Kristen Carder 0:00
Tell me more. What do you mean by that?

Steev Hodgson 0:03
Well, that I’m not going to be good enough, that whatever I do isn’t isn’t going to matter. It’s not going to be the right thing, it’s going to be wrong. I’m going to be disappointed something along those lines.

Kristen Carder 0:20
Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter, and you’ve tuned into the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, I am caffeinated, I am regulated, and I am very much ready to roll today in our Eagles gear. My client Steve and I are going to be talking about procrastination. This is something that plagues us with ADHD. Procrastination is something that we struggle with, probably daily, maybe more like hourly, and those of us with ADHD need to figure out how to recognize procrastination, how to overcome procrastination. If we want to get anything done, we have to know about procrastination and how to overcome it. So that’s where we’re going today. But before we get there, I’m gonna ask you to like, subscribe and comment down below, because apparently I’m a YouTuber now, and that’s what YouTubers have to do. So if you enjoy the show if you find this valuable, if there is a measure of goodness in what you are hearing, I would so appreciate you taking a second to hit that rating button, like, subscribe comment down below. As the YouTubers say, I would so appreciate it, because that’s how the show is going to grow. That’s how more people with ADHD are going to hear the content and be able to have access to just the good, grounded tools that we’re giving and so I really appreciate it anytime you take a minute to do that. It really means a lot to me and to the show and to other ADHD ers out there. So thank you so much. So Steve, welcome to the show. It’s so good to have you. You told me in advance that you were gonna be wearing your Eagles jacket. Eagles jacket, so I prepared I have my little, cute kelly green Eagles hat on, and let’s just celebrate the Philadelphia Eagles.

Steev Hodgson 2:10
I love it. I love the hat. I love the old school logo. That’s where I’m wearing my old school jacket here. There’s a story about that, and I’ll relate it to procrastination here in a second. Oh, it’s so good. But first of all, thanks, by the way, thank you for having me back. This is my second time here on the program, as my dad would say. And you know, if anyone wants to go back to the archives, last August, 2023 Yeah, you can hear a much timid version of me here, a very timid, Steve, and here I am, and I’m much more comfortable. So thanks for having me. Oh, that’s so

Kristen Carder 2:45
cool. Thanks for being here. It’s been really fun to watch your progress over the last couple years. And the reason why you were on the podcast in 2023 was because you had gone through my coach training program. That is correct? Yes. And if you remember your interview video, what was it called your like submission video for the CO trading program, you said you like, said why you wanted to be in the program, and you told me about yourself, and then you said, Please tell Kristin that I’m a Philadelphia Eagles fan. I think that will give me a better chance of getting into the program. And I was like, sold, you’re in. That

Steev Hodgson 3:25
is right on. So I had been a fan of the I have ADHD podcast for a few years, and I heard you mention it. I think it was on an interview you had with Ari Tuckman, Okay, a couple years ago, it was pre Super Bowl. And so this was, you heard me mention the Eagles, yeah, just mention the Eagles. And I’m like, Oh, wow, is she from the Philadelphia area. And then I realized that you’re from just outside.

Kristen Carder 3:51
I can’t say I’m from Philly, because Philly people will get very angry, right? You have to say just outside of Philadelphia. So

Steev Hodgson 3:58
yeah, I wanted to use whatever I could to get accepted to a program. And you know, I’m really glad I did that is, and we can talk about my ADHD diagnosis here in a second, but if I look at sort of a line of demarcation of things in my life, that is one that I’m really glad that I applied for, yeah, and I can tell, like, how much I have grown in that role, and I’m just loving it. So I have to thank you for that. So

Kristen Carder 4:27
good. That’s just so great. So tell us about your ADHD journey. When were you diagnosed? What was that like for you?

Steev Hodgson 4:34
Yeah. So I always start off my coaching calls like this with an intro, if I’m being a new clients. So my apologies to them for redundancy here. However, despite my youthful appearance, I’m old. I got my ADHD diagnosis later in life. I’m in my 50s. Now. I was 48 I think when I got my official diagnosis. But you know, this is something that. I’ve known I had my whole life. I can point back to things that happened in 1986 and be like, okay, that that’s where I was in. Yeah, exactly. And I’ll never forget the first time I started hearing about add was probably in the early 90s. I remember having a conversation I was a swim coach back then, doing some of that for high school team. And one of the the students who had just graduated had said, Yeah, I have this attention deficit disorder. And, you know, I can read, you know, The Philadelphia Inquirer, but I don’t want to do my chemistry homework. And I’m like, Well, I do that too. That doesn’t mean like, that’s that’s normal. There’s nothing like, that’s not, I’m like, that’s a, there’s a mental health condition, right? So as more and more, you know, Driven to Distraction came out, and other books came out. So it’s something I always knew that I had. I just didn’t know how connected it was to other things in my life. So I get my official diagnosis in 2020 I’m thinking, you know, the first thing that they do at the time, and hopefully it’s getting better now, but very common, the first thing they did was, okay, here’s your diagnosis and here’s your prescription for Adderall. We’ll see you in six to eight weeks. And I’m thinking, great, this is gonna solve all my problems. And Kristen, I kid you not, I literally, I had the prescription for Adderall. They said, Take it like 9am in the morning, whatever before nine, sure. So I’m sitting there the night before. I’m crying because I’m thinking, this is going to solve all of my problems, like, wow. And I started taking it, and I hated it. It made my brain more foggy. I didn’t know what I was doing. And it was probably about a year later, I found a book magically in my audible recommendations called ADHD 2.0 by Dr Ned Hallowell, yes. And let

