Kristen Carder
Music. Welcome to the I have ADHD podcast, where it’s all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults. With ADHD, I’m your host, Kristen Carter and I have ADHD, let’s chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting, relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder, I’ll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential and move from point A to point B. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristin Carter, and you’re listening to the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. Welcome to the show. I’m so glad to be here with you today. This is my 290/9 episode. I’m a little bit freaking out about that 299 episodes I’ve been recording Since 2018 if you’ve ever heard me tell the story of how I started this podcast. At the end of 2018 I was dying to start a podcast, trying to figure out how to do it, watching YouTube videos on how to start a podcast, and I recorded my first episode probably 72 times before I was brave enough to just throw it out there. I had no launch plan. I half of me didn’t want anyone to listen to it. The other half of me hoped that people would listen to it, but I kind of threw that first episode out into the darkness of the night at the end of 2018, and 567, however, many years later we are like, here we are.

This is wild. So if you’ve been an OG like along for the ride for the whole time, I see you. I appreciate you. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. I hope that you love it. I hope that you find solace and community and a sense of like not being alone. And make sure to check out the earlier episodes where I’ve interviewed basically all of the experts in the ADHD field. It’s been such a wild ride for me to be able to chat with people like Dr Russell Barkley and Dr Ned Hallowell and Dr Tamara Rozier. Like, who am I to be able to have face to face conversations with these people? It has been such a joy, and so I’m just really glad you’re here. I’m taking a moment to reflect, because this is a big deal. 300 episodes almost like, dang, it’s a lot for an ADHD or to handle, and I have been persistent, inconsistent at times, as anyone with ADHD is, but look what happens when you’re persistent. I remember in those earlier episodes, I certainly was not able to put out an episode a week. I was recording on my own, I was editing on my own, I was publishing on my own. I was doing every single administrative thing on my own, which, you know, as an ADHD or like, I had no business doing any of that, and I was doing all of it, and I was not consistent. And I just want to encourage you that you don’t have to be consistent to be successful. Instead of aiming for consistency, I just tried to be resilient. And I tried to be persistent. All I cared about was just like picking myself back up and trying again. And so there were weeks when my family would get sick. I had much littler kids at the time, and kiddos would get sick, or my life would be in chaos, and I wouldn’t be able to get an episode out that week. But I didn’t let it stop me from just trying again the next week. I was really bad. I was really, really bad at recording episodes on my own. I would sit at my dining room table and I would like, be on my phone, and I’d be like, record an episode, record an episode. But it was so hard. I was nervous, I was fearful. I wanted people to listen, but also I didn’t want anybody to hear it, because it’s embarrassing, and what if I say something wrong, and what if I get canceled? And so there was, like, a ton of fear and anxiety that came along with it, but I just had a passion to talk to adults with ADHD. I wanted to create a community where adults with ADHD could feel so much less alone, could feel normal, that the experiences that we were going through could be normalized, and that we would just know that like the way that our brains work.

It’s a little quirky, but that’s okay. There are so many of us that think this way. There are so many of us that operate this way, and I think that I’ve really accomplished that, and I’m so proud of it. So whether you are an OG that you’ve been around forever, or you. You’re brand new to the show. Thank you for being here. I really want this space to be a place where our way of thinking is normalized, where you feel like you’re seen and you’re valued for what you bring to the table. And that matters so much to me. So hey, hit that subscribe button. Okay, give a little rating for the show. Show some love so that we can continue the work that we’re doing, because there are so many more people with ADHD out there just feeling like they’re broken, feeling like they’re stuck, feeling like they have no direction, and they need to know, they need to know that they’re not broken, that they’re okay, and we’re the ones that are going to tell them, we’re the ones that are going to help them to understand that, and you interacting with the show, that’s what that’s what makes it grow.

