This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, Multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. Cure is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. 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Featuring top audiobooks, podcasts and originals across all genres, our editors have carefully curated this year’s must listens. From brilliant hidden gems to the buzziest new releases, every title in this collection has earned its spot. This is your go to for the absolute best in 2025 audio entertainment. Whether you love thrillers, romance or non, your next favorite listen awaits. Discover why there’s more to imagine when you listen@audible.com BestOfTheYear. Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristen Carter and I have adhd. I lets chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter and you are listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 156. I am medicated, I am caffeinated and I am ready to roll. Welcome, welcome to the podcast today. Thank you so much for listening, for pressing play on this episode. I don’t take it lightly. I don’t take it lightly. I know you’ve only got so much time, so much attention, and I’m grateful to you for listening and I think you’re going to love this episode. We’re getting back to the basics. We are going way back to the basics and here’s why. Have you ever told someone that you have adhd? Or somebody has told them, like somebody finds out you have ADHD and then they say something like, oh, okay, what is that? And then you literally have no words to say next, like you have no idea what to say. Yeah, that happened to me recently and I really wanted to think it through and give you a framework for what to say when somebody kind of wants an explanation of what ADHD is. So we’re talking about it. What is it exactly? How do we explain it to people without like kind of losing track and getting lost in the weeds and not really communicating, you know, exactly what we want to. So most people think of ADHD as being a deficit of attention. So when you were diagnosed by your doctor, practitioner or clinician, I’m wondering what they told you about adhd. So they kind of break the news to you like, yep, this is adhd. I’m curious what they told you about it. If you’re like me and you were diagnosed and treated for ADHD years before you even researched it or read a book on it. It’s likely that you, you know, observed yourself struggling to pay attention for long periods of time and maybe struggled to follow your plan, but probably didn’t understand the full scope of what it means to have adhd. I think that we need to be given like a brochure at the time of diagnosis that like explains everything very clearly, very succinctly, and then kind of gives you like a two sentence blurb on like how to talk about it. Because I think so many of us are just struggling to know how to talk about it. So just Take a second with me here, you know, if you don’t mind, and answer this question out loud. Like, go ahead and just answer out loud like a weirdo. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, maybe you’re on a run, maybe in your car, maybe you’re doing dishes. But here’s my question. What does it mean to have adhd? Like, when you tell someone you have ADHD and they’re like, oh, okay, what is that? Or what does that mean? What do you usually say? Silence intended. I’m really curious. I wish that we were having a face to face conversation because I really do want to know what your answer is. My plan is that by the end of this episode, you’ll have a deeper understanding and a more robust explanation for ADHD and what it means to be adhd. Now, I really don’t think there’s any one perfect answer to the question what is adhd? Or what does it mean to have adhd? But I would like to help you to develop a language or a framework for it so that you can speak to it in your own words in a way that feels really good and authentic and comfortable to you. So let’s start with the basics. What is adhd? ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder, but unfortunately that’s a terrible name because it’s really not a deficit in attention. The name is very misleading. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that impairs your ability to regulate yourself, including your attention and your emotion. Have I lost ya? Have I lost ya already? I mean, who wants to tell their auntie that they have a neurodevelopmental disorder? And the truth is, side note here, you don’t have to tell anybody anything. So there is that. Like, obviously this is your information to share with whomever you please, and you should be very boundaried with that. You don’t have to tell anybody anything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. But if you do want to talk about it, what I would say first is, don’t be too skeeved out by the term neurodevelopmental. All that means is that it’s a condition that affects the way your brain functions, okay? And if you hate the word disorder, just don’t use it. To me, it’s a very helpful and validating word. But not everybody likes it. And if it totally turns you off, that’s 100% fine. You get to decide whether or not you’re going to use the word disorder. You totally do not have to. Sometimes I call it a brain difference or a different way of functioning. Medically and scientifically speaking, however, it is a disorder. So you can choose how you want to speak about it. But it is important that you know, at least in the back of your mind. Even if you don’t want to say the words out loud and you don’t want to communicate to anybody, it is important that you know that medically and scientifically speaking, it is a disorder. Okay, so if ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that impairs our ability to regulate our attention and our emotions, what does that even freaking mean? Essentially, there