Kristen Carder 0:00
Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults. With ADHD, I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD, let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.
Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter, and you are listening to the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. Happy 2026 y’all. Happy New Year. Happy, happy, happy New Year. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season with your friends, your family, your loved ones, whatever that looked like for you. Over the last couple weeks, I have taken a lot of time to rest, and that’s really important to me. It allows me to then show up and do my job, but the rest time over, especially like the winter holidays, are really cozy and important to me, and I hope that you’ve been able to connect with the people that you want to and just take in some time for yourself as well. I used to hate it when my kids were off of school, when they were little, little, little, because it was just so chaotic in the home, and we had no structure and all of that. But now that they’re older, like they’re so old, my kids are so old, and I absolutely love having them home. I love the time off. I like it’s clear that they need the time off, and they really deserve it. They work hard at school and their sports and band and all the things. And I just love it. We did some fun, like, special to me, things. We did some fun, like, forced family fun activities. That’s what we call it, forced family fun. No teenage boy, like, really wants to hang out with his family. I have three teenage boys, or two and a half teenage boys. I have 1715, and 11, so, like, basically three teenage boys, and you know, none of them really want to hang out with their family, but we call it forced family fun. We try to do fun things with them. We took them to the Kalahari Water Park, which is like an hour and a half away from us in the Poconos and that was just like, you know, an experience.
It’s just, it’s fun to be able to do those things. We tried to think of like, what are things that they would enjoy doing? I don’t know if you grew up in a family where you had parents that like, thought about what you wanted and planned activities around like the things that you wanted. I didn’t. So being able to do that for my kids is, I don’t know. I just enjoy it. We are also trying to teach my youngest son, or let me just rephrase that. He wants to learn how to snowboard. So that’s something that we tried to do over the break. It was comical. I didn’t grow up skiing. I grew up on a tropical island, as you know. I lived in Guam for eight years, and then, like, my family never had money, so skiing is a rich people thing, and but we were like, he’s a little skater kid. He wanted to learn how to skateboard, which he’s been doing we go to the skate park, and then he wanted to learn how to snowboard. So that’s something that we’re all just like, Okay, I guess we’re gonna try it. And that was a lot of fun, too. I’m wondering what your thoughts are about 2026 we don’t do a great job of self reflecting often. It’s just not our default. And I’m just wondering what you’re wanting to get out of the next year. I know that, like, economically, it’s just really weird right now, really difficult for a lot of folks. And I’m wondering if you’re feeling like there’s hope this year, but self development, in a lot of ways, is just available to you. And I’m wondering what you want to get out of the next year. For me, personally, my word for the year, which I’ve never done, but like the theme that I’m thinking through for my life and I’m also bringing into my focused community, is connection. We are so disconnected in so many different ways, and I personally am feeling the void of disconnection in my own life. And what I mean by that is that I do have some really wonderful relationships, but as I shared last week, I’ve gone through five years of self development and relational pruning. And what happens, like, if you think about a plant, what happens when you prune the plant? Is like, it’s kind of a little bit Stubby. I’m feeling a little stubby right now, and so I’m I’m trying to think of ways that I can bring connection into my own life.
And one of the ways that I’m doing that is I’m going to. Be hosting monthly girls nights at my home. And I, you know, I’m committing just for the winter, so January, February, March, April, you know, just to once a month. Have people. It’s just women from my church. Have them over. We’re going to do puzzles, we’re going to sit around. If anybody wants to have a cocktail, they may do that. We’re going to just like be together. And I hope that that adds to our connectedness. And I hope for me, what that does is prove to me that there are really wonderful people in my real life that I can connect with, and so that’s just something personally that I’m doing, like, a step that I’m making toward what I want. It’s easy to be like, Oh, I’m lonely. I don’t like, I don’t really see anybody, but to do something about that costs you, right? So like, for me, it’s like setting up a date, making sure that my family is taken care of, or, like, out of the house, or somewhere else in the house, inviting people over. The possibility of, like, opening my home and not really anybody coming. But I’m looking forward to what that might, you know, look like for us, and I’m just wondering what for you you’re looking forward to this year, or you want to make changes in this year. I want to remind you that I’m hosting a webinar this week, and I do know for certain this time that it is this week. It’s on Thursday, and it’s called rejection, sensitivity, 101, understanding it, soothing it, healing it. I would love for you to join me. You can go to I have adhd.com/rejection, to sign up for that, and just know that in focused in my coaching program, we are going to be using connection as the overarching theme of our community for the entire year. So if you are feeling disconnected, if you are feeling lonely, if you’re just feeling like you don’t have a spot for you, if there’s not a group of people that understand you, who know you, who you feel safe, to be yourself around. Come and join us. Would you do it? Would you come and join us in January, starting next week, we’re going to be studying rejection sensitivity. Because if we want connection in our lives, rejection sensitivity is one of the biggest barriers to us finding connection, establishing connection, really seeing connection clearly.
