This episode is sponsored by Cure Hydration. You know that moment for me, it’s around like 2 or 3pm when my ADHD brain just decides we’re done for the day. We’re done here. The afternoon slump hits, the lights go off upstairs and suddenly answering an email or doing basically anything feels like climbing a mountain. That’s when I reach for Cure Energy. It’s a clean plant based energy drink mix made with 100 milligrams of natural caffeine and electrolytes so I get the focus and hydration boost I need without jitters, without a crash and without that like I drink battery acid Vi vibe that some of the energy drinks have. The peach tea and akai berry flavors are my current go to’s crisp, refreshing and they don’t taste fake, y’. All. They don’t taste fake. I’ll drink one before recording a session or when I need to get help through like that afternoon drag. And honestly, I I drink it anytime. My brain just needs to cooperate. What’s wild is that Cure Energy is only 25 calories and has zero added sugar. It actually helps me stay hydrated while giving me energy. Okay, I love coffee, but coffee could never Staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, it tastes great and it actually works. And remember, Cure is FSA HSA approved, which is amazing. You can use that money to pay for cure and for I have ADHD listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD. And if you do get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really helps to support the show. Don’t just drink more, Upgrade it with Cure. The wait is over. Dive into Audible’s most anticipated collection, the Best of 2025. Featuring top audiobooks, podcasts and originals across all genres, our editors have carefully curated this year’s must listens. From brilliant hidden gems to the buzziest new releases, every title in this collection has earned its spot. This is your go to for the absolute best in 2025 audio entertainment. Whether you love thrillers, romance or nonfict, your next favorite listen awaits. Discover why there’s more to imagine when you listen@audible.com BestOfTheYear. Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristen Carter And I have adhd. Chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter and you’re listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 49. I am medicated. I am super caffeinated. I am ready to roll today, you guys. I’m in a mood. I am in a mood. So look out. I’m coming at you hot. Coming at you hot. It is a gorgeous day. I just got back from a walk. I’ve been trying to talk myself into recording this podcast for the last 44 hours. I think that it’s very important that I dispel any myths or any misconceptions that you might have about me. I do not do this perfectly, but I certainly show up and try. So I had planned to start this at like 11 and it is now 2 o’. Clock. I have one hour before my kid gets home from school. We are going to do a speed episode today. It’s going to be awesome. But before we get started, I’m going to take a second and shout out one of my clients. This client’s name is Rich and he says I’ve been big time slacking this month. It was a month of travel and snowboarding and really crazy project schedules and focus just fell to the bottom. Not because I wanted it to, mostly just because it got lost in the shuffle. That said, I’ve noticed it. I’ve not been as mindful of watching my thoughts, and missing the coaching calls has made me a lot less aware of spirals as they begin. I don’t think I’d realize that I’d been improving on that stuff because it felt fairly foreign and hard. And to be honest, it still does. But it’s funny, I’ve been sort of questioning my involvement in Focused over the last few weeks as I’ve been doing other things, and I’ve thought, do I really have time to commit to this? But it’s only now that things have slowed down a bit and I’ve had time to sit with it that I see my involvement is so important, even if it’s just a constant reminder to have the appropriate mindset and do the work. It’s really easy to let the work slip without that reminder. Anyway, my win is that I’ve worked through it and I’ve gotten some clarity. I’m here and I’m recognizing The importance of focused for me, and I’m showing up. I love this win from the very bottom of my heart for so many reasons. First of all, it is so relatable how many of you guys can relate to, like, showing up to things as a human. I. E. Imperfectly. Hello. That is just how we roll. But when we have this standard of perfection, like, oh, if I’m going to be in focus, I need to have 12 hours a week to commit to it. Like, no, that’s ridiculous. Or I have to be on every single live call. Absolutely not. Or I need to do every day of the workbook. No, that’s not at all what it’s like. And I love that Rich notices. Like, hey, I just need, like, a constant reminder to have a mindset that’s going to serve me and create results that I want. And you can use this program as, like, a reminder. You can use it as, like a. I need coaching