Kristen Carder 0:01
What is up? Oh my gosh! Hello! Come in! Come in! Come in! What’s up, y’all? I’m gonna do the intro and everything, but seriously, first I just need to say my heart is pounding so hard. My heart is pounding so hard. I’m dying. Dying! Oh my gosh, you guys are too much. What’s up, everybody? Hi, hi. Who’s here? Who’s here? Who’s here? Before we get rolling, I just I need to regulate a little bit. Do you know what I’m saying? Before like I I start the whole performance, the whole shebang. Who is here? Tell me who you are. I see Matt. I see Carmen. I see Kelly, JD, Patricia. So many friendly faces. So many friendly faces. Tell me who you are. Tell me where where you’re from. Some of you I know already from Focused Jacoba. oh God! I’m so glad you were able to come. I really am. What’s weird about a YouTube live is that the camera. This is just like a. Let me give you a little behind the scenes. The camera is opposite to the Zoom camera, so everything like I’m used to doing everything on Zoom. That’s where I chat with all of my focus members, and but the YouTube camera is flipped and completely opposite. So everything feels super weird to me. Like when I am recording my my mic, it’s just it’s everything is all switched around. So let me see who’s here. Where are you from? I see Jacoba. I will speak about Jacoba a little bit more as we get rolling. Once we’re like officially going, this is just the precursor, y’all. This is me like emotionally regulating because I was seriously like I’m gonna die. I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is one of the biggest days of my entire life. But Jacoba was my research consultant. She did all of the research for the book, so I’m so glad you’re here, Emily from Orlando. You’re from Philly. Shout out Philly! Love Philly, Cleveland, Ohio, Chicago, Cambridge, UK. What’s up? So sorry about your game yesterday, Tamra. I see you, Diane from Nashville. Love it, Natalie from Florida. What’s up? Stephanie is new to this, newly diagnosed ADHD. Love it, Teresa from Florida, lots of Floridians here today. Crocker in the house. What’s up, girl? Camping in the middle of Wyoming. Carrie has the most amazing life because she lives in a van and she just goes around and camps all over the place. So amazing. Jonathan from Kansas City, Toronto in Canada, Michael. What’s up, Michael? Northeastern PA. Same, love it. Okay. Now that there are over 100 people here, and I am truly, truly ready to roll. Let’s get started, shall we? Are you guys all ready? This is such a big day, and I’m so glad you decided to join me. So here we go. Hey, what’s up? This is Kristen Carter, and you’ve tuned into the I Have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated-ish, and ready to roll. Regulated ish is very important because today is one of the biggest days of my life, and y’all are here for it with me. This is my book launch party. Welcome to the party. Welcome. Get in here. Get cozy. Grab a beverage. Grab your party hat and your confetti because today is a very, very big day. This is one of the biggest days of my life. And in addition to this being the book launch party, I’m also live streaming my podcast for the first time ever. Live streaming the podcast for the first time ever. So you all know that I’ve been recording podcast episodes. This is, I think, number 420-two I’ve been doing this for a minute. I’ve also done webinars that have been live, but I’ve never live streamed. The podcast and that is pretty fun. This is fun, and actually, if you guys love it, I may continue to do this. So, listening audience, if you’re listening to this on Tuesday of next week on Apple or Spotify, love you. Hello, how you doing? If you didn’t get an email from me that said, “Hey, join me for this live podcast recording, then you are not on my email list, and if you’re not on my email list, what are you doing? You need to get on there because that’s where all of the super secret information is communicated. It’s on the email list.