That’s what tells the algorithm that it’s worthwhile, and that’s what allows for other ADHD ers to find it. So today we’re going to talk about following through, and that’s a perfect transition, if I do say so, because following through on this podcast was kind of a shit show at first, and it was inconsistent, and it wasn’t cute, and it was really hard, and I had to deal with a lot of things, and we’re in the new year now, and I’m sure you are thinking about, what do you want to accomplish this year? What? What do you want to get done? And ADHD or struggle so much with following through. I have conversations with adults with ADHD every single day. If you don’t know, I’m an ADHD coach. I coach people from all over the world, and I’ve coached over 4000 people. So that’s not nothing like I’ve had a lot of conversations with adults with ADHD, and one of the themes that comes up over and over is we struggle to follow through. We want to accomplish something, we want to get it done, but we can’t make ourselves do it. As Dr Russell Barkley says, ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of not getting yourself to be able to do the things that you know you want to do. And that is what’s so frustrating, and that’s why we feel so stalled out, and that’s why we just feel like, my gosh, I just I feel stuck. I feel like I’m not reaching my potential.

So today we’re going to talk about the four things that every ADHD er needs to understand, needs to learn, needs to do before they can even start to follow through. And these are the things that most traditional productivity courses, they leave out. And this is what’s so like, frustrating about being an ADHD human in the world is that you you maybe sign up for a course, or you sign up for a program, or you download an app, or you all like, do whatever all the normies are doing. And you think this is going to work for me, but the problem is that most of these typical productivity courses leave out the very basics that the ADHD or needs. So they’re created by neurotypicals, for neurotypicals, and they assume that you, just like all humans, have figured these things out before you’ve even purchased the planner, or before you’ve even purchased the course. And so what I like to tell my clients is like those programs were never going to work for you, and it’s not your fault that they don’t work for you. They just were never going to because they leave out four things. They assume that you already have a clear vision. They assume that you already have a good enough? Why they assume that you’ve already built up as an adult, a willingness to say no? And the last thing they leave out the fact that you’re really going to need an emotional regulation toolkit. So those are the four things that we’re going to talk about today, a clear vision, a good enough. Why a willingness to say no, and an emotional regulation toolkit. Those are the four things that every human with ADHD needs to just like have, like possess, before you even start the process of following through, before you even start the process of a productivity program or the new shiny planner, or whatever it is, okay, so we’re gonna go through it today. First, a clear vision. Um, ADHD, I know, I know, I know, I know you, and I know that a clear vision is very difficult for you to acquire, and there are so many executive functioning skills that are working against you. So if you’re new to the pod, if you’ve never really heard about executive functioning before, essentially ADHD affects the frontal lobe, and the frontal lobe is where all of the executive functions are housed, and executive functions. Are the skills that essentially, they allow you to function and be an adult, and to varying degrees, these skills are impaired.

For someone with ADHD, for you, for me, these skills are impaired. They can be improved, but they don’t develop naturally like they do in typical adults. And so the skills, the executive functioning skills that really hinder us from having a clear vision include organization, prioritization, planning, like that’s a cluster of skills that we can’t we can’t really organize what we want. We can’t really think through and put it into order. We can’t really understand, like, what’s most important to us and what can go prioritization is just like the theme of following through, being able to prioritize and know this is what is most important, and then let everything else go. That is one of the key skills.

And guess who sucks at it? Me and probably you, if you have ADHD. Additionally, besides that cluster of skills, visual working memory, for someone with ADHD is very much impaired, and maybe you’ve never even heard a visual working memory, but it’s a really important skill. It’s the it’s the ability to picture something in your mind’s eye. Many, many, many people with ADHD are not able to visualize you’re not able to picture what the future might look like. To hold in your mind a picture of where you want to go. And, I mean, it’s just really annoying that neurotypicals, most of them do this just very, very naturally. And this is why so many neurotypical people, you just kind of watch them decide what they want to do and then go after it systematically. It’s because they can see it in their mind’s eye, they can hold it there, and they just like work toward that vision. Well, that is usually a skill that is impaired for us. ADHD, ers, next up, we have self reflection that is also very much impaired for us. ADHD years and so without organization, prioritization, planning, visual working memory or self reflection, how the hell is someone with ADHD supposed to develop a clear vision and and that is like the foundation of how we’re going to follow through. How ever are we going to follow through if we don’t have a clear vision in the first place? And so don’t despair. First of all, just take a breath. It’s okay. This is something that we can develop. It’s just not something that we are born with naturally. We ADHD ers struggle so much to like see into the future because of that visual working memory. And additionally, we’re like in survival mode. We’re trying to manage the dumpster fire that is the chaos of our life.