And so we’re going to be studying for four weeks in a row how to understand, soothe, heal, our own rejection, sensitivity. But again, if you want to come to my free webinar, you can do that. It’s absolutely free, free to you. And if you’re listening to this after the fact, the replay will be at this website. I have adhd.com/rejection and so you can either sign up there or go and watch the replay. Today, we’re going to be talking about something that I find very interesting. I hope you find it interesting as well. We’re going to talk about five concerning facts about ADHD that I think everybody should know. As you know, I went to the children and adults with ADHD conference a couple of weeks ago, the Chad conference, and by by now, it’s a couple months ago, and one of the speakers that I listened to was Dr William Dodson, and I have mentioned him on the podcast many times, actually, in reference, in conjunction with rejection sensitivity. And I will say, if you’re a longtime listener, you’ve heard me criticize some of his takes on RSD, rejection, sensitive, dysphoria, however, he really won me over in his presentation that he spoke on at the Chad conference. And just as a person like he’s obviously so knowledgeable so he’s just been around the block a million times regarding ADHD and the ADHD community. He’s such a well respected person, and I really, really appreciated his talk. So I want you to know that many of the facts that we’re talking about today are things that I learned from him or was reminded of from his talk. You can look up Dr William Dodson. He has a lot to offer the ADHD community, but what I want to communicate today is that there are some things that we need to bring to the forefront.
There are some things about ADHD and it’s treatment, and it’s understanding that, like I just really want us to fully, fully understand, because ADHD is widely misunderstood even, or maybe even especially, among professionals and clinicians, and these misunderstandings directly impact the diagnosis. Is the treatment, the outcomes, and like, how we treat ADHD as a society. And so I want this episode to be very educational for you and just really help you to understand more about ADHD. So we’re going to be talking about five concerning research backed facts that everyone with ADHD should know, or everyone who loves someone with ADHD, or just everyone in the world should know. Number one, most people stop taking ADHD medication within a year. I was floored when I learned this. There was a systematic review by this person whose name I cannot pronounce, of 147 studies. So a systematic review is a review that looks at a bunch of studies at one time, and it gathers the information and the findings from the various studies. So there was 140 47 studies that were looked at across 29 years, and what that found is that within the first year, 80% of people discontinue their medications across all ages and all genders. There’s an 80% first year discontinuation rate. What this is wild to me. When I learned this, I like almost fell off of my chair, because this is extremely concerning and very important for us to know. In the first year, 80% of people who start taking medication stop.
Okay. So what this tells us is that even the people who are accessing care, who do the work of like finally going to get a diagnosis and finding the right clinician, finding someone who will prescribe them medication, even the people who are doing all of that work, they don’t stay in treatment, okay? And when you think about the research that tells us how effective ADHD treatment is and how dangerous it is to live with ADHD untreated, which you know it raises the rate of incarceration, of substance use abuse, it raises the divorce rate, car accident rate, unemployment and underemployment rate. Like there are so many issues that those of us who are untreated face, it’s extremely concerning to know that for like, only 20% of us who start medication continue to take it. That’s wild. Now, what are the reasons for this? Why are people stopping? And what’s interesting is that like I’m talking to you, like, I wonder if you fall into this statistic Dodson listed or like from the studies, but he listed reasons, including the side effects. People didn’t like the side effects, sub optimal response, usually meaning the dose is too low, too low. Social stigma, like there’s just still a stigma around taking ADHD medication. It’s kind of lumped in with other psychiatric medications, obviously. And I mean, I scroll Instagram and Tiktok just like you do, and there is so much social stigma around like, Oh, everybody has ADHD. You’re weak. You like, it’s overtreated. It’s basically meth, like all of the myths out there about the medication.
