This episode is sponsored by CURE Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. Cure is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. 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From snow on the roof to sand between your toes, we have all the vacation rental options covered. Go to VRBO now and book a last minute week long stay. Save over $390 this holiday season and book your next vacation rental home on VRBO. Average savings $396. Select homes only. Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristin Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and Challenges of adulting relationships with, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’re listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 79. I am medicated, I’m caffeinated, and I’m ready to roll. I’m so glad that you are here with me today. Today’s episode is going to be a little bit unscripted, a little bit different from our norm, because I just, like, had a really bad day yesterday and I’m still a little bit hungover from it. And I was going to just either skip today’s podcast or, or, you know, kind of borrow some other content that I have from Focused and maybe share a class with you or something like that. But I thought maybe it would be most valuable for me to show up as the very real, raw version of me today and just remind you that you’re not a robot. In case you’re wondering, in case. In case you didn’t know. And the reason why I think that’s valuable or might be valuable to you today is because I know that I talk a lot about how to function better in the world, and I know I talk a lot about coaching yourself and managing your mind and that your thoughts actually create your feelings. And so if you want to feel better, you have to think better and think differently. And all of that is very, very true. But I just want to also be candid and authentic and raw and say that sometimes you just can’t thought work your way out of feeling like trash. Right? Sometimes you can’t just thought work or self coach your way out of a anxiety or depression or brain fog or ruminating thoughts or something along those lines. And I want to just acknowledge that that is the truth 100%. Yes, we can become better versions of ourselves. Yes, we can change and improve. And we have adhd and we have a neurodevelopmental disorder that sometimes impairs our ability to show up the way we want to. And so we can make all the plans and we can have all the good intentions, and yet we still have adhd. And not just that, but we’re human. Not just that we have adhd, but we are human beings. And what it means to be a human being in the world is that we do not have a default setting of zero emotion where we can just wake up and program ourselves to do the things that we want to do. It means that we have thinking brains that cause emotions in our bodies, and those emotions sometimes totally derail us. And this morning when I woke up with all of the negative emotion, I knew that that emotion was going to fuel my actions today. Right? Because emotion is always the gas in your tank that fuels the actions that you take, right? And I knew, like, okay, I’ve got some negative emotion here with me today. And I did a thought download and I did some models, and I know what’s up. I know why this is here. But it’s not like I’m just going to say, hey, I just want to change my thoughts and feel better and move on and pretend like this doesn’t affect me. It’s not where I am. I actually am okay with feeling negative emotion today. And I like my reasons for it. Like, I’m just in a place and some stuff went down, and I just, like, want to feel crappy about it today. I want that negative emotion to fuel change in my own life. But I know that it’s not going to serve me for being, like, super productive. And that’s okay. I’m going to make that choice. And I just want you to also feel the freedom to know that you’re not a robot. You’re not going to be the same Day in and day out, stuff is going to happen and you’re going to have reactions to it, and it’s normal. It’s totally fine. Your productivity does not need to be consistent. As long as you’re committed and you’re persistent, your productivity does not need to be consistent. I speak with a lot of women who realize that, you know, the different parts of their cycle will allow for them to either be highly productive or completely ineffective. And so what I always encourage my clients to do is to plan around their cycle and to plan around the times where they know they’re going to be really excited, productive, able to get a lot out there into the world, and then really take care of themselves when they’re just not in that place and predict it. And so whether you are a woman or a man listening to this podcast, I know that you go in cycles where sometimes you’re extremely productive and you feel on top of the world, completely unstoppable. And then other times, you are turned inward, you are down in the dumps. You are just not able to function the way that you did, you know, yesterday or the day before. What we often do is that we take our most highly functioning days, the days when we’re extremely productive on top of the world. Unstoppable. And what we do is we use those days against ourselves because obviously every day can’t be like that, right? And so we’ll take the memory of, like, last week when we were so productive and so amazing and we got so much done, and then we beat ourselves over the head with it and we say, why can’t you be like that today? What’s wrong with you that you’re not producing like that today? And I’m just here to be an example of what’s possible on the days when you are really not functioning much. And I just want you to know that I’m not beating myself up and using my good days against myself. I’m just making space for me to feel like crap. Like, today’s just not going to be the day where I’m producing a ton of yesterday. I had high hopes for today. I was like, I am going to record two podcasts and they’re going to be easy. And I have so much to say to my people and I can’t wait to talk to them. And that’s still true. I can’t wait to talk to you. But the idea of getting two podcasts out today feels like an Everest that I would not even require myself to try to conquer because it would just be so unkind. That would just be so unkind of me to still have that same standard and be like, well, you said you were gonna do it, so let’s go. All right. Now, part of this is I