This episode is sponsored by CURE Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. Cure is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. So when I’m scrambling through my day forgetting my water again, CURE helps me to catch up fast. I throw a few packs in my bag and it makes drinking enough water simple. Which for my ADHD brain is basically a miracle. So staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love cure. It’s clean, tastes great, and it actually works. And bonus, CURE is FSA HSA approved so you can use those funds to stay hydrated. The smart way for I have ADHD Podcast listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD and if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about CURE right here on the podcast. It really does help to support the show. Don’t just drink more water, upgrade it with Cure. With savings over $390 this shopping season, VRBO helps you swap gift wrap time for quality time with those you love most. From snow on the roof to sand between your toes, we have all the vacation rental options covered. Go to VRBO now and book a last minute week long stay. Save over $390 this holiday season and book your next vacation rental home on VRBO. Average savings $396. Select homes only. Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristin Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and Challenges of adulting relationships with, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you’re listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 111. I am medicated, I am caffeinated, and I am ready to roll. How are you? How are you, my friend? I am so pleased, tickled, thrilled to be here with you today. Summer is officially in full swing. My kids are out of school, the community pool is open. My hammock swings are up on the back porch. I am loving life. I’m loving it, I swear. I need to move somewhere that is warm all year round. I am still trying to convince my husband, but I really am a much nicer, happier human being when I’m not freezing to death. Like, I’m so much nicer. Today we’re talking about the secret to productivity. And if that’s not a clickbaity title, then I don’t know what is. Please forgive me, but it really is an important episode. I can’t wait for you to hear it. Before we get rolling, I’m wondering if you’ve subscribed to this podcast. If you haven’t done that yet, I really encourage you to. I know that all of us ADHDers have the best of intentions, but we really do forget about the things that we love if they’re not really, like, right in front of us, including our family members, our best friends, all the things right. We’re definitely an out of sight, out of mind, kind of a breed of human. So if you’re listening and enjoying this fantastic ADHD content, please click that subscribe button and new episodes will appear magically in your feed every Tuesday. And if you’re on itunes, I would so appreciate you also giving a rating. It really does make a big difference for us. And by us, I mean me and my team, my peeps. Did you know that there’s an algorithm in the podcast app similar to social media? It’s so annoying. I don’t understand it. I can’t really figure it out. But what. What I do know is that the ratings, the subscriptions, they really do matter. So I really appreciate you clicking that five star button. It literally takes less than a full second. It makes my heart sing a song of gratitude every time I see that number go up. I just love it. And I just appreciate you so much, you know, that I have to get over myself and my mind drama Every time I like, put something like this out there, every time I ask you guys to do this, I’m like, they’re gonna hate me. Being human is such a weird experience. You know, Life is strange. Okay, anyway, let’s get rolling. Today’s episode is going to be Fire As Andy Mineo says, I’m coming in hot. If you don’t know Andy Mineo, you need to go to Spotify or YouTube and look up the song Coming In Hot. It’s really fun. Okay. I want to teach you how to get more done. I want to teach you how to tackle that thing you’ve been putting off forever. I’m going to teach you the secret to productivity. Dun, dun, dun. But I’m kind of afraid that you’re not going to like it. Like, I’ve got the answer, but I’m afraid you’re going to hate me for it. But here it is. Let’s see. We’re like three minutes in. Let’s just see if you hate me. Okay. The key to doing better is feeling better. We have to feel better first. What most of us try to do is to do better. In order to feel better. We tell ourselves we’ll feel better when we get XYZ done. And so we try to beat ourselves into submission to get XYZ done so that we can feel better. But I promise you, it doesn’t work that way. We’ve got it backwards. If we want to make sustainable progress, we’ve got to figure out how to feel better first. I just read James Ochoa’s book Focused Forward. I think that’s how I pronounce his name. It’s a really good book. I recommend it for sure. So it’s Focused Forward by James Ochoa and I loved it. And in it he talks about the, the emotional distress that comes from living with adhd. And it’s a whole thing, right? Like this is real. Most of us are living with years and years of baggage, of self loathing and self judgment and shame. And it’s a whole thing. And we think that if we can just get ourselves to be consistent or finish this one thing or whatever it is, then we’ll start feeling better. And so we always have this destination out on the horizon out ahead of us that we’re like, if I can just get there, then I’m going to feel better. And so we try to beat ourselves to get to there so that we can feel better, so that we can find the relief. Right? So here’s what normally happens. We have a to do list, we feel terrible, so we avoid the to do list. Then we tell ourselves, like, I don’t know why I’m avoiding this. And then we beat ourselves up for not getting the stuff done. Or we have a project to do, we sit down to do it, we start to feel completely awful. We tell ourselves that doing this thing will help me to feel better. Just do it. Just do it. We waste a lot of time trying to beat ourselves into doing the thing. We end up not doing the thing or taking forever to do the thing, and we beat