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Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with AD adhd. I’m your host Kristin Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s Up. This is Kristin Carter and you are listening to the I have ADHD podcast episode number 81. I am medicated, I am caffeinated and I am ready to roll. So good to be here with you today. Thanks for tuning in. I love that you’re listening. I checked the stats the other day and we’re up to almost a half a million downloads. My dudes, that’s crazy talk. And 80 episodes, that’s crazy talk. I’m so happy and proud and also like totally blown away. So glad to be in this space and be able to chat with you, encourage you, inspire you and be totally real with you. And that’s what today’s episode is all about. But first I want to shout out my client, Pete Sibley. Pete is a podcaster and a coach and he’s in focused and he’s a great guy and he’s building his coaching business. And he posted this in our Share your WINS channel on Slack. In our focus group, he said, hi all. I had a call with a potential client today so I did my self concept workbook. I noticed my thoughts had the call, made the offer and they said yes. I’m so proud of Pete because I got to coach him a couple weeks ago on our business Inside Hustle call about making offers to clients and like he totally took the coaching, followed through, made the offer and he like got the result. It is so fun to be a part of your life in this way. I love helping people in the ADHD community get results for themselves and also just make more money. I think that we as a whole are under earning and I want to be a part of changing that. I want to help all the ADHDers make all the money. Okay, so today we are going to be talking about capitalizing on our strengths. The reason why I want to do this is because I’ve made so many stupid mistakes in the last month or so and I started thinking about how like in, in one or two areas of my life, I am totally killing it, doing a great job. I have my stuff together and you would never know that I have a neurodevelopmental disorder. And then there are other areas of my life where I’m like a hot mess. And I think it’s really important for me to show up here on this podcast and let you know, like there are parts of me that are totally a hot mess and I want to highlight that. I don’t want to hide it and I don’t think I have been hiding it, but I really do want to highlight It. And here is why. I think as adults with adhd, we often think that we have to have it together in all of the areas of our lives. And that is just not true. So what I was trying to do and like prior to the last couple years, and what I see a lot of my clients trying to do is to keep it together and manage things well in every single area of their lives. So that would be like their job, job, their home life, managing their house and their bills and all of that. Parenting, relationships. Not just, you know, a couple relationships, all the relationships. Volunteer work, church work, service, yard work, like all of the things. And what we often do is we use our weaknesses against ourselves and then we don’t even get to enjoy our strengths. Okay, are you with me? So here’s what I really want to communicate today. ADHD never goes away. No matter how evolved you become, no matter how much growth you see in your life, ADHD never goes away. And so what’s very, very important is that you don’t expect to become 100% successful, evolved, perfect in all of the areas of your life. If you could just pick one or two areas of your life where you’re going to keep it together and be really on point 95% of the time, then what happens is you allow yourself to be a little messier in the other areas and it’s totally fine. It’s not a problem. We don’t use that against ourselves. We don’t keep score against ourselves. And what I think I was doing and what I see a lot of my clients doing is we don’t even allow our successes to flourish because we are so focused on our weaknesses in the other areas. So for example, I could easily hold myself back in my business, in my coaching, in my entrepreneurial, you know, endeavors and say, well, I really can’t be successful in those areas because I cannot even do the breakfast dishes. So how in the world am I going to be a multiple six figure earner, eventually a million dollar earner when I can’t even like get to church on time? Which is true about me, 100% true about me. And so what I want to suggest is instead of using those weaknesses to beat ourselves up, to keep a record of our wrongs, to be evidence for why we can’t be successful in, in these areas where we are, you know, good, instead of doing that, what I want to suggest is that we don’t do that. Wow, that was profound. Guys, let’s close in prayer. I think we’re done. What I want to suggest is that we don’t. We don’t use it against ourselves. We just let it go. And so what I think has been one of the most powerful things for me in my progress has been to pick two areas of my life where I’m going to be absolutely on point all of the time and then allow the other areas of my life to be a little floopy and just be fine with it. Like, I am totally fine with it. I don’t focus on it. I don’t use it as evidence that I’m not capable in my business. I just am like, yeah, I totally suck at that. So I want to give you some examples. The two areas that I’ve chosen for me personally are relationships with my family. So, like, my immediate family, my three boys, who I adore, and my husband, who he’s the best, best, best, love him so much. So in those relationships, I want to prioritize them. I want to show up and I want to make sure that I’m taking care of my kids. Meaning they