Kristen Carder 7:04
the angels, the choir of angels, sing for Dr Ned Hallowell,

Steev Hodgson 7:08
absolutely. And you know, as I’m reading that book, I’m thinking to myself, Wow, this is this is me. This is me. This is me. He’s talking about me. This is unbelievable. And you know, then I learned that’s more to like what’s going on up here than not being able to pay attention to a boring sales presentation. I worked in sales, boring sales presentation or a lecture, you know, in high school or college. And, you know, at that time, Dr Hallowell had a podcast, and on that podcast, now he doesn’t remember this, but on that podcast, he had none other than Kristen Carter. And so

Kristen Carder 7:48
it’s so funny that you say that he doesn’t remember, you want to tell them, why?

Steev Hodgson 7:51
Yes, so I’m sorry. So a little inside baseball for everyone here. We’re getting together this weekend in Philadelphia, the Eagles Jack and eagles hat, for what’s called VIP day for members of the focused program. Yeah. Last year, Kristen did an inaugural VIP day virtual, virtual, everything was on Zoom. It was great. This year there’s, there’s still a lot of people on Zoom, but about 50 or 60 of us are going to be here in person, which is fantastic fun. So Dr Hallowell was the guest speaker indeed. And you know, here’s Dr Hallowell comes on, and now again, this is they always say, like, rock star, yeah. They always say, like, never meet your idols. So here he comes on, and it’s like this. He’s like, upset because, like, he didn’t know he was on the wrong zoom. Someone may give him the right thing, just kind of a little bit curmudgeonly. And the first question you asked him, and this is amazing, the first question you asked him is, do you remember me? And he said, Who are you? And the funny thing is, is that you, I call it a home and home. He run his podcast. He was on yours totally and Dr Hallowell, you know, he just, he couldn’t remember it. And I think that’s his ADHD

Kristen Carder 9:10
agreed we had a lot of compassion for him. And

Steev Hodgson 9:13
you handled it. Folks watching this, if you wanted a lesson in composure, Kristen handled it amazingly. He was not,

Kristen Carder 9:22
he wasn’t super happy. And then he was like, Who are you? How do I know you? And I was like, Oh, we just, like, talked a couple months ago, but it’s all good. It’s all good. It’s so funny. Okay, I’m so sorry. ADHD, 2.0 you heard me on his podcast? Yeah?

Steev Hodgson 9:35
So I’m like, I gotta join this focus thing, because that’s one of the parts in the book, they talk about community. And I think, okay, if I can get in touch with other people like me, yeah, you know, this is great. And so I started listening to your podcast, and then this is coming. I’m coming home about three years now, in focus, so I Yeah, it’s amazing. So like I said, it’s a line of demarcation. Presentation, I got the diagnosis, I can look at the book, and then really it’s when I did focused. I decided being in that and I’m coming off of a career in sales. I work it for tech companies. I’ve had that been in that space since the mid 90s. Yeah, and, you know, and like a lot of ADHD ers, I would get a job do great two years get that, like, two to three year itch, and, you know, something would happen. Either I’d leave, they’d leave, whatever. Who knows, but, but, and it’s also a different time in the software industry too. That’s kind of normal to churn through. But once I saw that, I said, That’s what I want to do. I want to help people like myself, who took a little while to got here. Now we’re here. What can we do better? And focus was a great place for it. Yeah, the coach training program was amazing. So thank you. That’s

Kristen Carder 10:55
so good. I’m so I’m so glad that you felt it was valuable, because your class was just such a joy to teach. So, yeah, it was really, it’s a special group of people. No,

Steev Hodgson 11:07
it was, it was wonderful. So, so yeah, so that was, was sort of my, my entry into ADHD and this community. So,

Kristen Carder 11:16
um, did you ever find a medication that felt good to you.

Steev Hodgson 11:20
Yes. So medications, I learned medication was tricky. I also the other key point and to share this. If anyone else is dealing with this as well, find the right psychiatrist. Yeah. So many people just want to kind of again, turn through they’re overworked. They don’t. So give yourself a little bit of grace and patience, not just with with the psychiatrist, but just in general, with everything. I try to remind my clients to give eight hugs to themselves a day. Oh so good. But just have that grace, because you know, if you don’t find the right psychiatrist, it’s okay keep working through. So I actually had to go through about three so I found the right psychiatrist we treat. We kind of messed around a little bit with the Adderall prescription for a couple years, and now vivance has gone generic, and that’s what I’m on. And I think that’s the best you

Kristen Carder 12:18
like for everyone listening. It’s so important that medication makes you feel good. If it doesn’t make you feel good, then don’t take it right. Like, so you taking the Adderall and being like this feels terrible. Like that is the perfect indication that it is not right for you,

Steev Hodgson 12:34
absolutely. And that was, you know, once I learned that, okay, medication is tricky. There’s an adage, it’s like some dose works for some people some of the time, so you just have to be patient with it.

Kristen Carder 12:46
And there’s a handful of people, I think the statistic is 10% of people who never find a medication that feels good for them. And then there, there are other things, right? So what are the other things that you use to treat your ADHD, so medication. What else?

