Podcast Episode #86: The 2021 Impossible Goal

This episode is sponsored by CURE Hydration. All right, I’m going to be real with you. Drinking water is boring. My ADHD brain is like, wait, we have to do this again? Like every day, multiple times. What in the world? And because I’m running from meetings to coaching calls to kid chaos, staying hydrated is not something I’m naturally good at. It’s not something I naturally think about. That’s why I’ve been obsessed with Cure hydration packs lately. CURE is a plant based hydrating electrolyte mix with no added sugar, only 25 calories, and it actually tastes good. The watermelon and berry pomegranate have been on repeat for me. I’m actually like really running low on those flavors, which is so sad. They’re refreshing without being too sweet or artificial. It feels like my water finally has a little bit of personality, which I enjoy. I really do. What I love most is that CURE uses a science backed formula that hydrates as effectively as an IV drip. So when I’m scrambling through my day forgetting my water again, CURE helps me to catch up fast. I throw a few packs in my bag and it makes drinking enough water simple, which for my ADHD brain is basically a miracle. So staying hydrated isn’t just about water. You also need electrolytes. And that’s why I love Cure. It’s clean, tastes great, and it actually works. And bonus, CURE is FSA HSA approved. So you can use those funds to stay hydrated. The smart way for I have ADHD podcast listeners, you can get 20% off your first order@curehydration.com I have ADHD with the code I have ADHD. And if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really does help to support the show. Don’t just drink more water, upgrade it with cure. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I’m your host Kristin Carter and I have adhd. Let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to The I have ADHD podcast, episode number 86. I am medicated, I am caffeinated, and I am ready to roll. Today we’re talking about the impossible goal, my friends. We are looking 2021 in the face. Like it’s coming for us. And so the next couple episodes maybe are going to be focused on planning and evaluating and figuring out the type of person you want to become in 2021. It’s going to be really fun. So today’s episode is dedicated to my coach, Brooke Castillo, who taught me this concept. I’m going to be teaching you a lot of what she has taught me. This is her work, not my work. However, I did the work this year. I did it. And that’s kind of always how it happens, is that I learn from my teachers, I do the work in my own life, and I kind of struggle through that discomfort. And then I figure out an ADHD friendly way to teach it to you. So I’m really pumped to be able to do that. Today I want to first update you on my license situation. Okay, so I told you that I’ve been driving on an expired license. I hesitated to say it because, like, it’s not good. I don’t want you to think that that is something that you should be doing. Cause it’s certainly not. But I have been driving on an expired license because my license expired in March during the COVID whole like, outbreak thing. And everything shut down and I didn’t know what to do. It was just like, okay, I guess I’m not gonna go to the dmv. That’s what we call it in Pennsylvania. I’m not sure if that’s what you call it in your state. So anyway, I put it off and then I forgot about it. And of course, like, I only ever think about it when I’m out and about. And it just wasn’ priority list. So recently though, it’s been on my brain. And especially since I recorded that podcast, I was like, I really have to get this taken care of. So I went to the DMV website, you guys. Or I guess it’s like pen website. And it was like, don’t come in. If you have a license that’s expired, don’t come in. Just fill out this form and send it in. So I downloaded the form, I printed the form, I filled the form out, I wrote a check and I sent it. And I was so proud of myself because that’s like a 14 step process, you know, to do with something that I don’t want to do. And I did it. And guess what happened? A week later they sent it back to me and they’re like, your license has already been renewed. And I was like, what? How’s this Possible. Anyway, I found the camera card. My amazing husband, I guess, renewed the license back in March, and they sent me a camera card. And it just got stuck in this pile of papers that we just stick, you know, the important papers that you don’t know what to do with. So now I have, like, the DMV says that they’re not taking people for pictures, and I have this thing that was sent back to me, and I was like, I don’t know what to do. Like, it just felt so hard. So this Saturday, I mustered up the courage to go to the actual physical location of the dmv. It was so hard, you guys, because the thought of sitting at that place for, like, two hours and maybe not even having the right paperwork, maybe not even being allowed to be there. Like, I didn’t know what the protocol was. But I forced myself, really. I really did force myself to go. Here’s what happened. I walked in. There was one other person there. It was like the freaking Twilight Zone. I was like, what is happening? This is not normal. And I even said to the people, like, what is going on? Where are all the people? Because I have been to the DMV many times in my almost 40 years on this planet, and it is always packed. It is always like. It’s really just, like, a terrible place to be. Right? It’s just a terrible place to be. There was no wait. I walked in it with all of my paperwork. Like, I have no idea what to do. And she’s like, oh, I see you have a camera card. You can just hop in this line right here. I did not