every single day. Like, you get to tailor it however you want. Anyway, I love it. Congrats, Rich. Proud of you. Love it so much. Okay, today, you guys, we are going to be talking about the importance of emotion in our lives. I’m gonna say this, like, every episode this month. I think it’s a little hysterical because, like, a year ago, when I was recording the initial episodes of the podcast, I was very much like, I do not like feelings. I’m not in touch with feelings. I’m not someone who, you know, I’m not a feelings person. And that is still true. I do not relate easily to my emotions. I feel things in my body, and I have a very quick gut sense about things. I make decisions from my gut. I don’t know how to explain it. That’s just the truth. I am also analytical, so I do a lot of thinking and processing. I’m not someone who is super in touch with her emotions. And I realize now that I have spent the last 38 years resisting, reacting and avoiding my emotions. So resisting my emotions, reacting to my emotions, like, having an emotional explosion or avoiding them. So the way that I like to avoid emotion is by eating too much, drinking too much, talking too much, reading too much shopping too much. Like, all of those ways that I use to distract myself from actually feeling. And what I’ve learned in the last couple years is that feeling negative emotion is part of life. It’s part of the human experience. And, like, we want to. Right? Like, we don’t want to be happy about the bad things that happen in the world. We actually do want to be upset about them. If you want to be happy all the time, then you have to be happy about death or about child abuse or about injustice or whatever the case may be. You fill in the blank. Right. And no, that doesn’t make any sense. You don’t want to be happy about that stuff. No sane human wants to be happy about genocide or something terrible like that. Right. So we want to feel upset about the things in life that we consider to be wrong or unjust or unfair. And so with that comes like the full spectrum of human emotion. So in April, in the Focused membership, we are going to be doing a deep dive study on emotions. There are going to be three types of emotions that we’re going to talk about. We’re going to talk about positive emotion that we want to intentionally generate in our lives. So positive emotion that will help us to be productive. We’re going to talk about negative emotion that we don’t enjoy feeling but that we are willing to allow. So something like sadness. I don’t enjoy feeling sad, but I’m willing to allow it because it is part of the human experience. Anger. Well, I don’t want to say I don’t enjoy feeling angry. It’s interesting because I feel it a whole lot. Yeah, I would say it’s still negative emotion. Don’t super enjoy it. I don’t enjoy feeling angry. But it is a useful emotion. Why? Because anger leads us to action. When we see something injust happening, we want to get angry about it so that it will lead us to the action of. Of changing it. Right. If I feel sad about something, that will lead me to the action of like processing. Feeling. Grieving as a verb, grieve as a verb. Does that make sense? Like if someone dies and I don’t feel sad about it, I don’t go through the natural process of grief. That’s not going to be helpful to me. So the three types of emotion that we’re going to talk about in Focus next month are, number one, positive emotions that we want to generate that are super helpful. Negative emotions that we don’t enjoy, but we’re willing to allow. And then the third type of emotion is indulgent emotion that we are going to intentionally stop feeling. I’m going to give you an example of indulgent emotion. So that would be something like worry. Okay. Worry is an indulgence. So fear is natural. Right. I love my kids so much and there is a deep seated fear inside of me that is very natural that something might go wrong, one of them might get cancer. That Fear helps me to make decisions for their health. So, for example, I really try to keep healthy food in the house and on their plates because I do have a fear that this world is not perfect and something could go wrong with their health. I have a fear that they’re going to get hit by a car. And that fear is useful to me. It leads me to train them how to walk on the sidewalk, to train them not to run in the street, to scream really loud if they do run in the street. Right? That fear is important. It’s useful, it’s protective. But what’s not useful is worry. Worry is when I’m laying in my bed at night and I’m having all of the thoughts about, what if my child gets cancer? What if that happens? What would we do? How would we pay for it? How would we navigate chemotherapy? And would we also be investigating natural things? And if so, what’s out there? I should probably Google it right now, just in case one of my kids gets cancer, right? Do you see the difference? That worry is not useful. It’s not taking me anywhere that is helpful to