. You’re gonna take a deep breath, and you’re just going to notice that something is going on.

Now I just naturally closed my eyes right here. For me, it’s a lot easier to focus with my eyes closed. So I’m going to sit here with my eyes closed, and I’m going to lead you through this practice in this way. So I’m I’m stopping and pausing, saying, oh, something’s going on. Not really sure what it is, but I’m noticing that something is happening. So now we’re going to let it unfold. So we’re going to take a deep breath, kind of do a body scan. We’re going to go internally. Just notice where the emotion is in your body. Maybe it’s in your neck or your throat, your solar plexus or your shoulders or your chest or your stomach could be anywhere. There’s no wrong place for it. Just notice where it is and kind of direct your internal gaze to that emotion. Just take a breath in and just notice we’re not fixing it. We’re not scared of it, we’re not judging it. We’re just noticing it. Notice if it’s moving, notice. Notice if it’s like squeezing or pulsating or maybe feels like a stabbing pain. Just turn your attention to it, and then as you take your next breath in, just try to create more space around that emotion.

So you’ve identified where it is. Now we’re just kind of creating more space around it with a big breath in and a big breath out. We’re not trying to get rid of it. We’re not trying to solve it. We’re just allowing it to be in our bodies, and we’re making more room for it. Another big breath in just creating more and more space around that emotion.

Now, what I like to do is take my hands and kind of direct them to other parts of my body. So normally I’m feeling emotion like in my chest and throat, that’s kind of the go to for me, and I’m expanding the space around it in my chest and throat. But now I just, I want to allow it to unfold into more parts of my body. So I’m going to put my hands on the top of my thighs, and I’m just going to rub them here, and I’m just going to send the emotion kind of down into my thighs. And what happens for me immediately is the emotion doesn’t disappear, but it kind of begins to dissipate a little bit like, oh, I can expand. I can unfold. Breath, there’s more room for me. And with each breath in, I just want you to kind of allow more space in different parts of your body. So now in your arms, there’s space in my arms to hold this emotion, there’s space in my legs to hold this emotion and I can just let it have more room in my body to unfold, another breath in and a breath out. Now we start the self compassion talk.

It’s okay that this emotions here, this is really hard, but I’m doing a good job, and there’s plenty of room in my body to hold this emotion. It doesn’t have to be concentrated to one spot. It doesn’t have to be such a stabbing pain I can breathe and expand and send that emotion to the whole body. I am a whole body. I’ve got plenty of room to hold this emotion. Now I’m going to breathe, and what I like to do is visualize my breath sending the emotion down through my neck, through my chest, through my belly, through my thighs, down my legs and right out my toes. I’m just gonna breathe the emotion, and I direct it with a very thin breath. As you practice this, you’re gonna figure out what feels good to you. But here’s what I do. I take a big breath in and I blow the emotion kind of internally, down, down, down, down, down, down.

And I do a couple of those big breath in and blow the emotion just down through my body. I’m not resisting it. I’ve spent some time with it. Now I’m trying to re regulate so I can get back to my life. I got bills, I got a job, I got kids, right? So I can’t stay stuck here. So I’m taking a big breath in last time we’re gonna blow it down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Now bring your attention, kind of, back to the room, back to where you are.

For me, I like to rub my palms together. That’s very grounding for me. I like to wiggle my toes. That’s very grounding for me. And I’m looking around and I’m finding three things that are green. There’s also a an important grounding technique. No fear for you if you’re looking at the screen, because there’s a lot of green on this screen. But I see a green carpet, I see a piece of green tape. I see a green lamp over there.

So now I’m grounded back into my space, and now what we’re going to do is kind of figure out we’re going to do some inquiry. Do you know what that emotion was? Why was it here? What? What was it trying to tell you? Emotions are information. They’re trying to tell you something. What was that emotion here to tell you? Was it caused by something someone else was doing and you’re upset about what they’re doing? Was it caused by your own thinking? What thoughts were causing that emotion? So this is the part, if you have time, where we just kind of check in and we see, like, what’s going on here? What was I feeling? Why was I feeling it? This is the part that gives us so much authority, that puts us in the driver’s seat. What am I feeling and why? Right? Really, good job. I’m so happy that you did that, and this is something that you can do over and over, I encourage you every day, a couple times a day, to take, you don’t have to take, I think that was like eight minutes. You don’t have to take all of that time, but trying to allow those emotions to stop unfold, reassure and find that’s going to give you so much authority in your life. Well done. I’m so proud of you.