So of course, there’s resistance, then socially, to taking medication, and then also, which is so huge, like inconvenience around acquiring medication. You’ve heard me rant on this before, but it is absolutely infuriating, and it it boils my blood that it is so difficult for those of us who are actually diagnosed and prescribed medication from a medical doctor, it’s so difficult for us to access the medication that we have a diagnosis And a prescription for it’s absolutely ridiculous that it is so difficult, that it is such a controlled substance, that we have to make 17 phone calls and go to 42 different pharmacies to get the medication that we need, not to mention then there are supply chain issues and all kinds of restrictions around it. So yeah, those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction, my hand is in the air, those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction are going to have an even harder time accessing these medications that are difficult to acquire. So yeah, I understand. And actually, I fell into that statistic in some ways when i. I moved out of my parents’ house, and I was on my own, and I was like, what’s the cost benefit analysis here? Do I actually really need this medication? And I stopped taking it for quite a while because I was like, This is too hard. It’s too hard to get and there weren’t even supply chain issues at the time, but it was just like, really hard to remember to refill my prescription, and I didn’t know how to ask for help from my husband, and I was just like, it’s probably not a big deal. I’m not in school anymore, so I probably don’t need it, right, wrong? So instead, I laid on my couch and watched daytime TV. Okay, when, when we say, like, when the statistic says that about 80% of people discontinue their medication. It doesn’t mean that it didn’t work. It often means that the system didn’t work. So there was something going on with the system either. Maybe the clinician wasn’t helping them to understand how long it takes to find a medication that works well, maybe the dosage was incorrect, and there was no education around, like, what it’s going to feel like if the dosage is too high, or what it’s going to feel like if the dosage is too low, and like, how to track that and figure it out. And there’s just so little follow up, like a clinician will write a prescription to be like, Okay, bye, and you’re just like, bye, and then you’re left to your own devices, and we know how that goes.
So I think it’s very important for us to understand that within a year, 80% of first timers are going to discontinue their medication. And if you don’t want to fall into this statistic, that word is very difficult to say, so don’t judge me if you don’t want to fall into this statistic, I’m curious what you might be able to do to support yourself so that it is not so hard for you. Can you ask someone to help? Can you rely on your clinician a little bit more? Can you actually find a clinician who is more empathetic and helpful, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, so that was concerning. Fact number one. Number two concerning. Fact about ADHD. I don’t know if you know this, but the diagnostic criteria falls shockingly short, meaning that we do not have correct diagnostic criteria for adults. Did you know this? We don’t have adult specific diagnostic criteria, all of the diagnostic criteria that is still being used in 2026 was originally established for individuals 16 years or younger. That’s some bullshit. That’s absolutely crazy. Now this is really interesting. When the diagnostic criteria was originally established, it was established for children because ADHD was thought to be a childhood diagnosis. And I have previously said on this podcast that adult ADHD wasn’t recognized as an adult disorder until 1994 that is still what the Google says. However, in his presentation, Dodson said that it was in 1980 in the DSM three, that was the first to acknowledge 80 that ADHD persists into adulthood. So I’m a little fuzzy on those numbers, whether it was 1980 or 1994 either way, it is newly thought of as an adult disorder. ADHD, as an adult condition, is pretty new, pretty new, but not that new, like we still should absolutely, by this time, have adult specific diagnostic criteria.
