Podcast Episode #43: ADHD + When Something Always Comes UP

This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. Cure is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. So when I’m scrambling through my day forgetting my water again, CURE helps me to catch up fast. I throw a few packs in my bag and it makes drinking enough water simple. Which for my ADHD brain is basically a miracle. So staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love cure. It’s clean, tastes great, and it actually works. And bonus, CURE is FSA HSA approved so you can use those funds to stay hydrated. The smart way for I have ADHD Podcast listeners. You can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com ihaveadhd with the code ihaveadhd and if you get a post purchase survey make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really does help to support the show. Don’t just drink more water up, Upgrade it with Cure. Save over $200 when you book weekly stays with Vrbo this winter. If you need to work, why not work from a chalet? If you haven’t seen your college besties since, well college, you need a week to fully catch up in a snowy cabin. And if you have to stay in a remote place with your in laws, you should save over $200 a week. That’s the least we can do. So you might as well start digging out the lawn johns because saving over $200 on a week long snowcation rental is in the cards book now@verbo.com. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host, Kristen Carter, and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter and you are listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 42. How are you? Welcome, welcome, welcome. If this is your first time listening, I am sending you all the love. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for hanging out today. If you are a longtime listener, send a new love too, man. Thanks so much for tuning in over and over. I love the community that we are creating through this podcast. It is so fun for me. I took my kids roller skating yesterday. Two days ago. When was it? It was two days ago. So it’s January right now. I’m recording, recording this in advance because I’m just that kind of person now. Apparently I’ve evolved into the kind of human that does things in advance, which is crazy. So fun. And so it was Martin Luther King Jr. Day and my kids had off of school, took them to the roller rink and I will tell you, it was a huge mistake. No one with ADHD should be going to a roller rink with their children on a school holiday. It was crowded, it was loud, there were flashing lights, lots of motion. I wanted to cry the whole time. And of course I have a five year old who doesn’t know how to skate right? So my big boys are like so into it, so excited and they just like took off and they had an amazing time. They were, you know, they have rollerblades and they just really enjoyed it. But my 5 year old does not know how to skate. He also does not like to do things imperfectly. So we had one of those triangle like PVC pipe things that the little kids use and went out with him onto the rink. Of course, I’m in like old school roller skates because I never learned to rollerblade. So I’m in old school roller skates, which, by the way, I’m so good at. I am a boss at roller skating. I can go backwards, can do the leg crossover thing. I’m so good. But anyway, it’s like a special skill that I could put on my resume but nobody really cares about. So I take Crosby out onto the rink and immediately he falls. And we have this really interesting dynamic of him falling and learning and me Standing next to him and skating next to him, encouraging him, supporting him. And I just kept saying to him, you’re supposed to fall. You’re just learning how to do this. Like falling is part of it. Look, that person over there fell and that person over there fell. You are supposed to fall. This is how we learn. And as I’m saying these things, and as I’m like teaching my 5 year old to skate, I am thinking about you and I’m thinking about all of my clients who have the privilege to walk next to in this thing called life. And I get to say to you and to my clients over and over, you’re supposed to fall. It’s how we learn. You’re supposed to fail. This is how you learn to achieve your goal. So Crosby’s goal was to learn how to roller skate. There is no way to do that besides roller skating. We didn’t read a book about roller skating. We could have, we could have researched it. We could have read a book, we could have studied roller skating. But the only way to learn how to roller skate is to roller skate, to figure it out, to feel how it feels in your body, to figure out how the skates feel on your feet, to figure out how to move without toppling over or falling backwards, and how to use the little stopper thing in the front to stop. That’s the only way that you can learn to skate. And I want to just offer to you guys before we even get started today that this is how we learn to achieve our goals. We can read about them, we can study them, but there comes a point where we just have to do, do it. The only way that we can figure out how to do it is to do it. And the best way, like, the more the most successful way that I know of to do that is to try and fail and try and fail, but also