are cognitive processes called executive functions which help all humans to regulate themselves within time and space. So within a moment of time, you know, whether it’s at work or at home or in the car, your executive functions are cognitive processes that help you to regulate yourself. Okay, but wait, what does the word regulate mean now? I mean, I’m sorry that this is getting complicated, but I think it’s just really important that we address each of these words so that you have a very deep understanding of what we’re saying here. Okay? And by we, I mean me. I don’t know why I said we. So to regulate means to control or to supervise oneself. Okay? So having ADHD means that your ability to control or to supervise your own attention and your own emotions is impaired. Really, really important for you to know that. It’s also important to note here that ADHD is a spectrum disorder, meaning not all of us experience the same level of impairment or difficulty with each of these areas. Okay? So ADHD impairs our ability to regulate our attention and our emotion and impairs our executive functioning. However, all of us are going to kind of be affected by it differently because it is a spectrum disorder. It’s not clear cut. It varies from person to person. Okay, so as I was saying, there are cognitive processes called executive functions which help all humans to regulate themselves within time and space. So essentially, executive functions are the skills which allow you to be in charge of. You hear it again, because this is really, really, really important. Executive functions are the skills which allow a human to be in charge of himself or herself. And all of the executive function skills work together to allow you to self direct and feel that you’re making conscious choices toward your goals, whether your goals are big or small. So if you have ADHD and you don’t feel like you are in charge of you, and you don’t feel like you have much say in your life and you don’t Feel like you can set a goal and reach it and you don’t feel like you’re really like the boss of your own time and you’re just kind of like floundering. I get it. I totally get it. And that is a totally normal and valid way for someone with ADHD to feel. This is because your executive functioning, essentially your self regulation skills, are deficient. Now, as I’ve been researching for this episode, I want you to know that there are different lists and interpretations of executive functions out there on the interwebs and in different books. So I’m going to synthesize the info for you and give you what I think is the most comprehensive compilation of executive functioning. And the key executive functions, I think are these eight skills. And we’ll just go into them very briefly. So impulse control, emotional control, flexible thinking, working memory, self monitoring, planning and prioritizing. That counts as one by the way. Task initiation and organization. So those are the executive functions that are housed in the frontal lobe that are underdeveloped in your brain, which is the reason why you struggle to self direct. Okay. Each of those eight skills is crucial to you being someone who can self monitor, self regulate and essentially be the boss of your own brain and your own life. So let’s go through them a little bit. Okay. Impulse control is your ability to curb your own impulses. Some of you have a thought, have an idea, and immediately you’re taking action without having a stop and think moment of consideration. Is this something I want to do? Is this something that’s going to lead me toward my goal? Is this something that makes sense for me long term? Dr. Hallowell describes the ADHD brain as a Ferrari engine with bicycle brakes. And that is really referring to this lack of impulse control. So we have an idea and immediately we’re taking action because we’re not having that stuff stop and think moment. Now remember, this is a spectrum disorder. Not all of us struggle with impulse control to a very high degree. But some of you do. And some of you are like, yes, this is me. As soon as I have an idea that’s like, ooh, that would be fun. I’m already taking action before I even have a moment to stop and think and consider the long term effects of this idea. The next one is emotional control, which is really, really important for you to know because so many of you are experienc emotions really, really strongly in your body and not understanding why you can’t just kind of be like even keeled and calm and knowing how to regulate so the reason why is because your emotional control is one of the executive functions that is underdeveloped or deficient in your brain. I believe emotional control is controlled by the amygdala. I know that that has a lot to do with fear and anxiety, but I think there’s other features, functions. And so the amygdala is kind of like that gateway to being able to control your emotions. And here’s the thing, emotional control is everything. Being able to self regulate, self soothe, calm yourself down and function even when you’ve had a huge emotional experience, that’s a big deal. And that is something that I know a lot of you struggle with. It is really important to understand that emotional literacy and emotional control, I mean, all of these skills can be developed, but this one might be one that you really want to work on with a coach or a therapist. Because when you are activated emotionally, it can be extremely damaging to your relationships. Because if you don’t have the ability to then curb your impulse to yell, scream, lash out, that can really damage relationships. And then also if you don’t know how to self soothe and kind of calm down off of that huge emotional explosion, it can hijack your entire day and like ruin everything. It can mean that you maybe don’t get any work done because of a fight that you