So sitting down and self reflecting and thinking about who we are and what we want and where we’re going, it can feel overwhelming. It can feel impossible, and also it kind of feels like irrelevant. Like, why am I gonna sit down and try to think about like my feelings and what I want in life, when my life is on fire, like, I need to put the fire out first, and I get you, I totally get that. But what happens then is we just kind of live in the cycle of only taking care of what’s right in front of us and never really knowing where we want to go in the future. So instead of having a clear vision, like, like a location that we can easily type into our GPS. I don’t know why I did this, like keyboard. I don’t ever type on the keyboard for my GPS, but that’s fine. Instead of typing in the location of the GPS to get us where I want to go, it’s murky, like, if you’re like me, the way that I used to be, I could have, like, flashes, I could see flashes of where I wanted to go.

I could see flashes of like what could be, and I would have brief moments of clarity, but most of the time, it was just muddy, because I was so engrossed in the day to day survival of all of the chaos that I was living in. I just never really knew where I was going. I was just like running in circles, like the spin cycle of the washing machine, typical productivity courses or planners, or, like, just even people out there, like on Instagram, putting up, like the inspirational quotes, they just all assume that the user or the consumer knows where they want to go, and most typical adults do, I think, right. But a system that’s going to work for someone with ADHD needs to start way, way, way, way, way, way, way back at the very beginning, helping you to determine your destination in the first place, helping you to know. What you want and why you want it, helping you to understand your values and like what’s actually meaningful to you, so that you’re not just like throwing anything and everything on your to do list.

Because when we throw anything and everything on our to do list, and then we shame ourselves and beat ourselves for not beat ourselves up for not following through, and we just get paralyzed and overwhelmed and we don’t really do anything. So a clear vision, an understanding of where you’re going. That’s number one on the list. All right. Next up, if an eat each deer is gonna follow through ever we need to have a good enough why. And at first, when I was, like thinking through this and like writing this all out, I was thinking I wrote down a meaningful why. We need to have a meaningful why. That sounds so like important, but the truth is, it really just can’t be a meaningful why, because the question, then, is like meaningful to who?

Because we ADHD ers have grown up feeling like we always do things wrong. We are wrong. Everything about us is wrong, and so a lot of times we overcompensate for this, and we tend to be people pleasers. And so in my experience, I’ve noticed that a lot of our Whys are often connected to what other people expect from us. They’re often connected to what other people want from us. So a meaningful why really isn’t the right approach, because we really need to question meaningful to who it’s just not the right word. What I want to know is, is your why good enough to get you out of bed in the morning? Is your why good enough to keep you working even when it gets hard, even when it gets scary. Is your why so compelling to you that even when you fail and you will you’re willing to try again and again. If I go back to myself in 2018 God bless that version of me who didn’t know what she was doing, who started a podcast with her little blue snowball Yeti mic in in her dining room, just being like, I think I can maybe say something meaningful and gather adults with ADHD that was a really, really good enough. Why for me and and it kept me going.

It was like, somebody needs to be here for these people for me. Like I wanted someone there for me. I didn’t feel like that person was there. And so I was like, I think I could I think I could be that. I think I could be that, not just for myself, but for other people. That was a good enough why it wasn’t someone else’s expectation of me. No one else said to me, oh my gosh, you should totally start a podcast for adults with ADHD. No one said that to me, actually, when I like, I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was doing. It was so embarrassing to me when Greg would occasionally be like, Oh, Kristen started a podcast. I would be like, do not tell people that I started. I was like, stop it. But my internal Why was good enough. It kept me going. It kept me persistent. It kept me resilient. So is your WHY meaningful to you? It has to be good enough for you.