So if you’re not on my email list, the best way to join the email list is to go to ihavedhd.com/tenthings and opt into my very free resource. It’s the 10 things that I wish my doctor had told me when I was diagnosed with ADHD. When you opt in to that freebie, which will change your life, by the way, when you opt into that freebie, you’re then on my email list, and you will find out all of the super secret information about you know live podcast recordings and the book launch coming out and all of the fun things, but today we are here to celebrate. I’m seeing so many fun emojis in the chat, so many people giving encouraging words. You guys are literally the best. You’re literally the best, and I just wanted to read this comment. Podcast listener here from Malaysia, Malaysia. What I love about this space is that we ADHDers are from all over the world. ADHD does not discriminate. You don’t have to be male or female or black or white. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, ADHD does not discriminate. It shows up everywhere, and so the fact that we have people here in the U.S. in the U.K. in Canada, in Malaysia, in all the other countries represented, I just absolutely am obsessed with the idea that we get to be together, that we get to support each other, that we get to have this community of podcast listeners, focus members, future book readers. Oh my gosh, it’s so much fun for me as someone who has, you know, been podcasting since 2019, sending you emails since 2019. For those of you who are OGs who have been on the list forever and ever, and now we’re at this brand new phase of our ADHD journey together-a very surreal phase, which is the launch of my book. And the fact that you’re here to celebrate with me, the fact that you showed up on a Thursday, whatever time of day it is for you. For me, it’s like midday Thursday. That is incredible to me. So thank you so much for being here, for your support, and just for being excited about this project. So what we’re going to do today is I’m going to talk a tiny bit about the book process. I’m gonna reveal the title, the cover. Did you hear that? I have the book here in hand. I’m gonna show you the table of contents if I can remember how to screen record. I mean, share my screen. Hold on. We’ll definitely oh share screen okay if I can remember how to share my screen which I I think I just did so I will share the table of contents with you because I do want you to know exactly what’s in the book I do want you to know exactly what you’re getting exactly what is in there because I want you to know how valuable it is. I’m a little. I’ve shared this with focus members, but it’s just like I think it’s a really good book, and that scares me because I think people are going to read it and really like it. And do you know how scary that is? We’ve talked about this before on the podcast, how we’re all very used to failure because we have ADHD and our brains operate in this different way. And especially if we got diagnosed later in life, we’re used to failing. Oftentimes, though, succeeding is what is the scarier endeavor. Actually succeeding, actually having a product that is valuable, that is going to be useful to people, that people will share and purchase and have like on their nightstand or listen to me read the audio book of it like that is actually really scary. So there’s this balance of like I hope everyone read it reads it and also I hope no one reads it because my goodness it is just so scary to be seen and I will share so much with you this. And also, I’m going to record another episode that goes into like the nitty gritty details. Today is not about the nitty gritty. Today is about celebrating and partying together, and just being really excited about the launch itself, and just like it’s finally available. And then also, I’ll do a Q and A.
So I will save some time at the end for questions. So, just so you know, if you have questions, I’m going to answer them. I love, I actually really love answering your questions because when you ask a question, it means that more than one person is wondering that thing. So, I’ll definitely save questions for the end. But I just want to walk you through just a tiny bit of the process and how long of a journey this has been. So I’ve wanted to write a book for years. I felt like this was my calling for years, but I didn’t have the capacity to do it, and I knew that. And one thing about me is that I’m not going to set a goal if I know that like now is not the right time. I’ve learned the hard way. I’ve learned the hard way that setting a goal like oh this would be really nice I should do it it just sets me up for failure unless I know that I have the capacity to do it. So finally in like 2024, I mentioned on a podcast. I think I’m ready to write a book. I feel like I’m ready. And literally that day, a literary a literary agent that is hard to say, a literary agent DM’d me on Instagram, and she said, “I’ve been listening to the podcast for years. I’ve been following you for years. I’ve been waiting for you to say that you’re ready to write a book. I heard you say it on the episode this week. I want to represent you, and I was like, I don’t know what a literary agent is. Like, what even is that? But I loved her, and I still do. Shockingly, she was also trained as a coach at the same place that I was trained as a coach, which we both now have like distanced ourselves from, but that’s fine. And so we had a lot in common that way. And she has been working in publishing for years and years, so I signed with her in 2024, and she helped me write what is called a book proposal. Do you know that that took me almost a year? It took almost a year to write a book proposal. That’s so crazy. And then I wrote the book proposal. And then once that was finally done, the proposal was like, “Hey, there are a lot of books about ADHD out there, and there’s even a book about ADHD and marriage. It’s called the ADHD Effect on Marriage, I believe. But there are no books out there at the time about ADHD and relationships. Just like regular schmegular relationships, like how do I have friendships? How do how do I interact with my kids? How can I have a good relationship with my partner? How can I interact with my coworkers in a way that doesn’t feel like I’m doing it wrong all of the time? And so that is what I wanted to write about, and so that was the what the proposal was about, and we met with five different publishers. Can you believe it? Five different publishers reached out, and they were like, “We want to work with Kristen. And I was like, “Oh my gosh! And then we got a bunch of offers that were like, “We’ll pay you to write this book. We’ll pay you to write this book. And I ended up going with an amazing publisher because I love the editor so much, and she may or may not be on this call, and that is none of my business. But her name is Olivia, and when I met with her, she came up on my Zoom screen in a purple beanie and a Taylor Swift T-shirt, and I was like, yes, yes. Now, also, her company, her publisher’s offer, just so happened to be like the best one. Also, but seriously, I just loved her so much. And what I loved about her the most is that she said, “I really am interested in the effect of trauma, our childhood trauma, on our relationships, and I really want you to explore that in your book. And I was like, sold, sold. I want to work with you. So I signed with DK, which is a division of Penguin Random House, in 2025, May of 2025, and since then, my friends.