We also don’t have female specific diagnostic criteria, which is wild because ADHD often presents differently in females than it does in typical males. We also don’t have therapeutic guidance for the elderly, which is concerning, because a lot of doctors erroneously recommend that older adults discontinue their medication for fear that it may interact with, you know, their heart, or just because they’re older. So they don’t need it. I’m using air quotes for the listening audience, like, then you just don’t need it. Like you’re 70. You don’t need to have a fully functioning brain like that. Is absolutely ridiculous. So we should have some guidance for the elderly, of course, taking into consideration blood pressure and heart condition, etc, etc. But it is not okay to just look at someone’s age and say, Oh, you’re you’re done. What performing for? Your life so you don’t need to have full access to your frontal lobe. That is not true. That’s not true. And people are living so much longer now. So 70 is not old, right? Like 80, like if I’m going to live to 100 which I plan to do, you best believe that I’d be taking those medications until that age, because I want to have full access to my entire frontal lobe for the entire day of my life. Thank you very much.
Okay, so the diagnostic criteria focuses on children, but ADHD presents in adults, and it can shift dramatically throughout the different phases of adulthood. So we really should have some established criteria for, of course, for children, for adolescents, for young adults, for adults in midlife, especially women who are going through the transition hormonally of menopause, etc. Okay, so we need to understand ADHD across the lifespan. And I hope if there is ever another iteration of the DSM that it will include these different criteria. We should absolutely have diagnostic criteria for women, specifically and elderly individuals. Should. We should have therapeutic guidelines for elderly individuals, because what’s happening is they’re withdrawing from treatment because clinicians are uncomfy about it, because there’s no clear guidelines about it. And so if we had the guidelines, then the clinicians would be able to follow the guidelines, and the people who are in their senior years would be able to access medication if it is, you know, warranted and healthy enough for them, which I think they deserve, and I will be demanding it in my older years as well. Okay. Number three, I think this is really important, and I had not considered this as an issue prior to dodson’s talk. Here it is, many people are seeking ADHD diagnosis because someone else wants them to many people are seeking ADHD diagnosis and treatment because someone else wants them to it’s not their own motivation. Now, why is this a concerning fact about ADHD? Well, this is concerning because a lot of people who initiate treatment, initiate diagnosis and treatment, are not internally motivated to continue like kids don’t bring themselves to the pediatrician, right? Parents do. Parents are like, something’s up with my kid. We need to get them assessed, and parents are leading the charge in that. That’s appropriate, of course, but if the parent and the pediatrician are not educating their child on how this is going to be helpful to them, what the differences are in their ability to function, how much hope that medication and treatment and coaching and all of the different things can give to somebody with ADHD, if you’re not educating the child about that, then as soon as they’re out of the parent’s home, they’re going to discontinue treatment, right?
And when we think about adults, this is so fascinating. A lot of adults seek help, seek a diagnosis and treatment, because it’s the other people in their life that are pressuring them to do so, right? A spouse is like, I can’t deal with you anymore. You have to go do something about this. A boss is like, you’re going to lose your job if you don’t figure this out. A therapist is like, Hey, I think this is an issue. I think this is an issue. It is often outside forces that are kind of influencing the ADHD or to seek treatment, and sometimes that means that they’re not internally motivated. And that’s a problem because, because in order to, like, have success and move forward and continue with, like, the hard road of self development, when it comes to ADHD, there has to be some sort of internal motivation, because ADHD obviously affects our relationships, right? So the people around us, ADHD ers, they often feel the impact, maybe even more than we do. It just depends on the scenario, but there are times when, like, the ADHD er is kind of like blissfully ignorant to the impact that they are causing in their own home or at work or in their relationships in the community, and so it may be pressure from other people there has to be like, an education and an internal self reflection of like, oh, this is something that I actually want to change myself. Self. Obviously, some of us at each tiers do have low internal motivation, so we might not be ready to engage in long term treatment and that that’s concerning.
That’s concerning. Obviously, this means that it’s like a major contributor to dropping out of care and discontinuing treatment. External motivation can get people in the door right. Like, if your spouse is like, you need to take care of this, or if your boss is like, you’re about to be fired or you’re going to be put on a performance improvement program. Like, external motivation can get the patient in the door, but the internal motivation is what keeps someone in treatment, and this is really important that if you’re listening to this, you consider like, am I being externally motivated, or am I internally motivated? Am I trying to make other people happy, or do I see the benefit for myself in my own life, in my day to day, in my ability to thrive and function and show up as myself like this is what I want for us. I want us to be able to see the benefits of treatment. Now, whatever treatment may look like, maybe medication is not the right fit for you. But is it rigorous exercise. Is it a rigid diet? Is it making sure that you are, like, vigilant about your sleep? Is it some sort of supplement regimen? Like, what is it for you, therapy, coaching, etc, etc? Like, it takes a whole village right to help, to help us to really be able to have access to our frontal lobe and to be able to show up the way we want to in life, right? And so I want you to be thinking through pause. Am I internally motivated, or am I externally motivated? Because the external motivation is only going to get me so far, really, it’s the internal drive.