even have to wait in line. I sat down, got my picture taken, waited three minutes. I was in and out in seven minutes. And here is what I learned. Sometimes the huge thing that you’re putting off is actually super easy. We don’t always have to make it such a big deal in our head. We can open up to the possibility that it’s going to go smoothly, because I just proved to myself in that moment, like, I’ve been putting this off. March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December. Nine months. That’s embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m admitting that. I put it off for nine months, and it took me seven minutes to take care of it. I feel like this could be a podcast episode in and of itself. But we are talking about the impossible goal today. This was just meant to be a little update, but honestly, I put it off for nine months, and it took me seven minutes to accomplish. I want you to remember that the next time, or maybe you have something right this second in your mind that you are putting off. It probably won’t take you as long as you think it’s going to. It probably is not going to be as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be in your brain. Remember Kristen Carter put off renewing her license for nine months, and it took her seven minutes to complete. It doesn’t always have to be difficult. Who? My word. Like, totally, totally crazy, right? Okay, today we are going to chat all about the impossible goal, and we’re going to run the risk here of contradicting the episode four from last week. So last week’s episode, episode number 85, was all about setting a minimum baseline for yourself. I want you to know that these two thoughts can coexist. These two ideas can go hand in hand, and they can work with each other. Okay? So if it seems like I’m contradicting myself from last week, I want you to know that there is a bit of a paradox here. And you are smart enough to be able to have two things that seem like opposites be true at the same time. Like, that is the world that we live in, that two things can coexist at the same time. They might seem like opposites, but they’re actually both true. So last week’s episode was all about setting a minimum baseline, not being too perfectionistic, not holding yourself to an ideal standard that you inevitably will not meet. Last week’s episode was all about how our perfectionism actually leads us to failure. This week’s episode is all about setting an impossible goal for yourself that you are willing to fail at achieving over and over and over and over in order to move the needle closer to where you want to be. Okay, so the whole point of an impossible goal is to choose something that your brain just kind of like explodes at. When you say you’re going to do okay, it’s kind of like, you know, I’m going to make a million dollars in 2021. My brain is like, wait, what? How is this possible? I’ve never done it before. I don’t know how to do it. It’s just not possible right now. It’s impossible. I fail at it every single day, right? But in 2021, my impossible goal is I’m making a million dollars. Now, I wasn’t even going to share that on here because I do not want to be held accountable, but here we go. I guess there’s no getting around it. I’ve shared it. You’ve Already heard me say it, but 2021 is the year where I’m scaling to a million. I can’t believe it. I thought there would be a lot of steps in between, but the impossible goal is impossible. It’s a million dollars. So let’s go. I am going to fail at that goal over and over and over and over and over until I achieve it. If for some reason I don’t achieve it, I will be so much closer to it at the end of the year than I am now. I will be a much better businesswoman because I’ve set this goal. Now, your goal does not have to relate to money or business. Of course we’re going to talk all about this. So when I bring up the term impossible goal, what comes up for you? What is that quickening in your soul, in your spirit? That’s like, ooh, I want this. What is that thing? Want you to really take some time to consider it and mull it over. And do not set this goal impulsively, my friend. Now, if you’re anything like most of my clients, there’s probably like, 14 things about your life that you want to change and 27 goals that you could set. But here’s what I want to say. Just pick one, Think it through in a manner that’s like, if I could set this one goal, if I could accomplish this one thing, everything else would be different. What would be that one thing for you? And make sure that you actually currently feel like it’s impossible. Make sure you actually currently are like, wait, what? Like, it’s a brain explanation explosion. Like, it’s almost too much for you to think about. It’s maybe a little uncomfortable. That is a perfect, impossible goal. This is one goal that you’ll be thinking about for the rest of the year. So, you know, it might be something like, okay, I want to lose 50 pounds, and all year long, I’m going to be trying and failing and trying and failing. And if the idea of trying and failing makes you want to vomit, you are in the right place. This is exactly how you’re supposed to feel. Your brain doesn’t want to fail. Your brain thinks that failure equals, like, death, vulnerability, destruction. Most of us have not been taught how important and amazing failure is. Failure is such an important, important part of our lives. And I. I’m sure we’ve done podcasts on it. Did a whole month and focused on it. We will continue to study this. We coach on this all the time. Failure is so important. Failure is like our primary teacher. Most of us Spend our time avoiding our primary teacher. You’re avoiding. What could teach you the most about yourself, about your