have food in their bellies, they have clothes on their backs, and they’re safe. They’re in a safe environment. I don’t force myself to entertain them. I don’t even force myself to interact with them all the time, but I make sure that they are well taken care of. That is a priority. And everything like that is the priority, right? So, like, the kids, the relationship there, meaning, not that I’m gonna, like, sit and just talk to them all day long, but the relationship of, like, they know that I’m here for them. They know that they can trust me. They know that there’s safety here in our home. It’s a safe environment for them. Okay? So number one, number two is my business. I don’t show up as a hot mess in my business. And however, I’m on time to calls. I am very strategic. I have a ton of support so that I can pinpoint the weaknesses and have the support system there, the scaffolding, as Dr. Russell Barclay calls it, have the scaffolding there to make sure that the weaknesses are not detrimental. Okay. Does that make sense? So those are the two areas of my life where I capitalize on my successes. Like, I know that those are two things that are the priority. They’re the most important. They are everything to me. Okay? Now, I have a lot of other areas of my life, right? I am responsible to, like, manage this home with Greg, and I volunteer at my church. And. And I have a couple really close friends and sisters. And what else? Like, you know, the kids, sports, and even like homework and all of that. That we have all of those areas of our life. But for me, they are not the priority. And so I actually allow myself to show up messy in those areas. Okay? So I have two areas where I’m like, these are the two priorities. I’m not going to show up like a hot mess. My kids will always have food to eat. They will always have a safe home to live in. They will always know that they can trust me. And most of the time they have clean clothes to wear. Okay? They always have clothes, and most of the time they are clean. Right? So there’s that, and then there’s my business where I’m like, we’re totally growing. We’re like multiple six figures, have a lot of very happy clients, have a program that’s growing, and I have so much support and never show up like a hot mess in that area ever. And then we have this other areas of my life where it’s like, my house is messy. I do a lot of things really weirdly where Greg is just like, what is even happening? I’m completely tired. I’m blind. I actually made a list. I made a list of all of, like, the dumb mistakes that I have made recently. And so I want to share them with you. I want you to notice that none of them, none of these stupid mistakes have to do with my business. None of these stupid mistakes have to do with my kids well being, okay? And I literally don’t have any mistakes to list with those because those are my two priorities where I never show up as a hot mess. But like I said, we have these other areas where I just let it go. So here are some mistakes that I’ve made recently. Oh, gosh. It’s not pretty. Number one, my husband takes the kids to school every day because he’s the one that can get places on time. He’s the one that can be consistent easily. And I’m not that person. So I have the luxury of not having to take the kids to school. But there was one day where he was not available and so I had to take them. And it was a dumpster fire. Like, it was just so bad from start to finish. I. Because it had been so long since I had taken them, they hadn’t been to school, you know, like, we had Covid. So it was probably like February since I took them last. I went the wrong way. I had to turn around because I, like, went down this one road in the parking lot and it was all blocked off. With cones. Meanwhile, all of the other moms are just driving past me as I’m, like, backing up, doing a K turn to turn around, just like, hey, guys, how you doing? Like, I was very embarrassed, but I had two happy, healthy children in the car with me. They had full bellies. They had clothes on their backs. Like, they were totally fine and safe. And so even though I was completely embarrassed, it was like my priority was still okay. And so I. Well, I did beat myself up with it. I totally did, actually. But I’m feeling much better about it now, and I can see how it makes sense that I was a hot mess. It makes sense because that was not the priority for me. I’ve lost my keys a lot recently. I want to blame this on the fact that we’re in the middle of a bathroom renovation, and my house just feels a little bit chaotic right now. I’ve lost my keys so often. I lost my credit cards, canceled them, and then found them. You guys, let me tell you how frustrating that is. I lost my credit cards. I looked everywhere for them. I was like. I guess they were, like, stolen. I canceled them, and then I found them, and then I had to wait a week and literally just today set, like, reset up all of my accounts with my new cards. And it was so frustrating. But you know what? It is what it is. I’m not going to use it against myself. I made an appointment to get my son evaluated for adhd. Very happy about that. Did I call the insurance company to, like, see if it was covered? No, didn’t even think about it. Did I call the insurance company to see if this provider was a network? No, I didn’t even think about it. And so he’s gone to three appointments now, and we might be paying out of pocket because I did not even. Like, it wasn’t even on my radar. It’s not in my priority box. I just, like, hot mess, right? Oh, gosh. This one’s big. This one’s kind of big. I’ve been. I hesitate to say it, but I think I’m going to do it. I’ve been driving with an expired license for a little while. The