So many of us allow other people’s expectations and desires for our lives to wind up on our task list, on our to do list, on our vision board. But we’ve got to build autonomy here. We’ve got to build like an individualism when it comes to our why what we want and why we want it. Most people with ADHD are actually allergic to doing things just because, and like you already know that because all of those items on your to do list that are just like, oh, it’d be like, really good if I just did that, because other people do it, you’re not doing them.

You’re not doing them because you’re allergic. Like, literally, I just want you to think of it as like an allergy. Someone with ADHD is allergic to doing things just because, and so if you feel a full body resistance to doing the tasks on your to do list. It’s very possible that you’re simply just not aligned with those tasks. They’re not aligned with who you are and what you want, and so I just want to say, cross those things off your list, like don’t even do them. Who? Okay, next up. So, number one, we need a clear vision. Number two, we need a good enough. Why? Number three, if an ADHD or is going to follow through, they’ve got to develop a willingness to say no, because you might have a clear vision and you might have a good enough, why? A why? That will get you. Out of bed in the morning and really propel you and move you forward.

But it’s not enough, because you’ve got to develop a tolerance and a willingness to say no to everything else that is not that vision. And here’s here’s the symptom of ADHD that’s really going to interfere it’s impulsivity. Impulsivity is your is your ability to like, regulate your impulses and slow down and give yourself a moment to think and reflect before you say yes to something that someone else asks you to be, who Another thing that’s going to hinder you is your inability to understand the concept of time that is going to bite you right in the ass, over and over, I promise you, this is called time blindness. There are a bunch of executive functioning skills that go into our inability to understand the concept of time. It’s not just like we’re late, it’s like we don’t understand how time works, and so you’re always, always, always going to overestimate how much time you have. I’m sorry you’re gonna You gotta count on that.

You’re always going to be like optimistic about how much you can get done. A lot of us, myself included, live in a fantasy world when it comes to time, and I need my team at work who are neurotypical. I need my husband who is neurotypical. I need my best friend who is neurotypical. I need them to tell me, No, what are you thinking? You like you’re not going to be able to do all of that. Or I go to Greg and I say, What time should I leave for this event? Like? I don’t know. It seems to me that 30 minutes is plenty of time. What do you think? And he’s like, No, sweetheart, we you’re gonna need a full hour.

Like asking the normies in my life about time, about how much I can manage within time, about what time I need to like that is how I survive, because I like time and me, we not friends. And so here’s the thing, once you know where you want to go and you know why you want to go there, you’ve got to develop a willingness to say no, and your impulsivity and your time blindness are going to work against you here. But here’s what is true, most everything that is clamoring for your attention is just noise. That’s all it is. It’s just noise. It’s it’s like the bake sale and the volunteer form. Like, right now it’s not the new year. I’m in the Christmas season. And like, Operation Christmas Child is a thing. And like, people are just clamoring for our attention. So like, it’s just like operation, Christmas Child and like compassion and like angels. It’s like, there’s just so much noise. And just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should do it. Doesn’t mean we have to do it. Doesn’t mean we’re obligated to do it.

Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should. And so what I am just like begging you to do is to first develop a clear vision and to really have, like, a why that is good enough to get you out of bed in the morning and to be resilient and keep working at it, and then, thirdly, say no to everything else. Say no, thank you. No, I don’t want to do that. No, I’m not going to volunteer for that. No, I I’m not going to participate in that. No, I don’t want to go to that thing like saying no is one of the best skills that an adult, let alone an adult, with ADHD, but adult in general, can develop. And here’s another aspect of saying no is even something that you’ve already committed to quit.