me or to my kid. It is simply an indulgence of my emotion. I’m just indulging in the worry. So what I used to do when my husband would go away, this is so funny. I mean, I look back on it now and it’s funny. When I was not in tune with my emotions and I didn’t realize the difference between fear and anxiety and worry, he would travel. He travels a lot in the summer, and sometimes to foreign countries and sometimes to third world countries. And that can be worrisome, Right? There is fear attached to that. I love my husband. He’s my favorite human on the planet. I would never want anything to happen to him. Fear. That fear is super, super normal and natural and good. It’s fine. So now I know that, and I’m like, oh, I’m feeling fear. That’s normal. Because I love him so much. So I’m just gonna allow that fear to be here, and it’s okay. But before I knew that technique, before I knew how to do that, I would lay in bed. I would, like, finally get the kids to bed, and then I would go to bed, and I would just lay in bed and think, he’s probably gonna die on this trip. I don’t have anything to wear to his funeral. So I should probably go online right now and look for dresses to wear just so that I have something. Because when I get the call that he is dead, I’m not going to have the wherewithal to like shop. So I’m going to have to buy a dress now and I would like play out the whole scenario in my head. That is indulgence. I would plan his funeral. I’m not joking about this. I mean, I’m laughing because it is funny and it’s adorable and so cute. But like, I would legitimately plan the man’s funeral. Like, who should speak? Who’s gonna do the music? Or do we want like the circle flowers or like heart shaped flowers? Like what are we gonna do for the funeral and what am I gonna wear? And like the kids don’t have all black. And I would just like really go for it. That is indulgence. That is not useful. It’s not helpful. It’s not creating any kind of like good change in the world. It is nothing but indulgence. So we’re going to be studying the difference between useful, positive emotion that actually like, is really fun to experience. Like love and peace and joy. Like those are so much fun to feel in your body. And then negative emotion, that is not fun, but that is useful. Like fear. And let’s see what else are like sadness, grief, fear, even overwhelm. Like I will allow overwhelm to be here and it’s okay and I can still keep going. And then we’re going to talk about indulgent emotions like confusion. Think about that. When you’re confused and you’re allowing that feeling of confusion to paralyze you, that’s an indulgence. There’s nothing amazing coming from confusion. Instead of just deciding, moving forward, taking action until you figure it out, you are paralyzed by confusion or doubt. That’s another indulgent emotion. Nothing good comes from doubting yourself. But we spend a lot of time doing it, don’t we? Worry? Hugely. Hugely indulgent. And we do it a lot. And once I realize the difference between fear, which is totally normal and totally useful at times, and worry, which is just the same spinning out of our thoughts in a way that’s not useful to us or helpful to us, it changed my life. And I hope that that changes your life. Because there is a big difference between the useful emotion of fear and the indulgent emotion of worry. So I want you to know that the way that the world works is that our emotions always drive our actions. Meaning, no matter what action you’re taking, it’s always coming from an emotion. Always. Always. There’s no exception, there’s no way around it. We’re always taking action out of a feeling. Now, we might not notice it. We might not realize it. It’s most of the time happening faster than we’re going to realize. And that’s fine. That’s just like the way the humans are designed. No biggie. But there are times when we’re, like, stuck or paralyzed or avoidant, and we’re like, I don’t know why this is happening, and I want to tell you exactly why it’s happening. I know exactly why it’s happening. Ready? Here we go. The reason why you procrastinate, avoid, are paralyzed, or get stuck is because of the way that you’re feeling now. I would guess that that feeling is likely something like overwhelm, confusion, doubt, notice. They’re all indulgent emotions or shame or failure. If you feel like a failure, there is absolutely no way to get yourself into action because you’re already thinking about, this is a failure. It’s not gonna work anyway. And you’re feeling defeated in advance. You’re basically failing ahead of time. Right? I just really wish that somebody had told me, like, 20 years ago that our actions are coming from our feelings and that if we don’t like our actions, then we need to just check in with our feelings. So if you notice a pattern in your life that’s, like, not helpful, and you’re like, why do I always do that? Go look at your feelings. How are you feeling about that thing if you always forget to pay your