have someone walking alongside of us, cheering us on. And so if you are in a place of your life where you feel like you could really use some support now, whether it’s me or another coach, reach out for support. Having someone who’s been there, done that, who’s tried and failed, who’s suffered that humiliation, embarrassment of falling on the roller rink and knowing exactly what it feels like to bruise your tailbone on that hard floor, right? Like, I know exactly what that feels like, but I’m kind of past that. Like, sure, every once in a while I might fall, but it’s super rare. I cannot remember the last time I fell roller skating, because like I said, I’m a boss when it comes to roller skating now, but it for sure did not start out that way. And so a good coach is going to walk alongside you and say, yeah, this is what it’s like. You’re supposed to fail. You’re supposed to fall. You’re supposed to learn by doing. It’s okay. Look around. Other people are falling too. It’s just normal. This is just what we do. It’s how we learn. So I just want to say to you that failing is the only way to get to your goal. And we’re going to talk about scheduling and goal setting and, you know, following through on the things that you say you want to do. That’s like the whole topic of today’s podcast. But what I want to offer to you first is the only way to figure out how to do it is to do it. And I think that the best way to do that is with someone who’s walking alongside of you, helping you on the journey. It for sure has been the most helpful thing to me to have the support of a coach. It’s been so transformational. So I would love for you to join Focused People. It is so, so amazing. It is a wild success. I’m so thankful that it is as great as it is because, you know, a month ago it was just an idea and now it’s a real thing. And it’s like turning into the most beautiful, successful community of ADHD adults who are, you know, educated and professional and wanting to reach their potential. And it’s been such a. Such a rad experience. I just said rad. I don’t think I’ve ever said that before, but we’re going with it. Okay, so today, here’s what we’re going to talk about. We’re going to piggyback off of last week’s episode. Last week was all about schedule fantasies. It was all about bedazzling your schedule and getting the dopamine hit out of making it pretty and making it, you know, making it, quote, unquote, work with your life, but then not following through on it. And if you haven’t listened to that episode, I think that’s a really good place to start. So I want you to go back to it and check it out. So if you’re in a place where you are finally ready to be done with the fantasy of your schedule and you want to learn how to follow through, that’s what this episode is all about. And actually, we are going to be studying this topic in Focused in March. So I’m recording This podcast in January, in February, we’re studying relationships, which is where we are right now. I’m sure it’s going to be great because my workbook got delivered to my house today and it is so beautiful. I’m so excited about studying relationships in February. But by the time that you’re listening to this, it’s going to be too late to join for February. So we’re going to have to be talking about March. And in March, we’re going to be talking about scheduling and time management. So if you want to get in for that, I would love to coach you on it. Love, love, love to coach you on it. Okay. So I actually had this opportunity arise for me today, and what I find is that when I’m working on a concept with my clients and really going deep with them, and I see it coming up for them, you know, different clients, and I feel like I’m teaching it over and over, I of course, then notice it in my own life, and I, of course, then see my own weaknesses and my own struggles with this particular thing. And that is what happened today. I was so tempted not to record this podcast. I’ve shared this with you over and over. But honestly, sitting down to write and record this podcast is probably the hardest thing that I do in my week, Besides getting my 5 year old to eat his dinner, because that totally sucks. That’s really hard. But other than that, this is by far the hardest thing that I do in my day. Making myself sit down and think and be organized and come up with a plan, be methodical, risk failing and maybe sounding stupid, and maybe risk it being really hard. And it’s just work. It’s just really hard work. And I never, ever want to do it. And like I said, the workbooks for Focus were delivered today, telling you, oh, they’re so beautiful. And all I wanted to do was sit down and read my own workbook. It just felt like such a huge accomplishment and I wanted to, like, do the work. It’s on relationships, it’s on, you know, how to not be triggered by other people. And it’s just so beautiful. And I’m so proud of myself and it’s so important. But honestly, like, come on, that’s not what I need to be doing right this moment. I can do that later. I can do it, you know, after the kids go to bed. I don’t need to be doing that right now. What I need to do right now is record this podcast. And it would have been so deliciously easy for me to talk myself out of sitting down to record it. I’m