goals, and about the direction and the path that you want to take. So in setting the impossible goal, you are inviting failure. If you’re not ready to invite failure, don’t set an impossible goal. It’s completely pointless. You’re not ready for it. Go listen to a different podcast. Well, one of mine, of course, a different episode is what I meant. Oh, my goodness. Okay, but do you know what I’m saying? If you’re not ready to open up to the idea of failure, then you’re not ready to set an impossible goal. And then I would question why. So that’s where I would start. Why am I afraid to set a goal and fail? What do I make failure mean about me? What do I imagine might happen if I fail? So those would be really important questions to ask yourself, but I’m going to talk to those of you who are ready, those of you who are, like, scared but ready. Okay? So if you’re ready to set an impossible goal, I want you to really consider it. Think it through. You might need to listen to this episode a couple times. What is it that gives you butterflies? What is the one thing that if you could accomplish it would change everything? Maybe it’s going back to school, finishing your degree, making a certain amount of money, getting a job. Whatever it is, make sure it’s something that you have control over. Make sure it’s something that you think is impossible, and make sure it’s something that you’ve thought through long enough. Not said impulsively, but thought through long enough that you know it is something that you actually do want. Okay, so you’ve got your impossible goal, and now the next step is to figure out what kind of person would accomplish that goal. What kind of person, if they just, like, stepped into your life, what kind of person would be able to accomplish that goal? And really getting clearer on what that person thinks about, what do they do? What do they spend their time on? What qualities does that person have? You know, we’ve talked a lot about the future version of ourselves. So if you want to think of it in terms of the future version of you, you’ve already accomplished the goal. It’s a done deal. It’s, you know, all of the doubt is gone. All of the fear is gone. It’s like, yeah, the result has been accomplished. I have the job, I’ve gotten the promotion, I’ve made the money, I’ve had the child, I’ve whatever Fill in the blank like, the result has been accomplished. What kind of person are you at that point? What do you do and what do you not do? What are the things that you don’t do? How do you think differently? So one of the things that I wrote down, my impossible goal was to enroll 100 people in four focused by December 30th of 2020. And one of the things that I wrote down to the question, how does that person who’s accomplished that goal already, how do they think differently from you? I wrote down, they don’t make nos mean that no one wants it. They keep believing, even when the evidence isn’t obvious. They love their program unconditionally. That was the difference between the person that I currently was In December of 2019, when I was doing this work and the person that I had to become in order to enroll 100 people in focus. And so the work is to work on becoming that person, the person who’s already accomplished the goal. What boundaries do they have in place? What have they delegated to people? What do they spend their time on? What do they think about? Right. So maybe if your goal is like to lose 50 pounds in 2021, what does that person, that version of you that’s already accomplished the goal, what do they think about? They probably don’t think about food that much. What boundaries do they have in place? They probably have certain foods that they eat and certain foods that they don’t eat or certain portions or certain times of day that they eat and don’t eat. Right? Like, what is different about that version of you that’s accomplished the goal from the version of you that you are right now? The whole point of this exercise and really of life is to evolve into that different version of yourself that can accomplish the goals that you want to accomplish. So thinking about your impossible goal and thinking about the person that you need to become in order to accomplish that impossible goal is paramount. So in doing this work, here’s what I wrote down. The question was, what type of person do you need to become to accomplish this impossible goal? I wrote down fearless works through triggers. Oh, my gosh. Just thinking of how triggered I used to be all the time. Okay. Continuing committed to podcasting weekly, Value giver offer maker does not hide from social media in the summertime. Chooses new beliefs purposefully. Those were the things that I was not at this time last year, December 2019, I was not fearless. I had not worked through my triggers. I was not committed to podcasting weekly. I didn’t identify as a Value giver. I didn’t make many offers. And I hid from social media in the summertime. Every single summer. I hid from my Facebook group when I had one at the time. And I hid from social media because it was so overwhelming. I didn’t know how. I just, I couldn’t tolerate it. I didn’t have the capacity for it. And I was still learning to believe new things purposefully. I had begun that work. I wasn’t an expert. I’m still in the middle of that work. I don’t know if we ever arrive doing that work. So I am still doing that work. Okay, I spent my year trying to become this person. Yes, I thought about my impossible goal, but I spent most of my time trying to become this person, trying to become someone who is fearless, trying to really work through my triggers, and so on and so on. Okay, who do you need to become in order to accomplish your impossible goal? Write it down. What