bills? How are you feeling about money? You feeling great about it? Feeling abundant? Feeling like you’re on top of it? If not, probably why you forget to pay your bills, Right? How are you feeling about your house? Do you love your house? Are you committed to it? Are you just like, this is the best house in the whole world and I want to take care of it so, so, so well? Or are you like, I hate my house. This is stupid house. I wish I had a bigger house. I wish I had a nicer house. I wish I had better stuff. You see how it’s, like, so connected? All right. I wanted to do a little research for you, which I did, and there’s a million articles out there about our emotions driving our actions. But I wanted to read you part of this article. It’s from Psychology Today, written by Mary Lamia, Ph.D. and the title is like it or not, Emotions will. Well, I’m going to try again. Like it or not, emotions will drive the decisions you make today. Dun, dun, dun. Okay, so here’s her intro. Your emotions will drive the decisions you make. Today. And your success may depend on your ability to understand and interpret them. Them. This is my aside them, meaning your emotions. I don’t think that was very well written. Understand and interpret them. Your emotions. Okay, she continues. When an emotion is triggered in your brain, your nervous system responds by creating feelings in your body and certain thoughts in your mind. A great deal of your decisions are informed by your emotional responses because that is what emotions are designed to do. To appraise and summarize and experience and inform your action. I’m going to read that again. This is what an emotion is designed to do. To appraise and summarize an experience and inform your decision. So think about this in our primitive brain, right? Like, I believe that God created our brains. I believe that he created them to really like survive in the wild, okay? So like thousands of years ago when humans were born, they were having to survive in the wild. Think about that. The primitive human experience was like survival. You’re born in a remote place and you don’t have all of the modern conveniences. And it’s like man versus wild. You have to forage for your food. You have to protect yourself from, from animals and natural disaster. You have to make sure that you’re not thinking that a lion is like a cute kitty that you can just like pet, right? You have to make sure that you have the wherewithal to protect yourself and your offspring from danger. But now our society has evolved to the place that most of us are not in immediate danger. Most of us are in the modern world, living a modern life and are very comfortable, okay? Most of us are not having to protect ourselves from the danger of the wild on a day to day basis. Most of us. Not saying everyone, I’m just saying most of us, okay? So our society has evolved, but now we need to help our brains evolve. Because what happens is that when we look around and our brains know that their job is to appraise and summarize an experience and inform our actions, right? So the brain’s looking around and saying, like, how do we feel about this? So I look at a big project and I feel fear. And the brain thinks that fear is actually going to kill us, like a lion is going to kill us or like a natural disaster that we would need to like build an amazing shelter to protect ourselves from. Like, that would kill us. Except now we’re not dealing with, you know, animals attacking us or natural disasters or, you know, most of us are not dealing with war or anything like that, or dealing with projects at work. We’re dealing with having to speak in front of people. We’re dealing with having to have difficult conversations with our partners, right? But when our brains feel fear from that, it can often inform our action incorrectly. Listen, our brains are wired to protect us. So when it, like, feels fear, then it’s like, oh, time to run away, Time to avoid. I really hope that I’m communicating this well because it is so important. Your brain is designed to protect you. Your brain is designed to keep you safe. Your brain is designed to make sure that you don’t die. But what’s happened is that our society has evolved to this place where now most of us are not in danger of dying. But what our brain is looking at as the dangers are like, the normal things that we just have to do to be productive. The things that we’re confused about, the things that we’re not really sure how to do. Right? The brain is looking that and it’s saying, danger, run away, get away from it. When really we just need to allow that fear to be present and do the thing anyway. Right? Like, I’m afraid that I’m going to mess this project up. That’s okay. Of course I’m afraid. I’m a human. I’m gonna allow that fear to be here, and I’m gonna do the project anyway. I notice that I want to avoid the project because it feels like I’m gonna fail, and that feels like I’m going to die. But I know that this project is not going to