Could you? Could you just quit it? I know that we have, like, so much baggage when it comes to quitting, and we tell ourselves that we’re not reliable, and we have so much like childhood trauma from, like, not not finishing what we started and blah, blah. But here’s something that I’ve learned, quitting is actually for winners. When you know something is not aligned, when you know something is not moving you toward your goal, when you know something is not a part of your vision. Quit it. I promise you, you will gain clarity, you will gain time, you will gain capacity, and you will be able to move yourself closer and closer and closer to your destination. Quitting is actually for winners.

I am curious what you think about that, like, what do you think? How do you feel when I say quitting is for winners. Could you just quit the stuff that you don’t even want to do, that you got strong armed into saying yes to, or that you said yes to, when you were living in a fantasy of like, how much time you had, but then you started actually living in the reality of your life, and you’re like, oh my gosh, I don’t actually have time for this. And moving to.

My goal. I when I started the podcast and I started my coaching program, and I just started, like, really moving in the direction of supporting adults with ADHD, I quit everything else, and it was the best. It was it was the best, honestly, it was the very best, because what it allowed me to do was move slowly and steadily toward my goal of supporting as many adults with ADHD as possible, and it allowed me to have more capacity, because when our entire life is just full full full full, we are drained, emotionally, physically, spiritually drained, and to be able to have more capacity to focus on what matters most.

It’s a gift. Okay, no more on that. Let’s move on. If an ADHD er is going to follow through, first, you need a clear vision, then you need a good enough why? A why that’s going to get you out of the bed in the morning. Then you’re going to need to develop a tolerance to manage the discomfort of saying no. And lastly, if an ADHD or is going to follow through, they’ve got to have or develop an emotional regulation toolkit. Now this is a huge part of following through that no one that I know talks about like we truly just don’t understand what a big role emotions play in our ability to take action and follow through.

Now all the experts in psychology, they know, they tell us that action is taken from Emotion. Emotion is what fuels action. So if you have a clear vision, which is like the location in your GPS, and you have a good enough why, and you’re able to say no to all of the detours along the way, do you see where we’re going here? It’s very cute, but you don’t have gas in your fuel tank, you’re not going to go anywhere. It doesn’t matter the vision, the why? The ability to say, no, none of that matters if you can’t overcome fear, depression, frustration or the anxiety of doing something new, right? And so this is why every single ADHD er who wants to accomplish anything in their life needs an emotional regulation tool kit. You have to have the skills, or at least develop the skills, to be able to feel and process and move through all of the negative emotions that come with sticking to a plan, being resilient, following through, doing it even when you don’t feel like it, doing it even when you’ve had a fight with your spouse or your kid doing it when you’re scared.

It’s, it’s, it’s the huge like one thing that typical productivity courses leave out, and this is one of the main reasons why they rarely work for adults with ADHD, because I didn’t mention this yet, but emotional dysregulation is one of the symptoms of ADHD. We feel our emotions real big. Most of us don’t know what to do with them, so we spend so much time in resistance. We spend so much time trying to run away from the way that we’re feeling, and instead, what we need to be able to do is take a breath and allow that emotion to just exist. And I know it sounds disgusting. It is the grossest thing that I ever have to talk about. I’m so sorry, but it’s being able to tolerate feeling and emotion.

It. It’s one of the most necessary skills that adults with ADHD must develop if we’re going to do anything with our lives, and so any system or planner or app or whatever, course that just allows you to do your own thing, it must include learning how to identify what you’re feeling and allow it to be in your body and help it to move through you so it doesn’t hijack your whole day. The reason why I’m talking about this is because all of us want to learn how to follow through. And there are so many courses out there that talk about following through, or talk about like, you know, this is the the five steps to getting to your goal, and blah, blah, blah. But like, I want you to see the red flags and I want you to poke holes in, in what you see out there. Because if you’re looking at a productivity course, or if you’re if you’re telling yourself, like I need to follow through on on my list, but you don’t understand how to manage your emotions, I want you to back up and start with that. Begin to learn how to identify that you’re feeling something, and allow it to be in your body and name it and help it to move through you, and so that it doesn’t hijack your whole day.