Steev Hodgson 13:02
Exercise? I try to do 30 minutes of exercise every day, mindfulness, the meditation. I start my day every morning with just even a seven minute mindfulness meditation, with it with an app. There’s many of them out there. Yeah, community. Community is a big thing, talking to other people. I mean, I’ve had hundreds of conversations with people and ADHD ers Absolutely, yeah. And just making that, that connection, like, okay, yeah, that’s how I feel. And now, now that I’m on the other side of coaching, yeah, I see that. I see it from a different lens. I mean, I still have ADHD, that’s, it’s just never going to go away. Oh, really, yeah, that’s never going to go away. But, but it’s that there’s also things that I’ve been trying as well. Besides, you know, community exercise, mindfulness, setting up an environment. I have a standing desk at home because I like to stand I have a balance board that I use. I don’t use it all day, but I stand on it. It’s helpful. I have my desk is also a whiteboard. So I’m an old school person. I write things down on notes and so, so that helps me as well. So

Kristen Carder 14:15
good. So we’re here to talk about procrastination today, and I’m wondering what it means to you. Like when I say procrastination, what do you think about? What does that like mean to you?

Steev Hodgson 14:29
Quite a few things. So I do have a funny procrastination story. Give it to me, and it’s so I think, about two months ago, on your Instagram stories you had put up. Hey, if there was one ADHD trait you would like to do away with, you know, what would it be? Yeah, and immediately. So there was, I think I’m a little bit older than you, but there was a famous song in the 80s called infatuation. And so I’m, I. I’m gonna sing a little bit, but it’s like infatuation. Sorry, defend Rod Stewart if he’s out there. But so when you, when you put that, that poll out there, I thought to myself immediately, I said, procrastination. And so yeah, for me, that’s probably one of the biggest things that I have. It one of the biggest symptoms that I that I deal with, and it’s just that constant there. And, you know, at first I think, and I can point to so many examples, but you know, that’s one of the things. Now, when it comes up, I just, I know that it’s there’s sort of a trauma response,

Kristen Carder 15:45
Oh, tell me more. What do you mean by that? Well,

Steev Hodgson 15:49
that I’m not going to be good enough, that whatever I do isn’t isn’t going to matter. It’s not going to be the right thing. It’s going to be wrong. I’m going to be disappointed something along those

Kristen Carder 16:00
lines. Or someone else might be disappointed in me. Someone might

Steev Hodgson 16:04
be disappointed in me. Someone might think less of me. They might look at you and say, Oh, that’s that’s what you thought, yeah. And you like judge you in some way. So sometimes it’s better to be left in those thoughts in your head, rather than at least. That’s how I used to think. Now I don’t think this that way.

Kristen Carder 16:23
Wow. So how do you when you look back on your life, how do you see procrastinations impact? Like, what’s the earliest memory that you have of procrastination? Um, was it like childhood?

Steev Hodgson 16:38
Absolutely, yeah, I could take you back to I remember, I would remember school reports that would be due, like the next day, and we needed to get contact paper to seal up a like a collage, sure. And it would be seven o’clock on Sunday night, and I would tell my parents, and I remember one time they’re like, well, there’s no place that we can’t go anywhere to get it, right? So I’m like, okay, so I use saran wrap, and I went to school the next day with everyone has their nice laminated notebooks or whatever we were working on, and mine’s done in saran wrap.

Kristen Carder 17:15
I it’s like, it’s endearing and it’s funny, and I’m laughing. But what was the emotional experience for you as a kiddo?

Steev Hodgson 17:23
Oh, just, just, like, was it shame or just, yeah, I think if I had to look back on it was that it was I didn’t want to ask for I grew up in a huge family, but we had five kids, or five of us, so, and I have three sisters, and so that they kind of took a lot of the attention from my parents. So I was fourth out of five. I was the second boy, and so it was hard for me to have that voice to ask for what I needed. That’s what it was to ask for what I needed. I could i Wow, just did not have the voice to do that.

Kristen Carder 18:01
Do you think that impacts us in a way that makes us procrastinate, like the fear of asking for what we need?

Steev Hodgson 18:11
I don’t know if that’s exactly definitely correlates for sure. I don’t know if it’s exactly that and if there’s a few things tied to that, but that it’s definitely had an impact. For sure,

Kristen Carder 18:24
for sure. What are some of the ways, like more recently, that you’ve seen yourself procrastinating like you are much more self aware. You have an ADHD diagnosis, you’re being treated. You’re a coach. You’re taking self development seriously. So are, are you free of procrastination, or does it still show up? Oh, no, absolutely. Tell me. Give me the, give me the juicy stories.

Steev Hodgson 18:53
Well, there, you know, there’s one on, and I won’t share into too much details, but I’ve been working on a you know, I was previously married. We had been, basically been working on a custody arrangement now for several years. And I look back to one of the things that I’m like, gosh, if I just would have hired that lawyer maybe two weeks earlier. And of course, in our minds, it always works out, like, if I did that, it would have been perfect. It would have been, everything would have worked out, great. So now I’ve come around to understanding that maybe this is just what would have happened anyhow.

Kristen Carder 19:29
That’s good. Oh, there’s so much peace in that, isn’t there?

Steev Hodgson 19:32
Absolutely, absolutely. Because I think thinking the the other way, like, if I did it this way, it would have been, you know, what? Everything would have worked out, yeah, and, you know, we can’t, we can’t control that. We can only control, you know, the now, and that’s, it took a long time for me to get there, but, but that’s something that I just always have to remind myself, that, you know, maybe this. This is, maybe, this is just what, what it would have been, yeah, no matter if I did hire someone two weeks before.