Do I have it? It’s the internal drive for desire for change, for desire for wholeness, for desire for self development, for desire for making progress, like I talked about at the beginning. Like, what do you want out of your 2026 what might be possible for you, what do you see as being like, you know, if I could change this one thing, this is what I would change. If I could make improvement in this one area, that’s what I would want to work on this year. Like, what is that for you? For me, it’s connection. For me, I’m going to be making some like, a very specific and intentional Steps to Becoming more connected with people in my real life. I have a lot of connections virtually, and I love them, and I appreciate them, but I need humans in my real life, and so that is my like, internal motivation. I have a drive for it. I’m going to be making some changes there. I wonder for you, are you internally motivated? Do you? Do you feel that drive for like, I want to make a change, I want to do something differently. I think a lot of times, the barrier for this is that we have failed a lot, and we don’t believe that we’re going to follow through, and so I’m not even going to bother set an intention. I’m not even going to bother make an effort, because I don’t trust myself to follow through. Now that’s another podcast topic for another day, and I am positive that I have talked about this before on the podcast, but just know that self trust is available to you. Okay, self trust is available to you. And I would really question like, Am I just afraid to try and fail because failing feels so terrible? Oh, okay, being internally motivated is huge. Everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives. You go to bed at a reasonable time, you wake up early, you make a list, you cross things off the list in order, blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah, we know what to do, but ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it, that’s why I created focused. It’s an ADHD coaching membership for adults with ADHD. I’m a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019 I’ve coached over 4000 adults with ADHD from all over the world.
I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from Hot Mess express to grounded and thriving. I’ll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions and your behavior and accept yourself flaws and all. And with this foundation, we’ll build the skills to improve your life with ADHD. You. And not only do you get skills and tools and focus, but you’re surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. So if you’re an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real, lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in focused. Go to I have adhd.com/focused to learn more. That’s I have adhd.com/focused to check it out. Number four, a concerning fact about ADHD there is a lot of Magical Thinking about ADHD treatment. There’s a lot of Magical Thinking about ADHD treatment. Many patients and clinicians believe that the first prescription that you are prescribed should be the magic pill. It should be the one. It should be like putting on a pair of glasses you’re seeing clearly for the first time. It’s amazing. It should work instantly. The the medication that I try the first time around, it should work instantly. And if it doesn’t permanently, like, if it’s not like the magic thing, then medication doesn’t work. Not true. That’s magical thinking.