kill me. Instead, it’s going to actually help me to become a better employee, a better person. So really, I just need to let the fear be here with me while I do it. So here’s what I want to offer to you today. Pay attention to the actions that you don’t like. So, for example, if you don’t like that, you procrastinate on whatever it is. Notice that. And then when you’re in the middle of procrastinating and avoiding that thing, ask yourself, how do I feel about it? So I’m procrastinating, paying my bills. Okay. How do I feel about paying my bills? And do a thought download about everything you’re thinking about with your bills and with money. And then that page will contain the key. It will contain the answers for you. It will show you exactly why you are procrastinating. I feel like a failure. I feel so much shame for my financial situation. I’m angry at the medical bill that I have to pay. Okay, so this is actually a great example. Small rabbit Trail, but come with me. I took my son to the doctor a couple weeks ago. He was so, so, so, so, so sick. And the doctor said, I’m positive he has the flu. You know, he has all the symptoms. Your child has the flu. But I’d love to, like, run a, you know, a swab test and just be sure. I’d love to do a test and find out. So she’s like, it doesn’t matter either way. The treatment is still the same. But I think that we should just, like, run a test and find out. And I was like, okay, no problem. She runs the test. She calls back, like, six hours later and was like, for sure it’s the flu. And I was like, okay, thanks. You don’t do anything for the flu, right? Like, he just had to get better. The poor kid was out for 10 days. I just feel so bad for him. Well, like, last week, we got a $475 bill in the mail for that darn flu swab test that wasn’t even necessary because she was already convinced that he had the flu. If she had said, hey, I’m pretty sure he has the flu. I’m, like, 99% positive. If you want to get him tested, that’s fine. It’s going to cost $475. You know, either way, the treatment’s the same, so just let me know. I would have said, no, thank you. I’m good. I don’t need to do that test. If the treatment’s the same either way, we don’t need the test. But of course, she didn’t say that because she doesn’t know insurance, and that’s not how healthcare is run in America, where you actually get to find out what things cost in advance. Okay, I think this tangent is going a little far, so I’m going to pull it back anyway. I was angry and frustrated and a little bit indignant when I received the bill because, like, what? This was unnecessary and it’s going to be $475. And I let the bill sit there on the counter, which is no surprise, right? But when I noticed, oh, I’m not letting the bill sit here because I don’t have time to pay it. I’m not letting the bill sit here because I don’t have money to pay it. I’m letting the bill sit here because I’m mad. I don’t feel like I should have to pay it. I am feeling frustrated with the way that, you know, this went down. And I kind of have half a mind to call the doctor even though it’s like she doesn’t control my insurance or what things are charged. You know, how much things are costing Anyway, anyway, anyway. So it’s very enlightening to me to realize that my action of avoiding paying the bill was caused by my emotion of anger and indignation. So I want to invite you to start noticing things like that in your own life. Our actions are always preceded by an emotion and the more aware that you can become of your emotions, the more savvy you can become with noticing what you’re feeling and why you’re doing or not doing what you’re doing or not doing, the better that you are going to become at like overcoming your barriers. Because for most of us with adhd, avoidance and procrastination are a big barrier. Most of us with adhd, self doubt and fear are a big barrier. Most of us with adhd, shame is a big barrier. Right? And so if we can become really intelligent as it pertains to our own emotions, we can develop the skill of allowing the useful negative emotions and coaching ourselves through the indulgent emotions. And also, here’s the fun part, generating the positive emotions on purpose, figuring out how you want to feel and doing that on purpose. It’s so fun. I had so much more fun recording this episode than I ever imagined and I wish I had done it three hours ago, but at least it’s done. I hope you have an awesome day. I’ll see you next week. Bye Bye. If you’re being treated for your adhd, but you still don’t feel like you’re reaching your potential, you’ve got to join Focused. It’s my monthly coaching membership where I teach you how to take tame your wild thoughts and create the life that you’ve always wanted. No matter what season of life you’re in or where you are in the world, Focused is for you. All materials and call recordings are stored in the site for you to access at your convenience. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the info.