ourselves up at the end of it. Or scenario number three, we feel terrible. So, like, we just feel awful. We’re not sure why we beat ourselves up for it. We tell ourselves, if we could just get stuff done, then we’d feel better. We don’t get anything done and we continue to beat ourselves up. Like, first of all, is that relatable or what? I would say, yes, totally, it is. And here’s the other thing, you guys, it isn’t working. Can we all just pause here and collectively acknowledge that this just isn’t working? We’re not actually making continued sustainable growth and progress over time with these methods. Please, we have got to stop now. There’s so much involved here. Okay, like, we’re not going to solve this in a 30 minute podcast episode or whatever, but I do want to say that there are a lot of free resources on this podcast on how to feel better, including a whole series that I did last year on emotions. And the perfectionism course that I’ve mentioned a few times has a lot on this topic as well. So you also might want to look into working with a therapist or an amazing coach. But for the purpose of this episode, right now, what I want you to do is just like, we’re going to go on a journey together, right? You and me. I want you to picture a car. And if you own a car or if you’ve ever been in a car, you know that when you hop into a car, you have a destination. You have a place in mind where you want to go. And along the way to your destination, there’s a variety of speeds and stoplights and twists and turns and hills and you know, terrain and all the things. And eventually you get to your destination. And sometimes it takes you five minutes to get there, and sometimes it takes 10 hours to get there. But eventually you arrive. Now, let’s say that you’re driving, okay? You’re in your car. You see it like you’re in your car. You’re driving. Your gas light comes on. So on the dashboard, the indicator light comes on. It’s like, you need gas. And you’re like, cool. So you pull over, pull over to gas station. But this time, in place of using the correct fuel in place of gas, you put lemonade into your tank, okay? So like imagine what would happen if you dumped 10 gallons of lemonade into your gas tank. Obviously, your car is not going to work, okay? So you’re sitting at the gas station, you’re running out of gas, you’ve got lemonade in your gas tank. You hop back into your car, you turn it on, you’re like, okay, press on the gas. And the car sputters and sputters and kind of bucks a little bit and it stops working. And what happens next is you get really mad at your car for not going. You like yell and you’re like, you should be working. What’s happening? Why aren’t you just going? You should be able to do this. Maybe you even like grab a baseball bat or something and you start hitting your car. You’re like trying to get it to work and you’re like beating it up. It doesn’t work. So you’re like, fine, I’ll just force you. You pop your car into neutral and you just start pushing it. Now hear me, you can get to your destination this way. It’s possible. I don’t know if you’ve ever pushed a car that’s been in neutral, but it is possible. You can force your car to get to where you want it to go, you can push it, but it’s going to take a really long time. It’s going to be a lot of work, and you’re going to be completely exhausted when you’re done. My friend. You are the car and the way that you feel is the fuel. So if you’re feeling things like fear, dread, overwhelm, shame, or self loathing, that’s exactly like having lemonade in your gas tank. You will not go. You will not take the simple actions that will get you to the destination of your goal. You’ll know what to do, but you won’t do it. You’ll avoid it. You’ll procrastinate. You’ll self sabotage until a huge deadline comes or goes. And then you’ll panic and push yourself to your destination. Because that panic gives you adrenaline and that adrenaline gives you strength. And so you have the strength then to push yourself to your destination. Like you’ll just force yourself to do it. And it is so exhausting and it’s depleting but it’s how you’ve done it for so long. You don’t even realize there’s another way. You know, it’d be a lot easier than pushing your car to its destination. Dealing with the fact that you’ve got lemonade in your gas tank. Like bringing awareness to your fear and shame and dread and overwhelm and realizing that that type of fuel is not meant to propel the vehicle. Dealing with that, that is so much more productive than pushing the car. Switching fuel sources is so much more productive than pushing the car. So here’s what most people do. When they realize that they’ve got lemonade in their gas tank. When they realize that the fuel that they’re trying to use is fear, shame, dread, overwhelm. They say, I don’t have time to deal with that. I don’t have time to deal with the fact that I’ve lemonade in my gas tank. I’ve just got to get to my destination. And when I get to my destination, then I’ll start switch fuel sources, then I’ll feel better. It would take time and effort and brainpower to figure out how to get that lemonade out of the gas tank, right? And to put real gas in, you’ve got to purchase the tools and like siphon that lemonade out. Like figure out how to siphon something, I don’t know how to siphon something. And pay for new gas to be put back in the tank. It would be time consuming and difficult and maybe even costly. And so you tell yourself like, it’s not worth it. I’ll just yell at my car and I’ll just beat up my car and I’ll just push it to its destination. And then when I’m at my destination, I’ll deal with the fuel issue. So even though you know that your car isn’t working because you’ve got freaking lemonade in your tank, you’re still being mean to the car. You’re trying to push it to its destination. And then by the time that you get there, you’re too exhausted, you’re too depleted, you’re too worn down, too out. Actually deal with the fuel issue seems illogical, right? Let’s just take care of the fuel source. Most of us are like this on a daily basis. We have a to do list and we beat ourselves up and we wallow in shame and fear and self loathing and we tell ourselves that we should be