had with your spouse that morning. If you know, you know. Okay, moving on. The next one, flexible thinking. This describes like outside the box thinking. Many of us ADHDers, even though we are very creative, we tend to be very black and white, all or nothing. And so flexible thinking is like being able to go with the flow, being able to change plans, being able to transition from one task to another. How many of you get stuck in your car after you’ve arrived back home? Maybe like you’ve pulled into the driveway or the garage or the street and you just like you’ve arrived back home, but you can’t seem to get yourself out of the car. So you pull out your phone and you sit on your phone for 30 minutes before you transition into the house. This is a flexible thinking skill, right? Being able to just transition easily from one task to the next is something that is very difficult for us with adhd. And it is because of our executive functions, specifically flexible thinking. The next one is working memory. And this can get very complicated. So I’m going to really try to stay out of the weeds and talk about it from a bird’s eye view. But there are two components to working memory. There’s verbal working memory and non verbal Working memory, and both of these are likely deficient for you. Verbal working memory is your ability to have an inner monologue and talk to yourself, like, have an inner conversation with yourself. And most ADHDers don’t realize that, like, this is a thing that neurotypicals do to keep themselves on task. There’s like a little boss in their brain who just kind of like is talking to them in their mind’s eye. So, so to speak, I don’t really know how else to describe it. And keeping the person on task and that’s really deficient for us. I did not develop an inner monologue into the last, like 10 years and it has made a huge difference. And then non vulnerable working memory is like your mind’s eye, your ability to see pictures, your ability to hold the task in your mind long enough to get it done. And you know, memory is a really tricky and curious thing because so many of us can remember things from like forever ago, but we can’t remember to stop for milk on the way home from work, right? Or we can’t remember to like schedule that dog grooming appointment. Or we can’t remember to pick like, oh, my son’s soccer schedule was changed just for this day. Like those kinds of things that we have to hold hold in our mind long enough to accomplish the task. That’s really difficult for us and it’s because of our working memory. Self monitoring is the next executive function that we’re going to speak about. And it’s essentially like staying on task and focusing on the quote unquote right thing. So being able to boss yourself around, being able to notice when you’re not working according to plan, being able to just like check in with yourself, self evaluate, how’s everything going? How am I doing? And adjust and make changes accordingly. This is a very underdeveloped skill. It is one of the reasons why we struggle so, so much to reach our goals. Planning and prioritizing is pretty straightforward, but essentially those are lumped together as one specific, like one executive function. But obviously it’s two different things. I’ve described this before on this podcast, but the way a neurotypical brain works is when it looks at its day and it assesses everything that needs to get done, it very naturally puts things into priority order. I like to picture that happening vertically. So everything goes like from one to 15 and one being the most high priority thing and then 15 being at the bottom of the list. If it doesn’t get done, it’s like not the end of the world. And so I want you to think of a vertical line with numbers 1 through 15 written on it. And you know, just like all the tasks from the day, number one, the most important task, obviously they’re going to accomplish that first. Going all the way down to number 15, maybe like numbers 10 through 15 are not essential, but you know, they’re just things in the list that’s a neurotypical way of prioritizing. Unfortunately, the ADHD brain doesn’t have that skill naturally. And so an ADHD brain works more horizontally, whereas everything is on the same plane and everything seems to be at the same level of importance. So our brain as an ADHD brain, it really, really struggles to prioritize what’s most important from this list of 15 things. What our brain does is says, okay, it’s all important. It’s all at the same volume. It’s all going to be flashing and screaming at me at the same time at the same volume. And so I don’t know which one to choose. Choose. I don’t know where to start. And what happens then is a lot of overwhelm and shutdown. Right? Yes, I know I’m right because I’ve lived it and I’ve coached hundreds of clients and I know that that’s right. So planning and prioritizing is a big deal. It is one of our executive functions and it really makes life very difficult. Okay, two left in our list of eight executive functions. The next one is task initiation. And that’s essentially mustering up the motivation. Get started on the thing. We have kind of like failure to launch syndrome sometimes where we just really struggle to get started once we’re in motion. Once there’s like, man, I wish I knew the physics terms. Like once there’s motion happening, we, we’re usually pretty good with like going with that momentum, going with that motion. But starting from a standstill and getting, getting going, getting started. It’s like trying to get a freight train moving. It’s super hard, it’s super slow. If you can think of a freight train at a station, like, there’s so much effort involved going from completely still to moving. And once it’s moving, you know, it’s, it’s doing pretty good. It’s totally fine. But getting that initial start to happen can be very, very