That’s actually Dodson calls that the antibiotic fantasy. The antibiotic fantasy, this fantasy that, like, you know, I have this thing that’s quote unquote wrong, which I don’t believe, but I have this thing that’s quote unquote wrong. I’m going to take a pill. It’s going to make it go away. No, that’s not how it works. That’s how it works. I wish it would. That would be great, right? But pills don’t teach skills. Pills can give you more access to your brain. They can help you to inhibit your impulses. They can help you to regulate your emotions more readily. But there will also need to be some very intentional self development work for you to create the skills that you need to thrive as someone with ADHD. In addition to that, there are different classifications of medication, there are stimulants, there are non stimulants, there are different types of stimulants, and if one does not work the first time, you may need a dosage adjustment. You may need a medication adjustment. I always tell you on this podcast and my clients, you should allow for the medication journey to take six to 12 months. Six to 12 months, which sometimes is a deterrent for people, because they’re like, six to 12 months, I want to instantly give me the instant gratification. And if that is not ADHD, I don’t know what is right. It’s like, well, that’s not worth it. Then it’s going to take me a year. I’m not even going to bother even though I have 40 years left to live, or I have 60 years left to live, right? It’s like six to 12 months is the is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of your life, feeling like you have more access to yourself, feeling like you have more access to your frontal lobe, feeling like you have more access to your ability to prioritize, plan, organize, problem, solve, remember, curb your impulses, regulate your emotions, etc, etc, etc, right? So I want you to be really cautious of magical thinking around ADHD treatment. And it’s not just people with ADHD, or like patients that fall into this, clinicians can also fall into this as well, right where it’s like, oh, well, we tried one, so I guess medication doesn’t work. It’s like, no. There are so many different medications out there that we can unfortunately, there’s no other way to know if they work for you, other than to try you gotta. You gotta try it. You gotta see how it feels in your body. You gotta take notes of what changes or doesn’t change in your life. You need to ask someone that you trust, Hey, are you noticing any changes? I’ve shared this on the podcast before, but I will never forget, about six months after starting my non stimulant medication, I wasn’t really noticing much. The doctor had started on a very low dose. This is what happens with non stimulants. Usually, I’m not a clinician, but usually what happens with a non stimulant is they’ll start you on a very low dose. They’ll work you up gradually to the dose that makes sense for your weight, and when I had, you know, slowly, over the course of a couple months, working up to, worked up to that dosage that was like appropriate for my weight. I don’t know. I didn’t really notice much. I didn’t really notice much. I wasn’t taking notes. I wasn’t. Actually observing my behavior. I was just kind of going off on of like, how I felt from a day to day basis. And I was like, I don’t really know. And I asked my husband, do you notice anything like, Do you think I’m different or better on this medication? And he was like, Oh my gosh, yes. Oh my goodness, yes, it makes such a huge difference. And I was like, Really, I’m shocked. Like, I really, I didn’t notice anything significant. Then I went to my best friend. I was like, do you notice, like, Am I any different on this medication? She was like, absolutely yes.
This was at the time of the 2016 election. For those of you who lived through it, it was a volatile time in our lives, and she was like, you would be un hinged. You would be unhinged if you were not on this medication, like you are not showing up the way that I would expect you to show up as just like your normal self, you are much more regulated. And I was like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much for that compliment. I guess telling me that I would have been unhinged felt like a compliment to me. But you know what? I’m not picky. I’m going to take anything and I want to turn it into a compliment, because I need it. I need it. Okay, so understanding that there is a lot of Magical Thinking about ADHD treatment, it’s important for us to know that medication, most of the time, is not going to work instantly. Most of the time, you’re going to have to work with your doctor to figure out what’s the right type of medication and what’s the right dosage of medication. The first prescription is probably not going to be the one that’s okay, that’s normal, okay. And treatment is not like medication treatment, if that’s the route that you choose to go, it is not going to permanently solve your ADHD like, like, a Z pack gets rid of strep throat. Like, that’s not it’s not the same, right? Like you’re not taking a Z pack to get rid of strep throat. It’s not the same. What it does is it works with different parts of your brain depending on the type of medication that you take to give you more access to your frontal lobe, to light up those different centers in the brain that allow you to prioritize, plan, problem, solve, organize, remember, curb your impulses, regulate your emotions, like all of that. That’s what we’re looking for. We’re looking for those types of symptoms to be lessened. But of course, then we need, like, you know, skills. We need to develop skills that we never learned.