telling you the truth. But like I said, I’ve been working with my clients on honoring their schedules. And so this topic is perfectly ironic for me to be talking about today. Now, here’s what a lot of people say when it comes to doing what they say they want to do. They set a goal. They’re like, okay, I’m going to do this. I really want to do it. And then when I check back in with them, what they say is, other stuff came up. I didn’t get to it because other stuff came up. So I’ll work with a client, they’ll set a goal, and we’ll chat about their goal, about the purpose and about the vision behind it. And we’ll do all the work of scheduling and bedazzling their schedule and their time and planning it out. And it will feel so good, and both of us will feel so good. We’ll like, you know, oh, you can do this here and then you can do this here. But then when I check back with them the following week, nine and a half times out of ten, they tell me, yeah, I didn’t get to it because some stuff came up, some other stuff came up. And then they’ll have a long list of the things that came up. Yeah, well, like this and this and this and this. Okay, Right. So here’s what’s so fascinating. And we all do this. So I’m not calling anyone out. We all do this. We do not honor our plans the way that we honor other people’s plans. So you would never say, I didn’t make it to work today because stuff came up. You honor your boss’s plan for you to come into work. Right. You would never say, husband or wife, I love you, but I’m not going to celebrate your birthday today because some stuff came up. Right? You would never do that. You would never say, I forgot to put clothes on today because some stuff came up. Like, there’s just like certain things in your life that are simply non negotiable. You do them no matter what. So why are your goals not on the list of the non negotiable things in your life? Why is it that you make a schedule but then you negotiate with yourself as to whether or not you’re actually going to follow through on it? I want you to think about one thing that you want to do. Have one thing in your mind that you really want to do. You’ve probably been fantasizing about it for a while, and it’s Just something that you just don’t ever seem to get to. You just don’t ever get to it. Maybe it’s losing 20 pounds or writing a book or starting a business, running a 5K or just getting ahead at work. It’s the thing that you keep fantasizing about. And maybe you even schedule into your life and you put it on your to do list. But when it comes down to actually making yourself do it, it doesn’t happen because other stuff comes up. So think about what kinds of things continue to interrupt you. Maybe it’s your kids or your parents. Maybe it’s your home cleaning. And you look around and you’re like, how can I do this thing? How can I sit down and write a book when there’s piles of laundry on the couch? Maybe it’s organizing. Maybe it’s helping a friend. Maybe it’s adjusting your schedule for a client who’s requesting that you change a meeting time. Now, I want you to, like, turn the volume way up, lean in super close and hear me. There is no such thing as stuff coming up. Those interruptions need to be thrown in the trash can. They’re no longer a thing. There’s no such thing as stuff coming up. There’s no such thing as, oh, yeah, I was gonna do that, but then this other thing came up and so I just really couldn’t do that, Right? No. Those interruptions are things that we allow to hijack our goals, our dreams. And honestly, a lot of times we welcome those interruptions because it gets us out of doing the hard thing. They have to be managed. They have to be planned for. They have to be rescheduled. It’s no longer an option for this important goal time to be interrupted. Okay? So we’re just going to draw a line in the sand together and, and say this is non negotiable. Nothing’s ever going to come up. Okay? We’re going to manage those interruptions. I always do it. I always have one word that I cannot say. Okay? So here’s what I mean. If you’re determined to get fit, then exercise obviously has to be a part of your life. Okay? So from here on out, it’s non negotiable. So if a friend calls and needs your help, sorry you’re not available during that time, I would love to help you, but I’m not available from 10 to 11 because I have a spin class at the gym. If you’re determined to write a book and you schedule three hours of writing, you know, let’s say every Saturday afternoon. But then your daughter has a birthday party like, oh, mom, I forgot, I have a birthday party today. And she wants to go. You’ve got to figure out a ride for her because that three hour block of time cannot be interrupted. It’s non negotiable. Nothing just comes up. If you want to start a business, and this one is so hugely relatable to my own life, and you’re trying to work from home, you better be blocking off your work hours. And those work hours are 100% non negotiable and clearly communicated to the entire family because you will literally never get anything done. If you just try to accommodate the people in your life while you’re trying to work, it’s not going to be a success. Now what’s hard about this concept is that you are the one that has to hold you accountable. We