Because, I mean, how many of you have had a fight with your spouse or a fight with your kid, and all of the sudden your whole day is ruined, you can’t get a thing done. And so those of us with ADHD were were really prone to. Emotional dysregulation, and if we don’t have a tool kit on hand to be able to self soothe those emotions, we’re not going to be able to get anything done. Now this might come by you seeking out some trauma informed therapy. This might come from you joining my coaching program, where I have an entire course on emotional regulation. This might come from some other way. There are free YouTube videos, and I have many episodes on my podcast that talk about emotional regulation, but I implore you to prioritize this if you want to follow through. Because what we do, and I know you do this because I’ve done it and I’ve supported clients who do it. We put 700 things on our to do list.

Most of it doesn’t even belong there. None of it is really aligned with where we really want to go, and then we beat ourselves up. We shame ourselves for not doing it. Meanwhile, we are paralyzed with fear. We’re stuck on the couch. We are just like in paralysis, and yet in so much shame for not doing the things that we’re telling ourselves we should do. My friend, this is not the way. This is not the way, I assure you. And so if you want to be someone who knows how to follow through, you’ve got to develop the four things that we’ve talked about today, you need to have a clear vision. You need to have a good enough why. You need to be able to say no and just tolerate the guilt that comes with it. You will feel guilty. That’s fine. Do it anyway. And then lastly, you need to develop the skills to self soothe and regulate your emotions. I beg you to before you start anything with productivity, first develop these very fundamental skills. If you want my help with it, I would love for you to join my program focused in it.

I have courses on emotional regulation, on productivity, and a brand new course on how to follow through that includes much more in depth on all of what we talked about today, so you can go to I have adhd.com/focus, to learn more about that. I’m on a health kick right now, and my kids are so annoyed at me. I’ve changed the type of rice and pasta and bread that we eat at home. I’ve even eliminated all breakfast cereals from the house. No more Captain Crunch or cinnamon toast crunch to be found in the Carter home. It’s a true ADHD hyper focus for me right now. But one thing that I’ve stuck with, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop taking, is ag one i Kristen Carter, an adult with ADHD, have been able to be consistent with taking a g1 every single day for a long time, it’s the first thing I do when I wake up the morning, before coffee, before anything. It literally takes me about 60 to 90 seconds to just scoop it into some cold water, shake it up and drink it.

It really is so easy. And I’m traveling with my family to Indiana for the holidays. Will be staying in a hotel, eating out for a lot of our meals, and generally partaking in lots of non healthy activities, which is fine, because balance. You know what I’m saying, and I know that I can stay consistent with ag one thanks to their travel packs. I’m just going to pop six travel packs into my shaker, slip that baby into my travel bag, and done. It’s so simple I don’t even have to think about it. So I encourage you this new year, if you want to do one thing to improve your health as an adult with ADHD, try ag one for yourself. It’s the perfect time to start a new healthy habit, and that’s why I’ve been partnering with aging one for so long and listen to this. AG, one is offering new subscribers a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you’ll get a welcome kit, a bottle of d3, k2, and five free travel packs, just like I’m going to be using over the holidays. You’ll get all of that in your first box. So make sure to check out drinkaGone.com/i, haveADHD to get this offer that’s drink a G one.com/i, have ADHD to start your new year on a healthier note. All right, we’re going to switch gears here. Let’s hear a voice mail from one of the listeners. Now I would love for you listening right now. I would love for you to call in and ask me a question.

We have a whole file where we keep voicemails from listeners, and I love to go through that file. I love to pull one or two out so that I can answer on the show. When I have a solo show, if you want to do that, the number is 833-281-2343, 32812343, that’s 833-281-2343, ADHD, or call in, I would love to answer your question on the pod. Let’s hear from the first caller now.