able to be productive. And then we delay and we procrastinate and we avoid and we eventually feel the panic, which gives us adrenaline to eventually push or force or beat ourselves to our goal. And then we’re completely exhausted and we have nothing left afterward. My friend, the way that you feel actually fuels your actions. This is something that I am only realizing in the last couple years. I had no idea that the way that I felt mattered. I thought it was irrelevant. I thought I had to ignore my feelings. I thought I had to dismiss the way that I felt. I thought that I had to put my feelings in a little container and put it on the shelf and just be this robotic productivity machine. But that didn’t work out well. What I found was that I was sitting on the couch scrolling Instagram instead of doing the work that I knew would propel me forward. And I remember the day that I decided to ask myself, why am I avoiding? And I was able to uncover that I was afraid. I was afraid that my business wasn’t going to work. I was afraid that I wasn’t going to do it right. And do you know what? That gave me so much power. Because instead of telling myself, I’m stuck on the couch and I don’t know why I’m stuck, I was able to tell myself, I’m really afraid that my business isn’t going to work. I wonder how I could deal with this fear. I wonder what tools I could use to deal with this fear. And that changed everything for me. Even in recording this podcast today, I began to feel very overwhelmed because this is a big topic. I had like a weird car illustration. I started to feel like nobody was going to really get what I was saying. And I started to do things like check, email, check, you know, my team, Slack Channel, kind of looking for a way out of recording this episode. And I wrote down, I allowed myself just a minute of space and I wrote down, this feels big, hard and daunting. And I allowed myself to just feel the weight of it. This is big. This feels really hard. This feels daunting. And then I asked myself, can we keep it simple and make sure it has value? And I was like, yeah, I bet I could. I bet I could figure out a way to keep it simple and still have it be valuable. And that changed everything because I developed a willingness. Because here’s the thing. Humans don’t run on feeling daunted, right? Or frustration or self loathing or shame or overwhelm. Humans run on self acceptance and willingness and determination and desire. Those fuels are exactly what will help us to move, to produce, to be productive. Those are the fuels that we need to be looking toward. And so if you’re noticing that you are feeling shame, fear, dread, overwhelm, beating yourself into submission is not going to help you make sustainable growth and progress over time. If you want to do better, if you want to be more productive, you have to feel better. The way that you feel is the fuel. It’s the gas in your tank and it will determine your actions. So, my friend, what are you running on? Are you running on willingness? On self acceptance? On determination? On desire? If not, I invite you to explore those types of emotions. Most of us adults with ADHD are not very in touch with our emotions. Most of us have learned coping mechanisms where we have dismissed our feelings, we’ve disassociated from our feelings, and we have not really allowed ourselves to open up to the negative feelings in our lives. I did a podcast a while ago, I don’t even remember which episode it is, like what number it is, but it’s all about how life is 50, 50. About 50% of the time we’re gonna feel great, we’re gonna feel relaxed, we’re gonna feel peaceful. About 50% of the time we really will feel terrible. And the goal is not to feel great all the time. That’s not even possible. The goal is just to feel. It’s just to allow the human experience. It’s just to open up to what’s there. And so if you are feeling afraid and that’s what’s holding you back, opening up to that, allowing it to be present and asking yourself why, and then maybe switching fuel sources and saying, okay, I’m feeling fear right now. It’s because I’m afraid that I’m not going to do this correctly. Can I also bring in some willingness? Can I also bring in some self acceptance? Can I also bring in some determination? Can I bring in another fuel source? Because here’s what is so cool about being human. We can run on multiple fuel sources. We are hybrid vehicles. Hear me, this is so important. We are hybrid vehicles. We do not just run on determination. If fear is also present, that’s okay. We can switch between different fuel sources throughout the day and still keep the car moving in the right direction. The fact that shame or self loathing or self judgment or, you know, any of those emotions that don’t feel good in our bodies, the fact that they are present doesn’t mean that we’re never going to get anything done. What it means is we need to allow for other fuels to come on in. All right, so acknowledging that we are hybrid vehicles, that it is possible for multiple fuel sources to be present at one time is so important and key. The key to doing better is feeling better. The key to doing better, to being more productive, to taking more of the action that you know you want to take is feeling better. So notice what fuel is in your tank. Is it gas or lemonade? What is happening in your body? Are you experiencing shame, feeling fear, judgment, self loathing, overwhelm? Are you experiencing willingness, determination, self acceptance, compassion? Like what is it that you’re experiencing? And then once you identify the fuel, just know you’re a hybrid. You can switch back and forth between different fuel sources and keep the car moving. You always have the option to switch back back over to gas. You always have the option to choose the fuel source that is optimal. All right, my friend, have an amazing day. I’m going to talk to you next time. Bye Bye. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, product, time management, emotional regulation, you know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for your. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program and I’m confident that you will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the details.