want to blame other people. Oh, so and so called. And they really needed this. So it was so annoying. I had to go help them. No, you didn’t. You did not have to go help them. You chose to go help them. You chose to forego the thing that you said was important and you chose to allow the interruption to hijack your goal. Okay? Now of course, if someone is in a car crash, you better run, you better go, you better drop everything and go. If your child is bleeding profusely from the head, run. Take them to the er. That’s not what I’m talking about. And that’s usually. I mean, I’ve never heard anyone give me an actual emergent excuse when I’ve been talking about this with my one on one clients or my focus group. Never. It’s never come up. What always comes up is like other people’s wants, other people’s needs, or our own version of interruptions, like, oh, I had to get this other thing done, okay? So we have to hold ourselves accountable. And that is very difficult, especially for those of us with adhd. So hard. It is so hard to be disciplined enough to set a boundary with yourself and say, this time is non negotiable. I mean, if you’re at work, right, obviously your boss and your co workers, they’re there to make sure that you don’t leave early. If you leave early to go get coffee with your mom, your boss is gonna have something to say about it, your pay will be docked, maybe a report will be put in your file. Like it’s not acceptable, right? But if you’re working from home and mom calls to go get coffee and you kind of don’t Want to be doing this hard work anyway? You’re like, sure, let’s go get the coffee. It’ll be great bonding time with my mom. And it totally makes sense for me to go, and I haven’t seen her in a while anyway. And you make all of these excuses and you hijack your goals. Okay? We do it all the time, and it’s just, like, really high time that we stop. Oh, my goodness. Okay. What’s difficult is that no one’s checking up on you. No one’s making you lose £20. No one will punish you if you don’t write that book that you’ve been wanting to write. No one will hold you accountable to starting that business that you say you want to start. This is why we adults with ADHD feel like we’re not reaching our potential, because we have these dreams, we have these goals, and we simply do not have the discipline and skills to follow through on them. That’s exactly why I’m here. I’m fired up today, okay? So, of course I’m convinced that this is a thought problem. Our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings drive our actions, and our actions give us a result. Right? We know exactly how to do the thing. Right? And what’s funny about all of us with ADHD is what we really want are the tips and tricks. Like, oh, just tell me how to do it. Like, tell me how. Like, the best way to schedule. What’s the best way to schedule? It’s like, you don’t need to know the best way to schedule. You just need to schedule and follow it, right? Like, there is no best way. There’s no perfect app. There’s no perfect tip or trick. You just need to honor what you say you’re going to do. That’s the tip. All right? This is all about our thoughts. The thoughts that we have are. It’s too hard. There’s so much other stuff I need to do. It’s really not worth my time. I’ll get to it tomorrow. Those thoughts are what keep you from following through on doing the thing that you want to do. Okay? So here, my friend, are 10 tips to never having stuff. I’m doing air quotes. I wish you could see me never having stuff. Come up and ruin your plans. Right? Ready? Number one, make sure you’re being treated for your adhd. I haven’t said this in a while, and I’m really excited to say it, guys. The number one thing that you can do to set yourself up for success is be treated for your adhd. No amount of coaching, no amount of therapy, no amount of all that stuff is going to be as helpful as a treatment plan that’s right for your brain and your body. So I highly, highly, highly recommend that you get on a treatment plan, talk to your doctor, talk to your psychiatrist, talk to someone who knows adhd, and be willing to go through the discomfort of finding the right medication for your brain and your body. Okay? It is the most effective treatment for ADHD medication. It’s number one. It’s been highly studied, researched. It is the number one treatment. Okay, I will get off my soapbox now. Number two, make sure you know why you’re doing the thing you want to do and that you like your reasons for it. Okay? So if you have a goal, make sure you have a very strong why behind it. We have adhd. We need to have a strong why behind our goals. If we don’t have a very clear purpose, vision behind our goals, it’s not going to be enough. What’s the right word? It’s not going to be a strong enough desire for us to. To follow through and endure the discomfort of actually accomplishing the goal. Okay? So you need to know why you’re doing the thing you want to do. Why do you want to lose 20 pounds? Okay, do you like your reasons? If you want to write a book, why do you really like your reasons for it? If it’s starting a business, why do you like your reasons? Okay, we ADHDers are not going to be able to achieve our goals if we don’t have a strong why? Number three, keep an