thought of all of the steps of getting that license renewed is so daunting. Yes, I can do it. I know that intellectually, but it feels completely daunting. Now. One of the reasons why I’m telling you this is so that I have accountability, because now, like, thousands of people know I’m driving on an expired license. And you know what the real kicker was? Like, you know what the real kicker was, I went to buy a bottle of wine the other day and they wouldn’t let me buy it because my license was expired. So I got to get that taken care of. I’m actually going to go tomorrow morning. It’s a Saturday. I’m going to go tomorrow morning, stand in line at the dmv, get that license renewed. I have so many stories of messing up cooking and food. The most recent one is that I made a box of Mac and cheese and it was so atrocious. I was supposed to set the timer for nine minutes and for some reason I set it for 12. Why? I don’t know. Set it for 12. It was completely ruined. I was like, oh, maybe it’s not that bad. So I went ahead and like, finished the recipe, made the box of Mac and cheese. Yeah, it was that bad. I had to start from scratch. What’s hysterical about this is like, there are so many things that I can do really, really well in my business and I can’t even make a box of Mac and cheese, right? So it’s like I could easily use that as evidence that I’m incompetent as a business owner or I’m incompetent as a mother, but I don’t. And I encourage you to separ the parts of your life where you really want to focus and show up as consistently and as amazingly as you can. And then the other parts, like, just let it go. Don’t beat yourself up with that. Don’t use your weaknesses against yourself. There is going to be, I expect, a very stark contrast between the parts of you that are amazing and like, unique and your secret sauce, right? And then the parts of you that are like, and I can’t find my shoes. Like, I can run a six figure company, but I can’t find my shoes. Or I’m a doctor or I’m a lawyer and I can’t find my shoes, right? Like the contrast is going to be stark. That’s okay. Don’t use it against yourself. I have this Bible verse tattooed on my arm. It’s just a portion of First Corinthians 13. And it’s kind of ironic because it says, love is patient and I am not patient. And I thought maybe tattooing it on my arm would help, and it hasn’t, but unfortunately. If only it were that easy, right? Like, well, get a tattoo. That ought to take care of it. Anyway, at the end of that verse it says, love doesn’t keep a record of wrong. And I adore that phrase. Because that is true in our relationships, but it’s also true in our relationship with ourselves. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrong. Don’t use your weaknesses against yourself. Instead, capitalize on your strengths. ADHD is not going anywhere. It’s sticking around. There’s no getting rid of it. There’s no evolving out of it. There’s no, like, you can improve. There’s a lot of room for improvement, but it’s still not gonna go anywhere. Like, you’re still going to be a very evolved person with adhd. Those mistakes are still going to happen. And so what I would really encourage you to do is focus on one or two areas of your life where you want to show up beautifully, where you don’t let yourself off the hook for mistakes, where you are fastidious in all of the things that you do and you put in a ton of support and you make sure that you are on point in those one or two areas and then you let the other areas go. My son said the most hysterical thing to me. He’s 12 and he like had a off, not an off day. He’s doing hybrid school. So he had a, like a home day. Wow, why can’t I talk? Guys? What is it called when your kid does school at home? You know, on the zooms. Anyway, he had one of those days and so he was having his lunch sitting next to me and I was telling him how I’m going through all of our accounts, like all of our auto pays and getting my credit card reset up because I had just received all of my new cards in the mail. And I was telling him the story of, you know, I lost my credit cards and so I thought they were gone forever. I canceled them and literally an hour later I found them. And I said to him, I was like, you know, I can do a lot of things really, really well. I said, I can run a multiple six figure business, I can have a successful podcast, but then there’s a lot of things that I totally suck at. And he said, yeah, mom, you’re kind of like 50% of you is a rich woman who struck gold in Vegas, and 50% of you is an old drunken person living in a box under a bridge. And I just laughed so hard, and I hope you guys are not offended. I thought that was hysterical because it’s true. 50% of me is like on point, got it together, like totally killing it. And then 50% of me is like, wait, am I wearing pants today? I’m not sure. And that doesn’t have to be a problem. I really want to encourage you to capitalize on your strengths and never use your weaknesses against yourself. ADHD is not going away. It’s here to stay. So build your support system, put things in place, but don’t hold yourself to a standard of perfectionism in the areas where you’re not going to prioritize. Because I’m telling you, it is so much more fun to just let it go. All right, that’s what I have for you today, my friends. Have a great week. I will see you next time. A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization. Productivity, time management, emotional regulation. You know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn’t find anything, so I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this this program, and I’m confident that you will, too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the details.
