Transcript
Kristen Carder
Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults. With ADHD, I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD, let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B.
Hey, what’s up? You’re listening to the I have ADHD podcast episode number 19. I am your host, your bestie with ADHD, Kristen Carter, and this episode is coming at you from the closet of shame. Why am I in my closet of shame right now, because my neighbor insists on mowing his lawn like four times a week, and he has chosen today, at this very moment, to go ahead and mow. And so there’s no place in my house that I can get away from that sound of the mower and listen. I care about the quality of sound of this podcast. So I am sitting on the floor in my closet of shame recording this episode for you. And actually, if I’m being honest, this is not a shameful place anymore. This is a closet of pride because of my bestie and professional organizer extraordinaire, Laura Brooke, hopefully you listened to the last two episodes. Two episodes on organization and getting into the mindset of it was so much fun, and this closet is looking fresh. I’ll tell you what. We are going to start renovating our house soon, moving our laundry room down here and redoing our family room.
So if you want to connect on Instagram, I will be posting all sorts of pictures on there at I have ADHD podcast. I would love to be your friend. I had a birthday this week, guys, I turned 38 and I will tell you that I have never been happier. I’ve never felt more fulfilled. I am just really happy to be alive, and I’m really happy to be in the place that I am right now. I feel like, um, I’ve never been healthier. So it’s a great place to be, and I’m really happy. So yay. Happy birthday to me. Getting older does not suck. I always thought that it would I always thought that I would be, you know, afraid to get older, but it’s like so much fun to learn and grow and become the person that you actually want to be. So I wouldn’t trade it. I really enjoy it. I really do. And do you know what I want for my birthday? Can I ask you a favor. I would really appreciate it if, as a gift to me, you would rate this podcast. That would mean so much to me. It would be the best birthday present ever. I would appreciate it so much. Will you do that for me? Would you go ahead and scroll down and find the rating section and go ahead and give it a rating? That would be amazing. So today, we are going to talk about your most valuable resource, your most valuable possession, your most valuable asset. Do you know what it is? It’s your brain. I know that that is kind of shocking. Dun, dun, dun, right? Because we have ADHD, and we spend a lot of time hating the way that we think, hating the way that we are held back by our brains. I spend a lot of time resenting my brain because it’s failed me so many times in so many ways. My brain is not typical.
I have ADHD. It makes everything harder for me. It makes me late, it makes me emotionally explosive, it makes me impulsive, it makes me unorganized, and it has kept me from reaching my potential. In many ways, my brain has made it so that I struggle in school, and it’s really just not a typical thing. I’ve spent so much time despising the brain that I was given. But here’s the deal I am understanding now that our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings create our actions, and our actions create our results. So for me, the thought I hate my brain or my brain is so annoying it produced a feeling of resent. Resentment, and that resentment led me to a lot of inaction. I resented my brain so I didn’t take care of my brain. I would say things like, Well, I’m just going to screw up anyway, so why bother? And I wouldn’t take the time to organize, prioritize, plan. And those inactions led me to the result of not achieving my goals or reaching my potentials, our negative thoughts about our brain produce negative feelings, and negative feelings produce actions that don’t give us results that we want. Now these negative thoughts, they’re completely understandable, right? I mean, ADHD is really hard. Our brains are not typical. Our lives are harder than the average person.