Kristen Carder 20:05
Yeah, it’s so interesting. Like, our tendency to just always want to beat ourselves up and say, like, if you had just done x, y, z, then, yeah, absolutely. Then, then it would have been perfect. Yeah, I’m curious when you started learning that procrastination was connected to ADHD, what was that a relief? How did that make you feel? Yeah, that’s

Steev Hodgson 20:33
a good question. So with many symptoms tied with ADHD, I had this euphoric there were, there were two parts. I had this euphoric feel, especially for procrastination, okay, especially around that. But I had this euphoric, wow, I can control my brain, as opposed to it controlling me now and then. I also had the guilt and the shame, like, oh my gosh, I’m 48 years old and I I’m not further along, yeah, than this, just learning this now. Yeah, so that’s, it’s sort of that tricky thing, but, but yeah, that once I understood, and I give Dr hallow a lot of credit for that book, the ADHD 2.0 as well as Driven to Distraction, those books kind of kind of understand and make you aware that, okay, all these other things that you thought, like anxiety, depression, yeah, I have a sensory processing thing that I deal with that they’re actually all tied to what I’m dealing with with My executive functioning through ADHD, yeah,

Kristen Carder 21:40
absolutely, yeah. It just like, relieves us of a lot of for me, I’ll speak for myself, it relieves me of a lot of shame and blame and judgment, where, when I can say, oh, that’s here, not because I’m a terrible person, but because I have a deficiency, or because my brain works a certain way, or because of my wiring, rather than like, oh, I It’s a character flaw, or there’s something wrong with me,

Steev Hodgson 22:08
absolutely, absolutely, and that’s it’s so funny, because when I was deciding to wear this jacket today, I thought of of one of the things that that a symptom will move off of procrastination per second, but impulsivity, yes. So this jacket is made by a company called Mitchell and Ness, which is right right here in Philadelphia. And they build, they make nostalgic information, nostalgic jerseys and things like that. And in my impulsive days, and like my in like the late, early 2000s like late 90s, I would go there and, and, you know, would drop $300 on a jersey like, and I have so many of them still at home. And I had a good I gave away a whole bunch, but I still have box, a box full of things like that. So, ah, and,

Kristen Carder 22:59
and there could be so much blame of like, Why did I do? Why do I keep and then to be able to point to, oh, I know why

Steev Hodgson 23:09
exactly. And it goes back to your point, like, I’m not a bad person. I used to think I was a bad person for that, for for having that, that feeling. And now I know what it was. It was that dopamine that I would go into that store, look at that jacket that is dopamine, I would throw down the 300 bucks, and I will walk out with something like this. Now, this has a different story to it, and I’ll relate this back to procrastination here in a second. Sure. Oh, that’s great, but, but, yeah, that’s That’s exactly right. I used to think I was a bad person. My dad used to say how he could save money. And, you know, I never spent money. I would save it, and I don’t understand why you can’t and things like that. Yeah, and, but I understand now. And this also brings me back to medication, to know that, okay, there’s that that saying skills or pills don’t teach skills Absolutely. But what to think about with the medication is that dopamine hit I walk into a store. I used to love to go to new shopping malls and, like, walk around and see new stores and see all this new stuff and new people. It was exciting, yeah. But what the medication will do is it gives you that gives you a little bit of that, that feeling. So now you don’t have to chase that. Now you can. It’s not going to do your work for you, but it’s going to help you. Now you don’t have to necessarily chase that part of it. And so that’s why it is very important, and it could be very helpful for folks.

Kristen Carder 24:38
I’m really glad that you said that, because that’s not something that we talk about often. Like, medication helps in general, yes, but like, when you get so specific to say I used to impulse shop because I needed the dopamine hit, and now I don’t like I shop and sure there’s dopamine there. But I don’t impulsively do it or compulsively do it, right? There’s not like that urgency for I need that absolutely, yeah, I relate to that so much,

Steev Hodgson 25:09
absolutely. Well, you’re that far from King of Prussia. I mean, there’s a million stores. I

Kristen Carder 25:15
pass it every time I come to this studio, and I’m like anthropology, I’ll see you next time, everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives. You go to bed at a reasonable time and you wake up early, make a list, cross the things off the list in order manage your time. Well, yeah, we know what to do, but ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do but not being able to get yourself to do it. That’s why it is She is so frustrating. We’re smart and we want to succeed, but we can’t get ourselves to do the things that we know we should do in order to make improvements. That’s why I created focused. I’m a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019 I’ve spent 1000s of hours coaching adults with ADHD. Time for me to focus on you. Hello. Welcome to your coaching call. I am going to be coaching you today on relationships. I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from Hot Mess express to grounded and thriving focused is my monthly coaching membership, where we go deep and we get to the root cause of what holds us back. With ADHD, I’ll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions and accept yourself flaws and all with this foundation, we build the skills to improve life with ADHD, and not only do you get skills and tools in focus, but you’re surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. As a matter of fact, listen to what actual focus members have to say about being in this program.

Speaker 1 27:07
What can I say about focused, full community of people who have issues similar to you and judge you? Focus

Speaker 2 27:14
just really supported me with my difficulties in asking for help. I’ve been encouraged and cheered on by the community. I

Speaker 1 27:19
really like that you can do as much core, as little as you want. It’s it’s not just about the volume of the content. It’s about

Speaker 3 27:25
the quality. Focus. Is how we understand ADHD better.