organized calendar. I know that this is hard, but you need a real calendar. Meaning? I mean, I’m not saying paper, but like a real thing, not just a sheet of scrap paper that you’re writing stuff down on. I’m talking a legit calendar. And may I add, just one, my friends, just one. Okay, this, like, I have my work calendar and I have my home calendar. And like, unless it’s Google calendar and it’s all coordinating, then just one. It needs to be in one place. Everything goes on it. Part of the reason why, quote unquote, stuff comes up all the time is that we’re not really good about adding absolutely everything to our schedules and we simply forget. Remember, our working memories are quite deficient, all right? They totally suck. So we will not remember the random birthday party or the random kid’s dentist appointment or the office coffee date or, you know, whatever. We’re not going to remember all of the peripheral stuff. So put everything on your calendar. In one consolidated location where you can look at a glance and know what to expect. Okay, then number four, when creating the goal, break it down into exactly what needs to be done and then put those steps on your calendar. So if your goal is to run a 5K in June, and you’ve been fantasizing about running a 5K and you were going to run one last June, then you were going to run one in the fall, and then you’re like, well, now it’s winter, so obviously I can’t run one in the winter. And so now it’s on your, like, list or on your, like, goal fantasy to do it this coming June. You obviously are not going to put, quote, unquote, run a 5K on your schedule for today, right? We gotta break that puppy down, right? You’re gonna put run half a mile on your schedule for today. So, like, figure out what the small steps are that are going to lead you to your goal. If your goal is to write a book, you don’t put write a book on your schedule for today. You put write 10 pages on your schedule for today, right? So be very clear about this. Steps that need to be taken. Number five, be realistic about what is doable. Now, this is hysterical because obviously we’re not realistic, which is why a great therapist or a great coach is a really important facet of success. Because they can help us to know what’s realistic and what’s not. They can see our patterns and our habits and know, like, okay, that’s not actually realistic. So let’s break it down, okay? We are all or nothing, and it’s our default programming. So by knowing this in advance, it can be really, really helpful. In his book Finish, John Acuff suggests cutting your goal in half. So looking at your goal, cutting it in half. So look at your goals for today, Cut them in half and get that done. Once you create evidence for yourself that you can do half of your goal, then maybe you can build it up, okay? But we immediately balk at this ide. We’re like, why would I ever even bother to do half of my goal? That’s so stupid, right? But then we don’t end up doing anything. So it’s like we don’t even get halfway there. So knowing that cutting your goal in half is like, the key to success can be really, really helpful. Cut it in half. So if you think, I want to write 20 pages for my book today, cut that goal in half. Schedule writing 10, finish 10. If you do more, bonus. But at least finish 10 then put those small steps on your calendar. I schedule blocks of time on my calendar with my tasks, so I don’t keep a to do list anymore. I put my to do list actually on my calendar and schedule out how much time each task is going to take. Okay, so record a podcast was on my calendar today from 1 to 3. I didn’t start it until 1:30 because I was avoiding and procrastinating and admiring the Focus workbooks. But I did do it. So if it wasn’t on my schedule for today, I for sure would have filled that time with other important things, other good things. I mean, other stuff needs to be done. Obviously, I have other things that I want to get done. But if I don’t record the podcast today, I coach all day tomorrow, I coach all day Friday, and then all of the sudden it’s Monday of next week and I’m behind. Okay, so I have to get it done today. It’s non negotiable. Which leads me to tip number seven. When it’s time to do the thing, whatever it is, whatever your goal is, whatever that small step is for today, notice how your brain wants to offer to you all the other things that should be done. The laundry needs folded. The dishes need washed. The car needs fixed. The kids need pencils. I’m hungry. I should probably use the restroom. I’m cold. Let me get a sweater. I forgot to pay the heating bill. I need to charge my phone. I forgot to text my grandpa who’s in the hospital. I mean, the list is endless. And your brain is for sure going to do it, expect it. It’s going to happen. Okay? So your job is to be the boss. Write down the things that you need to do, but don’t let that take away the time that you’ve scheduled for the task at hand. Honor your calendar. Complete the work that’s right in front of you, no matter how crappy it feels. Which leads me that was such a perfect segue, I didn’t even expect it. Leads me to tip number eight. My friends expect it to feel like crap. Sitting down to record this podcast never feels good, ever. I don’t ever want to do it. And I