since then I have been working so hard, and let me tell you, I am tired. I have been working so hard, writing, like working my job, recording the podcast, which I love doing. Love the podcast. Love my. Job and then writing Fridays and Saturdays. So I’ve been working six days a week for 14 months. I’m so ready to be done with that with that part. But what I love about working with Jessica and with Olivia and then the the UK publisher as well, my editor in the UK, Fritha, is that they have all been so invested in this project, and what’s so amazing about this labor of love is that I have had one person in mind this whole time, and that person is you. I have had one person as I sit and write the book in my pajamas at my dining room table. You, you are the person that I’ve been thinking of. You, the person who has ADHD, and is like, like you’re trying to work on your ADHD, but realizing that your relationships just like, why aren’t they improving? Why, why, why are relationships still so hard? Even though I’ve been working on managing my ADHD, I’m maybe taking medication, or I’m in therapy, or I am, you know, working on my productivity, and I’ve really improved my time management. But why are my relationships still so hard? And that is what-that is the problem that this book solves-that is the problem, because why are the relationships still so hard? And so many of you have told me you you feel like you’re too much, but also not enough. And like, how is that possible to be too much and not enough at the same time? Like you’re constantly disappointing the people that you love. Like no matter how hard you try in your relationships, you always just feel like you’re doing it wrong. I’ve I’ve coached you, I’ve read your emails, I’ve chatted with you on Instagram, I’ve seen you in comments on different webinars that I’ve done on on YouTube. You’ve told me, you’ve told me over and over and over and over. This is not a productivity issue. This is not a time management issue. I can’t figure out how to do relationships, quote unquote, right, whatever that is, right? Like, how do I exist in my relationships in a way where I can feel grounded, where I can feel steady, where I can feel like I can trust myself, and so this book exists because I fundamentally believe that adults with ADHD deserve healthy, connected relationships. We have enormous hearts. We’re so generous. We’re loyal. We’re funny, we’re creative, but so many of us were never taught how to create, how to create healthy relationships. So many of us have this wiring from our childhood, adolescence, from the systems that we were brought up in that is just like wonky, and now we feel like everything is shaky, and listen, therapy is great and coaching is great, but they can be really expensive. So many of you have written me emails that are like, “I wish I could join Focus, but I cannot handle the monthly cost, and that is so fair. And so another part of the mission behind the book was get help into the hands of ADHDers for about 30 bucks, right? Like, can we can we just get some help that is more accessible, that’s less expensive than coaching or a therapy appointment, right? Something something in your hands that you could underline and dog ear, you know, and like cry over it, maybe sometimes throw across the room, like ah, this is frustrating. But then pick it up the next day, right? So I’m just so, so, so excited to get this into your hands. So here we go. Are you ready? Is the reveal? I’m going to be describing this for the listening audience, those of you beloved who are on Apple and Spotify. But I do have the book in my hands. It’s right here, and here it is. It’s called “You’re Not in Trouble: The ADHD Guide to Building Healthy, Connected Relationships. Isn’t she? beautiful? She’s beautiful. You’re not in trouble the exact way that I want you to feel in your relationships. You’re not in trouble.