Unknown Speaker 27:28
I would recommend this to anyone.

Kristen Carder 27:30
I would thoroughly recommend focused. I can confidently say that this is one of the best decisions that I have made for myself. So if you’re an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real, lasting changes in your life. Join hundreds of others from around the world in focused click the link in the episode description to check it out. I’m curious, Steve, and this is maybe a painful question to answer. I’m not sure, but what has procrastination cost you? What has been the cost of procrastinating? If you can share with us, kind of, maybe in general, or more specifically, whichever you’re comfortable with, yeah,

Steev Hodgson 28:12
I joke that I should write my next book and I’ll talk about my current book, but my next book should be, I should be rich, because I could talk about jobs, job opportunities, missed job opportunities, lost that I was in dream jobs that I had dang that maybe I, you know, procrastinated because I didn’t want again, didn’t, didn’t have that voice that was nourished When I was a kid. So I would also project bosses as, like my parents. So when I would need to tell them, like, hey, you know, maybe, maybe it’s a sales not coming through, or a customer, and, you know, I would just find any way I could to, like, procrastinate that decision till it’s the last minute. And so, yeah, I could, I could think about that with relationships and jobs, and, you know, that’s where you can really beat yourself up, but the self awareness part helps, and it’s, you know, it was not an easy journey to get here, but, but I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I had that capability. Look back and say, well, we don’t know what would have happened anyway, totally.

Kristen Carder 29:23
And I think that as we mature and as we are doing self development work, the self awareness just gives us so much more understanding of why we made certain decisions, like you even saying, and you just kind of breezed past it. But it was profound. I used to project onto my bosses, my parents, and so then I couldn’t go to my bosses and say, hey, the sale that I’ve been working on is not going to be coming through, because I was projecting the relationship of my parent onto them. That’s profound, that self awareness is amazing. Mm. Yeah.

Steev Hodgson 30:00
And I can think of that too in relationships where that has happened and, you know, I’m in a good place now with a very solid partner, but, but it didn’t, you know, there were always that way, yeah, absolutely, yeah. So that’s absolutely. So that’s, that’s the sort of thing like procrastinating, telling them, Hey, we don’t have the money for this. We don’t have the money to go on this trip to Vail, Colorado, whatever, whatever it is, that sort of thing, man,

Kristen Carder 30:31
what are some ways that you have worked to overcome procrastination? I think look like

Steev Hodgson 30:37
so. So a cheap, cheap publicity for you. So, so focused. If, first of all, if you’re listening to this podcast or watching us on YouTube and you have ADHD, if you’re not a member of focused, what are you waiting for? So come on in. You will be so happy you’re here with us. You’ll, you’ll get to interact with people like myself, people like Kristen, and there’s, you know, 900 others in there, but hearing other stories. But also, you did a course in, I want to say it was in March of this year of 2024, and you talked about it, and it was really where I, you know, even one of my clients recommended, because I can’t listen to all the courses. Nobody does. Nobody does, except for

Kristen Carder 31:28
Nicole. I think she listened to every single one, but she’s only person.

Steev Hodgson 31:31
But I look at focused as a focus is like an amusement park you walk into, you’re here in Pennsylvania, you go to Hershey Park, Dorney Park, we were a big, great adventure family. Do you go in there? You don’t ride every ride, and you don’t need to, so just do what you can. Yeah, a client turned me on and they said, Hey, did you hear Kristen’s procrastination first one today? And I’m like, No, I haven’t. And they mentioned one or two things, and I’m like, I gotta listen to this. So on my ride home, I put it in the members podcast. And, yeah, that’s the sort of of work that we do in focused that you can do on your own. You do it on your own terms, yeah, and that can help. And then you can see, like, okay, me procrastin Isn’t because I’m a bad person. It’s a trauma response. It’s a, you know, probably goes back to childhood for many of

Kristen Carder 32:24
us. Isn’t that wild to connect it? Yeah, it’s so interesting because we grow up thinking or hearing, let me say it this way. We grow up hearing, if you only applied yourself, you’re so smart. If you just applied yourself, you would do so well, you could be successful, or if you only saved money, or if you only studied harder, whatever, whatever. And so that becomes the voice in our head, right, absolutely. And then we’re facing a work email that we don’t want to write, or we’re facing a project that we need to turn in that’s almost finished, but not quite right. Or we’re facing just a pile of laundry, like an infant, an infinite pile of laundry,

Steev Hodgson 33:10
or a pile bills, yeah, a pile of mail that that you don’t want to open. Oh, the

Kristen Carder 33:14
pile of mail that’s so real. I just got a feeling, and not a good one, that pile of mail that’s just sitting there that, you know, there’s bills in there that need to be paid. You’re just not, you’re just like, I’ll get you. I’ll get to but then the voice comes in where it’s like, if you, if you just worked harder, you could do it. If you were just a better person, you could do it. And it’s, it’s realizing, like, no, there’s a reason why I procrastinate. It’s not because I’m a bad person. It’s not because I don’t have my shit together. It’s like I am avoiding this because of a fee. It’s really a feeling. Don’t you think like we’re avoiding the emotion, or we’re avoiding

Steev Hodgson 33:54
the fear? And you’re right. It’s there’s an emotion there, and I hear from so many ADHD clients and even myself, once you do the thing, it’s never as bad as ever takes as long as you think it’s going to take. It’s never the reaction is never as bad as you think it’s going to be on the other side. And it’s, you know, that’s okay. It’s we have to learn, and it’s baby steps,