Everything is harder for us, just the normal things like remembering to eat, remembering to shower, remembering to show up to work, remembering to pick our kids up from soccer, like those things are harder for us than the average person. So we could really justify having negative thoughts about our brain, right? We really can. And so because we can justify that, we often just kind of go ahead and think negatively, and we don’t ever stop to consider, are these thoughts serving me? Are they producing a result that’s positive? Am I happy with the results that are coming from these negative thoughts? That’s the thing. Thinking the negative thoughts resenting our brains, it doesn’t produce results that we love. So today’s episode is going to be about presenting an alternative way of thinking, a different option, which you can, you know, take or leave. It’s totally up to you. It’s totally your choice. But I just want to put out there that there are different ways of thinking about our brains. Here’s the deal, your brain is your most valuable asset. Your brain is where your entire life is created, all of your thoughts, all of your decisions, all of your feelings are created in your brain. Your entire life is a result of your brain. So look around everything you have or don’t have, every decision you’ve made or decided not to make, every relationship that you have, every you know, achievement, it’s all because of your brain, and your brain cannot be replaced. Every other part of your body think about it can be replaced. Your hand could be replaced. Your eyeball, you can live without. Your heart can even be replaced, but your brain is so valuable, there’s no replacing it. It can be repaired, but it cannot be replaced. And if it gets damaged, there is a loss of function and a loss of potential and a loss of you know, what could have been, right? Everything that you have is because of your brain. Your love life is a result of your brain. Your career as a result of your brain. Your home’s a result of your brain. Everything you have or don’t have in your life is a result of your brain.
So here’s what I want to say, yes, our brains are wired differently. They make life harder for us than for the average human. However, they are still even with all of those things that are more difficult for us, our brains are still our most valuable resource. Even though they’re different, maybe a little dysfunctional, they’re still our most valuable and treasured possession. So I want to kind of flip the way that you’re thinking about your brain, and if you’re thinking about it in a negative way, I want you to question yourself. Is that thought serving you? Do you have the results in your life that you want? Are you reaching your potential? Are you happy with your relationships, your love life, your job, your career, your family, your home. Are you happy with all of those things? If so amazing, wonderful, carry on exactly the way you are right now. But if you’re not happy with all of those things, I want to offer to you that some things are going to need to change. If you want a different results, you’re going to have to make some changes, and my suggestion is that we start with the way that we’re thinking. Really begin to think it through your brain actually is your most valuable possession, even though you struggle with a mental illness, even. Even though life is harder because of your ADHD, it’s still your most valuable resource. You can’t decide to go into work today without your brain.
You can’t decide to be in a relationship today without your brain. You can’t decide to clean your house today without your brain, your life has been created by your brain. So my challenge to you is, if you don’t like your life, invest in your brain.
Think about the things that we spend money on. We spend money on cars and houses and food and clothes and electronics and plants. Maybe that’s just me. I spend money on plants. I love plants so much. Spend money on movies. The Avengers movie just came out. Did you go and see it? My kids loved it, but I have not seen it yet. We spend money on alcohol, things that make us happy or comfortable or so we think, right? But when’s the last time you spent money on your brain? When’s the last time you really thought about investing in your most valuable resource? So here are the things that I’m talking about, like medication, it’s super pricey, right? And we can choose to resent that, and we can choose not to go on medication because it’s so costly. But then we’ll put things like a new jacket on the credit card without even thinking just impulsively, right? So we’ll be like, Oh, I can’t, I can’t spend my money on ADHD medication.
It is way too expensive, and then we rack up a credit card bill with like, all this stupid stuff that we don’t even actually need. Therapy costs us money, and it costs us our time, and many, many of us do not want to spend the time and money on ourselves, because therapy is something that’s intangible. We can’t hold the results of a therapy session in our hands, so it feels like we’re not getting anything for our money. But over time, therapy, especially with an expert who really understands ADHD, it can change the way that we think, it can change the way that we feel, it can change the way that we act, and therefore it can change our entire lives. So why wouldn’t we invest in that? Coaching is the same. Now, some people have asked me, like, what’s the difference between coaching and therapy? And I like to say that therapy is amazing for dealing with the past, and then coaching is amazing to deal with the future. What do you want to work on for the future. Imagine if you had someone in your life who was holding you accountable to what you actually want to do, someone who is helping you process your negative thoughts about yourself and not accepting your lame excuses for not doing what you say that you want to do. Imagine if you had someone in your life helping you to set goals and helping you to achieve those goals. Imagine how your life could be different if you invested in your brain. Here’s another thought. Did you know that there are actually programs out there that can improve your memory and your processing? Imagine if you could improve your memory permanently. There are programs like that out there, but here’s the deal, they cost money. They cost lots of money, but if you could improve your life forever by investing in your brain, wouldn’t you want to do that? So here’s my point, we spend our money on what we feel is important. So my job today, my goal, is to try to convince you that your brain is important. It’s the most important thing that you have.