don’t say that to play the victim. I’m saying it to be very clear and upfront. I want to paint a realistic picture for you. I don’t want you to think like, oh, well, she’s different because she doesn’t have to, like, endure what I have to endure. We are the same, okay? I don’t ever feel confident. I Don’t ever feel like it’s going to be easy. I’m talking about, like, sitting down, writing and recording the podcast. I don’t ever feel motivated, okay? So I expect it to be uncomfortable. I resist the idea of it. I’m like, I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to do it. And then I’m like, okay, it’s non negotiable. I have to do it. Following our dreams, completing our goals, it never feels good in the moment. It’s very sneaky because we expect it to feel good. This is why we avoid it. So I have a client in Focused who wants to lose weight, but she’s not following through on meal prep, not following through on working out. So when I asked her how she wanted to feel about it, she said, successful and motivated. Okay? So I want to lose 20 pounds, and I want to feel successful and I want to feel motivated. And that sounds absolutely lovely. Of like, of course you want to feel successful. Of course you want to feel motivated. That totally makes sense. Totally. But this is why she’s not taking action, because she doesn’t feel successful yet. She hasn’t lost the weight. She doesn’t have the evidence of success, so she doesn’t feel successful. And motivation is fleeting. It’s here one second and gone the next. We cannot rely on it. And so we have these thoughts that come into our head, like, I’m just not motivated and I just don’t feel like it. I just want to do these other things. And then we just allow those thoughts to lead us down a path of inaction instead of saying, of course I’m not motivated, it doesn’t matter if I’m not motivated. I just. I have to get it done. Point number nine. Generate the feelings of purpose, determination, and efficiency. Now I have a whole podcast on motivation and how I think it’s, like, completely unnecessary and we should throw the concept in the trash can and get rid of it and delete it. We don’t need motivation. If you have purpose and determination and efficiency, you’ll get whatever done that you want to get done that didn’t make sense. You’ll get done what you want to get done. You’ll have a goal, you’ll set it, and you’ll complete it. You’ll say, okay, I want to do this. You’ll make a plan. You’ll follow through. You will blow your own mind with what you are able to accomplish if you throw motivation in the trash can. And instead Pick up purpose, determination, and efficiency. So your brain might want to offer to you overwhelm. And you just say, like, that’s adorable, but I’m smart enough to figure this out, and if I just start now, I’ll get it done. So here we go. And then you put that discomfort in your backpack and you take it along with you on the journey and you do the thing that’s in front of you. Honor your calendar. Here’s tip number 10. And it. It is not easy at all. This is huge. Set a clear boundary with yourself and others. This time is untouchable. Stuff doesn’t just come up, okay? We allow things to happen. There is no such thing as stuff coming up unless someone is legitimately bleeding profusely from the brain or in some sort of accident, in which case a. Of course you’re going to drop everything and go because you are a kind and loving human being, right? You’re going to take care of an actual emergency. But I want you to question every single interruption. Question it. Is this an emergency? Do I feel the need to please this person right now? Am I willing to tolerate the discomfort of telling them no so that I can endure the discomfort of doing this hard goal so that I can eventually re the benefits of following through on the thing that I want to do? Set a clear boundary for yourself and stick to it. This time is untouchable. I will not allow an interruption. I will not impulsively help someone when they ask me for help. I will not impulsively respond to an email. I will not impulsively help someone out with anything. This time is untouchable. Boundary that requires you saying no to people. If you struggle with that, you’re not alone. Go back and listen to my entire episode on saying no and why we are so inclined to try to manipulate people’s opinions of us so that we can feel better about ourselves. If you set a clear boundary, it will be difficult for other people, especially if they’re not used to you having a boundary. What do you mean you’re not available during this time? What do you mean that you’re not going to help me right this second? I don’t understand. That’s okay. You can train yourself and train them to tolerate that discomfort. It’s totally fine. And it’s not that you’re not going to help them ever. It’s just that this particular time is untouchable. Nothing actually comes up, okay? Stuff doesn’t come up. We allow things to interrupt. And if you want to follow through on your goals, I invite you to question whether or not you want to keep doing that. That’s it my friend. You got this. Go get them. And if you would like some coaching and support, join Focused. I would love to work with you. Go to I have ADHD.com com focus to learn more. See ya.