Kristen Carder 34:19
yeah. How do you think emotional regulation plays into procrastination? Oh,

Steev Hodgson 34:25
hugely. If you’re not, if you’re not, emotions are everything. Someone, someone told me that once, but, but, yeah, if you’re not in a good space, any one of the, any one of the symptoms that we have, if you, if I find, if you’re not, like, if I’m over stimulated, if I’m over whatever, like, I might, might, you know, I know that that snapping at my daughter isn’t gonna work. Yeah, I know that, but it’s still like, if I’m over stimulated, I’m chasing them around my four year old around an airport. Yeah, and. I tell her, Hey, I told you, don’t. She falls. You to get over here. She falls. And I tell her, I know it doesn’t, it’s not going to matter, but, but still, but again, if you So, that’s where emotions, you have to tie it back. And it’s not perfect. No one’s no one’s going to get that perfect. You have a great you have a great manner around that. So around emotions,

Kristen Carder 35:19
is that what you mean absolutely, do you like? What was that like for you? Because I, I remember kind of walking through that process with you, of like, identifying emotions and processing emotions, like, what was the experience like for you? I think you were probably nearly 50 at the time, like interacting with your emotions, maybe for the first time, like truly listening to your body Absolutely,

Steev Hodgson 35:47
because I don’t, I personally don’t do well with emotions. And now I’m getting more and more. I’m getting way better at that. And it’s, yeah, it’s, it’s because they used to just sit right here like a piano on my chest, yeah? And, you know, now thinking back to, you know, some of the tools that we have in our toolbox to help us with that, yeah, it’s great, and, and, but yes, specifically in the coach training program, one of the the modalities that we use is the steer map method, yeah, and I use that with my clients as well, and I love it. It’s a great way to think intentionally, yeah, but the E in that is emotions, and to know that emotions drive our actions. And you know, I’ll never forget this You did an evaluation of a zoom call that I recorded for a client, and you said to me, and I just would, would brush past the emotions and onto actions like, Okay, our emotions lead to actions, but I’m feeling sad. Okay. Well, then what did you do and not really letting the person breathe? And that was, you know, we’re both wearing our Eagles gear. Jalen hertz always says, Coach me, coach me, tell me what I need to do. Tell me, coach me. Be hard on me, and I’ll never forget you said, hey, you know this is if you just sit there in that emotion, I feel like that’s where you’re struggling, is you want to move on so quickly. And that that really helped me understand that. And now, once I once I see it in others, then I’m able to also even get a better grasp of myself too.

Kristen Carder 37:27
Oh, I just love how you said that, because this is why we need each other. This is why humans need each other, right? Is like, I can’t learn all of this on my own. I can’t learn how to be a human on my own. We need other people to reflect things back to us, and like you saying, when I see it in my clients, it helps me understand it in myself, like that makes me Misty. That’s just so beautiful. Because this is why we’re always encouraging on this podcast, like the listeners, to join a community, whether it’s focused or any other community, where you can be mirrored, and there can be that back and forth, and you can see yourself reflected in someone else, and your emotions have reflected in someone else, because it provides such a deeper understanding. I’m just really glad you said that. I thought that was

Steev Hodgson 38:20
no absolutely, and you know, so again, I thank you so much for what I learned from you and for accepting me in your in your coach training program. So first of

Kristen Carder 38:31
all, you’re very easy to accept, and you’re extremely coachable. So it’s hard as a human to give feedback to someone and say, like, hey, like, you could sit there longer, and you could do this differently, but you’re like, all right, Coach. Like, tell me what to do. I’ll do it. And I’ve seen such growth from that. So that’s awesome. So my dear,

Steev Hodgson 38:55
yes, um,

Kristen Carder 38:58
how do you help your clients with procrastination. What are some things that you kind of walk them through as they’re struggling with procrastination? Oh, that’s

Steev Hodgson 39:07
a good question. So again, it’s that. Let’s, let’s talk about it. Let’s, let’s figure out, where does this come from? Where, where have you been? Let’s go back sure to, you know, certain things. Again, every coaching call is different. Every like it, right? Every coaching calls different. Absolutely, absolutely. It’s the dopamine, that’s what I get now that that’s where I get it from, but, but every coaching call is different, every client is different, and so each, every, every call with a client is different. So it’s a few things, but it’s a lot of times it’s, Hey, let’s, let’s figure out the origin of this. And I don’t know, necessarily know that that’s going to change for you, yeah, moving forward, but at least if we identify it, and then you can recognize in yourself where that comes from. And then you can, then you can, you can, you can decide, like, Okay, do I want? To put this off right until next Thursday, right? Or do I want to handle it now and just get it out of the way? Yeah, I

Kristen Carder 40:07
think that when we have the understanding of why we’re procrastinating, it’s so much easier to overcome because our default is the reason why I’m procrastinating is because I’m a bad person and I don’t do anything right, and I just don’t know how to do anything right. And so if we as coaches can help our clients to see, like, no, there’s a really good reason why you’re procrastinating. Maybe you’re afraid to do the thing, or maybe it’s not actually something you want to do. It’s someone else’s expectation of you that you just don’t want to do. And so turns out you just, let’s just not do it, because it’s not even for you. Yeah, and

Steev Hodgson 40:44
that’s a great point. That’s a that’s a real great point, because it’s like, the longer you put something off, then it’s just not going to get done. But if you can identify that, okay, actually, I could hire someone to do this, or I could work with someone to do totally ask for help, or

Kristen Carder 41:02
my husband told me I should do it, but it’s so I have this should in my head, and then I have this expectation in my head and this fake deadline in my head, but it’s not actually something I want to do, so I’ll just hand it back to him and say that absolutely, yeah, but I don’t actually even want to do this. So if you want it done, it’s yours. Enjoy.