You’re not, even when you don’t do it perfectly, even when you show up with ADHD, even when you f it up and you do it wrong, you’re not in trouble. There may be. Things that you need to fix, there there may be things that you need to work on. There may be things that you know you need to repair with the people you love, and that is all in this book-the step by step of how to do it. But ultimately, you’re not in trouble. You’re okay. You’re good. I was distracted by all of your sweet comments. I love that you love the title. Yes, so good. You love the colors. Yes, I. I do too. I really love these colors. I think they’re so so sweet. I’m holding up. Okay, so let me describe it for the listening audience. So it is kind of like a retro orange with a tan. You’re not in trouble. Title, except the knot is in a beautiful, soft, safe blue. Jessica says, “I’m not crying. You’re crying. Ah, obsessed. Yeah, the ADHD guide to building healthy, connected relationships, and the image across the front is of like neutral people holding hands with one standout blue person safe connected. Yeah, I love it too. Here’s the spine. Hold on. How can I? Everything is backwards. You can say that you can see the DK logo there. That’s my publisher, Division of Penguin Random House, and it says Kristen Carter at the top, which I’ve got to say I kind of love that. I kind of love that. Normally, the author is placed at the bottom. At least that’s kind of what I think of with books. But I love that the author is at the the top. That makes me happy. Just so excited. I love it too. Love the font. Love the colors. No, I love the author name on top. Same. What’s the blurb? That is a great question. What’s cool about the blurb is that I can literally cannot believe this, but famed psychologist Adam Grant read the book and and offered an endorsement for the book, which to me, like I’m not the kind of person that gets excited about celebrities, I’m just not. I don’t really care about Hollywood at all, or like musicians don’t really care. Like if I were to meet Taylor Swift, I’d be like, “What’s up? But I would not. I just don’t care that much. But psychologists are who I fangirl over. Psychologists. That’s who. who I get like weak in the knees for, psychologists, because I think I’m just a big dork. So, Adam Grant wrote an endorsement for the cover. I’m trying to find it here because he said if you have ADHD or care about someone who does, Kristen Carter is the coach that you’ve been looking for. Can you even? Can you even? I’m dying, literally, literally dying. Incredible. Incredible, I know. I’ll read for you the other blurbs that we have here too. Yeah, thank you, Adam Grant. Ned Hallowell. Maybe you’ve heard of him. I don’t know. You know, he’s just just a little, just a little guy who wrote a little book called “Driven to Distraction” and changed the whole world. He wrote, “This book belongs in the hands of every adult with ADHD and the people who love them. What? What? I know somebody just mentioned Russell Ramsey. He wrote, “Weaving together personal experience, sage framework, and user friendly guidance, this book helps you navigate the different relationships in your life. Readers, especially adults with ADHD, will be able to find, maintain, and.” Savor strong connections and circumvent common difficulties. Come on, get out of here. Get out, like what, Russell Ramsey? It’s just so fun. I’ve got to tell you, I know you all have said that you absolutely love the title of the book, and I so appreciate that. Do you know that naming, like titling this book, was more difficult than naming any of my three children? I didn’t know that it was so hard to title a book, but let me tell you, it is. hard, hard. I’ve named three children, which I think their names are amazing: Owen, Charlie, Crosby. Very like classic. I love my kids’ names, and I made spreadsheets for their names, and I looked at the the census database, and I was like very intentional intentional about naming them.