Caller 1
Hi Kristen, after losing job. After job and moving back into my parents house, struggling with my mental health, but making so much progress. At the same time, I’m struggling to find my identity and place in this world. I’m just unsure where to go and what to do next, and a world full of choices and places, what do you choose and where do you go? Thank you.

Kristen Carder
I am so glad you called in. I don’t know your name, but it sounds like you really need a hug. And I just I’m so thankful that you reached out and that you asked that question, and in a world full of choices. What do you do now? I think this is perfect for today, because it’s really going to add some nuance to what we talked about regarding how to follow through. It might even sound contrary to what I’ve already talked about, which is actually great, because what it is going to show is that everything is nuanced. Everything just everything that I say, everybody’s experience, it just comes with so much nuance. But my advice to you, my dear listener, is to just do something, just choose something for you. It sounds like you’re really overwhelmed with all of the choices. And it sounds like the choices are actually what are paralyzing you. And I can really like picture you going from job to job, then moving back in with your parents. And I can imagine what maybe you might be feeling, what maybe you might be telling yourself, maybe you’re feeling defeated, maybe you’re feeling like you’ve gone backwards, which I don’t believe you have, but that is something that a lot of ADHD ers tell themselves when they have to, when they have to make a choice like that, they we tell ourselves, like I’m going backwards, and So I can imagine that you’re feeling a hefty dose of overwhelm and defeat and maybe some shame, and that is heavy, and I can imagine that’s really paralyzing.

And so what I want to encourage you to do is just make a choice. It doesn’t have to be the perfect choice. It doesn’t have to be a choice that’s connected to a perfect vision yet, just choose something, start moving. It sounds to me like you just need to kind of get up, get out of the house and do something. So whether that’s working at Starbucks or Chick fil A or like something really simple, I’d really encourage you to just choose the path of least resistance right now. It’s temporary. It’s temporary. The goal here is to be able to change the tone of your voice truly, because what I hear in your voice is sadness. Is like almost starting to cry. Is just like this defeat and this overwhelm. And so we just want to change the tone. And I think what will change the tone is just taking some action to give you some purpose and to start the process of moving forward. Something that my husband says, that I really, really like, is just do something. Because you can’t steer a car that’s not in motion. So, like, if you’re like, I’m directionless, I don’t know where to go. The answer is, just do something. Now, my husband’s a pastor, so he puts it in the context of, like, faith in God. And so he will say, God’s not just gonna, like, give you direction. When you’re sitting on your couch, you need to be in motion. The car needs to be in motion. And then doors will open or close, and you will kind of be like bumpered, like, if you think about I when I bowl, and this is talk about an ADHD like rabbit trail, a neuro divergent rabbit trail. When I bowl, I use bumpers everyone I am, a 43 year old, grown ass woman who uses bumpers when she bowls because she can, because this is America, the land of the free, the land of the free. And so I will be using bumpers every single time I bowl. I don’t care. I don’t care what you say.

And so when I picture myself bowling, which I’ve done maybe six times in my entire 43 years, when I picture myself bowling, and I can see the bowling ball like ping ponging back and forth between the bumpers, but eventually it rolls slowly toward the pins. I want you to think about that like your life, kind of being Ping ponged back and forth by the bumpers, but you. Can’t steer something that’s not in motion, and so it sounds like you need direction. It sounds like you need to be steered, but, but first we need to be in motion. And so my advice for you, dear listener, is to just start moving. Just choose something. And yes, for all of the listeners, this is contrary to what I said before. And I’m like, You need a clear vision. You need a good why, but not not when your voice sounds like this, sweet listeners, not when you feel like so defeated, not when you are are just like in this really overwhelming place. In those moments, you just gotta move and trust that you will be steered in the right direction. I’m just sending you so much love, so much support. I really am so glad that you called in and listener, remember, if you want your question answered on the podcast, just call 833-281-2343, I three, all right, we’re gonna wrap up here with what triggered me this week.