Steev Hodgson 41:19
And also sometimes it comes to, like, what emotions come up? So one of the things and the inspiration for me, so a couple things, if you don’t mind me talking here for a second, I love it. Go for it. The so I haven’t so for for everyone kind of following along at home. I now, I grew up here in Philadelphia, literally minutes from here in a town called Havertown. Went to high school around here, went to, you know, grew up in this area, spent a lot of time right minutes from the studio in the in the borough of manioc here, I have not been home in about two years since the passing of my father. So this is so one of the procrastination things around is tied to that. I recognize that with ADHD, a lot of it’s hereditary, so I say to my kids, and so I knew I started doing some inventory, like, Okay, who in the family could I have maybe gotten this from? And absolutely, I look at my dad and I know right there, what, where I got everything from. So one of the things I’ve been putting off is, for two years, I’ve been wrestling with this idea. I’ve even gone so far wrestling with the idea of writing a book called on eagle wings. It’s about what do you think, but it’s also not about what do you think. What’s tied to that is how I related to my dad, which was I had to learn a love of sport to have a conversation with him. And also, as I said earlier in this conversation we’re having, I had three sisters, so that gave me, like a leg up on my sisters if I knew sports. So I didn’t have a choice. I just had to dive in. Does that mean that I wouldn’t be a Philadelphia Eagles fan. Today, I live in the Bay Area. Now I’m married to a 49 ers fan. I will never convert. I will never convert to the San Francisco Giants. Go and say, Where’s none of those teams. My roots are here. But would I still be a fan? Probably, but maybe I wouldn’t be hanging on. You know, listening to sports talk radio, and as into it as I have been over the years, and a lot of that comes from my from my dad, and I recognize with that was okay, his ADHD, and he never had it treated. And one quick story on this, where I got the idea for the book, and I’ve gone so far as I hired a book coach. I paid them the money, and I got, like, about, I don’t know, I have all the chapters written. I have them titled. I have quotes tied each chapters, 18 different chapters. I have a lot of it in the book coaches hands. But then I’m like, It’s not good enough, and it’s not, you know, so I’m beating myself up over that, but where I got the idea for the book, and this ties into so much adhd with this story. I love it. So I in California. My parents, their birthday was coming up. This is in like 2015 2016 in the Philadelphia area, there’s a very famous sports columnist named Ray dininger, and he wrote a play called Tommy and me. And Tommy is the story of Tommy McDonald. And Tommy McDonald was a football player for the Philadelphia Eagles in the 50s and 60s. My dad was a big fan, yeah. And so he wrote this play, and I thought, Wait, I heard an ad for it. I’m like, I’m. I get my parents tickets for that play for their birthday. So I bought them the tickets and send them to them. I’m like, Hey, I call them the next day, like, how was it? And my dad, my mom said, Well, your father, and she wrote the photo my dad and it was, it was out in the play was actually on Delaware Avenue. It was in Philadelphia here, and my dad, being my dad, was looking around for the best parking spot. So he was driving around. And this is the ADHD, you’re in a test. You’re stuck there. You’re in that test. You gotta find that parking spot. So he’s driving up and down. And there was one maybe a block away, or one that was charging $15 or whatever, whatever expensive. Let’s keep going. So he parked like three miles away. Walked to the show. They missed half the show. So, and the timing of this was fortuitous. So, so my mom passes in 2021 my dad at this point in 2022 it’s April 2022 he is in an assisted living facility. But I know, I know it’s like near in the end, and he passed in September of 22 so I hear an ad again. I listen to podcasts for Philadelphia sports. I hear an ad. They’re like, we’re gonna do Tommy and me at the New Hope theater this week. So I’m like, I tell my wife, I said, I’m buying tickets. I’m flying out there, and I’m gonna take them to this play. The whole thing. I’m gonna drive them home. I’m gonna drive them back. So I do this. I literally fly we, you know, this is 2022 we’re still kind of fresh off the pandemic. You know, everyone’s wearing masks everywhere. You know, you had to show your your your COVID vaccination card to get into the theater. So it was a little bit of a different time with someone I saw you really, like, I don’t want to go for long. Yeah, we have a at that time. She’s a two year old. We’re having some tough times with that, yeah. So she’s like, I can’t have you gone for too long. So, I’m like, No problem. I’m gonna, I’m gonna catch the red eye out Friday night. I’ll pick him up. We’ll drive up to New Hope, yeah, and go to the theater, and then I’ll drop him off, and then I’ll come back the next morning. And that’s what I did. But so this is where the ADHD part comes in, and I recognize, again, the parking story being one of it. Now I can look back. I’m like, How many times have I done that? But we’re on the way, so I pick him up. We’re on the way to New Hope. He’s literally at the Pennsylvania, Delaware line. I mean, you could get further from New Hope. It’s like an hour and a half. Basically, it’s like two the furthest parts of the Philadelphia area. So we’re driving up there, and imagine like you, let’s say your son or daughter, when they’re older, come back, they travel 3000 miles to see you on the car ride. You’re probably going to talk to them and be like, Hey, how are you? What’s my dad doing? He’s he, till the very end of his life, he was organizing trips every for His church, every Monday to go to Atlantic City. So what’s he doing this Saturday night as a gamble to Yeah, they would take a, it would take a, it was a senior citizens trip, church gambling trips. Yep, they would take, they would take, they would go down Atlantic City. Had. The whole spiel is, like, you pay $30 you get 25 back. We park it at resorts, or whichever one and, and, you know, it’s a great deal. He never really gambled. He just, he liked to organize the trip, but he had all he would talk about. He had 55 seats to fill on the bus. And so literally, we’re driving up to new hope an hour and a half. He’s on the phone six o’clock on a Saturday night making calls to people like I got five more seats to fill. And so that’s where I said, You know what? I need to I need to relate this story back, because I know that there’s other people that that probably picked up something that they like because of a loved one. I’ve related this story to a couple to actually another focus member, and she said to me, she said, Wow, I can’t believe that, because I think back to I got into real estate because my dad was in real estate. Wow. So I think it’s something that could relate to a lot of people, for sure, regardless of the team, you could be a Cowboys fan or, no, a 40 Niners fan, but, but so why? It ties into this jacket. So this, this particular jacket that I’m wearing, this is a design that the Eagles gave to Princess Di in the in the 80s, and there’s a cover of People magazine where she’s wearing this jacket. And there was only one of them made. It was just for her. And so Mitchell and this decided to re release it last year. Yeah, and they made like 100 and they sold out right away. And you can go. You pay like, $2,000 or whatever. Gosh. So then my wife tells me, like, Hey, did you see they’re releasing more of those Mitchell Ness jackets coming up? And I said, Oh, what is it? She’s like, I think they’re releasing them now. She said, You should go online. So I bought out of sold out. Little did I know she had already bought me one. And so for Valentine’s Day last year, she did that, but she gave it, she presented it with me, and I’m wearing it because it’s like I wanted to be I’ve only worn it once. This is, this is the second I put on. I put it in a case, and it’s gonna stay there. But I thought I want to wear this on this podcast today. I knew I was coming home for first time a couple years, to inspire me to finish that project, to not be afraid to tell those stories. A lot of it’s pain coming up of of things that I went through with my childhood and so so I think that’s that’s that trauma response,