This book was a lot harder. Part of that was instead of it just being me and my partner naming my child’s our child, it was a team of like eight people that had to approve, and that was hard. Some of them in the UK, some of them in the US. It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. But I think we got there, and I’m obsessed with this name. I’m like, yes, of course, of course, it’s called “You’re Not in Trouble. It has to be called “You’re Not in Trouble. Of course, it has to be called “You’re Not in Trouble. I do want to share this with you if you’d like to pre-order today. I do have a Genius link. I’m going to share it in the chat with you. I just shared it, and for those listening to the audio, it’ll be it’ll be in the show notes. But if you would like to pre-order, and let’s say you’re in Malaysia, or you’re in the UK, or you’re in Canada, this Genius Link will take you to your own retailers in your in your country, okay. Would you guys like to? Let’s see. Where should I go from here? Should I tell you more about the endorsements? You know, Dr. Lindsey Gibson, the woman who wrote “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents again, a psychologist that I will forever fangirl over. You’re not going to believe what she said. This book is a masterpiece of practical relationship wisdom. Every human being could use its fresh insights. You’ll never feel disempowered or confused in your relationships again? Get out of here! What? What? Incredible. All right, let me share the table of contents with you. I hate sharing my screen because I’m always. Always afraid that I’m going to share the wrong thing. Oh no, I’m going to share the right thing. Okay, do you see it? I think you should. Okay, great. So here’s the table of contents here, and what you’re seeing is part one is all about the internal work of becoming relationally healthy. So it’s the work that we have to do on ourselves in order to become someone who can have healthy and connected relationships, so the first chapter is called “Too Much and Not Enough: ADHD in Relationships. Basically, going through just an overview of ADHD, really wanting the reader to understand ADHD at a glance and directly how it impacts relationships, then how to treat ADHD. When ADHD goes untreated, relationships pay the price. Then we move into what, gosh, is just like my heart, which is talking about our childhoods, the childhood you’re still carrying, then we move on to self compassion, emotional regulation, prioritization. Who gets your yes? I have a chapter all about rejection. It’s called “Are You Mad at Me? Are You Mad at Me? Are You?” Then we talk about safety in relationships. This chapter is called “Safe Enough: What Healthy Relationships Actually Require. Then we talk about boundaries where safety becomes action, and then we talk about our relational needs. Our relational needs. How many of you feel like you’re too needy, so this chapter is called “You’re not needy, you’re human. You’re just a human. You’re just a human. You’re just that’s it. That’s it. Then we go into the work between us, practicing good enough relationships, and we practically talk about the five most important relationships that we have in our life: how to be a good enough friend, how to be a good enough how to be good enough at workplace relationships, how to be a good enough partner, how to be a good enough parent, and how to be good enough at family of origin relationships. So good, so good. That’s like everything within the book is all like the work that I have to do inside of myself, and then how do I work that out practically in my relationships. What is the step by step of that practically in my relationships? Here’s something that I want to say, and then I’m going to read for you. I’m going to read you my conclusion because it’s it encapsulates the whole book. It’s only two and a half pages, barely, barely two and a half pages. But it so encapsulates it. It so shows you exactly what the vibe and the tone of the book is, and I really want you to hear that.
But the before I do that, I need to say something, and that is, I did not know when I started this process how important pre-orders are. Did you know that? Did you know that pre-orders are important? Whenever I’ve heard an author or I’ve seen it online, like pre-order my book, I I was always like, no, I’m not gonna. Why would I do that? I have ADHD. I want instant gratification. Why would I pre-order now when it’s not going to come out for two months? Oh, by the way, it comes out October. It comes out in October. We’re aiming for october 6. Um. So I’ve never pre-ordered before because why would I? Here’s the thing. Then I started writing a book, and I started learning that pre-orders are actually everything. Literally, my editor this morning said this week’s number of pre-orders is what the the printer is going to use to determine how many books they’re going to print. It also determines whether or not they want to send me on a book tour. It also determines whether or not they’re going to book me for whether or not they’re going to book me for like the Drew Barrymore show, or the Armchair Expert podcast, or something that is like really going to get the word out about this work-not about Kristen Carter. I don’t care. I don’t care about that. I’m already doing important work, and I’m proud of it. But this book belongs in the hands of every adult with ADHD and the people who love them, says Dr. Ned Halliwell. And the only way that we can do that is if there are enough pre-orders to show the publisher, “Hey, this is important. Hey, retailers, Barnes and Noble, you should carry this. Hey, Target, this should be on your shelves. It doesn’t just happen because you have a cute title and a really great cover design. Unfortunately, I’m dropping the pre-order link intermittently just so you know what I’m popping in there is the Genius link that will take you to your like your favorite retailers in your in your area. So if you know