do have a little bit of luxury of planning ahead. I have a little bit of the luxury of margin, and I’ve created that for myself because of all of the work that I’ve done. So I understand that I do have the luxury of margin right now, but at the same, you know, I have a whole list of things that it would be really great to get done, and I’m just not gonna. Today, I’m just not gonna do it. I’m going to. I already made a list of the things that I absolutely need to get done. And I’m going to take care of myself, which means, like, do the dishes while I listen to a podcast that I want to listen to and sit on the couch and like, just be. I am going to do another thought download. I’m going to do some more self coaching, but it’s not going to be in an effort to feel better. It’s going to be in an effort to take care of myself. And I really want to encourage you to take care of yourself when you notice that you are down. Does it mean that you are a failure? No, does not mean that. What it means is that you need more support. So what is it that you’re going to give yourself during this time to support yourself so that you can move through this very human experience and not make things worse for yourself? Right. We don’t want to. We don’t want to put off any jobs that we’re supposed to get done. We don’t want to not follow through on the things that we said that we’re going to do. So what are the very basics that we need to get done and then how can we take care of ourselves? I really want you to know that you are completely normal. If some days you are so productive, so on fire, so amazing, and then other days you walk around in a fog and don’t even know which way is up when I. I just want you to know that that’s normal. I see you. I understand you. I am you. This is what it’s like to be an adult with adhd. It’s totally fine. It’s totally fine. Because the more that you learn to become high functioning on those really good days, the more margin you can create for yourself on the days when you know that you’re feeling low or you have a lot of negative emotion and energy kind of swirling around. Right? Remember, you’re not a robot. You are a human being. You are not going to show up the same way every single day. There’s going to be highs and lows. Remember, life is 50 50. If you haven’t listened to that podcast, I highly recommend that you do. Because that concept really makes it easier to tolerate and accept these low days. Because I’m like, oh, this is just the 50% that doesn’t feel great. Nothing’s gone wrong. I don’t need to fix it. I just need to accept that this is the other 50%. One thing that I’ve been telling my clients recently is that an emotion is not a problem to be fixed. A negative emotion, like one that I’m experiencing right now, it’s not a problem to be fixed. It’s an experience to be had. And we need to make space for ourselves to have these experiences. Right? Because again, we’re human beings and human beings are fueled by emotion. Any action that we take is going to be coming from an emotion. And so what we often want to do is resist the negative emotion because it doesn’t feel good in our bodies. And we also think that it means something bad about us. Well, if I’m feeling this way, something must be terribly wrong and I don’t believe that to be true anymore. If I’m feeling this way, something’s terribly right. I’m human. I’m not going to be on top of the world 100% of the time. I’m going to be on top of the world 50% of the time. And then the other 50% of the time, I. I’m going to really feel like trash and I’m going to struggle to produce and I’m really going to need to just take care of myself and allow myself to be human. Repeat after me, I am not a robot. I am going to show up differently day to day. It’s okay if my productivity is ebbs and flows. I can’t thoughtwork my way out of depression. I can’t thoughtwork my way out of anxiety. Okay? Sometimes they’re just there with me and I need to feel them and embrace them and allow them. Because this human experience is not one that’s meant to be programmed and the same as everyone else’s. This human experience is yours to be lived and experienced and kind of like riding that wave of highs and lows and figuring out how to function within all of that. So one of the things that I want to encourage you to do is to really check in with yourself and see, am I just procrastinating something that I don’t want to do or is there an emotional experience that I need to have right now? So I know that I’m not procrastinating on anything. I know that, like I love my work today, I want to be doing my work today, but I am just bogged down with human emotions and I need to allow myself to experience them. And so I’m going to do the bare minimum and I’m going to let myself just feel, feel and be. So if you are new to this work, you might struggle to differentiate. Am I just trying to get out of this or is there something really going on and that’s okay. Just play with it, do your best, you know, evaluate, adjust. It’s okay if you are doing it, you know, quote unquote wrong. It’s totally fine. But I just really want you to note that. Sure. Thought work is amazing. Sure, life coaching is amazing. We can totally improve our experience in the world. And sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes the 50% just feels like trash. It’s fine. We don’t need to necessarily fix it. We can just experience it. So that’s my pep talk for today. It’s not what I intended to record today, but I do think that it was high time that we just had this chat about inconsistency in the way that we feel and the way that we perform and it being totally fine. So just remember you’re not a robot, you’re a human. Remember that on those good days, like take advantage of them and create margin for yourself and plan for for the bad days. They will come. It’s totally fine. It’s just the other 50% of life that doesn’t feel lovely and it’s 100% okay. If you want help with this, I would love to coach you. You can head to my website. I have ADHD.com join focused. I would love to hold your hand, walk you through this, help you to understand your brain and know how normal you are. I am sending you so much love. I will see you next time. A few years ago I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation. All the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program and I’m confident that you are will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the details.