It’s just a fun and spicy way to wrap up the day, and I hope you love it. What triggered me this week is that as someone who is getting her child assessed in the school system, there are so many freaking requirements for parents to fill out forms, different forms, and so many versions of forms, and there are so many emails, and there are so many docusigns. And let me just say something, don’t. The school psychologists understand that children who struggle come from parents who struggle like, don’t? They understand that that apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I don’t, I don’t. I just want to scream, okay, so, like, I’m a very high functioning ADHD or at this point, I have had 10 years of being able to find the right medication, get coaching, four years in intensive trauma therapy. I’ve talked to all the ADHD experts.

Like, I consider myself high functioning, but you would not believe that about me. If you were a fly on the wall watching me fill out this freaking form for my child’s school assessment, you wouldn’t, you wouldn’t believe. You would be like, Oh, wow, this, this woman has issues, and to be fair, I do have issues, but it was like my throat is closing up because I am so infuriated to have to fill out three different forms online that take forever. And it’s like, it’s this assessment about your kid. That’s like, I agree, I disagree, I strongly disagree. Blah, blah, blah, and again, like a neuro divergent kiddo will likely be coming from a neuro divergent parent, and so trying, as someone with ADHD with some autistic tendencies, I will, I will absolutely admit trying to figure out, like, do I agree or do I strongly agree? And what is the difference between agree and strongly agree and and how exactly is it going to affect my child if I choose the button that doesn’t say like, something that’s gonna like, all of it so dysregulating. And then after that, I had the privilege of filling out a form, like a paper form like, like from the olden days, where I had to use a pen and I had to write things in boxes. By the way, most of it was already asked on other forms. And so I am literally cursing, filling this freaking thing out being like, You already asked me this. Sorry. I need to, I need to put myself together.

Also, I have terrible handwriting. I’m probably a little bit dyslexic. I’m I’m like writing, and I’m messing up, so I’m crossing it off, and then I’m feeling shame, because I’m the I’m a grown up. It should be neat. And also, I’m a woman, so I should have pretty handwriting, but I don’t. And I just want all of the school, school people come listen, come to me, kids who struggle in school have parents who struggle, and so expecting us to fill out all of your papers and do things in a timely fashion and be able to find The right emails and the right docusigns in our inbox and be able to get everything to you, oh, and also, like, reach out to the psychiatrist that we’re working with and get the forms from then, and then reach out to the doctor that we’re working with together. It’s too much for us. We need help. We parents of kids who are. Being assessed in your school. We need help. We know we’re grown ups.

We I know I’m a grown up I quote, unquote, should be able to do it on my own, but it was an excruciating process for me. I am sweating just talking about it. It was hard. It was hard, so I guess what I’m asking is that, if you work at a school, if you are a school psychologist or psychiatrist or somebody school counselor, please understand that kids who struggle in school, many of them have come from parents who struggle in general, who struggled in school, and then now struggle just in general, and and, please be gentle with us. Please send us more reminders. Please, please, maybe call us and and be generous, I guess is what I’m asking. If you have the capacity, I know you’re overworked, I know you are, but if you have the capacity to be generous, please understand that the kids who struggle in school come from parents who also struggle. That is my rant of the week. I hope that I didn’t get you two triggered. I adore you. I’m so glad you’re here with me. Thank you for being a part of this journey. Whether you’re a long time listener or brand new to the show, it’s such a privilege to support you. I I just am so grateful to be able to be here with you, and I can’t wait to see you next week, I’ll talk to you then, bye, bye. Hey, ADH, dear.

I see you, I know exactly what it’s like to feel lost, confused, frustrated, and like no one out there really understands the way that your brain works. That’s why I created Focus. Focus is my monthly coaching program where I lead you through a step by step process of understanding yourself feeling better and creating the life that you know you’re meant for. You’ll study, be coached, grow and make amazing changes, alongside of other educated professional adults with ADHD from all over the world. Visit Ihaveadhd.com/focused to learn more.