that this is a book that you want, will you please pre-order it? If you know, like yes, I definitely want to have this book, and also my mom should have it, and I want my husband to have a copy because I want to be able to mark up my own copy, and I want everyone in my life who I’m truly wanting to be in deep relationship with to have a copy. So I’ll just go ahead and pre-order five copies. I would not be sad about that. If you would go ahead and do that, if you already know that you’re going. Want to read it? Pre-order it, please. I didn’t know. I was just. I’ve always just been like, whatever. I don’t really care. Like, it’s cute that you asked me to pre-order, but I’m not going to do that because nobody ever explained to me that it actually matters. Nobody ever explained to me, hey, if if you don’t pre-order, they’re not really going to promote it. It’s not going to get into people’s hands. Can we pre-order the audio book? Yes, I’m recording the audio book next month, and so the audiobook will be released on the release date. And I also, once I started this process, then I started pre-ordering other people’s books because I was like, “Oh, it’s no problem to pre-order. Like I already knew, I already know that I’m going to that I’m going to buy the book anyway. So sure, I’ll just pre-order for you. I didn’t know that when you pre-order, it it lands at your house on the release date, which is really really fun. Audible has the pre order for audiobook from the publisher. Amazing! If the Genius Link for some reason is not like working for you, I know that they are working on international orders with the with the link that I put in. So if you just want to go to your favorite book retailer, you know, online and pre order there, that’s totally fine. Yes, hard copy, ebook, and audiobook will all be available for pre order. Isn’t that so fun? Yes, Jennifer says I will forget that I pre-ordered it, and then it’ll be a huge surprise in October. Exactly, is that the most ADHD thing, or what?
Right. Have any of you read Your Brain’s Not Broken by Tamra Rozier. Yes, pre-ordering on Amazon absolutely works. Wherever you buy your books is totally fine. I just pop the Genius link in there for your convenience. But if you just want to head to Amazon and pre-order, that’s no problem at all. Sunny says I pre-ordered from my favorite local bookstore. Yes, obsessed, and Sunny got two copies. Obsessed. Thank you so much. Thank you, Bill. That’s really, really, really kind. Bill says I’m so proud of you. Thank you. Okay, so you’ve read Tamara Rosier’s book, Your Brain’s Not Broken. Here’s what she says about my book: Kristen Carter names something many adults with ADHD quietly carry-the sense that they are always one misstep away from disappointing someone. You’re not in trouble gives readers language for that experience and invites them toward more honest, connected relationships. Get out of here! I can’t like even handle people’s kindness about this book, my work, my heart, my soul, and some very vulnerable stories. I, I am the part of me that’s scared for this book to come out is feeling all of the feelings because I, I share things in this book that I’ve never shared before. I share stories about my childhood that I’ve never told. I share stories of my experience as a kid in my family with my parents that I’ve never shared before. and that I wouldn’t have shared if I didn’t think that it would resonate so deeply with you, and I and I think it will. The stories that I share are not to out anyone or make anyone look a certain way, but more to invite you into the experience of someone with ADHD. And I think that a lot of the stories that I share, while they won’t be the same things that you’ve experienced, they’re probably going to be very similar. And I hope that I capture the essence of what you felt as a child with ADHD. I really do. I hope that you feel so. Seen so valued. I hope that I name things that you maybe have never been able to name. That I give language. That I give verbiage to things that you’ve never been able to name specifically. Matt says, “Shut down the internet. My mom just pre-ordered. Who else’s mom is gonna pre-order, y’all? That is amazing. That is so good. Truly, I do feel like this is very reader friendly and will help the people in your life to understand you better. It is an inside job, like this work is an inside job. So really, this is for us, but also for the people that we really want to understand us, for the people that we really want to like get our experience that we just haven’t been able to explain it the right way. I hope that you can hand someone this book and say, “I love you. I want to have a more connected relationship with you. This book will explain the way that my brain works and and some of the things that I deal with relationally, and I think it will help us to be more connected. And that’s what I want. I want to be more connected. And so, will you read it? That’s really what my hope and prayer is. Should I read another endorsement? Okay. Do you um? Does anyone here follow Sit with Wit on Instagram? She’s one of my most favorite accounts on Instagram, and. she wrote the book Toxic Positivity. She has a huge Instagram following as well. Hey Jen, Jennifer says yes, I follow her. Okay, here’s what she said about the book with striking honesty about growing up neurodivergent in a world built by and for neurotypicals, Carter names the grief that surfaces when you finally start telling yourself the truth about what you needed as a kid and didn’t get it. This is essential reading for any adult with ADHD. Ah, I really appreciate that. Carter names the grief that surfaces when you finally start telling yourself the truth about what you needed as a kid and didn’t get. This is essential reading for any adult with ADHD. I know. know, I know, y’all. It’s amazing. It’s amazing. Okay, can I read the conclusion to you? It’s short. It’s short. It’s only two and a half pages. I think that you’ll love it.