It determines your path, and it determines your entire life. Yes, it’s annoying that you have. ADHD, I am right there with you. I am held back on a daily basis by my ADHD, how ever I have spent a lot of time and energy and money investing in my brain, and I will tell you what? I am so much more productive. I am so much more I’m just like, happier, so much happier. I am feeling like I’m reaching my potential. Finally, at the age of 38 which is not very old, I will say, however, I do have to dye my hair because I have gray hair, so maybe it is a little bit old. I feel like I’m finally reaching my potential. How amazing is that I have, like, I don’t know, hopefully, a lot more years on this plan. It to enjoy my life and make a difference. And that makes me so so happy to think about so, so happy. All right, I want to tell you the things that I’ve spent my money on recently to invest in my brain.
So last year, I spent a whole lot of money on therapy. Now I’m not seeing a therapist anymore because I’ve been able to process a lot of things, and I’ve now switched to life coaching, but I did spend a lot of money on therapy last year and the year, I think, even the year before, so maybe two years of therapy like really trying to work through some issues that were really holding me back, and that was an amazing experience. And I highly, highly, highly recommend it, especially if your therapist understands. ADHD, okay, also, I buy, I buy medication every month we actually have a mental health budget, you know, like, right in our family budget. And my medication is expensive. It’s really expensive, but it’s something that we’ve prioritized. Now I’ve only been medicated for the last like eight months. So there was a 10 year period where I chose not to be on medication. And so this expense is kind of new for us, and you know, it’s our budget’s taken a hit, but it’s something that we’ve prioritized, and I’m so happy that we have I spend hundreds of dollars on life coaching every month. This is a new thing for me, and I’m telling you, it’s making a huge difference in my life. It’s making a really big difference. It is helping me to understand who I am, to set goals, to prioritize, to work on relationships in my life, and to become the person that I want to become. It is like someone helps you to observe your own brain and prioritize your thoughts and kind of do a lot of realignment with them. And I highly recommend it. I spend our money on good food and supplements so that I’m giving my brain the nutrition that it needs. I spend my money on melatonin so that I can sleep at night. I spend my money on blue blocker glasses so I can settle down in the evening.
My husband spent our money on a pair of noise canceling headphones for my birthday so I can block out the world and focus. And honestly, it was the best birthday present ever, not just because it was such a practical and amazing gift, something that I’ve wanted for a long time, but also it was so obvious that he was honoring me and the brain that I have. And it it just it meant a lot to me. So if you’re listening, babe, thanks. I really appreciated that present, but I will say that noise canceling headphones have been fantastic. Fan tastic. I bought that phone jail that I told you guys about. That was like 55 bucks, and guess where my phone is right now it’s in phone jail, so I can record this podcast, because recording a podcast is hard. I spent a lot of time on Instagram this morning avoiding this podcast because it’s just it’s a lot of effort. It’s really, really hard. And then I realized what I was doing, and I stuck my phone in the $55 phone jail that I purchased, and now it’s in there, and I am here in my closet of shame recording this episode for you.
Do you see how those things that that we spend our money on actually can be helpful investments to help us to reach our goals and achieve our potential. I just, I really want you to notice that. Okay, so you may be thinking, Kristen, you must be a millionaire to be able to spend all this money on yourself. No, that’s not the case at all. I’m not a millionaire. I’m married to a pastor. I have my own company, and I want to say that before I invested in my brain, I was always in debt, and I never ever had money. I’m not joking. I spent my entire life not having enough money. All through high school, I was constantly in debt to my parents all through college. I opened a credit card in college, and that was a mistake, and I was in credit card debt ever since, you know, newly married to a pastor, making, you know, a pastor’s salary, and me not having a job because. Just really didn’t know what to do with my life, and I I couldn’t get motivated to do anything. We’ve never had enough money. And then about five years ago, I decided that I was sick of being poor. I didn’t like that feeling. I really, really didn’t and I I knew that I was the one that had to make a difference for our family, because my my husband already had a full time job and I didn’t like I was the one that needed to make a difference.