tricky. And then the last one is organization. Pretty self explanatory. Obviously a lot of us with ADHD struggle with organization. It’s not only organizing our things, but it’s organizing our time, organizing our money, organizing our thoughts, even organizing like our friend groups and who. I think this really goes into the category of prioritizing as well. I think this is of kind connected to prioritizing and planning. Like how do I organize my family structure, how do I organize my friend group, how do I organize my thoughts? All of that very, very difficult. Okay, so like I said, each of these eight skills are crucial to being someone who can self monitor, self regulate, and essentially be the boss of their own brain and their own life. And these skills make up the difference as to whether we can set short term and long term goals and follow through on or not. Right. And this is why ADHD can be so very debilitating. Because when one or more of these executive function skills is impaired and we don’t have the support systems in place to make up for it, life gets real, real hard. If you haven’t listened to my episode on the dangers of adhd, this might be a really good one to check out next. So let’s circle back. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder in which your ability to self regulate yourself, regulate your attention, regulate your productivity, regulate your emotional responses is impaired. And these deficits are primarily housed in the frontal lobe where the executive function skills lie. I’m gonna like run through a little analogy here. It’s not a perfect analogy. Okay, so just like bear with me. But if you think of your brain’s frontal lobe as an office building with eight different departments. Impulse control, emotional control, flexible thinking, working memory, self monitoring, planning and prioritizing, task initiation and organization. Okay, so those are each of the eight departments. And they all need to work in cooperation for you to self regulate within time and space and do the things that you want to do. But you have a wild CEO of a boss named ADHD who just makes everything harder. And this ADHD CEO interrupts all the times, plays tricks all the time, and just makes it so that no one in the department is able to work together or do their job at full capacity. How did you like that analogy? I don’t know. It was. Okay, so ADHD is not about not being able to pay attention. Please. If that’s all you take away from this episode, take that. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which impairs your ability to regulate yourself and your emotions. It affects all eight executive functions to varying degrees. And it means that even though each of us can be extremely successful, simple adulting is going to be real hard. Right. Okay. One more aspect that I want to add to the conversation is that in addition to impairments in self regulation and executive functioning. People with ADHD have lower levels of dopamine, or to put it more accurately, fewer dopamine receptors, which cause lower levels of dopamine. Okay. Dopamine allows us to regulate emotional responses and take action to achieve specific rewards. It’s responsible for the feeling of pleasure or reward in our body. So for people with adhd, you and me, who have lower levels of dopamine in our brains, we look at tasks like laundry, dishes, taxes, invoicing, timesheets, and there’s just not enough dopamine reward attached to those tasks. So we struggle to get these very normal but very mundane and boring things done. Okay, so if you’re wondering, like, okay, I know that my executive functioning is impaired, but, like, this doesn’t seem that hard. Why is it so hard? For me, the reason probably is that there’s just not enough dopamine attached to it. And so your brain is really resisting the idea of, you know, doing the thing because it’s like, this is worthless. It’s pointless. There’s no point. It feels like death trying to do this. And so I don’t want to do it. I’m just sending you a big hug right now because I know this is a lot. Okay? So I think this episode is really good proof of why it’s so hard to know how to explain what ADHD is to random people in your life. It doesn’t come with a single simple answer. And a lot of the answer, like, if we were to explain, would be very vulnerable. We would reveal a lot of our struggle. We would reveal a lot of ourselves. So I just want to circle back to the idea that you don’t have to share anything with anybody. You can protect yourself, and you can protect, you know, this precious, precious information if you want to share with people. I hope this episode is very helpful with you having, like, a robust understanding of what ADHD is and what it means to have adhd. But if you don’t want to share anything with anybody and you just want to be like, yeah, I have adhd, it means that I suck at paying attention. You could just leave it at that and that would be fine. Okay, let’s run through the four key takeaways here. Okay. What is adhd? Four key takeaways. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. ADHD impairs your ability to self regulate. This includes regulating your impulses and emotions. ADHD impairs your executive functions. And these, I’m just going to list them real quick. Impulse control, emotional control, flexible thinking, working memory, self monitoring, planning and prioritizing, task initiation and organization. And then lastly, because of adhd, you have lower levels of dopamine in your brain, making seemingly simple tasks feel like death. Okay, I thought it might be helpful if I put together a few statements, just two, on what ADHD is. And I kind of just want to say it here, like, as if I’m explaining it to you. And if something that I say resonates with you, just. You can literally pause the episode, rewind it, write it down, and have it for the next time someone asks. And feel free to combine these two different ways that I’m going to say it. Feel free to take any verbiage from here that feels good to you. So I hope this is really helpful. So the first one is longer, and then the second one’s pretty simple. So somebody asks me, you know, okay, so, like, what does it mean to have adhd? And you could say something like this. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that makes it hard for me to regulate my impulses and my emotions. I also have lower levels of dopamine, which means that even though I function really, really well in a lot of areas, especially the areas that I enjoy, simple tasks like scheduling a doctor’s appointment or doing the dishes can actually be really hard for me, and I’ll often avoid them or put them off. Okay, so that’s explanation number one. Here’s a simpler explanation. So somebody asks, okay, so, like, what is adhd? Having ADHD means my brain functions a little bit differently. I have a lot of strengths, but I also struggle with some basic things like focus, memory, planning, and follow through. All right, so both of those are accurate. Both of those would totally be a fine descriptor. And I’m just curious if you have one that resonates with you or maybe if you want to, like, combine the two or just add in language that feels really good to you. All right, I just want to end here by saying I hope this was really helpful, and I hope this gave you a deeper understanding of what it means to have adhd. And I want to offer just four things that can be done kind of moving forward, always. My number one thing is take ADHD seriously. It matters. Okay, I encourage you. If you haven’t gotten diagnosed and if you have access to care, please get diagnosed and consider treatment. And then next, it’s important to understand that even if you are treated for adhd, it’s likely still not going to be enough for you to truly reach your potential. Medication does activate different parts of the brain that ADHD impairs and that’s really, really good. But pills don’t teach skills. So I encourage you to get the support of a therapist or a coach to help you improve your executive functioning and your emotional management. All of those self regulation skills can be improved. Next. And this is kind of counterintuitive to what I just said, but like I think two things can be true at one time. So let’s just move forward. Stop expecting yourself to be good at things that you really shouldn’t be good at. You shouldn’t be good at self regulating, it should be hard, you can improve. But if you haven’t done any self development work yet, it still should be really, really hard for you to self regulate. You shouldn’t be good at emotional control. You shouldn’t be good at planning and prioritizing and task initiation and all of those things. Like those should be really, really hard for you. And that’s okay. They can be developed. You can add in a lot of scaffolding. I like to use the term scaffolding. It’s a term that Dr. Barclay uses often and especially in his book Taking Charge of Adult adhd. And it’s essentially just like the support, support systems that we put in place in order to help us to reach our potential. So if you are willing to begin to add in some scaffolding, those skills can be developed and improved. But especially if you’re just initially like starting out here. Yeah. Don’t expect yourself to be good at those things like all of those executive functions because you’re just, you shouldn’t be good at it. It should be really hard. And I guess I already made my last point. But once you really understand that you shouldn’t be good at this stuff, putting supports in place is everything. Externalizing everything for yourself is very, very helpful. Ask for help, hire things out. I mean, I know I have listeners from all over the world in different economic standing, I totally get that. But if you are a person of privilege who has money to spend, spend it on a cleaning service, spend it on a meal prep service, spend it on, you know, a personal assistant, spend it on hiring out your frontal lobe, essentially hiring out those self regulation things that allow you to self monitor and then you can just work in your magic, whatever your magic is. Delegate, delegate, delegate as much as you can. And as always, if you are a person with ADHD or you have ADHD tendencies and you want my support, the where, the where. Oh my gosh, the place that I support people is in my coaching program, Focused. And focused is for you if you struggle with these executive functions. Focused is for you if you struggle to self regulate, self monitor, monitor your emotions, regulate your emotions, regulate all of the things that allow you to be the boss of yourself and the boss of your own brain. There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of adults with ADHD already getting my support in this membership and I am telling you it is worth every single penny. Of course I am biased because I think it is absolutely crazy, valuable and amazing. But I’m telling you that this support is so valuable and I would absolutely love to to welcome you in, take you by the hand, lead you through our process to becoming someone who consistently is able to reach their potential. All right, my dear. I adore you. I cannot wait to talk to you next week. Bye Bye. If you’re being treated for your ADHD but you still don’t feel like you’re reaching your potential, you’ve got to join Focus. It’s my monthly coaching membership where I teach you how to tame your wild thoughts and create the life that you’ve always wanted. No matter what season of life you’re in or where you are in the world, Focused is for you. All materials and call recordings are stored in the site for you to access at your convenience. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the info.