Again, I just really hope that this book is everything that you want and need when it comes to improving your relationships. And I ask you from the bottom of my heart if my work has ever made an impact on you, if my podcast, Instagram, YouTube focused, if any part of my work has touched you in any type of way, I ask you sincerely, will you please pre-order this book? It would mean the world to me. It it will move the needle on the conversation around ADHD in the general public, and I think that’s really important. We decided to have this book come out during ADHD Awareness Month, which, at first, I kind of rolled my eyes at, because anyone with ADHD, at least anyone who works in the ADHD field, I I I always roll my eyes at ADHD Awareness Month. I’m just like every day is ADHD Awareness Day for me. Like I don’t need the month of October to dictate the fact that ADHD should be on my radar, radar, or that ADHD should be discussed. Like this is something that I care about. Every day, but we intentionally decided to have it launch and come out and and be released in October because what we want is for people like Jenna Bush Hager on Good Morning America to need to fill a spot on her show, and it’s ADHD Awareness Month. Here’s a book with 10,000 pre-orders. It’s certainly getting a lot of buzz, so you don’t have a choice but to have a discussion about ADHD and relationships on Good Morning America on the Drew Barrymore Show on Kelly Clarkson. Although I don’t think she’s recording anymore, is she? I don’t know. On your favorite podcast, like that-that is why it was pretty strategic. And to be fair, my editors were the ones that were like, “We’re doing this, and I was like, “Guys, every day is ADHD Awareness Day. We don’t need a month. And they were like, “No, no, no, this is for PR. But the only way that that’s going to carry weight is if we pre-order the hell out of it. Truly, and you can pre-order wherever you like to buy your books, so it’s available everywhere for pre-order. But I did pop a link into the into the chat if that is convenient for you. Okay, so let me read the conclusion to you. I’m going to read it in my very best audio book voice. Are you ready? Are you ready? Conclusion: You’re not in trouble. The title of this book was almost “Nobody’s Mad at You. It’s a phrase that my husband started saying to me sometimes when I was obviously anxious, but also in a way, just to say, hey, you’re good. We’re good. I see you. Even now, he’ll walk through the living room while I’m sitting on the couch and randomly say, “Nobody’s mad at you. And even though it sounds a little bit silly, it’s deeply reassuring. Honestly, part of me would rather hear, “Nobody’s mad at you, than “I love you, but I didn’t choose that title because, truth be told, there are people right now who are mad at me. Family members are mad that I stepped out of the roles that they created for me, started living authentically, and set reasonable boundaries. Friends are mad that I ended relationships that didn’t feel reciprocal. Every employee I’ve ever let go has been mad at me, and of course, my teenagers are mad at me daily. When you start showing up as a grounded, self-accepting, self-compassionate, boundaryed person, people will get mad, but the truth is, just because people are mad at you does not mean that you are in trouble. Say it with me: just because they’re mad doesn’t mean I’m in trouble. Somewhere along the way, we learned that other people’s discomfort meant that we had done something wrong, that tension meant danger, that disappointment meant we needed to fix it, smooth it over, make it better, make ourselves better. But you’re not a child anymore; you’re a whole grown-up. You’re allowed to make decisions that prioritize your well-being. You’re allowed to disappoint people and let them handle their own emotions. You’re allowed to take up space without over-explaining, over-functioning, or over-apologizing. You’re allowed to be a full, imperfect human in your relationships. That means you’ll forget things. You’ll run late. You’ll say the wrong thing.