Kristen Carder 50:54
oh, it’s so beautiful. I so appreciate you sharing that. It’s so vulnerable to share that, but I am so appreciative of you sharing it, because you’re not procrastinating writing a book, right? It’s hard, it’s hard, and you are working through the emotion of everything that it brings up. And so like, Sure, we could say you’re procrastinating, but if we’re getting more technical and more accurate, it’s like, I’m taking the time to feel what I need to feel before I like, put these stories out into the world. That’s work. Yeah, that’s a lot of work. And to process the relationship with your parents like I hear you speak really fondly of them, and that’s beautiful, but I can sense the pain there, too. And for most of us humans in the world, there’s fondness and pain with our families, right? That’s very normal. But as someone who’s just like learning to experience emotions. I mean, not just but like in the last couple years, you know, like, this is hard work. I just really commend you for for doing that work. Well,

thank you. Yeah. Ah,

as we wrap up, I’m wondering if you have some encouraging words for people who are listening, who are like, I want to learn how to stop procrastinating, but I don’t, I don’t know where to start, or I’m afraid, or, or I just, maybe I’m just broken, like, maybe I’m the one who’s like, just broken and can’t figure out how to do it, like, Can Can you encourage our listeners a little bit

Steev Hodgson 52:40
absolutely there, you know, because I used to look at you as aspirational, and I’m like, I want to be Krista Carter. I want to be that. And I realized that. So for anyone out there, it’s the work can be done. It’s, it’s there, you can, you can do that. I was, I was in your chair three years ago. You the listener, or watching on YouTube. And you know, I’ve been there, and you know, I my journey is not complete. I still got a long way to go, and that’s okay, but it’s okay. You can, you can get to a better place. It might not seem like that now, yeah, but you can. And just, just again, have that grace. If you were walking down the street and saw someone with a broken arm or, you know, wrong crutches, you’re probably going to hold the door for that person. But because we can’t see what we’re dealing with up here, we don’t even give ourselves grace. We just think like, oh, well, now I have my ADHD diagnosis, I should be able to just be able to do it. Yeah, right, you know. So give yourself the grace you can, you can get to a point, and, you know, be where you’re at, where you can process these emotions better. So

Kristen Carder 53:55
good. Thank you so much for being here. It’s just been such a joy. Can you tell us how people can find you? Like, if somebody’s listening and they’re like, oh my gosh, this, this sounds like my kind of a coach, like, how can people find you? Steve,

Steev Hodgson 54:12
Well, I appreciate you asking that. So thank you. Couple couple ways. One, I’m on social media, Instagram, X, formerly known as Twitter, my handle there is damnhealthydose @damnhealthydose to play on ADHD. A Damn Dealthy Dose. My website is damnhealthydose.com. I don’t know when this is airing, but I will be at the International ADHD conference in November in Anaheim. So if you happen to be there, stop on by my booth. I’ll be there booth 303. I think it is, but it also unfocused. Come on in. We need more voices in here, so, but I’m happy to have a conversation with anyone

Kristen Carder 54:58
that’s awesome. Thanks. Steve. This has been so much fun, and let’s just close by saying, Go birds.

Steev Hodgson 55:04
All right, thank you. Go birds, that’s great.