If you guys remember my LL Cool J story, that was when the LL Cool Joy story, like came into effect, right? And he said, Hey, if you want to be somebody, go out and be that person. And I was like, LL Cool, J you’ve changed my life forever. And so even though I didn’t choose to go on medication at the time, I did choose to take my ADHD seriously, and I started seeing a naturopath doctor, and I started altering my diet and taking supplements specific for my brain and my specific like body chemistry, and that helped so much. And I will tell you that in the last five years, we’ve gotten out of credit card debt, companies gotten out of debt, and we have been able to have money for the first time ever. We have options and we have freedom. But that did not start until I started honoring the brain that I have. I accepted my brain and I began to honor it. I began to take it seriously. I began to invest in it so I no longer am constantly buying things impulsively.
I’m no longer going into credit card debt just to kind of buffer or make myself feel comfortable. I’m no longer feeling like I don’t have options in the world because I started to invest in my brain, and it’s allowed me to keep a budget, it’s allowed me to make more money, it’s allowed me to grow my business, it’s allowed me to be more productive, and it makes me so much happier. And now we’re buying these things, these brain investments, from a place of abundance, not a place of lack. So if you suck with your money, take your brain seriously. Get on ADHD meds, hire an ADHD coach, go see a therapist, do the things that you need to do, to invest in your brain, because that is the only way that you’re going to make changes your brain is so valuable. Why is it valuable? Because it creates your entire life. Yes, your ADHD brain creates your life so it can either create chaos and confusion and overwhelm and frustration and emotional explosions and all of those things that go along with ADHD, or you can be purposeful, and you can invest in it, and you can begin to create systems and consistency and healthy relationships and good work ethic and An awareness of time and money. You create money with your brain. That’s how it’s created. We’ll do a whole other episode on that, but it’s the truth. You can’t have your job without a brain, right? You can’t show up to work on time or be creative or do all of the amazing things that you can do. Invest in your brain, please. It is the only way that you will reach your full potential. So instead of thinking those negative thoughts about our brains that really don’t serve us, they don’t create the results that we want out of our lives, I’ve started treating my brain with respect, and even though I have ADHD and it’s annoying, I really try not to think negatively about my brain.
I’ve really started to have compassion and to look at my brain as a brain with a disability that needs extra support, that needs extra help, that needs some scaffolding around it to make sure that it can really reach its potential. And I will tell you, friend, that you can reach your potential. A person with ADHD can do anything that a neurotypical person can do, as long as we have the right treatment and the right support, that’s all we need. Okay, so if you don’t feel like you’re reaching your potential, reach out for help. Hire an ADHD coach or find a therapist who understands ADHD make sure your advocate. Creating for yourself. Make sure you’re telling the other humans in your life about how hard it is to live with ADHD, so that you can really have a support system. You are not a victim to your brain. You’re not a victim to your thoughts. There are other options available to you, and I would love to support you in that process. Thank you so much for coming along for this journey with me. It is so much fun to be a part of your life. I really, really treasure it. Have an amazing week.
Hey, congrats on making it to the end of the episode. I want to let you know that if you are an adult with ADHD, or you suspect you may have it, you can find lots of valuable resources on my website. I have adhd.com go over and check it out. You’ll find a psychologist approved list of symptoms, a blog, links to the podcast and lots of other stuff to help you out. Oh, including an ADHD store with all of the things that I mentioned in this podcast to help you take care of your brain. I hope that you find it to be super helpful. Thanks. See ya.