Okay, last one, this one, I want to give a little caveat, a little preamble, a little preface. Here, I know that there are a lot of wonderful, informed, well meaning clinicians out there in the world, and we love you and we appreciate you, and we respect you and we honor you, and we’re grateful. We’re so grateful to you. And there are also a lot of misinformed clinicians treating ADHD, and this causes a lot of issues in the ADHD community, right? So a clinician who says, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to prescribe medication for this, as if that’s a bad thing, to give someone better access to their brain and treatment for a condition that’s been wreaking havoc in their life, right? Or a clinician who maybe recommends drug holidays without rationale, like drug holidays, my friend, is there ever a time that you don’t need access to yourself? Because I would say no, right? Like, I have a son who is being treated for ADHD, and our pediatrician suggested that he not take his medication during the summer, and I pushed back on that, and but I’m, I’m like, an ADHD person, right? Like, this is my job. This is where I’m spending all of my time and effort and energy, researching, reading, learning, supporting people with ADHD. If I had not had all of that knowledge, I probably would have agreed to do a drug holiday during the summer. But here, here’s how ADHD presents in my kid. My child is highly inattentive, which means that when he is not treated with a stimulant, he retreats into himself. He really does not talk or connect with anybody. He’s extremely distracted and distractible. He’s off in la la land, in his own little world. And do you know what I was seeing prior to him being medicated is that it really, really impacted his relationships with his friends. He wasn’t able to have access to his full self and show up as a participant in his relationships, and so I was watching his friendships deteriorate, and when he was treated with a stimulant, it was like his brain turned back on.
I remember my husband saying, there he is, there, there, there he is. Like, it was like he wasn’t there with us. He wasn’t present. And when he was treated with a stimulant, it was like he showed up for his own life. Okay? And so if I had just been like, okay, no big deal. Like, he doesn’t really need it in the summer because he’s not in school, as if school is the only reason why we take medication. Oh my gosh, I could go on another rant about that. I’m not going to if, if I had done that, what I would have done is taken away his like access, to be able to show up fully and presently in relationships, and it would have deteriorated, deteriorated his ability to have healthy, connected relationships like we don’t just take medication so that we can perform. We don’t just take medication so that we can be productive. It’s not about producing. It’s about showing up as our full selves. It’s about having access to our entire brain. It’s about having access to our brain and the parts of ourselves that ADHD blocks access to, right? I’m I access to my organization, my prioritization, my planning, my my ability to remember, my ability to have emotional regulation, my ability to inhibit my impulses, all of that is blocked because of ADHD and medication for many of us can unlock that, right? So why are we just thinking about medication through the lens of productivity? Like if you’re not working you don’t need it on the weekends, as if you don’t have to interact with your kids, your family, your wife, your friends on the weekend? Oh my gosh, I went on a whole tangent about that. Some clinicians still believe that people grow out of ADHD, that’s a problem, and also the whole process of diagnosis and and the starting of treatment is really not ADHD friendly, right?
Because good treatment requires you being able to understand what’s happening, and also, like the clinician writing things down for you, or prompting you to write them down, understanding that you’re gonna forget everything. Once you walk out of that room, you gotta forget everything. You gotta forget everything, right? So good treatment requires education for the whole family, helping everyone to understand the ADHD patient, understanding stimulant, safety, clear documentation that also you have access to, and don’t give me a portal. I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna log in. I’m not gonna log into a portal. So like, help me write things down here in the moment, please. And another thing that I thought was really interesting is that if a clinician assumes that you’re compliant with the medication, meaning you’re taking it daily, that’s probably a problem, because most of us don’t take it daily. Most of us are forgetting to take it. Most of us are like, losing it for the month and then just like raw dogging it until the next date of the prescription fulfillment comes in, right? It’s just, it’s medication compliance is really difficult with our ADHD community because it takes a lot of executive function skills to be compliant with the medication. And by compliant, I mean take it at the right time. You know, every day, like, what you So, wait what you want someone with ADHD to take medication at the right like at a certain time, every day, every day, every day, like, Okay. A lot of clinicians also are going to be flippant, especially if you have been a successful person. Successful people struggle to be seen and heard and validated in a clinician’s office, because most. Most clinicians equate adhd with not being able to function at all, rather than understanding that high intelligence, highly driven people absolutely can function with ADHD, unmedicated. However, the question is, at what cost? What did it cost you to get that degree from Harvard. What it What did it cost you to become a lawyer? What did it cost you to become a doctor yourself? What was the cost of it? Was it burnout? Was it sleepless nights? You know, pulling all nighters? Was it divorce? Was it, you know, massive amounts of debt? Did you have to work three times as hard as your peers, like, what was the cost to you? So a clinician will often have someone walk into their office, and this happened, I we had what was her name, Christine Hargrove, on the podcast, like years ago, and she talked about how she went for an ADHD diagnosis, and the clinician looked her in the eye and said, you can’t have ADHD, you went to Harvard. I almost said, Oh my gosh, I’m not even going to say it. Sometimes the things that pop into my brain are so embarrassing. Anyway, you can’t have ADHD, you went to Harvard, like as if your intelligence and your drive has anything to do with whether or not your executive functions are deficient, right? I mean, there’s just so much misunderstanding there. So a successful clinician will help you to track your symptoms methodically. They will optimize your dose and understand that that’s going to take a while, and that’s not a problem they were. They will normalize long term treatment like, Yep, this is just something that we’re going to do, and it’s going to support you and that’s okay. They will teach about ADHD within your family and maybe ask, like, is there anyone else that you see symptoms in in your family? Because ADHD as is as heritable as height, so it’s probably in your family somewhere. Are there other people in your family who we should be assessing?