are the qualities that you need to develop? What kind of person would find accomplishing that goal doable? Easy. They wouldn’t even have any doubt. They wouldn’t be afraid. They would just do it. What kind of person would be able to. To just do it? And then the last thing you’re going to do is write down as many ideas as possible of things that you could try and fail at in order to accomplish that goal. I suggest starting with like 20 to 40, just a bunch of things that you could just try. Things that would be uncomfortable, things that might stretch you, things that would not be easy, you might have to ask for help with, you might need to delegate, you might need to get coaching on. But trying to move forward with like, okay, here would be the steps. Here’s how I need to get there. So for me, it was like, figure out how to do a webinar. I had no idea how to do a webinar last year. I’d never done one in my life. So, like, how do I do a webinar? Like, that was one of the things on my list. I have tried and failed a couple times. And actually, this is a perfect segue because I’m doing a webinar on. On the 30th, so stay tuned for that. But webinars were one of the things that I. It was on my list of like, I guess I gotta figure out how to do a webinar. So for your goal, what are the tasks, what are the action items that you would need to try and fail and try and fail and try and fail at until you got good enough to accomplish your goal. So I am still working on being an expert webinar giver. Like, I’ve done. I think I’ve done three this year. I still don’t feel like an expert at all. I’m still working on that. That’s still on my list of things that I’m trying and failing at, but I’m willing to do it. What are the things on your list, the action items? What are the things that you need to write down to say, okay, here’s the way someone would accomplish this goal, and here’s what they might do, and then just be willing to try and fail. Do not make failure mean anything about you. Failure is just information. It is how we know how to proceed. It is how we gather information. So the only way to figure out how to do a webinar for me is. Is to do a webinar. I can read about it, I can listen to Amy Porterfield’s podcast, but I don’t know how to do a web. I just have to, like, actually do the webinar and then evaluate it. What works, what didn’t work, what do I want to do differently, right? And then I do another one and I evaluate that process. What worked, what didn’t work, what do I want to do differently? Is it scary? Hell, yeah, it’s scary. 100 people come to those things. That is scary. That is so scary. The vulnerability, the putting yourself out there. My brain is like, you know, you’re going to die, and not only are you going to die, but you’re going to die in front of a hundred people. But the truth is that webinars are one of the ways that I reach my impossible goal, right? So in 2021, I. I’m planning four webinars. It’s one of the ways that I’m going to reach my impossible goal. The only way to do it is to do it, to be willing to fail at the process over and over and over until I become an expert, until I’m so engaging that it’s just, like, amazing and all the things, right? But I cannot figure that out by reading a book or listening to a podcast. I have to just do it. The same is probably true for you. Those action items that you say, okay, this is how someone would accomplish this impossible goal. You can’t do them without doing them. You can’t do them without risking failure, my friend. Collect failures like badges of honor. Collect failures as ways that you are working toward your goal. Join, focused and come share your failures as wins like we do in Our community, we celebrate when people are actually making progress toward their goal, even when they don’t do it perfectly, even when it could be viewed as a failure. Most of the time in those fails, we can sniff out a win. And that is so important because changing your perspective on failure will allow you to accomplish so much more in your life. 2021 can be your most accomplished, your most amazing year yet. It is 100% possible for you. One of the ways to do that is to simply set a huge, impossible goal for yourself and be willing to fail your way to at least get close to it. And if you get close to it, you will have moved the needle, you have evolved, you will have changed, you have grown, and you may have even a little success under your belt. Just pretty freaking fun. Okay, so as you’re thinking about your goal, your big, impossible, scary, somewhat vomit inducing goal for 2021, I want to invite you to come and join us in Focused. This is the place, my friends. This is the place to get coaching and courses and community and all of the support that you need in to order order to accept your ADHD brain and learn how to work within its parameters. Learn how to get yourself to do the things that you don’t want to do. Learn how to tolerate your triggers and your big emotions and the things that hold you back from taking risks and from failing. The best way to do it is to join a group like this with an army of ADHDers by your side, cheering for you the whole world way. I would love to see you there. I cannot wait to talk to you next week. You are my people and I love you. Talk to you soon. Hey adhder, I see you. I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated and like no one out there really understands the way that your brain works. That’s why I created Focused. Focused is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself, feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study, be coached, grow and make amazing changes alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit ihaveadhd.com focused to learn more.