You’ll have big feelings. You’ll need support. And yes, your ADHD will continue to show up in ways that impact the people that you love. Take ownership. Be accountable. Apologize and repair. But stop living like you’re in trouble. You’re not. The work is not to become perfect. The work is to become honest, honest about what is hard for you, honest about what you need, honest about what you can and cannot carry, honest about who you are. When you understand your brain, take responsibility for your behavior, and treat yourself with compassion instead of contempt. Something shifts. You stop performing and start relating. You stop chasing approval and start being authentic. You you begin to trust yourself, and from that place, your relationships begin to change. Not because any. One started. Oh, my first mess up. I went pretty far. I went pretty far without a mess up. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. You begin to trust yourself, and from that place, your relationships begin to change. Not because everyone else suddenly approves of you, but because you are showing up differently, you are clearer, more grounded, more intentional, more yourself. Some people will meet you there; some people won’t. Either way, that’s important information. You get to decide where you invest your energy. You get to decide what good enough looks like in your relationships. You get to decide how you want to participate in your own life, and you can do all of that without being in trouble. So when your nervous system flares up, when toxic guilt creeps in, when your brain starts telling you stories about what everyone else must be thinking about you. I want you to hear this: You’re okay. You’re allowed to be here. You’re allowed to live your life this way. Nobody’s mad at you, and even when they are, you’re still not in trouble. Act like it. You’re not in trouble. I will be narrating the audio book. That’s a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny taste of it, the audio book, and that touches on every single chapter contained in this book. It’s two and a half pages that really just touches on every single chapter of the book. I’m obsessed. I’m obsessed that all of you are here. I’m obsessed that you join me. I’m obsessed that the listening audience pressed play on this podcast. Thank you. Love you. Get on my email list so that you know about live podcast recordings in the future. Listen, I think we’re going to change the world with this book, and by we, here’s what I mean. Yes, I wrote it, and I’m really, really, really proud of that. But you pre-ordering it, you sharing it, you getting excited about it, you spreading the word about it-that’s what’s really going to change the world. Because I did my part. Like my part’s over. I can’t really do much more. I wrote it, but now you reading it, you pre-ordering it, you sharing it, you telling everyone you know to read it, to pre-order it. That’s what’s going to make a difference. That’s what’s going to change the world. That’s how we’re going to get this book into the hands of every adult with ADHD and the people who love them, so that so that we can build healthier and more connected relationships, so that our children and our children’s children do not have to grow up the way that we did. Do not have to feel shaky and nervous and insecure in the in their relationships the way that we did. We can change the whole culture of our relationships by reading and sharing and applying the principles of this book, I’m obsessed. I will be announcing on Instagram. If you’re watching this in real time, I’ll be announcing on Instagram today. So that would be a great way, and Facebook. That would be a great way. If you kind of want to get the word out, you can like and share. And if you want to tag me, I will, you know, repost your your shares and one little sale at a time, we will break generational patterns. We will help all of the ADHDers to have healthier and more connected relationships, and we’ll do it for 30 bucks. That’s what I’m so excited about. We’ll do it for like an accessible price point.
I haven’t really been able to say that up until this point, other than the free podcast, obviously. But the free podcast is like snippets of my work rather than a comprehensive, a comprehensive. What is the word I’m looking for. Jen corrected me. It’s actually 2999 I’m actually not sure if it might be different prices in different countries. I’m not really sure, but $29.99 USD. Yeah, a comprehensive overview. Thank you, thank you, Tamra, and. Obsolation, yes, that’s another good word. Like it’s all right here for you in one place, and that’s what I love. It’s all right here for you in one place. You don’t have to go listen to like snippets of different podcasts and piece it all together. It’s a compilation all in one spot. Yes, here’s the back. See how the the guys go across the back. I love that. I love it. I love it. Oh, for those in Canada, it’s $40.99 just about $41 and it’s $20 GBP, $20 in the UK. Awesome, amazing. So $30 is a nice round median. So that’s great. Okay, thank you for being here. I adore you. I’m obsessed with you. You are my people, and I did my part. But I believe that we are all going to change the world together, and I am so excited to link arms with you! How perfect to link arms with you to do that. All right, I’ll see you later on Instagram for the announcement there. If you want, okay. Talk soon. See ya. Bye.