ADHD specific care is very rare. So I’m again, like, I know there are really good clinicians out there. I know there are a lot of well meaning clinicians out there. I think most people in the helping profession, like in medicine, want to be helpful, but I also want you listener to just be on the lookout for these red flags and maybe even to expect it when you’re going to the doctor, and not make it mean that necessarily anything is wrong with them, but certainly not that anything is wrong with you. So for example, when our pediatrician said he probably your son probably doesn’t need to take this during the summer, and I said, Actually, I would much rather that he does take it during the summer, because I see that his relationships are impaired when he is not taking this medication. And the clinician was so kind and said, that makes sense. No problem, right? And so he listened, he understood the experience. He validated what was going on for my son. He saw me not as a threat to his authority, but as a mom who knew her kid, right? And I’m not saying that I know more than a clinician. I don’t hold on. I need to think about that. I’m just kidding. I’m not saying I know more than a clinician. I don’t but I do know my kid, and I do know what helps him and what harms him, right? And so to be able to say to your clinician, actually, I’d prefer XYZ. You just want to make sure that you are interacting with someone who’s going to listen, who’s going to at least consider your perspective, who’s going to not diminish your experience or your desires. Now, of course, there are, you know, medical guidelines that they are going to be following, and for good reason, that’s great, but your perspective, your experience in the world, is absolutely valid and should be listened to. So I just want you to understand, and this is just all about education and empowerment, that there are still grounds, there’s still ground to be covered, there’s still improvements to be made in our understanding of ADHD and the way that society treats ADHD and The way that clinicians are interacting with patients around ADHD. So let’s just review the five concerning facts about ADHD, and then I’m going to let you go number one, most people stop ADHD medication within a year. That is absolutely wild. I would love for us to lessen that statistic. Make that percentage smaller, the diagnostic criteria still fall short, and hopefully the next iteration of the DSM will include lots and lots of guidelines for adults, for females, for older adults, many people are seeking diagnosis because someone else wants them to and while external motivation is great to get someone in the door, we really need to help people be internally motivated to change, because that’s what keeps them on the path. There’s a lot of Magical Thinking about ADHD treatment, like the antibiotic fallacy, if I just take the Z pack, my strep throat is going to go away. ADHD doesn’t work that way. My friends, ADHD does not work that way, and that’s okay.
We just need to live in reality of what it means to have ADHD. And while there are clinicians who are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, there are still too many uninformed clinicians treating ADHD. And if we can just be clear, on what we need and what we want, and make sure that even if our clinician is not ADHD specific, maybe they don’t have specialty in ADHD, as long as they are warm, empathetic humans who are willing to listen and hear us. I think that’s enough, all right, my friends, this was so fun. Don’t forget to sign up for my webinar at I have adhd.com/rejection I cannot wait to hang out with those of you who attend. I love being live with you. Sometimes. I think about doing this podcast live. I think that would be a lot more fun than me recording it. You know, not live, but definitely showing up live getting your questions answered. I always stay late to answer a bunch of questions. Would love to have you there. I have adhd.com/rejection to hang out with me on Thursday. Okay, I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, bye. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation, you know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with, I couldn’t find anything. So I researched and I studied and I hired coaches, and I figured it out. Then I created focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program, and I’m confident that you will too go to Ihaveadhd.com/focused for all details.
